The smallest shoe graduated

I have a picture I took 16 years ago (coming up in early June).  It is a picture of ten pairs of shoes on our porch.  One pair belonged to Andrew, three pairs belonged to my kids, and the other six pair of shoes belonged to kids of good friends, and they were all at my house for the entire day as they were in need of a babysitter.  I remember it was a pretty crazy day, and I specifically remember realizing in amazement that lunch was going to have to be in shifts as we didn't have the capability to feed everyone at the same time.  I remember being a bit relieved when the day was over, but it is also a fabulous memory.

This weekend, the smallest pair of shoes graduated.  She is the last of our close group of friends, and we've been friends long enough that I remember when she was born.  She is a beautiful young lady with a fabulous sense of humor, and I adore her tremendously.  We sat and visited with her brother Saturday evening (who was the owner of a pair of shoes as well) as well as brother's girlfriend whom we had met before.  The daughters of other friends were there as well.  I was so grateful that I had seen these kiddos grow up, I was so grateful that I was still a part of their lives, and I'm so, so grateful for these friends that have become family.

Done celebrating

Yesterday was the final graduation party in this house.  Because I had all week off, and June had been insanely busy, it was the week that we cleaned EVERYTHING.  In addition to mopping floors, some furniture was moved to mop and vacuum under, woodwork was washed, windows were washed, siding was washed, the flower beds were all re-mulched, the tents were put up, chairs and coolers were borrowed, and we were ready for guests!  We were also beyond exhausted.  There had been drama with the kids during the week, there had been some late work shifts for one (and early work shifts for the other) and we were all just really, really tired.  At Catherine's party, the crowd was on the smaller side due to COVID, and everyone was outside so I didn't feel like I needed to go in and out.  Yesterday, some of the friends and family never went outside, and some never really went inside.  I felt like I didn't really get to visit with anyone.  I didn't sleep overly well last night, and today I feel as though I could've slept away the day.  We aren't as young as we used to be!  Overall though, Thomas enjoyed himself, and that is the important fact.

Back to work tomorrow.  I'm kind of looking forward to getting back into a routine, but I also plan to enjoy as much of summer as I can!

A bucket-filling kind of weekend

This weekend is going to go down as one of my all-time favorites.  It was definitely a "bucket-filling" kind of weekend.  The weather has also been absolutely gorgeous, and it just made an amazing weekend even better.

Friday I was thrilled to be finished with working at school at 1 in the afternoon.  I spent a couple of hours at church, then Andrew and I drove to a restaurant where we could sit outside and enjoy the lake view.  Honestly, it was an absolutely delightful afternoon and evening.  It was the best way to start our weekend!

Yesterday Catherine arrived here just in time for us to head north.  We first visited my grandmother (after making a quick stop to see a former neighbor).  Grandma was doing the best I'd seen her in quite some time.  We then went to the graduation party for my cousin's son.  My aunt, the wife of my mom's brother, was there for a brief time.  I'll write my feelings about that another time.  My mom and sister, and a few other family members were there.  Thomas was working, but it was nice to spend the time with the family we could. We brought Catherine home, then went to yet another party.  It was for the daughter of a friend, and I absolutely adore this young lady.  She has been through so very much, and I am so very proud all she has overcome.  We were able to visit with our good friends here in town whom we haven't seen in entirely too long.  We were thrilled to spend hours at this party visiting with everyone!

This morning, the four of us went to church.  It was so very nice to have all of us in church together, which hadn't happened since August.  We then drove to visit my best-friend from high school.   Her daughter graduated and today was her party.  Steph and I have not only been friends for over thirty years, but we lived together after we graduated from college and before we were married.  Her parents moved away nearly twenty years ago.  It was so wonderful to see them again, as well as her siblings and their families.  Her nieces and nephews are all grown up, and I loved seeing them as well.  So many of our other friends were there as well, and some of them we hadn't seen in over two years thanks to COVID.  It was such a fabulous time visiting with everyone.  And of course, there was fabulous weather through all of this!

I've had a crazy couple of weeks, and this coming week is also a little crazy, but at the end of this week will be our vacation.  This weekend gave me exactly what I needed to get through it and ready to hit the road!

Reflections on so many emotions of the past week.

This has been quite a week, in absolutely all manners of life.  I would be remiss if I didn't not mention the events earlier this week in Texas.  It is sickening beyond words, and honestly, it seems as though each piece of information that comes out makes it worse.  Those babies should be home with their parents this weekend enjoying the beginning of summer.  Truly no words.

