The shutdown started six years ago

Six years ago today is a day I'll never forget.  I spent the day with high school seniors, and even had my own sweet girls in class.  We knew the governor was holding a press conference in the afternoon, and we all strongly suspected that the schools were going to be shut down.  I remember some of the seniors were worried about graduation, and I vividly remember assuring them that this wouldn't impact graduation as it was over two whole months away.  Oh boy, was I ever wrong!

When the announcement was made that evening (also a Thursday), it included the caveat that schools could remain open for the next day and the following Monday in order to get things arranged.  Our school originally planned to be open the next day, but the county health department shut us down because they were already concerned an exposure had occurred.  I remember sitting on the couch that evening, just mindlessly playing games and scrolling on my computer because all of a sudden I literally had just about nothing to do.  There would be no church, no work, no baseball for Andrew...almost nothing to occupy my time.  The beginning is so very vivid.

And there were some really hard times, and I know I'll never completely understand how things impacted my kids, and honestly, most of their generation.  I know the pandemic hastened the decline of my father-in-law, and I regret that family gatherings had to end and were never revived.  At the same time, I loved the amount of time the four of us had together.  Those few months held some fear, but they also held a lot of love and togetherness, and I'll cherish those memories.

Here we are six years later.  So much has changed for our family in the last six years, but I am so grateful for so many of the changes.  I love my job.  My kids are in healthy and loving relationships and living on their own.  I am grateful for the life Andrew and I are living. And this weekend we get to hang out with our good friends.  We are so incredibly blessed!

Five years ago today the schools were closed

Five years ago today was a day I will remember forever.  I was subbing in a math room where the students were almost exclusively seniors.  My own daughter was among them.  We had lots of conversations about the coronavirus, and we suspected the governor was going to announce that schools would be closed.  I remember reassuring those students that of course there would be a graduation as it was still two months away.  I could not have been more wrong.

I remember sitting at home that evening just feeling a little lost...I suddenly was without a job, and of course it just felt so surreal.  While schools were given a couple of days to work things out, we had to close immediately due to a suspected case.  And it was the beginning of so many changes in life.  While it was so hard, I also remember how much fun we had together as a family.  We played games and hung out and were just always together.  While I remember the fear, I never forget to be grateful for the time we had together.

I doesn't feel at all like it has been five year.  FIVE YEARS??  My goodness.  In some ways it feels like just a year or two ago, and of course in another way it feels like a different life.  And in some ways it was.

Four years ago the school shut down

Four years ago today was the last day of school for the year.  I guess, technically, it was the last day of in-person school for that year.  I remember just sitting on the couch that evening, because, suddenly, none of us really had anything to do.

I was talking to a co-worker the other day, and while we both agree we'd never want to go through it again, and things were really scary at times, we also have really good memories from the family times we had.  It was a blessing to be able to go through it with my kiddos and my husband.  I have memories of card games and board games, movie nights and family walks.  I'll never be sad we had all that time together.

It's hard to believe it has been four years.  Time sure does move along quickly.

It's been three years since things shut down

Three years ago today the governor ordered all schools to close, and that was our last day for the year.  I think, three years later, we are finally feeling the "end" of the crisis.  While it was scary, I still remember how simple life seemed then without other things to worry about, and I loved all of the time we spent together as a family.

We lost an hour of sleep this weekend.  That is never fun.  It's always nice to have that extra hour of daylight though.

Things have continued to be a little crazy, but it is getting better.  My grandmother was in the emergency room again on Friday, and work was stable enough that I was actually able to leave and go be with her.  My poor sister.  She is really taking the brunt of caring for her, and Grandma is being challenging and not following directions.  I can't imagine all she has to deal with.

One more week and then I have spring break.  Let's get 'er done!

Two years later

Two years ago today our governor announced that schools were shutting down.  Obviously, it is a day I vividly remember.  I know now that none of us truly understood what was happening.  To say that day was life changing is an understatement.

