How is it only Tuesday?

 I was trying to figure out why I keep thinking surely it must be Wednesday or Thursday.  Then I realized I have worked 15.5 hours at school, an hour at church, and 4.5 hours at athletics in the last 36 hours.  That's 21 hours, and since I work short days on Wednesdays, there are Thursdays when I go to school and don't have this many hours yet.  Of course, tomorrow I'll work at least most of the day due to staff shortages, and possibly all day (depending on some things) before I head to the church again.  Honestly, it is exhausting, but I'm grateful for the opportunities.  The way I see it, is that every penny I earn is then one more penny I have to help the kids with their college expenses.  That's important to me.  So if we have to be this exhausted for a few years, we'll be do it!  And even with all these hours, that is still far fewer than Andrew has worked this week, AND he has parent conferences still to go!

Not today

We had plans with friends this evening.  I love these friends with all of my heart, but I just can't today.  In fact, that is almost what I titled this post..."I can't today."  It's okay, because today I don't have to.  The last two weeks have been hard, and the four weeks before that weren't a piece of cake.  Starting the school year had challenges at my job.  We face the same staffing challenges of many places.  Andrew has worked a lot of athletic events, and I've added them to my schedule as well for some extra money for the kids.  Thomas had his roommate drama and adjusting to school, while Andrew and I are adjusting to empty nesting.  And then of course there is everything with Catherine, more than is for public knowledge.  It's been hard.

I had something every evening this week.  Yesterday's "thing" was handling a bank transaction that required an hour drive each way, and it was a Friday afternoon where I was the only admin staff working and there was some chaos.  I finally made it home just after 6:30, and was so grateful Andrew had thrown a quiche in the oven.  It was a piping hot meal on a chilly Friday evening, and it felt perfect.

As Andrew and I were sitting here last evening, I said to Andrew that it was so nice to be home and be, and he interrupted me by saying that's where the sentence ended.  It was nice to "just be."  And that is what I need this weekend and today.  I love my friends, but I am protecting my mental health.  The thought of going out this evening made me want to cry.  When I told Andrew, he understood completely.  In fact, he said that although he was looking forward to eating out, he didn't want to continue the evening beyond that and that isn't how we do things with these friends.  That's okay, but today, I just can't.

Soup, sweatshirt, and scented candle weather

 Yesterday's high was 93 degrees.  It wasn't overly humid, but it was still way too hot.  Today, the high was 74 degrees, and that was after Midnight.  The afternoon high was close to 70.  Tonight it is supposed to get down into the 40's.  I had soup for dinner, I'm sitting here in a sweatshirt (and wore long sleeves to work today), and my favorite fall scented candle has been lit.  I absolutely love it.  It is especially delightful as we are heading into the weekend.  In just nine days it will be October, and fall will be in full splendor.  I love this!

I needed this Wednesday afternoon

Wednesday is the day I only work 1/2 days.  It is tremendously appreciated.  Last week, after getting off work at school, I went straight to church for a meeting with our Pastor, and by the time I was ready to leave church, life with Catherine had exploded.  The week before, after getting off at school, I went straight to church, and then went back to school to work after care.  It was almost 6:00 before I got home that day.  While I have a meeting at church this evening and will also need to work, I'm grateful I've had a few hours here this afternoon to have complete quiet.  I am very grateful for this time.

This is also the last official day of summer, and the weather tomorrow will be appropriate!  Although it is currently in the 90's (ugh, and another great reason to be grateful I'm not working!), tomorrow the temps won't make it out of the 60's.  I could not be more excited!!!  In fact, by tomorrow I expect to be downright giddy!

Our weekend

I'll be honest, life has been pretty draining for these last few days.  Ultimately, I think everything and everyone is going to be just fine.  It's just been a tough few days.  Catherine slept away nearly the entire day of Friday, which is exactly what she needed.  Again, she has a clean bill of health (physically), and physically she is bouncing back quickly.  Honestly, while she could use some specific behavior therapy, I believe if she would maintain visits with her counselor, she can manage her incidents in the meantime.

I picked Thomas up from school Friday evening.  He had to work, so I didn't get there until 8:00.  Because Andrew had to be at the football game, we asked Catherine's best friend to come and sit with her while we were both gone.  Belle had these same pseudo seizures for years when she was in junior high and high school, but she had never seen one.  It was a new perspective for her!  She had a quiet day yesterday, and by today she was feeling much better.  Andrew took her back to school this afternoon.  She can't drive and has an appointment with regular doctor Tuesday morning, so I'll need to go get her after work tomorrow, and then take her back to school Tuesday morning.  I'm trying not panic about what this hospital bill is going to be and how much work I'll miss (maybe one of these days I'll have a job that actually has paid time off)!

