A beautiful day for my dad's birthday

Today is another year of not being able to celebrate my dad on his birthday.  It's an absolutely gorgeous day.  With a birthday at the end of April, I have so many memories of celebrating dad on perfect weather days.  Dad's birthday on a Sunday is particularly memorable.  As a child, Sundays were the only day might dad might not work.  I miss him more than I can even put into words, but I also know that anyone who has lost a parent understands what I mean.

There was a part of me that really thought Grandma might not wake up today.  It's hard to see her living the way that she is and the way that she never wanted to be.  I really thought maybe it would be too much for her to face another birthday of my Dad without him here, and that she would be ready to go see him.  Grandpa has been gone over 21 years, and I just suspect she is really to see them all again.

Andrew will be home in about an hour.  He and Thomas had a spectacular weekend together, and I know they loved getting to see Andrew's mother.  I know she loved having them.

I'm feeling emotional about a lot of things right now, and I can't help but feel some changes are on the horizon.  I'm working on holding on to a peaceful feeling and for being grateful for the blessings in life.

The beginning of our four day weekend

It is always a treat to be at the very beginning of a long weekend!  Woohoo!!

I have to be honest, this has been a heavy week.  I've been incredibly emotional.  I was watching figure skating the other day, and the American man who lost both parents in the big plane crash was skating.  After watching, my emotions were so out of whack and I felt inconsolable.  I recognize I have some grief I've been holding onto.  And the emotions about our world are even heavier.  I've become more involved in our community with serving meals, and Andrew has been at the homeless shelter a few times.  I don't really understand how this is all okay.

And James Van Der Beek passed away yesterday.  I was truly so sad to see that.  He had six young kids, and was so young himself.  Although I was in my 20's when Dawson's Creek was on TV, it was so impactful.  You can't grow up in a small town with the same set of people and not have drama.  That is the way it works.

Andrew is at a meeting this evening and I'm enjoying some quiet.  And I hope to relax and take in every second of this amazing long weekend!

The last day of 2025

Here we are, at the last day of the year again.  I'm no longer surprised by the rapid passing of time.  I'll blink, and it will be summer, than I'll blink again and wonder where the summer went as the students return, and then I'll blink and we'll be celebrating Christmas again.  Even though the year will fly by, I wouldn't mind if the next five days (I'm still off Monday) pass by at a snail's pace.

There were a lot of wonderful family memories made this year between Thomas's wedding and our big family vacation.  Catherine is also in a lovely relationship, and she is making better choices in life.  I'm thankful for the way things are going with my children every single day, and I don't take their successes for granted.

The hardest part of this year was the world around us.   The hardships faced by so many this fall has been especially emotionally challenging, and Andrew and I have both joined groups and committees to address these issues.  We've also both been incredibly busy with our church and the new pastor search, and of course my job has been a source of exorbitant stress.  I still love my job, but parents are crazy.

Today, we also created a new beginning.  I'm so thrilled to announce that a new sweet pup has joined our family.  A neighbor who volunteers at a local shelter tipped us off to a young female beagle that had just arrived, and Andrew put in an application the same day.  We had a meet & greet today, and we could not be more thrilled.  We've named her Jane Harriet (Goodall and Tubman), and Janie is a delightful addition to our home.  Right now she is curled up in Andrew's arm and they are both napping.  There are so many things that remind of us our sweet Abby because of her personality, but she is absolutely her own dog and is an absolute lover.  We are thrilled she is here.

I'm excited about the beginning of another year, and I'm grateful we are here to see it!  Our dear neighbor (and mother of co-worker) passed away Monday morning, and that combined with the death of Tatiana Schlossberg is a poignant reminder that nothing guaranteed.  I'm grateful to be able to see 2026 arrive.

Christmas 2025

This has been a mostly wonderful Christmas.  If the truth be told though, I'm physically exhausted and emotionally drained.  It all just feels like a lot.