My baby graduated this week, as we all know, and I've written about it.  My baby chose to wear his pappy's watch and a fisherman belt buckle because, as he said, "I know they would both want to be here."  That really pulls at the heartstrings!  I couldn't help but think of all the family members we'd lost since Robert graduated just four years ago, and honestly, there are just too many.

This weekend has been full of graduation parties.  Last evening we attended a party in my hometown.  Heather and I were friends in high school, and our sons met and often competed against each other in swim.  Today we had three parties to attend.  One was a neighbor, one was one of the first families we met at church, and one was for Thomas's best friend in our former town.  Andrew stopped by that one on his way out of town to take his mom home, and I made it over later after attending others.  I loved seeing Thomas be able to hang out with those friends.

Today, my photo memories kind of hit me in the gut.  A year ago today, we were out to dinner with our best friends in honor of Belle's graduation.  Our two kids and their four kids were sitting in a row and I snapped a picture because having them all together is such a rarity.  There has been some serious drama this year, and I sometimes wonder if we'll ever be able to have the kids all together again.  As I was going through the slide show I've been working on for Thomas, there are so many pictures of the kids together, and broke my heart a little bit.  There was also the photos from five years ago when my mom's family gathered together for a cemetery tour and to eat together.  I miss family gatherings and traditions so much.  I yearn for big family gatherings, but I know that I need to be happy with the family I do get to be surrounded by.  The other set of photos that popped up today were ones that were taken eleven years ago today.  We were at my dad's cottage, and Thomas had caught his first fish.  It was the last time we were able to make memories there together.  Lots of hits to the emotions.

It's also hard because with Andrew's mom here, he and I have virtually no time as just the two of us.  I'm so grateful we were able to get his mom here for graduation and I know she enjoyed being here, but it's a huge adjustment at the time.  Tonight would be a fabulous evening for Andrew and I to share a glass of wine out doors as the weather is absolutely amazing.

I have so many more thoughts and emotions running through me right now, as I'm pretty sure that is the stage of life we are in!  I hope since summer has arrived, I'm able to get on here and share more things that have been happening.  It's not as funny or exciting as when the kids were little, but it's all still important to me!

Final graduation

Tonight was the final graduation in our house.  We are very proud and very pleased.  It was truly a lovely ceremony, although I was a little surprised how not emotional I felt.  In fact, I was most emotional about the young lady Mary who attends our church.  She is a cancer survivor and has been though so many medical crises in her young life.  It took her longer to walk up the ramp and get across the stage than anyone else.  It brought tears to my eyes, and I can only imagine the emotions of her parents.

After graduation Thomas brought his girlfriend back and we watched as he opened a few cards.  I know that it truly has not sunk in that my children are all grown!

A movie moment

Today is graduation day.  It's also Andrew's last day with students, it's Catherine's foot appointment day (long story), and apparently it is also a day of Holy Obligation (grrr) so Catherine will be taking my mother-in-law to church around Noon.  It's not like we are sitting around counting down the hours until Thomas graduates.  We've got things to do.  Unfortunately, we've had soaking rains all morning, so everything we do will have to be done inside.

This morning though, will have a moment I'll always remember, and it could've been right out of a movie.  Thomas has graduation rehearsal this morning, so I went to wake him up and make sure that he is moving.  As I was waking him up and wishing him "Happy Graduation Day!" I heard the song on the radio.  The song is about our life with Thomas, and I was so struck in that moment about how lucky I've been to be his mother.  We are so incredibly blessed.  It was just like it was a moment in a movie with the perfect soundtrack.  I'm so grateful for this life we've all had together.

He suddenly realized it's coming quickly

On Saturday, we were discussing with Thomas our schedule of things for the upcoming months.  He was relaying information to his girlfriend via text as some things will include her.  He asked about the date for graduation, and when I told him, he suddenly looked at me and said, "that's two months from today."  His eyes were wide and he was a little breathless.  It suddenly hit him that graduation is really going to happen and it's coming quickly.  I know this is all going to fly by and I'm not sure I'm ready for it either, but indeed it is coming!

It turned out to be a truly lovely afternoon

I am so incredibly grateful for how yesterday turned out.  Catherine loved the afternoon, and we are so very grateful.  Overall, we had about 45 people here, and most of them stayed the bulk of the time.  In fact, our close group of friends stayed until past 9:00, and our dear friends stayed until after Midnight.  Catherine loved getting to spend the day with one of her best friends, and I just can't put into words how special the afternoon was.  Our backyard is large and everyone commented on how well suited it was to an afternoon outdoors.  We had horseshoes and ping pong (moved out from the garage).  When we were alerted to impending rain, everyone jumped into action to help us get things brought in...even the little kids.  It was truly an absolutely delightful afternoon, and I am so grateful that we were able to make that happen for Catherine!

