The middle of May 2024

I have only four days remaining in this school year.  Even though I have to work all summer, it's just so much more relaxing, my days are shorter, and I often don't work Fridays.  I'm so grateful I like my job overall.  I've really needed it the last few months.

It hasn't been a great past few months.  My grandmother is 93, and to be honest, she doesn't love her life.  It's awful to see her in this state.  She just lies in bed most of her days, and she doesn't even turn on the TV.  She really declined the week of my dad's birthday, and I think the fact that it was his 70th birthday was a factor in that.  The hard part is that there isn't really anything physically wrong with her, so it's just hard right now.  My sister has decided that someone needs to check in with her each day, so I'm trying to make at least 2, and sometimes 3 trips to my hometown.  I'll have much more flexibility to do that when the summer comes.

Things have also been pretty tough with the kids.  To be honest, while Thomas loves his job, the hours were really, really hard on him, and he was absolutely awful to be around.  He was downright mean to me often times.  Fortunately, some things have changed with his schedule and it works better for him.  And I don't have words about Catherine.  I love her, and I have to believe that she'll be okay, but her choices are less than wise.  I'm grateful she finally has a job again, and I can only hope this puts her on the path she needs to be on.

I truly had no idea that parenting young adults could be so much more difficult than parenting teenagers.  As Andrew said, there is that sick feeling in our stomachs that we get when we see a poor choice turning into a disaster, but we are powerless to stop it.

It's been a crazy spring in terms of weather as well.  Last Tuesday we huddled with the pets (who were willing to join us) in our hallway as we were in the path of a tornado.  Ohio is leading the country in tornadoes this year, and I sure could do without that.

Looking forward to brighter times.  First, we have to get through my least favorite day of the year tomorrow with the end-of-year ceremony, but we will get through it!

And they are both in the rear-view mirror

A few minutes ago, one of the players on Andrew's baseball team got an out and that ended the game, which ended the season.  They had one win the entire season, and a whole bunch of losses.  Andrew coached with different guys this year, and none of them were his friends.  It was definitely not his most fun season, and he has decided it may be time for him to take a break from that coaching.  In all honesty, I'm not sure he'll have much of a choice.  There were 13 games in the last 17 days, and with the kids not being around, that makes it very, very challenging for Abby who needs to go out at specific times of the day.

We also finished musical week at my school.  It is my least favorite week of the year.  We do performances on Wednesday and Thursday, and then we all just kind of crawl through the day today until we can go home and crash.  We have one more really long day this year, and then we are almost ready to wrap up the year.

It's nice to have these things in the rear-view mirror!

Twenty years post "Friends"

It was 20 years ago today that TV show ended.  I vividly remember that evening and watching that final episode.  Of course I had been a devoted fan throughout the ten years of the show.  I was sad that it was ending, and I remember sitting there sobbing.  I wasn't just crying at the end, I was sobbing.  I remember Andrew not being sure what was happening, and I remember explaining to him that because of my dad's illness, my emotional "cup" was always 90% full, so it didn't take much to push me over the edge, and that resulted in sobbing that night.  Not only was that show so awesome while it was on, I can't even begin to describe how much comfort that show has provided over rough times in the last 20 years.  I can watch that last episode now without any tears at all, probably because I know it will start all over again in reruns! 😊 

I'm so grateful to have had this show in my life.  Might sound crazy because it's just a TV show, but it's true!

My dad's 70th birthday

Today would have been my dad's 70th birthday.  Earlier in the year, we had received word that today would be the day our town's foundation would be honoring new funds with plaques being placed in the tree grove that is in a town park.  Our family's fund plaque was placed years ago, but I could think of no better way to honor my dad on 70th birthday than to attend this ceremony.  I was able to get the day off from work, and it seems as though my mom and sister felt the same way I did.  They both planned to join along, although Mom ended up being (as I suspected) too tired from last week's surgery.  Andrew took a personal day to join me. I had never seen our fund plaque on the tree, and Andrew and I set out to find it shortly after we arrived.  My sister arrived, and lots of pictures were taken.  It was absolutely the perfect way to honor and feel connected to my dad on his milestone birthday.