Our Christmas Eve plans were scrapped as our friends' kids started getting sick.  We were disappointed as we love our time with them, and we love to see their kids from out of town.  And we also had literally nothing in the house that would feed seven people for dinner!  Domino's Pizza solved that problem though, and the kids all gathered here by 6:00.

Catherine had come with us to church, and it's always a challenge for me.  We go to a Catholic church because it is what needs to happen with my MIL, but I regret not being able to fully participated in the church, especially on Christmas.  It causes a pang.  I also saw a family I've known for a long-time, and I adore this large family, but I also know there is heartache there.  It left me feeling emotional.  I was so glad Catherine came with us though.

After the kids all arrived here after church, I gave our Christmas Eve gifts of pajama bottoms.  We played an incredibly fun trivia game, and then we watched the Polar Express.  I don't love that move, but I do love when my kiddos (and wife and boyfriend) are all safely asleep in my home.  Our morning was also incredibly lovely, and I'm so grateful for the photos we took of our family.  We all loved the gifts from each other.  We were on the road before Noon for lunch at my Mom's house.  My sister went to visit my grandmother, and we sat down to eat as she returned.  Unfortunately, she was overcome with emotion and ran out of the house.  I get it, she is exhausted.  She worked tirelessly to get my Mom's house ready, it's an incredibly busy season at her job, and she is almost solely responsible for things that happen with my grandmother.  And today, Grandma was incredibly confused when my sister was there.  As my sister was dealing with her emotions, my mom and my MIL began to tell stories about the passing of other relatives, and suddenly there were a lot of tears.  I attempted to change the subject, but there was a damper on the afternoon.  Fortunately, my sister regrouped and we were able to finish with a lovely afternoon.  There were more gift exchanges, and it was all so very nice to be together.

We had all driven separately as the kids had other places to be, and I wanted to visit my grandmother.  She has chosen to stop wearing pants (ugh) so I am not in a rush to take others with me to visit her.  I took her some chocolate and we had a short visit.  It was a bit heartbreaking as I know with certainty this is going to be the last Christmas with my grandmother, and even though this isn't the woman I've known, and I know this isn't the woman she would want to be, it's going to be so awful when she's gone.  It was hard leaving her today, but it's also really hard being with her.  As I drove home, I thought of so many wonderful Christmas memories shared with her.

I am grateful for so, so much.  I am incredibly grateful that my kids woke up here today and I don't take it for granted at all.  I know this next year is going to bring some changes, and I'm working really, really hard to embrace them.  Truly, it's been a lovely Christmas, and even the emotions are because of how amazing my life really is.

I will always remember

Yesterday, we had an open house to celebrate Thomas and Lyndi's wedding.  It was nothing formal, just come by when you can.  I will always remember how my kids felt loved by the people who came to celebrate them.  I will always remember how my son shared with me that he shed tears when he opened the gift from his Godfather, who created a unique piece of art personal to them, just as my son had done for them when they married ten years ago.  I'll never forget my son calling me last evening after they got home to thank us for all we had done.  I'll never forget how much love I felt in that room, or the gratitude I felt for those that were able to make it, and also for those who couldn't be there but let us know.  I am so grateful.

But I know a person can hold two feelings at the same time.  When Thomas and Lyndi first talked about getting married, I remember thinking how I couldn't imagine having a wedding that didn't include our big extended family.  I was so grateful to have been included in grad parties, weddings, baby showers, etc., and I wanted all of them to share this day with us.  The kids agreed a format like yesterday was a perfect way to include all of them.  And I will always remember how it felt, when I looked out over everyone, and not a single one of them was there.  Not. A. Single. One.  My mom was there, and my sister was there.  None of my first cousins and their kids, none of my second cousins or their kids.  No aunts and uncles. Absolutely none of that big extended family was there.  And the worst part?  With the exception of my aunts and two cousins, NO ONE even bothered to RSVP that they weren't coming.  I'm not asking for a gift, but at least acknowledge the celebration and politely decline.  And here's the thing, you want to do this to me?  Okay.  But this was about celebrating my kiddo, who is working really hard to be a decent young person in a really hard world.  I couldn't help but think back to all of the graduations, weddings, grad parties, showers, soccer games, baseball games, football games, plays, etc. I had attended, nearly all of which were at least an hour's drive.  And I was happy to do it and so grateful to be included in most cases.  And even times when I couldn't attend a specific milestone event, I ALWAYS sent a gift.  I was important to me to cultivate those family ties.  

