Monday morning surprise

Monday is one of the days of the week that Thomas is able to be a swim practice.  There is no league, but they are able to practice twice a week for five weeks.  He wanted to ride his bike to practice this morning, which means getting up even a little earlier than normal.

For the most part, our house is pretty well picked up after hosting so many people this weekend.  As the swim practices was literally the only thing on our calendar, I was looking forward to a pretty relaxing day, even if it was starting earlier than I prefer for summer wake-ups.  I opened the door to our garage to recycle a bottle, when I thought I saw something move out of the corner of my eye as I was closing the door.  I opened the door again, and sticking its head around the corner staring at me was a young raccoon.  Yikes!  I quickly opened the overhead door, then shut the door to the house so it understood it was not invited inside.  I opened a few minutes later, and it was nowhere to be seen.  Andrew checked the garage when he got up and said we were really lucky it didn't do more damage.  We will have to be very conscientious about making sure the overhead door is down.  It was quite a surprise on this Monday morning!

Four months since "normal"

Four months ago today was the last day of school before things shut down.  It seems so hard to believe that much time has passed.  We are supposed to be starting school in six weeks.  Although our school has announced the "all-in" reopening plan for the fall, I lose optimism each day that it will last more than a couple of weeks at best.  I am grateful that I don't have a senior this coming year.  Catherine was able to get in 3/4 of her year.  The class of 2021 could lose so much more.    I am so grateful I have been able to share all of this with my family.

It turned out to be a truly lovely afternoon

I am so incredibly grateful for how yesterday turned out.  Catherine loved the afternoon, and we are so very grateful.  Overall, we had about 45 people here, and most of them stayed the bulk of the time.  In fact, our close group of friends stayed until past 9:00, and our dear friends stayed until after Midnight.  Catherine loved getting to spend the day with one of her best friends, and I just can't put into words how special the afternoon was.  Our backyard is large and everyone commented on how well suited it was to an afternoon outdoors.  We had horseshoes and ping pong (moved out from the garage).  When we were alerted to impending rain, everyone jumped into action to help us get things brought in...even the little kids.  It was truly an absolutely delightful afternoon, and I am so grateful that we were able to make that happen for Catherine!

Ugh. Just ugh.

The word today is that our county is still moving in the wrong direction.  We are very close to being at Level 4, which would basically be very similar to a stay-at-home order, although businesses would not shut down right away.  It is so discouraging.

We've also learned that it seems, at best, 30 people will be here this weekend.  I feel so awful for Catherine.  Things have gone downhill so very quickly in the last ten days.  We really tried to make the best decision for her that we could.  Again, just ugh.  I'm grateful that many people are still sending cards.  The hard part, and this might be irrational, but I hate the fact that there was such a big celebration for Robert, and it feels as though she has missed so much.

On the upside, the people who are coming are pretty much our dearest friends, and we are so grateful for them.  I know that we will have a good time, and perhaps Catherine isn't really up a big crowd anyway.

We are also hearing about more and more cancellations for the fall.  I am no longer particularly optimistic that there will be college football, or pro football, or any high school fall sports or activities.  I think we will be lucky to actually have any in-person school at this point.  Andrew told me today that he is stressed about all of this.  I get it, there is so much unknown.

I try to tell myself that we are lucky because we are healthy, and Andrew is getting paid, and things are pretty good, overall.  There is just so much unpleasant news, and so much nastiness out there right now.  Some days it is hard to be upbeat!

Things are definitely heading in the wrong direction

The statistics from Ohio are simply not good today.  It's pretty discouraging.  As I told Andrew last night, in March when this all started, it felt easier to do.  We were going to do what we needed to do and then things would get better.  That's the American way.  But here we are four months later, and things are NOT better.  In fact, the numbers are actually worse.  Which means the reality is, four months hasn't been enough, and five, six, even seven months won't be enough either.  It's difficult to process that from an emotional standpoint.

I hate that Catherine's graduation party is going to be poorly attended.  She so deserves to be celebrated.  I'll be honest, it infuriates me that there was a big celebration for my oldest, and she's getting the shaft in so many ways when she deserves it so much more.  That might sound terrible of me to say, but that is the truth.  I do appreciate that some are sending a note to her even if they can't come.  I just want her to know right now how much we all think of her.  It's kind of hard to explain.

And the worst news today came from family.  I wrote in March about Andrew's cousin who was driving cross county and stopped in for a visit.  He's had some complications from the cancer, and today's information was particularly bleak.  Things are going poorly, and they are running out of options.

I'm sorry that my posts have all been kind of down lately.  It's all just becoming a little overwhelming.  I know we are blessed overall, but today definitely has some sadness!

It's easy to feel down today

The emotions, feelings, and stress are starting to get to me.  Our county is at Level 3, which in Ohio means masks are now required at all times, except at personal residences.  I don't mind the mask thing, but I worry about the virus overall.  It is scary.

This weekend is Catherine's graduation party.  Needless to say, the timing is not the greatest.  We had postponed it from June to July hoping things would be better, but they are not.  We will do everything we can to have things outdoors, but that creates other stresses.  Not to mention it is supposed to be hotter than Hades here this weekend, and could rain.  Thank goodness Catherine is stronger and should be able to handle being outdoors, at least sitting.  We know that if we don't have a party for her this weekend, it won't happen.  She has lost so very much from these last few months, and we hate to have her lose this as well.  We totally understand that many people will feel uncomfortable being here, and we just hope that they will still acknowledge her, at least with a note to congratulate her.  Right now it feels like no matter what we do, it's the wrong thing.

School is proving to be stressful as well.  The district is beginning to "walk back" the plans to go all in for the fall.  I understand, but can't help but feel stressed about it as well.  I probably shouldn't be, but uncertainty and change are not things I do well handling.

And then of course, there is just the general nastiness that has come along with the politicization of all of it.  I don't understand how suddenly everyone is an expert in every area.  It's maddening, and at times terrifying.

We will get through this, and overall our lives are incredibly blessed.  I need to remember that.

Deciding what is next

I saw a meme this morning that said to take a chance and be brave in taking that chance.  That really makes me wonder about what is next for me.  Obviously, I am not getting the job at the school that I wanted.  The fact that I didn't even get an interview for a job I am so unbelievably qualified for indicates that I will never get hired by the school for any permanent positions.  It is what it is.

I thought last night that I needed to get a job this year, where ever I could find one.  I am even willing to work at Kroger, although that is obviously not what I am going for.  I can't continue to be selfish and only work during school hours.  If school shuts down again, not only would I be out of subbing, but Andrew would lose a significant supplemental.  It could cost us over 15% of our income.  That is not an insignificant loss.  Because we are fairly frugal in our monthly expenses, I am not sure where we could cut to make up that loss.

However, we have been able to build our savings back up.  Right now, we just don't know what is going to be happening with Catherine, who although she is doing better, transitioning to and from sleep causes episodes.  Maybe I am just meant to be home this year so that I can be available for whatever life throws at us.

I think for right now, I am just going to take a chance on faith.  I am going to take each day as it comes, and be grateful for it.  As I keep telling everyone around me, things are going to be okay.  Now I need to start acting like that is exactly the case.