Ugh. Just ugh.

The word today is that our county is still moving in the wrong direction.  We are very close to being at Level 4, which would basically be very similar to a stay-at-home order, although businesses would not shut down right away.  It is so discouraging.

We've also learned that it seems, at best, 30 people will be here this weekend.  I feel so awful for Catherine.  Things have gone downhill so very quickly in the last ten days.  We really tried to make the best decision for her that we could.  Again, just ugh.  I'm grateful that many people are still sending cards.  The hard part, and this might be irrational, but I hate the fact that there was such a big celebration for Robert, and it feels as though she has missed so much.

On the upside, the people who are coming are pretty much our dearest friends, and we are so grateful for them.  I know that we will have a good time, and perhaps Catherine isn't really up a big crowd anyway.

We are also hearing about more and more cancellations for the fall.  I am no longer particularly optimistic that there will be college football, or pro football, or any high school fall sports or activities.  I think we will be lucky to actually have any in-person school at this point.  Andrew told me today that he is stressed about all of this.  I get it, there is so much unknown.

I try to tell myself that we are lucky because we are healthy, and Andrew is getting paid, and things are pretty good, overall.  There is just so much unpleasant news, and so much nastiness out there right now.  Some days it is hard to be upbeat!

Things are definitely heading in the wrong direction

The statistics from Ohio are simply not good today.  It's pretty discouraging.  As I told Andrew last night, in March when this all started, it felt easier to do.  We were going to do what we needed to do and then things would get better.  That's the American way.  But here we are four months later, and things are NOT better.  In fact, the numbers are actually worse.  Which means the reality is, four months hasn't been enough, and five, six, even seven months won't be enough either.  It's difficult to process that from an emotional standpoint.

I hate that Catherine's graduation party is going to be poorly attended.  She so deserves to be celebrated.  I'll be honest, it infuriates me that there was a big celebration for my oldest, and she's getting the shaft in so many ways when she deserves it so much more.  That might sound terrible of me to say, but that is the truth.  I do appreciate that some are sending a note to her even if they can't come.  I just want her to know right now how much we all think of her.  It's kind of hard to explain.

And the worst news today came from family.  I wrote in March about Andrew's cousin who was driving cross county and stopped in for a visit.  He's had some complications from the cancer, and today's information was particularly bleak.  Things are going poorly, and they are running out of options.

I'm sorry that my posts have all been kind of down lately.  It's all just becoming a little overwhelming.  I know we are blessed overall, but today definitely has some sadness!

Our graduated daughter

I am so proud of Catherine.  Of all of my kids, she has always been the best student.  Honestly, she probably had the least natural talent, but her work ethic was top notch.

As I was putting together pictures for her graduation celebration, I noticed how so many times she was standing between her brothers, usually with her arms around them.  I know sometimes she is the one in the middle because she is the "middle child", but sometimes I know it is because she is often the "bridge".  The boys are 4-1/2 years apart, and she is the one in the middle that "bridges" the boys together...not only their ages but the personalities.  She is the one who wants to quickly take action to keep the peace (as long as she isn't the one melting down in the first place).  When we had so many rough years with Robert, she would so very often come to me and ask if I needed a hug.  During those years when I might mentally be wondering if I should've even been a parent, she always managed to let me know that she thought I was a wonderful parent and that she was grateful for me.  She is truly a caregiver.  She always has wanted to take care of her little brother, even if he didn't particularly want her to do so.  Her way with animals is second-to-none.  I can't even describe it.  Catherine is one of the most caring people I have ever met in my entire life.

Of course as her mom, I worry.  I worry about how easily (terrifyingly!) she can be influenced.  Sometimes I think she is a parrot as she repeats opinions she hears from Andrew and me.  I am terribly concerned about how naive she is about almost everything (at least that is what it seems).  She has never been one that has really been good about processing the world around her, and while I know I can't protect her forever, it causes me a great deal of stress and worry about her.

Catherine's attitude about this entire end-of-year situation has been fabulous.  My cousin had asked how she was doing, and I replied that she really had handled everything really well.  I think part of that is the fact that Andrew and I have remained calm about things, and again, she tends to "parrot" our responses.  Honestly though, our job as parents is to guide our children to see that life isn't always fair, and that it is mentally healthy to accept that and move on.  It is okay to be sad and to grieve, but it won't change anything and we can't get "stuck" in what has been lost.  She has had that exact attitude, and I'm so proud of her.  It truly struck my heart the other evening that she even commented that she was glad she was able to share the experience with us right there with her rather than sitting on the floor while we were in the stands.  I'm very grateful that she is grateful for us.