Don't get me wrong, I am not claiming some huge family conspiracy against us.  Not at all.  It just is what it is.  And what it is, hurts.  I'm sure Thomas didn't think much about it.  Friends were there.  And those friends who are always there and have become our "framily"?  Absolutely.  One of our dear friends drove home from a college performance in Detroit and arrived in the middle of the night, then was driving back last night.  So many dear, dear friends were there and made my kiddos feel so special.  As did my coworkers, whom I adore.  And I still love my family, but I also need to guard my heart a little.  And I need to guard my energy.  This September has been REALLY hard (a post for another time).  If this is how my extended family feels about events, then it's okay for me to send a gift and save my energy for the people who will truly appreciate it.  This Mama Bear is so grateful for the people who love my kiddos, and they are all truly a gift.

Last day of July

The last day of July has arrived.  It was a full day, too.  I worked until 4:00, so basically back to the normal grind.  A cold front came through, which at least broke the horribly hot weather we'd been having.  Two weeks from today it will be the second day of school.  Lots to do between now and then, but I am ready to get back to a routine...and regular sized paychecks as well. 😁

I really do love my job, and I don't love summer weather, so I've been wondering why I'm feeling sad about the end of this summer.  We had a great summer.  We enjoyed a wonderful vacation with everyone and then another great trip with friends, but summers are different then they used to be.  My children are now adults, and I accept that.  As with everything in life, it has both pros and cons.

I've realized though, how much my life changes when school starts.  It isn't just my job, which cranks up, obviously.  But Andrew goes from having almost no responsibilities during the year to having the busiest season of the year.  And our town COMPLETELY changes.  Our quiet little town adds about 16,000 students, not to mention that even professors and other staff leave town during the summer.  Right now, going to the grocery is a piece of cake.  That changes dramatically when we have all those extra people. 

I know this is a short-term "mood", and I love fall and all that it brings, followed by the holidays and hopefully some snow.  Hopefully the cooler weather of the weekend will help to life spirits!

Sometimes life isn't fair

This July has been full of some sadness for some family friends.  While we were in KC, we learned that the father of a friend of my parents had passed away.  The man was 98.  This was most certainly not a tragedy.  I knew literally the entire family, including some "steps" that had married into the family.  I took the day off and paid my respects at the visitation.  The night before this news came, we learned of another death, and this one was indeed tragic.  A young man, only 21 years, passed away after a year-long fight with cancer.  His family was also friends with my family, and his grandmother had been good friends with my mother when I was growing up.  His grandparents had passed away 30 years ago in a tragically sad incident.  As another friend said, this family already had their tragedy, how could this be happening?

This morning brought further sad news, and sadly it involves the first family I wrote about.  A granddaughter lost her husband this morning.  Both are in their early 40's, and he'd been fighting cancer since last fall.  They have three little boys, the oldest only eight, and the youngest not yet in Kindergarten.  My heart is so broken for this family.  Those boys need their dad.  I know the family will rally around Lesley and her boys, but this just isn't supposed to happen.

Putting away Christmas

I have started to put away the Christmas decorations.  It is breaking my heart a little bit this year.  It always fees a bit sad anyway, but this year I've actually had to fight some tears.  Andrew is working today so it's just me, and I'm grateful for the quiet opportunity.

The first thing I did was take down Thomas's ornaments so they would be separated.  Thomas took a few of them with him, but the majority were still on our tree this year.  This is the very last year that my baby's ornaments, and all of those memories, are going to hang on my tree.  The last year of his "new driver", or football, or tennis ornament.  The last year of the special ornaments from family and friends over the years.  This is what we want in life, of course, for our children to grown up and be independent.  But I can't deny I'll miss unwrapping and hanging those memories each year.