I remember how scary it was, especially in the beginning.  I remember being unnerved just going to the grocery, and hoping and praying that we didn't contract anything while there.  I remember being riveted by the daily press conferences at 2:00 each and every day.  I had no idea when I walked out of school two years ago today that I would not get to walk back in as a substitute, not only that year, but for many years at least, and maybe ever.  To be honest, that is truly my biggest regret about the pandemic.

While I remember the fears and the difficulties, oh goodness, I remember the wonderful family times we had as well.  So much togetherness, and it was lovely.  I remember family walks with so much laughter, family drives with so much laughter, movies and games, all with so much laughter.  Those are the memories I hold so dear to my heart.  I am so very, very grateful for the time we were given together as a family.  In so many ways, our days were just so simple.

It's been life changing certainly, and I'm very grateful that our family has not necessarily been personally touched by so much tragedy that has occurred during this pandemic.  I'm also appreciative of the fact that while we are not out of the woods, numbers are low and I feel safe being out again.  It's just hard to believe it has all been two years!

Double shots

I am happy to report that as of today, both of the kids have received both of their COVID vaccination shots.  Thomas has had no reactions.  Catherine just received her second shot today, and I know she was fine as of this afternoon.  I suspect she won't have any serious reactions either.  I know that we have two weeks until they are considered fully vaccinated, but I'm definitely grateful they are on that path!

We really had no idea

As many do, I vividly remember one year ago today.  I was subbing for a math teacher that taught almost exclusively seniors.  We all knew the probability that the governor's 2:00 press conference was going to change our lives dramatically in an unprecedented manner was high.  They were worried about graduation and prom.  I assured them things would be fine, especially for graduation.  After all that was more than two months away!  We truly had no idea and did not understand what was really happening.  I remember being so incredibly impressed how well the students were handling the situation, and how they seemed to grasp that it was serious, even though we really didn't understand how serious it was.  We sat in Andrew's room after school and watched the press conference until we had to leave, and then listened to it in the car.  Such very vivid memories.

Like so many others, so many things changed that day.  It was stressful dealing with so much unknown, but I was so, so grateful that I had my amazing family to go through each day with me.  I loved how much togetherness we had, and while those early days were so scary, I appreciate the memories of our time together.  

It seems so incredibly unreal that it has been a year ago.  Three hundred and sixty five days ago we walked out of the high school.  Two days ago, I walked back in for the first time.  It was so wonderful, but yet made me a little sad.  Although I truly enjoy my new job, I still miss the people at school so much.  I miss getting to share part of my day with either Andrew or Thomas.  It felt like home, but still felt so strange.  It just doesn't seem possible that an entire year has gone by!

The end of February

Our family is in the middle of another long weekend.  Because our school employees (including Andrew and myself) received our second vaccination on Thursday, the schools were remote both that day and yesterday.  Andrew and I are very, very grateful that we had absolutely no side effects at all.  I was a little tired on Thursday, but I think that was just the last week catching up with me.  We are so, so grateful.  We know of many who have suffered with this second shot.

We have had the opportunity to speak with our friend, and she is doing better as each day passes.  We will be heading there next weekend for the services.  It is all just so incredibly unreal.  They are keeping things very small, and we are grateful to be included.  We've been taking turns checking in with her in the evening.

I just can't say I love this time of year.  So much sadness has happened in the last ten days of February over the years.  I am grateful though, that today is such a beautiful day outside!  March, and spring, are right around the corner.  With vaccinations rolling out, things might even be getting a little more normal this summer and next fall.  I am grateful to feel hopeful about that!

We've been doing this for eleven months

Eleven months ago today was our first day we were home because the state was closing schools.  We've been living in this pandemic for eleven months.  It seems so hard to believe.  I'm grateful that we've been able to have some levels of normalcy.  I'm grateful that we have our dear friends who have been part of our social circle since so early on.  I miss our other friends and family we aren't able to see.  I miss being able to go to a high school basketball game, and I miss that my kids have missed out on some fun high school activities.  At the same time, I am grateful for the more laid back schedule and more family time.

