Reaching out

I'll be honest, I am living in fear these days.  We received reports from teachers and Robert is shutting down.  I am still hoping he can turn it around, but what if it doesn't?  The fear part comes from wondering what will be next?  The thing is that he's really doing pretty well at home.  He's pleasant, seems happy, and is actually talking to us.  I can only hope that this attitude will carry over to school as well.  I have prayed more than I have ever prayed in my life...both in gratitude and in searching for help.  I have seen so many prayers answered, but I know there is such a long way to go.  I am cautiously optimistic that the only way to go is up, but I know that is not at all the case.  I am so grateful for my faith, and I truly believe we will get through whatever faces us.

It's been the worst week of my parenting life

This has been, hands down, the worst week of my parenting life.  I'll probably be pretty silent here for awhile.  Physically, my children are all okay.  The hurt though, the hurt has been pretty high this week.  Some of it is the crap that middle school brings.  I will NEVER understand the cruelness and lack of respect that children/tweens/teens show each other.  It has truly been heartbreaking.  Sadly though, most of the hurt has been intentional hurt, mostly directed towards others in this house.  We've hit a new low, and the consequences are huge, but it's what needs to happen right now.  I'm grateful for the time my family has spent trying to heal, but we have a long, long way to go.  I've personally seen some prayers answered this week in ways I never could've imagined, and that brings comfort not only for the moment, but in knowing that we will make it through wherever this takes us.  If anyone has some prayers to spare they are much appreciated, and in addition to my own prayers I'll be adding some up for all parents.

Peyton Manning is retiring

I am sitting here watching the press conference of Peyton Manning's retirement...more of a tribute than an announcement.  Peyton Manning is my all-time favorite football player, even though most of his historic 18-year-career he played for a team other than "my" team.  I vividly remember a day in January, 2006 when the Steelers were playing the Colts in the playoffs.  The Steelers had the game locked up...when inexplicably Jerome Bettis fumbled going into the end zone.  The Colts picked it up and ran it back for what would have been a touch down had it not been for Ben Roethlisberger's tackle.  All the kicker had to do was kick a field goal and the Colts moved on while the Steelers would go home...except he missed it.  I remember the look on Peyton Manning's face as the cameras were on him and he said, in what seemed to be so matter-of-factly, "He missed it."

I didn't follow professional football during my college years and for about another year thereafter.  The later part of the 90's I started paying attention again, and I became a Bronco's fan.  I loved watching John Elway play the game and knowing that as long as the team was within a touchdown and Elway had the ball, there was a legitimate shot at winning the game.  I had also loved watching Peyton Manning play at Tennessee, and he became a professional in the late 90's.  During these years, the Bengals, our "local" team certainly gave us absolutely nothing to cheer about.  My Dad started following the Colts, and it was easy to root for Peyton Manning as well.

One of our favorite children's books was the Manning's book.  Thomas especially loved Peyton Manning.  Thomas still loved the Steelers and nothing would ever change that, but he knows Manning is #18, and loves seeing him on TV.  So I loved Manning, my kiddos loved Manning, my Dad loved Manning.  And for me, March 2012 brought things together fabulously when Manning signed with the Broncos.  The playoff game this season was disappointing for most of our family, but not really for me (and Thomas saw the upside as well).  The Broncos win kept them alive in the playoffs and gave Manning a chance to go out on top...just like my other favorite player, John Elway.  I couldn't be happier that it ended with a Super Bowl victory.

And let's be honest, is there another player that is more upstanding?  I don't really think there is.  I love that Thomas is a huge fan, and he got a little sad when I told him yesterday that Manning was retiring.  I truly love how sports brings our family together!

All basketball, all the time

We are six days into March.  I can't tell you the number of basketball games that I have watched this week.  I love the tournaments of March...more than I can tell you.  Last evening I sat there and cheered on Austin Peay over UT-Martin because it was such a fabulous humanitarian story (the coach's granddaughter just underwent surgery this week for cancer treatment).  He's been the coach for 26 years, and their record is just at .500...and yet it wasn't that close of a game.  Then we watched Dayton come back from an early 11-0 deficit to win on a game winning shot with 16 seconds left.  Today is more basketball, and I'm looking forward to even more this evening.  Next weekend are the big tournaments, and then my favorite weekend of the entire year...32 games in 36 hours.  It just doesn't get better than that!