I've also been a bit emotional as I've put away the pictures we have out each year.  I miss the little people in those photos so much.  Again, I'm grateful they have grown into who they are, but I miss those little people.  And as hard as the last year was, I miss the simple little problems they had back in those days.

We also have a lot of Christmas things that are beagle related, and we miss our sweet Abby so much.  There were tears on Christmas morning as we still had Abby related memories as gifts, and it's hard to think about her without crying, even now.

I was sick for a week right after Christmas, and between that and they kids having their own lives, it all just felt different and not very "Christmas-y".  There were no lights that we went to see, no fun TV episodes or movies, no family games.  While I have strived so hard to accept this is the way things are now, it still felt, well, less than.  I'm working on that, and I'm hoping it had as much to do with being sick as anything else.

Tomorrow is the last official day of break, but there is a massive winter storm heading our way.  Neither Andrew nor I are supposed to have students on Monday anyway, but our boss has let us know we'll probably do a Zoom meeting and then work from home.  I don't have that much I can do at this point, but I'm sure I can find some things.  While Catherine won't have to work, Thomas still will, so snow days are tougher than they used to be for my heart.

To be honest, I'm looking forward to having a less cluttered home, and I'm hoping that will lead to a less cluttered mind.  And I'm working on remembering my blessings and being grateful for each day.

Full of hope

Happy 2025!  I've written before that January 1 is often my favorite day of the year, and I feel that way today!

I went to bed last night (after Midnight, so technically this morning), and I felt peaceful.  I felt full of hope.  There are some hard things from 2024 that are going to carry over into early 2025, but I have hope things are going to work out.

I woke up today to the horrific news about the terroristic attack in New Orleans.  It's just another thing that I have to learn not to carry.  I can be empathetic and I can pray, but I have to acknowledge it isn't happening to me, and I can't carry it as if it is...or even that it could.  Of course it could, but I can't carry that.

Today, just for today, I am going to be grateful for today.  I'll never have today again, and today has been a nice day.  Andrew and I had the entire day to ourselves.  I'm still recovering from a miserable cold so we just hung out today and watched an incredible Texas vs Arizona St. game, and then watching the Buckeyes dominate Oregon.  I slept in, and enjoyed the incredible chili that Andrew made for dinner.  We still have four days off until reality kicks in again, and I'm grateful for more down time.  I'm grateful for each day.  I'm grateful my little family is safe and fairly healthy.  My heart is full.

Day one of 365 in 2025 is off to a fine start.

It's all so different

Andrew and I have commented on how everything just feels so different.  It's so different when we get home each day and Abby isn't at our door to greet us with her loving squeals and wagging tail.  It's so different that on Tuesday we were able to run and grab some dinner after work without having to worry about getting home to let her out.  It's so different that there is no animal howling at us around 5:00 each day (and again at 8 for a snack) because it's dinner time.  Even without Abby, Lincoln was the one that started howling first, but he's gone too.  It just really sucks.  I was looking at a picture of her today, and the tears began to flow.  I didn't mean for them too, but she just didn't feel old, and seven years wasn't enough with her.  I really thought she was the beagle who was going to live longer than the average of 12-15 years, and I certainly never thought she'd be gone at 12.

Outside seems different.  It's been entirely too warm this October.  There is a chance that it will be in the 70's during Trick-or-Treating on Thursday.  That's crazy.  The leaves are finally starting to really turn color, but it's just less than it has been in years past.

The holidays are going to feel so different this year as well.  Thomas doesn't live here, so he won't be waking up in our house on Christmas morning.  I haven't completely wrapped my head around that yet.  Because of the way things fall this year, we decided to do our Thanksgiving meal on the Sunday before.  I'm actually kind of excited about this.  It was really important to me that we decorate the tree together, but I refuse to serve a Thanksgiving meal with a tree up.  This will allow us to decorate the tree Wednesday evening and we can watch our Friends episodes as well.  These things are going to be different, but we can go with them.