I do feel that we are closer to the end then the beginning, but I never really imagined it would last this long.  In the beginning I didn't really understand what was happening.  I sure do now!

We got shot

Andrew and I both received our first round of COVID vaccinations today.  It is nice to have this process started.  We will receive the second shots exactly three weeks from today.  Both the public schools and our schools closed for the day since it was a 45 minute drive to get the shot.  It was very nice to see some of Andrew's colleagues whom I miss very much.  My arm is very, very sore, and I'm pretty tired (although that could be related to last night...a different post).  Other than that, things are fine!

I've never before been so glad the Steelers made the playoffs!

Our family was all dressed appropriately and ready to go last Sunday evening as the Steelers played in the first round of the playoffs.  We were all a little sad that we were playing the Browns, because normally we would want to root for them.  Our rooting clearly didn't do the Steelers any good though, and we will be rooting for the Browns for the rest of their run.

I am sooo glad the Steelers made the playoffs though, and played in that 8ish game Sunday evening, because that mean Andrew didn't go to baseball workout.  Since he didn't go to baseball workout, it meant he wasn't around another coach who woke up feeling poorly the next day and then was diagnosed with COVID.  Because he wasn't exposed, he doesn't have to quarantine, and neither do Thomas and I.  We are unclear if Thomas would be allowed to go to school, but my job has a very strict policy and I would not be allowed at work.  So very thankful that the Steelers made the playoffs!

Woke up to very sad news

I woke up to very sad news this morning.  There was a text from my mom that the woman I wrote about passed away this morning.  The news earlier this week had been positive, and I really, really thought she was going to beat this.  I knew it could take months, but I really thought she was going to be one of those that came through it.  I knew before I went to bed last night that things had taken a turn, but still I wasn't prepared for the text that came this morning.  My heart is broken for her family.  I can't help but think of her mother.  She is one of the most positive and upbeat people I've ever known, and I can't imagine how she is feeling.  It is such a sad, sad day.

Nine months into this

Nine months ago we were beginning the stay-at-home of the Pandemic.  I never, in a million years, thought at that point that we would be where we are now.  I know it is stressful for pretty much everyone, but I also know teachers and students are very stressed.  I worry about them, especially my teen.  The teachers have mentioned that they feel some of their students are sad.  I suspect they are a little bit.  I know my grandmother seemed sad.  I worry about her and all of her alone time.  I'm so very grateful I've been able to share this time with my sweet little family.  At the same time, I am so looking forward to an even better 2021! 

The day before Thanksgiving

I had to drop a wreath off at my grandmother's house today.  She had ordered one from our band fundraiser and I wanted to make sure that she got it.  I became emotional even before we got there, and it was so hard to be so close and not really be able to visit.  I put it on the porch, rang the doorbell, and then stepped back so she could step outside.  It could tell she was fighting tears as well.  It was raining, so we couldn't even really visit outside.  Praying this all ends so soon, and that she is around when it does.  She turns 90 two weeks after Christmas, and we all know nothing is guaranteed.

Whatever brings joy

Yesterday Thomas and I made a trip to my hometown to continue to help my mother.  One of the local stations is playing continuous Christmas music.  Thomas groaned, and said, "It's too early!"  I get it.  I myself am a stickler for the holiday decorating calendar. 

As I've driven to work, there are a few people who already have their Christmas lights up and on.  It's a little hard to feel "Chrismasy" with our current record setting temps, but the lights are on.

And I am NOT about to judge.  If Christmas makes people feel better, BRING IT.  I'll be honest, hearing Christmas tunes fills me with hope and joy.   I'm working very hard at not feeling overwhelmed by the holidays this year.  First of all, gatherings will be small (at best) and many are simply not happening.  I also know that while I get the two weeks off, I don't get a few days before the break and a few days after.  No extra time for me.  And of course there is the fact that Catherine doesn't actually live with us, and I'm not sure how much time she'll choose to spend with us.  Just so many changes this year.

So yes, people.  Christmas lights bring joy?  Shine them brightly!  Christmas music brings joy?  Play it loudly!  May we all find the joy!