Meanwhile, Thomas had his first work shift Friday evening which is why I picked him up later, and we didn't get home until about 9:30.  I appreciated that most of the traffic was gone by then.  Yesterday he hung out until it was time for the school homecoming dance.  Since his girlfriend is still in high school, he had come home to go with her.  To be honest, it was not much effort or excitement in our house, mostly because we just weren't up for it.  He had fun though, and enjoyed seeing underclassmen he knew.

Andrew and I went to church this morning.  Honestly, it was a little depressing because it was the kick-off for the Sunday School year, and there were all of five students in attendance in grades pre-k to 12.  Not five in each class, five total.  It's a rough time in that regard.  Thomas went to a picnic with his girlfriend, and then I needed to get him back.

I'll be honest, I was so tired, but I loved the time we had together to chat.  Thomas is so much like me.  He doesn't dislike being at school, but he does appreciate being home.  He loves being with the pets and with his family.  Dropping him off at school, while I know he isn't unhappy, pulls at my heart strings.  Big time.

In fact, the drive home felt like it took forever.  I was looking forward to getting home and having a quiet evening with just the two of us.  But as I pulled into our neighborhood, and I realized how drained I was from all of my emotions, and I realized just how quiet it was going to be this evening, I began to cry.  I miss the reasons our house has craziness.  It was just the emotions of the week catching up with me, and with two meetings this coming week and working at an athletic event, it will be another crazy week, especially with two trips for Catherine.  I don't want to wish away time.  Life seems too short as it is.  I've been blessed with some lovely downtime, and my life is full of amazing blessings.  I just couldn't help but think of 15 years ago.  I was exhausted with having little kids, but somehow things seemed easier.  The things we worried about with our kids didn't seem so life-altering.

My husband is amazing.  I haven't cooked in forever, and when he asked what was for dinner this evening, I replied, "popcorn."  He said, "You go!"  He knows I love popcorn, and it is what I need this evening.

Discharged

Catherine will eventually be discharged sometime tonight.  Poor kiddo, nothing is happening fast.  They ran a very complete series of tests, and everything is fine.  Physically, Catherine is fine.  Emotionally, she is not, and the challenging part is that she doesn't really realize it.  She needs to seek some mental health help, and we will be there every step of the way with her.  I am very convinced she will get through this.  Her official diagnosis is Conversion Disorder.  I am very grateful that they are sending her home, and I'm so grateful that everyone will get to spend the night in their own beds here.  It will be wonderful to have her home, and hopefully she can rest.  And even more hopefully, she can get herself together enough to at least go to classes on Monday.

It's ironic I had to make the drive on this date

Just a day over a year ago, I wrote about Catherine's breakup with a boyfriend.  What I didn't write about, was what happened exactly a year ago today.  I had sent a couple of texts throughout the evening, and she didn't respond.  Andrew was working at an athletic event and he didn't get home until after 9:00.  By then, I was frantic.  I decided I needed to drive to her apartment and make sure she was okay.  Andrew felt I was completely overreacting, but wasn't going to let me go by myself.  While I drove, he attempted to call campus police to have them check on her.  About half way there, in the middle of corn fields, Catherine called us to let us know she was okay.  I've never regretted setting out on that drive.

Today, I made the same drive with almost the same emotions.  Catherine began having seizures again, and went to the e/r.  Andrew went to be with her, and I stayed home with the dog.  I love my daughter, but I don't do well in medical environments, and I'll be honest, I'm a little irritated that she hasn't been doing everything she needs to do to take care of herself.  While they are nearly certain that, just like last time, there is no neurological cause, they have chosen to admit her and run some tests tomorrow.  Andrew needed his computer charger and comfy pants so I took them up to him.  I took our sweet pup along so that Andrew could see her, and he gave her a walk while I went in to see Catherine.  She is in good spirits and I'm convinced that if she starts making better choices she will be fine.

I came home and realized I hadn't eaten dinner yet, so I made myself a big bowl of popcorn and turned on the TV.  I smiled as I realized there a bunch of episodes of "Friends" on back-to-back.  For one thing, it is one of my favorite shows and I appreciate the mindless entertainment.  Additionally, it made me smile, because it made me think back to when this happened with Catherine two years ago.  I was concerned about leaving her alone at that point, and we put this show on because we can all enjoy it, just like we did six weeks ago when Rosie died.  Honestly, it brought me comfort.  I have tremendous faith that everything is going to be fine, and I'm grateful for that peace.

It's been a long day, and I'm so grateful to Andrew for not only being willing to take a day tomorrow and be with her, but for being able to do that without any problems.  And more than anything, I am grateful for my faith.