That was unexpected

Today was the service for my grandmother.  Andrew did the service as he did with my uncle, and he did a fabulous job.  We were blessed with the presence of friends and family, and we couldn't be more grateful for our friends who closed their restaurant so we could be a "private event" this afternoon.  My grandmother looked amazing, and it was just beautiful.

Except for the part where my mom collapsed.  It was about 1/2 way through the visitation, and one minute she was talking to Catherine, and the next minute she was non-responsive and borderline seizing.  We called 9-1-1, and the station is only a block away from the funeral home.  Everyone jumped into action quickly, and I was confident she'd be fine.  My mom's friend who had just arrived offered to accompany her to the hospital.  After our meal was finished, I went to the hospital and my sister went to the house to stay with the dog.  As I suspected, Mom has a UTI, and it tends to initially present in exactly this way.

It was nearly 8:00 by the time I got home today after getting Mom home from the hospital.  To say that I'm exhausted and drained is an understatement.  Everyone has thoughtfully been checking in and I keep telling Andrew it could have been so, so much worse.  But I am ready to sleep well tonight!

Twenty-five years ago

To be honest, I didn't really want to remember today.  I didn't want to think about the horror of twenty-five years ago.  But I also know for so many, there is no other option.  While our country changed forever that day, there are families who had giant holes from this date.  I've been praying for the victim's and loved ones all day.  It's just so hard to believe an entire quarter century has passed in the blink of an eye.  I pray for our country.

Tomorrow, we bury Grandma.  Ted has written a beautiful little speech to give at the cemetery, although it is supposed to rain.  It will work out.  I am so, so, so grateful for the memories of my grandparents.  Even as a child, I remember being grateful that my parents had me when they were so young which meant I had young grandparents.  How many people get to say they lost their last living grandparent at age 52??  I've been beyond blessed.

My memories of Grandma

My grandma was only 42 when she became a grandmother.  My younger sister and I were the only grandchildren until I was seven and my aunt was married and gained a step-son.  Although we never used the word "step" in our family (and still don't), they lived over an hour away and never had the same bond.  Six years later my aunt & uncle adopted a child who was ten years old.  Again, they still lived away and just never had the same connection, although he does adore my grandmother.

Because my grandparents were so young, they did so many things with us.  They would play badminton on their driveway, or stay up with us on New Year's Eve.  They took us to their summer place in Michigan.  Whatever it was, they delighted in us, and especially so my grandmother.  Grandpa had his grumpy moments, but never Grandma.  The woman had a quiet strength about her.  My sister, mom, and I are all strong women, but not quietly!  Grandma just took care of what needed to be handled, and she never wanted anyone to have to worry about her.  She was an amazing care giver to my grandfather for seven years as he battled Parkinson's, and she also helped to care for my dad and mom at various points of their illnesses.  When her sister and sister-in-law, the last two of her generation besides her, passed away a week apart and people worried about her, Grandma was quick to announce "Pish, posh" and she handled things just fine.  And she was always so pleased with herself when she did something she knew most people her age couldn't.  I remember her strolling in to Robert's baseball game swinging her lawn chair at age 81.  She was so pleased she was there.

And nothing pleased my grandma more than her family.  My sister and I helped decorate their tree every year on the day after Thanksgiving, and it came down on New Year's Eve when we stayed over.  Her great-grandchildren were just as enjoyed, and she loved when she could have my kids anytime, but especially over night.  Catherine commented the other day about how there was ice cream at her house.  I remember we visited one time, and she decided we would stay for a dinner of hot dogs, mac & cheese, fruit, and of course dessert of ice cream or cookies.  Nothing made her happier.

I'll miss Grandma, but honestly, I've been missing her for over two years.  The woman she has been during those two years is not at all the grandmother I knew.  It started five years ago when she moved into Assisted Living, but two years ago was when the decline really changed who she was.  Although, our last visit a couple of weeks ago, she still said that she "didn't require much."  My response to her was that even though she didn't need anything, if there was something she wanted I was happy to get it for her.

I am so grateful that my grandma was such an integral part of my life for so, so many years.  And I'm also so grateful that she has gone on and is with my grandpa and dad, and her brother and sister and so many others.

We will miss you, Grandma

My grandma passed away late this morning.  While there is relief and comfort in knowing she is reunited with so many loved ones and is no longer in any pain or discomfort, there are so many wonderful memories about this amazing woman.  I can only imagine how happy she was to see Grandpa and my dad again.  I am beyond grateful to have been her granddaughter.

Grandma is still hanging on

My grandmother is still hanging on.  Hospice is there around the clock, and my sister has basically moved in.  My aunt is there each day, and I was up Wednesday evening and most of yesterday.  At one point yesterday, the nurse gathered us and said he hadn't breathed in two minutes, but my aunt took her hand and she breathed again.  Last evening, my sister and I sat by her bed, mostly in silence, and the nurse told us it would be anytime.  It was heart wrenching listening to my sister tell Grandma it was okay to go, and that she could go see Grandpa and my dad, as well as Uncle Bill (her brother) and Aunt Margie (her sister).  I kept sitting there praying God would help her let go and asking for his mercy.

The nurses have decided it is best if we don't sit in with her, unless it is something we feel strongly about.  I'm not making the trip up today, and my sister and aunt are hanging out in a different room.  I won't lie.  This really is awful.  I am praying again that Grandma passes peacefully.

The beginning of September

Today is September 1, but it feels more like July or August.  The heat index is near 100 all week, which means we were able to postpone our school picnic that was supposed to be held on Thursday.  We are already wilting, and two more days of this isn't going to be helpful.

It was also seventy-six years ago today that my paternal grandparents were married.  Today, my grandmother is lying in a bed in her assisted living home.  Hospice has been called in, and they believe my grandmother is actively dying (such an ironic phase).  My aunt has been there all day, my sister will stay over tonight, and I'll go up tomorrow afternoon.  I'll be grateful when this is over and my grandmother is reunited with Grandpa, Dad, and so many others.

It's an emotional few days.

Major adulting

Today, Thomas and Lyndi closed on the purchase of their home.  We are so incredibly proud of them.  They have done almost all of this completely on their own.  I'm sure there will be some sweat equity that we provide at some point, and perhaps starting soon in order to get them moved, but they have handled the paperwork and financing and all of it completely on their own.  It's a great starter home for them, and we are really, really proud!