Christmas shopping is going to feel different this year as well.  Some friends have decided we are going to stop exchanging gifts, and the kids truly need mostly just money.  There will be a few cute and traditional gifts here and there, but no one really wants "things" just for the sake of having a gift.  I bought my mom tickets to a performance she wanted, and that took care of that.

I don't love change, and it feels like there is so much that is different. I know it isn't all bad, but right now it sure doesn't necessarily feel good either.  Even 

Tuesday at the end of May

I love the fact that although we have been out of school for almost a week, there are still three days of may remaining.  I think we can all agree that the best part of summer is the beginning!  I have eleven entire weeks until the next time I have to get up for a school day.

Andrew has gone to visit his mom and help her with some things.  He took our sweet pup with him.  I miss them, but I appreciate the quiet time.  Thomas had a short work day today, but I was able to get three loads of laundry done and lots of school work.  The end is always really busy.

I'll be honest, I'm really sad that we aren't taking a vacation this year.  I know that an ocean vacation is not in the budget, and I know that the kids can't get off work to join us, but I'm sad that we can't make it happen.  Not only is the ocean amazing, but I always appreciated that our family had an entire week together, no matter how things were going in our lives.  I suspect we will be able to take a vacation again at some point, but I acknowledge things will never be like they were.  And that's okay, but it does make me a bit sad that those days are over.

I'm hoping to really spend some time working on some things around our house, and I hope our summer schedule allows this to happen!

I have to be honest

I have to be honest, this blog is really hard for me right now.  There are so many incredibly fun-filled family memories here, and while I treasure those memories, they hurt right now because that is not at all how life is currently.  I'm struggling on so many fronts.

A lot of this has to do with Catherine.  Her communications are infrequent, her visits are rare, and her choices are highly questionable.  She doesn't want our guidance and I totally get that.  She goes so far down the horrible rabbit hole, that by the time we find out, things are really, really hard,  It's frustrating for us all.  I'm struggling watching her high school classmates earn their college degrees, and although I'm so proud that she has some certifications and licenses, she can't seem to hold down a job.  It's a bit terrifying.  I miss having her around.  And of course, I acknowledge that the fact that I haven't seen or spoken to my oldest son (although Andrew has) in over five years adds to my emotions and fears about Catherine's actions.

Thomas is doing well, although he has struggles at his job as well.  He's a 20-year-old in a man's world.  He's doing fine and I'm so proud of him, and I'm grateful that his bosses are being patient with him.  He's planning to move closer to work to help eliminate his 65 minute commute.  I can't blame him as he has to be at work at 5AM.  It's hard to realize he'll be out on his own, but I'm so happy for him at the same time.  I don't love that he is planning for his girlfriend to move in with him, but I know I don't get to make that choice.  As I tell all my kids, life is so hard, and I just don't want them to make choices that make it even harder.

And then there is my extended family.  I miss what we had so, so much.  But my aunt & uncle, and some cousins, aren't the same people I thought they were back then.  And I'm struggling with other things in that regard as well.  I've received an invitation to an extended family member's baby shower.  I have to be honest, I detest showers.  Wedding showers, baby showers, all of them.  I'd be happy if we could just have a gathering and open gifts, but I don't enjoy the stupid little games that have to be played.  I appreciate the invitation and being included, and you'd think after writing about how much I miss family gatherings that I'd be thrilled.  I have to acknowledge though, that if the situation were reversed, they wouldn't be coming to our house.  They weren't around when any of my kids graduated, there has been no contact with my grandmother (their great-grandmother) since the pandemic, and I'm just not sure how to feel about that.  Additionally, I wanted to spend the day with Andrew driving around visiting the cemeteries like we used to do when I was younger.  It seems ridiculous that I would give up spending a day with living relatives to hang out at graves, but right now that is what seems peaceful.  And a peaceful feeling is definitely something that is missing from my life right now.