Another migraine

I have yet another migraine headache today.  I think it is due, in part, to my age, but I also know the weather isn't helping.  Right now it is flurrying outside, which is gorgeous, but weather really affects my headaches.  I'm sure it also doesn't help that I had a bit of bug this week.

I also think my emotions probably don't help either.  I'm feeling a little stressed, although I really shouldn't be.  I guess I'm just at that point of the school year where I begin to think about next school year.  Andrew and I do not want to drain our savings by my being home, so some things need to be adjusted.  I have the part time job at my church and I love it, but 5 hours a week isn't going to cut it overall.  Andrew is considering looking into coaching football again.  It has been nine years since he's done so, and I'm supportive of it, especially if he can do so at the middle school level.  I've been thinking about going back to subbing, but I just really want to go back to our former district.  I had myself all talked into it yesterday and was excited and looking forward to it.  Then I started to realize the problems that would occur here with my not being home until nearly 5:00, and I realized it just doesn't seem to be a viable option.  I feel selfish for wanting it "my way" when subbing here just a couple of days a week really is the most practical option...and goodness knows I am practical!

Things have been tough with the kids (specifically the boys) and school as well.  Robert seems to be just checking out, and Thomas doesn't seem to really know what is going on around him.  With the attitudes of them all, I pretty much feel like a complete parenting failure, and that is pretty tough since that is pretty much all I've been responsible for since I became their mother.  I don't know how to motivate or get through to either one of them, and as I said to Andrew last night, I'm just tired of the daily struggle that school brings into our lives.  He completely understood what I meant, and I appreciate his support in that regard.  At the same time, parenting is not always fun, and often it requires a great deal of sacrifice and inconvenience, so I just need to get over myself.

I think ultimately, that is exactly what needs to happen in my life...I just need to get over it and get 'er done.

The beginning of spring...sort of

Yesterday was March 1...the beginning of the meteorological spring.  I just learned this fact yesterday that weather forecasters use a different "system" than the equinox system.  Regardless of which system is used, there is definitely something about March that makes winter start to feel like it's in the rearview mirror (I'll ignore the flurries that are falling outside).  The other thing that makes it feel like spring...BASEBALL!  The Reds played their first spring training game and it was on TV.  It was absolutely fabulous.  My expectations for the season are fairly low...actually, not even "fairly" low...just flat low.  It doesn't matter though because while it was a miserably wet and chilly day here, it was sunny and beautiful in Arizona.  It was so wonderful to hear Thom Brennamen and Chris Welsh on the radio.  I know that we still have 4-1/2 weeks until the games count, and right now most of the names are completely unfamiliar (especially for Reds fans), but it still means that spring is coming!

The beginning of March

It's hard to believe 1/6 of the year is over already...60 days have flown by, today is day 61, and there are only 305 days until we do it again.  Easy to be dramatic I guess.

I started feeling pretty lousy last evening and all during the night.  I felt better this morning, but then this afternoon was rough again.  Eating is simply not an option, and unfortunately Andrew forgot to bring home popsicles from the grocery.  When he was sick I made three trips to the grocery in less than two hours, so I'm trying really hard not to be annoyed...I am trying to be a kind hearted, generous, and forgiving person in all aspects of life.  This is more challenging when one feels poorly.

Andrew and the kids are all eating dinner in the dining room.  I can't even stand the smells and am hanging out in a different room.  I am enjoying the sounds coming from the room, although I am realizing that Andrew handles things differently that I do.  I am trying not to let that annoy me either.

The weather around here has been pretty wretched today.  It rained most of the day and now a cold front has come through.  The wind is absolutely unreal.  For some reason, I mind the wind much less in the fall than I do in the winter.  Something about the fall makes it sound cozier, but the spring seems more ominous.

Hoping I feel better tomorrow!