Being especially mindful about Christmas

I hate change.  However,  it happens.  There is nothing I can do about it.  I feel like this year, the holidays kind of throw it in my face.  I can't control how things go.

We had planned on spending Thanksgiving at my in-laws because we knew there was no way my father-in-law could come here.  It's the fair thing to do.  The last time we didn't spend it with my family was 2012.  Yes, we always saw his family as well during all of these years, but often it was a quick trip over before, and then we would leave early on Thanksgiving morning to be here.  I hated the thought of missing the big family meal at my aunt & uncle's house, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen.  This will almost certainly be the last Thanksgiving for my father-in-law.  Of course, it is also the first Thanksgiving without G.G. as well.

And the first Christmas without her, although last year she was not well at all.  Her decline in the four weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas was a little astonishing.  My paternal grandmother has already announced that there will be no Christmas celebration with all of us.  She says that it is mostly because of the pandemic, although she isn't up to hosting anyway.  I would be happy to do so, but there is also a cousin-in-law having major surgery at the beginning of December, so it just isn't going to happen this year.   I understand, but my grandmother is also 89, turning 90 early in January.  Next isn't guaranteed for any of us, and certainly not for her.  I can't accept that there is no Christmas with her.  We are seeing what we can work out.

I'm definitely being mindful about what we purchase.  Is it truly a thoughtful gift?  Does it have meaning, or is it just a gift for the sake of having a gift?  Whenever possible, I am choosing to support small, local businesses. 

I hope this Christmas is full of as many fabulous memories as we can make.  Memories are so important to me.  I don't get to control how much time Catherine spends with us, or how Robert feels about us.  All I can do is remember the real reason of the season, and make it as merry as possible for everyone.

Kidney stones

 

None of us are physically feeling kidney stones, but this pretty much sums up how we are feeling right about now.  I originally found this back at the end of February right after my grandmother passed away.  In addition to that, we were dealing with some fairly significant family drama, as well as some other issues.  I remember at one point my ultra laid-back husband, who never lets anything get to him, looked at me and said, "I just can't deal with one more thing.  I just can't."  It was a bad sign.

Two weeks to the day after my husband's declaration, school shut down.  We got through it.  We got through the stress of the stay-at-home orders and the crazy fourth quarter of school.  We got through the lack of Prom and in-person graduation.

We got through Catherine's seizures (still on-going, but more like intense twitching at this point, and only at night).  We got through throwing her a graduation party while the virus was exploding again.  We got through transitioning her to her new life at college.  We got through the fact that summer swim didn't really happen, and Catherine lost her last opportunity to participate.

We got through Thomas's car accident (although there are still some unsettled issues).  We are getting through helping my mother move, as well as the drama that has ensued in the family due to my grandmother's passing.  I've also watched my mother try to be a mother-figure to my cousin who struggles in so, so many ways.  There isn't much I can do, so I just listen.

We've been getting through the adjustment of me working full-time with a 30+ minute commute.  We've been getting through the adjustment of Andrew and Thomas doing their school from home.  This part especially has been tough, but we are getting through it.

This week though, well this week is so much like that week in February.  Our sweet pup is not healing as we had hoped.  That most likely will mean surgery, and we hate to see her suffer in the meantime.  Andrew's dad has been released from the hospital, but it doesn't mean all is well.  He is at home, but requires complete nursing care.  Although the insurance has approved it, finding an available nurse is another story.  And honestly, the best case scenario at this point is still only months.  That is such a hard reality to accept.

When the schools announced they would open again in a few weeks, we all began to mentally prepare to switch gears.  However, we have since learned that it isn't going to be pretty.  The teachers are expected to continue doing everything they have been doing up to this point for the students that wish to remain virtual, AND teach their full slate of in-person classes each day as well, while making sure those in-person students are safe and following the protocols.  As you can imagine, the teachers are devastated and overwhelmed by this news.  The advice from the administration was that instead of planning for in-person teaching, just plan for the remote students and the kids will just logon in school instead of at home.  As a parent, this is not what we want for our child, and I can certainly tell you this is not what the kids want.  And it is not what the teachers want for their students either.  The point of face-to-face is teaching and interacting.  I've also been struggling with the schools opening and not being there, but my feelings about my job will be another post.