Next weekend we'll be attending the graduation for the "baby" of our friends.  And in fact, she was a baby when we started hanging out, and Jen was still pregnant with M when my kids started having Jen as a teacher.  It's so hard to believe this day is coming.  I'm so, so grateful that we get to be there.  We were there for her brothers special day, and although we couldn't attend her sister due to restrictions, we were honored to join in at the dinner following.

All of these emotional things are the reason I've stayed away.  While I'm grateful summer is arriving, we aren't taking a family vacation this year and I know that adds to my emotions as well...in years past that was always our opportunity to reconnect no matter what was happening, but not this year.  Additionally, my mother-in-law turned down our offer for her to visit here in a couple of weeks, which tells me this isn't a very fun place to be.

Andrew and I are headed up to my hometown to visit my grandmother in a bit.  He really wants to see her, but there is no guarantee she is going to be awake.  My sister was there twice yesterday and she was asleep both times.  Although it is warm (why does there not seem to be much spring anymore??) I'm looking forward to a lovely drive.

My dad's 70th birthday

Today would have been my dad's 70th birthday.  Earlier in the year, we had received word that today would be the day our town's foundation would be honoring new funds with plaques being placed in the tree grove that is in a town park.  Our family's fund plaque was placed years ago, but I could think of no better way to honor my dad on 70th birthday than to attend this ceremony.  I was able to get the day off from work, and it seems as though my mom and sister felt the same way I did.  They both planned to join along, although Mom ended up being (as I suspected) too tired from last week's surgery.  Andrew took a personal day to join me. I had never seen our fund plaque on the tree, and Andrew and I set out to find it shortly after we arrived.  My sister arrived, and lots of pictures were taken.  It was absolutely the perfect way to honor and feel connected to my dad on his milestone birthday.

My sister had a particularly emotional morning.  Before the ceremony even began, my sister had an appointment with my grandmother.  Grandma is essentially beginning to "give up."  I can't blame her.  She is 93 years old, and today marked the 11th of my dad's birthdays that has been without him.  Earlier in the month it was my grandfather's birthday.  In August he will have been gone 20 years.  Grandma is tired of living the way she is living, and she is tired of living of living without her loved ones.  She has outlived all of her siblings and their spouses, her husband, his siblings and their spouses, and her son.  My sister is also the one my mom is leaning on in her recovery.

I'm so grateful Andrew was able to have a day off and spend it with me.  While I've been emotional at times, I also know that my dad is with us every day, and I'm so grateful how much I was able to feel him today.  I know he is proud of us and is looking down and smiling on us.

Why I've been quiet

I've been staying away from the blog a lot.  There is so much going on, and while things are okay, it's definitely been emotional.  Grandma was in the hospital last week, but I'm happy to report that she was released early this week.  Thanks to my aunt and her actions (or lack thereof) that added to family drama.  Mom had surgery to remove her kidney mass this week.  I'm happy to report that the surgeon reported that all went according to plan.  Her first evening was really rough, but even just 36 hours after surgery she was doing better.  I know it is going to take some time for her to really be back on her feet again.

My kids though, have been the biggest source of emotions.  Their stories are their stories and not mine to share.  There are a lot of changes on the horizon, and some of the changes are good, some of them aren't, and all of it just ramps up my emotions.

It's hard when our home doesn't feel like a peaceful oasis of relaxation.  To that end, I'm so, so grateful that I enjoy my job.  I don't love early mornings, but I do really like my job.  I'm grateful for the distraction it provides when times are tougher.

I know things will work out, and I know that eventually a feeling of peace will be found again!

It took my breath away

My grandmother is in the hospital.  She is not critically ill, and I'm grateful.  She has a serious infection and needs IV antibiotics.  She isn't in any pain and she doesn't feel awful.  These are all good things.  At the same time, she is 92, and that is simply reality.

I made a trip to the hospital to see her this afternoon.  I needed to stop by her assisted living facility and pick up her glasses.  I decided to take the back roads to the hospital from there, and in doing so, I drove past the house she and my grandfather lived in for the first 29 years of my life.  Oh goodness, driving down that road literally took my breath away.  I was so blessed to have grown up with both sets of grandparents living within a five-minute drive of my home, so many, many trips were made down that road.  It all just felt so surreal.