There are so many more things I could say about her smile and her goofiness.  I truly can't describe the joy she brings to our lives.  She is fabulous!

The graduation ceremony

In another post, I want to tell you about my amazing graduate.  But that will be a post entirely of its own.  Right now, I just want to write about our evening and the ceremony, because I don't ever want to forget.

The beginning was a little chaotic as it started very late.  They wouldn't start the tribute videos that were supposed to be first until the Board of Education finished their meeting, but the BOE didn't realize that.  Oops!  A video was first shown as a message from the teachers, and then some candid videos of students were shown.  There were then lots of speakers, and then the slide show of the graduates.  It was so nice to be able to see the pictures, although I really, really wish I could've hugged so many of the students in person.  Overall, I really thought it was all very special.

Our friends arrived just as things were starting (which added to the chaos).  Once we all get settled though, we were so very grateful to have them with us.  They really helped to make the evening special.  Catherine even told us how much she enjoyed getting to experience all of it with us rather than sitting on the floor while the rest of us were sitting in the stands.

Afterwards, we had some dessert and Catherine opened a few cards that had arrived.  Honestly, it was truly a lot of fun, and I'm so grateful that Catherine enjoyed it as much as she did.  I know so many people worked so very hard to make sure things were special for the students, and I think they succeeded.  It was truly a special evening!

Graduation Day

Today is the day that Catherine is graduating from high school.  I have so many thoughts and emotions about this, but I want to save all of that for another day.  Today, I am just all about celebrating the happiness that this day brings.  We have ordered Chick-fil-a catering for the evening, made some home made mac & cheese, chips, and a friend is bringing veggies and fruit.  I also bought a giant cookie and Thomas will decorate it, and we will have some brownies.  We hope we can get a family picture or two as she will be wearing her cap and gown, but we'll just see how it goes.  I am so proud of my sweet girl!

A day all about our senior

Today was a day that was really all about our senior.  Part of the graduation ceremony requires that each graduate submit a photo of the student in the cap & gown.  They wanted the students to be creative and even allowed the use of "props".  We had her clarinet and senior swim sign and stood in front of the high school.  We also took pictures of her dad handing her the diploma just as we had with Robert, although this one we were able to stage a little more.  We really enjoyed taking the pictures, and we will select one to send by the weekend.  After that, we drove around town to see where senior students might live.  We can identify them by the signs put out by the Boosters last week.

This evening were the senior awards.  The guidance department basically just announced the names and Catherine was allowed to log in via a meet.  She was awarded a scholarship, and we are very excited for her.  It's a small one, but we are very proud she was able to get it.

At the end of the award ceremony, they announced that a billboard had been put up by a local realtor with the first name of each graduate.  It was literally just around the corner from us, so we went up and took some pictures.

We really had a lot of fun celebrating her today.  Even though this isn't the way it's always been and certainly not the way we imagined it, it can still be fun!

Picking up the cap and gown

Today was the day that Catherine officially turned in anything school issued and picked up her cap and gown.  They had it all set up so that you just drove the route around the school parking lot and never had to get out of the vehicle.  Andrew had mentioned to me last week that teachers were invited to come and cheer for the students as a show of support.  I think he would've gone had he been in town.  I decided to drive Catherine because we were going to leave straight from there and go to see my mom and work at my grandmother's house.  As we were driving there, I couldn't stop the tears.  I hadn't been to the school since I walked out my last day of work 8-1/2 weeks ago.  This wasn't how I had wanted our spring to go, and it wasn't how I wanted my daughter to finish her schooling.  I wanted to make sure this was all about Catherine, and yet at the same time I was so happy to see all the adults I had been so used to seeing every day.  It all just made me so emotional.  The school did a fabulous job of trying to make it special.  There was even a gift bag payed for from class fundraising.  After we picked up things at the school, we then drove to a business in town to retrieve more gifts from a community effort that was put together at the last minute.  It really truly was as special as it could possibly be.  We will be taking pictures this week of her in her gown. I think she looks absolutely amazing.

I shed a bunch of tears yesterday

I'm not going to lie.  Yesterday's announcement about schools hit me really hard.  Yes, I knew it was coming, and yes, I agree with it 100%, but the emotions about it all just became too much for me.  The reality that I am never again going to get to see so many of the students, this year's seniors, that I have come to care so deeply about over the last 3-1/2 years...that reality was etched in stone.  The reality that I am not going to get to work (or paid) for the rest of the school year was confirmed.  Those were tough to accept.