My sister had a particularly emotional morning.  Before the ceremony even began, my sister had an appointment with my grandmother.  Grandma is essentially beginning to "give up."  I can't blame her.  She is 93 years old, and today marked the 11th of my dad's birthdays that has been without him.  Earlier in the month it was my grandfather's birthday.  In August he will have been gone 20 years.  Grandma is tired of living the way she is living, and she is tired of living of living without her loved ones.  She has outlived all of her siblings and their spouses, her husband, his siblings and their spouses, and her son.  My sister is also the one my mom is leaning on in her recovery.

I'm so grateful Andrew was able to have a day off and spend it with me.  While I've been emotional at times, I also know that my dad is with us every day, and I'm so grateful how much I was able to feel him today.  I know he is proud of us and is looking down and smiling on us.

Why I've been quiet

I've been staying away from the blog a lot.  There is so much going on, and while things are okay, it's definitely been emotional.  Grandma was in the hospital last week, but I'm happy to report that she was released early this week.  Thanks to my aunt and her actions (or lack thereof) that added to family drama.  Mom had surgery to remove her kidney mass this week.  I'm happy to report that the surgeon reported that all went according to plan.  Her first evening was really rough, but even just 36 hours after surgery she was doing better.  I know it is going to take some time for her to really be back on her feet again.

My kids though, have been the biggest source of emotions.  Their stories are their stories and not mine to share.  There are a lot of changes on the horizon, and some of the changes are good, some of them aren't, and all of it just ramps up my emotions.

It's hard when our home doesn't feel like a peaceful oasis of relaxation.  To that end, I'm so, so grateful that I enjoy my job.  I don't love early mornings, but I do really like my job.  I'm grateful for the distraction it provides when times are tougher.

I know things will work out, and I know that eventually a feeling of peace will be found again!

Spring break 2024

Spring break has been over for two weeks, but I wanted to make sure to record some memories before I completely forget them!  This is the last year that Andrew and I are going to have the same spring break for awhile.  At one point I had thought it would be a good time to make a less expensive trip to the ocean, but there is too much going on in life for that to be an option.

The break began with one of my favorite weekends of the year...the men's NCAA basketball tournament.  There were some decent upsets in the first round, but as is generally the case, they didn't make it out of the first weekend.  Monday-Wednesday of the week brought household work and some work at school just to keep things going (and to earn a bit of a paycheck...I don't get PTO!), but there was lots of time for relaxing as well!

The best part of break was the day we headed to Columbus.  We were able to get a great rate at a motel, and stayed at Easton, where everything is walkable.  We had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, went to a movie, had some drinks at a pub, and took advantage of having HBO Max to watch the Friends Reunion episode from a couple of years ago that we had never seen.  With Matthew Perry having passed away, it added to my emotions as I watched it.  I've watched that show and laughed with friends, with my husband, and even with my children and mother-in-law during our Thanksgiving tradition.  That show has brought some laughs during some really rough times.

Friday morning we got up and drove over to get my mother-in-law and bring her back for Easter and an extended visit.  We had a lot of fun while she was here.

As with every break, it flew by too quickly.  But the good news is that I really like my job!

It took my breath away

My grandmother is in the hospital.  She is not critically ill, and I'm grateful.  She has a serious infection and needs IV antibiotics.  She isn't in any pain and she doesn't feel awful.  These are all good things.  At the same time, she is 92, and that is simply reality.

I made a trip to the hospital to see her this afternoon.  I needed to stop by her assisted living facility and pick up her glasses.  I decided to take the back roads to the hospital from there, and in doing so, I drove past the house she and my grandfather lived in for the first 29 years of my life.  Oh goodness, driving down that road literally took my breath away.  I was so blessed to have grown up with both sets of grandparents living within a five-minute drive of my home, so many, many trips were made down that road.  It all just felt so surreal.

I don't think this is the end for Grandma, but I do know that she is weakening.  Reality is that she may not be able to return to assisted living...we really don't know what the future holds.  I told her I loved her as I was leaving and she became emotional.  Oh goodness, it's been quite an afternoon.