I don't think this is the end for Grandma, but I do know that she is weakening.  Reality is that she may not be able to return to assisted living...we really don't know what the future holds.  I told her I loved her as I was leaving and she became emotional.  Oh goodness, it's been quite an afternoon.

This has been a rough day

Today was one of those Wednesdays where I knew I would be working all day.  The Head of School was out which also meant I would be doing a VERY wet carline.  My co-worker and I sat down shortly after carline to begin a meeting about some HR issues, when suddenly there was a knock at the door, and my heart sank as my teary-eyed, 20-year-old son walked in.  I asked what he was doing there, and he informed me he had just been fired.  Oh my goodness, my heart absolutely broke for my sweet son.  He really, really liked his job, but the manager had left about a month ago, and Thomas hadn't really gelled with the guy who was the supervisor.  The manager had really gone to bat for Thomas on several occasions, but that was no longer a level of protection Thomas had without the store manager.  Did Thomas make mistakes?  Of course he did.  He's 19/20 while working there, and is not only new to the industry, but is working his first full time job.  His dismissal "cause" was given that he didn't complete his tasks.  For example, there was a time when hoses were frozen and he couldn't do what he had been asked to do.  He let the supervisor know verbally, but of course, there is no documentation/paper trail.  If my child perfect, was he a perfect worker?  Of course not.  But he always showed up to each shift 20 minutes early, never called off, and seemed to have a good rapport with his co-workers and customers.

My co-workers were wonderful and gave me as much time as I needed with Thomas.  It was such a blessing that the timing of this happened to coincide with Andrew having a plan period, so I was able to call him and put him on speaker phone.  We both told Thomas how proud we are of him for getting a job right after his classes finished and for how hard he worked.  My heart broke for my son, but I was so grateful that we have the relationship we do and that he knew he could go to his mom at a time like that.  I also pointed out to him how proud I am that he didn't go into debt with big dollar signs.  He has lost this job and it stinks, but he's not on the hook for a car payment or anything major.

Later in the day, Thomas received a phone call about the car he purchased the day his job started.  Andrew had gone with him to handle everything, but a month ago it had started making a strange noise.  We had it towed to a dealership because it is still under warranty.  Sure enough though, they are trying to claim neglect on the part of Thomas, which is crazy because he had the vehicle only 60 days before it stopped running right.  He is upset because they are telling him might be on the hook for a MAJOR repair, and he just lost his job.  We've assured him we are here to help, and that is what parents are for.  He didn't just buy a vehicle willy nilly and show up and surprise us.  He researched what he wanted, found a decent deal, and involved us in each step of the way.  Basically, his day has just completely sucked.  Did I mention his fish died also?

As I drove home from work to spend the evening with my kiddo, I really wanted to cry.  Andrew voiced it best when he called (he's working a basketball game this evening), we are so tired of seeing our kids struggle.  They struggled with classes and they've struggled to make friends.  There are times they have struggled with dating choices.  Maybe all parents feel this way, but it sure doesn't feel like it.  My co-worker told me we were so awesome as parents for guiding, and that our kids know they can come to us.  Honestly, it doesn't feel that way at all.  There are so many times it feels they just get dumped on, and I feel like an absolutely lousy parent.  I feel like I haven't helped them figure out how to be successful, and just when I think we are on the right road, a roadblock happens.  I know not every day is going to be rosy for my kids, and I know it isn't my job to fix everything for them.  I just love them so incredibly much and I want them to feel their lives are as blessed as mine has been.  As my mother says, tomorrow this will feel better, and I 100% believe it when I tell Thomas this will all work out.