I am grateful that we still have our jobs.  I am grateful that we do not have to worry about paying our bills.  I am grateful that we have our health.  I am grateful for my faith, and my faith helps me to know we will get through all of this too.  It will pass.  Some of this though, is passing like a kidney stone.

It brought a tear to my eye

 I need to be honest, it's been a bit of a tough week.  The daughters of our best friends have been diagnosed with COVID.  We haven't hung out with them, but since he (husband/dad) is my boss at school, you can see the problem there.  The high school cases have begun to explode, and because of that the high school will be closed next week.  I am going to be reporting to the middle school next week instead.  It is all one campus, so it doesn't really change anything.

I was able to video chat with Thomas and Andrew tonight.  Thomas was struggling with a finance class assignment.  This has been a tough week for him.  He's been dealing with the emotions of things happening there while still trying to maintain school.   It hasn't been spectacular.  While we were on the video, our sweet pup came into the room.  They put the camera where I could see her, and when she cocked her head when I called her name, I began to cry.  I miss them all so much.  I am not at all unhappy that they have been there for my mother-in-law.  This is exactly where they need to be.  But I sure do miss them.

There are several other minor things that are happening in various aspects of life.  Those things will all work out, I know this.  I just get tired of everything becoming a hassle.  That's just the way 2020 seems to be!

Six months since school

Our school here last held an in-person class six months ago today.  SIX MONTHS.  I remember that day so vividly.  We all pretty much realized that governor was going to shut it down.  I remember assuring the seniors I had that day that there would certainly be graduation.  After all, it was over two months later!  Oh goodness, we just didn't understand.

We are all now living in a new normal.  I don't terribly mind the masks, but as someone who already has difficulty regulating body temperature, the mask doesn't help that at all!  I regret that there are still so many things we can't do.  Tonight is supposed to be the high school homecoming dance.  That obviously isn't happening.  So, Thomas doesn't get a junior homecoming experience.  Last night was senior night for Catherine's best friend.  We surprised her with a sign and candy on Thursday evening, because obviously we weren't allowed to be at the game last night.  At least she did get a senior night though.

I feel safe where I am at work, but the thought of our school beginning here terrifies me.  The college students in this town are idiots, and the virus is spreading like you wouldn't believe.  However, some (very vocal) community members are pressuring the district to re-open.  I don't deny the current model is less than ideal, but at least I know my family members are safe.

This is part of what has ramped up my anxiety lately.  As I wrote in my other post today, just trying to lift all of my burdens up in prayer!

It was so different

I got my nap in.  Yay!!!  I needed it after a full week of work dealing with teenagers.

This evening was the first football game of the season.  Thankfully, it rained this afternoon but everything dried up before the game.  Catherine had to show our tickets to even be allowed to drive into the parking lot.  We then were only allowed to sit in certain spots.  I was watching the kids play football, and cheer, and play their instruments, and honestly, my heart broke a little.  It broke for me personally, because I miss these students soooo much.  I will always, always be grateful to our friend who has given me this income opportunity, but it doesn't mean I'm not sad that I can't be working here.  My heart broke for the seniors who are missing so many things this year.  Yes, they are able to do their activities tonight, but they aren't in classes with their friends and there won't be homecoming or so many other things.  There aren't big crowds at their games to cheer them on.  Senior night was tonight instead of the end of the season, because we all know next week isn't guaranteed.  I couldn't help but think how grateful I was to be allowed to attend because I am a participant's parent, but it still stinks.  I was sad that I don't get to be involved with the band.  I miss getting to know the kids.

I know at the end of the day, life is okay.  We are blessed.  I am lucky in so many ways.  But life was also pretty darn good before, and I pray that we can all find a way to get rid of this darn virus.