A day that is really just for me

It is still frigidly cold here.  Some schools were closed, and almost all the others were on a delay.  Not where I work though!  We were all reporting at the regular time, and the windchills were negative as we unloaded kids from cars.  Weeks ago, I had scheduled a sub to be on standby for today.  She is awesome, and wants to work as many hours as she can during this month before her classes begin.  As it turned out, she wasn't needed in any classrooms, so I took the opportunity to have her in the office and I took the day at home.  It helps with the car situation as well, because Thomas's car hasn't worked in a month, and yesterday my vehicle developed a VERY flat tire.  I was able to get home before Thomas needed to leave for work.  The Civic is also having some battery issues, but we need it to keep plugging along until we have other vehicles working again.

I've picked up a couple of things, and I've read the newspaper, and I'm probably going to take a nap.  I appreciate being alone with my feelings and thoughts today, and I'm trying so very hard to feel at peace.  I read an article though, about a man who delivered motherless pups to an animal shelter.  He'd been feeding the mother when he could and found her dead along the side of the road after being hit by a car.  He knew there had been puppies, so he searched and found them, and left a note asking that he not be judged for leaving them, but because he was homeless he couldn't care for them.  Oh my goodness, I cried.  It makes one wonder how a man with such a heart could be in such a situation...how could God allow that?  While it's beautiful, it's a story that tests my faith, as have so many things these days.  Again, I've been hoping and praying for peace in my heart, and hopefully it begins with today, and a day for me to just be.

Really been looking forward to this!

I have been looking forward to today, and this weekend, for quite some time.  Don't get me wrong, the 2+ weeks we had off at Christmas was very nice.  But, it was also very busy and scheduled and just overall a bit chaotic.  Today, neither Andrew nor myself have anywhere that we have to be.  AND, we get an extra day to our weekend.  It's bitterly cold here, and going to be through most of the next week.  A day at home, with no schedule, and LOTS of good football all weekend is exactly what I need.

Yesterday was a rough day, which makes this weekend all the better.  The weather was miserable, with cold winds and hard rain all day.  In many ways, the weather was a perfect metaphor for our day, as we were all attending the visitation and/or funeral of the mother of our student.  Andrea was an incredible woman.  We'd had many conversations with her, even in the just short two years her family had been a part of our school.  After I came home last evening, I gave Andrew a huge hug.  I'm so grateful we get to go through this life together.

I hope everyone has a wonderfully safe and blessed weekend!

The last day of 2023

Here we are at the last day of the year.  It's been a dramatic week, although everyone is alright.  I keep telling myself, everyone is all right.   There have been some poor choices, and there has been some drama not at all brought on by the kids.  Additionally, there is a young man the same age as Catherine who is in failing health, and my prayers go to his family.  I know his sister well, and I just can't imagine.  And it makes me feel guilty about the sadness and anxiety I am feeling about my own healthy children.  My mom also continues to have health problems, and the dynamics of dealing with the family are challenging.  It was also challenging to have my mother-in-law here the entire time, although I do adore her.  The hard part was her having an opinion on all of the drama around her.  I am hoping that some medications will help me to get my head together and feel better as we head into the new year.

We are heading to our friends' house for the evening.  Catherine is joining us, I'm not sure what Thomas's plans are.  Knowing he will be out driving at Midnight definitely adds to my anxiety at the moment.  I've been doing a lovely puzzle to help distract and to calm me.  I am very grateful there are still two more days until back to work!

MIA from the blog

As you might guess from the silence of November, it was a bit crazy around here.  November definitely had ups, and I can't wait to write about them.  There were also some really rough downs, and many of those I won't be sharing.  The month was busy, it was hard, it was emotional, it was fabulous, and, yeah, it was all of that.

My wonderful mother-in-law was here until yesterday.  She kept telling us she so enjoyed being here, but I can't imagine how she enjoys all of the chaos.  She says it's just so quiet at her place, and there are days that just sounds divine.  Andrew took his mom back yesterday and is going to the Steelers game today, so he won't be back until tomorrow.  Thomas is off today but just left to spend the day with his girlfriend, and while Catherine is staying here this week because of her classes/externship, she is working a twelve-hour shift today.  I have the next six plus hours to enjoy some of the quiet, and I plan to do exactly that!  And I'll be back here (hopefully sooner rather than later) to write about some of the fun happenings!