But it was NOTHING compared to the reality of what our senior students are going to miss out on.  There will be no Prom, and almost certainly no in-person graduation.  They will not get to gather as a group one last time, don caps & gowns, and hear the the audience cheer for their accomplishments and acknowledge how hard they have worked for the last twelve years.  NONE of that is going to get to happen to any of the students I love so much, and especially the one I love the most...mine.

I was grateful Catherine had to work yesterday afternoon.  Honestly, she handled the news well.  I couldn't get over the fact that I am never going to get to see my daughter put on her cap & gown.  Of all three of my kids, she is the one who has always worked the hardest and been the most successful.  Reality, she is the one who had the least natural talent for it as well, but she never let that get to her.  She would just work even harder when things got tough.  My heart breaks for what is being lost with this.

I am doing better today, but my heart is still heavy.  I know seniors everywhere, both high school and college, will have similar losses, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.  I know my sweet girl will still go on with her life and will accomplish what she is going to accomplish whether or not she gets to actually walk across that stage.  I know we are all safe and healthy, and Andrew is still employed, so we are far better off than most.  I know all of that, but I also know it is okay to be a little sad.

We celebrated Robert

Yesterday was the graduation party/Bon Voyage party for Robert.  It's why I didn't write much last week.  We were working our little rear ends off and it was crazy.  The weather was dangerously oppressive, and that didn't help either.  It really zapped our energy.

Things worked out fabulously though.  Our house was extremely clean, and we even had things pretty well set up by noon yesterday.  My aunt and uncle had spent the week smoking pork and chicken wings, and they arrived to help get that all ready.  My best friend Steph also arrived at that time to help with final details.

We were blessed with absolutely gorgeous weather for the afternoon.  Highs in the low 80's and low humidity.  It was fabulous.  Over 70 guests came to visit, and I regret that I didn't get to visit with each one more.  A couple of them who came from our former town brought tears to my eyes, and a life long friend flew in from New York to be here.  It was a wonderful afternoon!

While I was starting to wind down and be ready to begin my evening of relaxation, my friends Jen & Amanda were inside washing all of our dishes.  I was grateful beyond words!  I was able to spend the evening visiting instead of cleaning.

I don't know that there has ever been a day when I have felt as much gratitude and full of as many blessings as I did yesterday.  It really showed us who our friends were, and even one of my mom's friends mentioned I was so lucky to have friends like family.  I was grateful that Robert was able to be celebrated, and to say good bye to so many friends and family.  It was a day where my home was full, but my heart was even more full!

Robert graduated

Last night Robert walked across the stage and graduated.  I am so relieved that this day came and that everything worked out.  I am so grateful for the people that came to support Robert in this accomplishment.  My mom and sister came down, and my aunt from here in town was also there, although we didn't get to see any of them.  My in-laws were here, Robert's Godparents, my cousin and daughter, and a very dear friend drove clear across the country.  That meant more to Robert than anything else.  I was proud when the principal asked the military enlistees to stand, and I loved the fact that Andrew was able to give Robert his diploma.  I was also touched that Robert specifically chose a tie that had belonged to my dad.  I appreciated that Robert thought about Dad on his special day and wanted him to be a part of it.  I thought of many loved ones yesterday, and know they were watching down on us.

Overall I enjoyed the ceremony.  Robert's class was tame and there was absolutely nothing raucous about the event.  The principal loves the students, and they love him, and it showed last night as well.  I was so happy to cheer for so many students I've been able to meet over the last two years, and especially the Ag students.  I appreciated how happy they were to see me as well, and I was grateful I was able to see Jackson and give him a hug after the ceremony.  He is enlisting in the Marines and I can only hope he is successful in all of that.

There have been so many things happening around here lately and I hope to be able to get on here and really record them for posterity.  Regardless, I'm grateful to have a few moments to record this really big moment in life!

I think it is actually going to happen

Robert just sent me a text of the certificate he is receiving for completing the course of study at his career school.  I really can't put into words how grateful I am that he shared that picture with me.  Even knowing he had passed all of his classes last week, there was a part of me that wondered if this was all really going to happen.  It really does seem as though he is going to receive his high school diploma.  I know it sounds very dramatic, but when you live with a child who makes some of the poor choices that Robert makes, getting that diploma isn't guaranteed.  I hate that I have wished away an entire school year, but it was never lost on me that each day that passed was one day closer to getting Robert through school.  Now though, all the sports seasons are finished, exams have been taken, classes are done, and I am almost allowing myself to believe that I will get to see Robert walk across that stage.  Even now, I am hoping I don't jinx the situation by writing that.  As a school employee, Andrew is permitted to hand Robert his diploma.  I am excited about that, because I feel that many days we worked as hard for it as he did.  Robert even admitted he probably wouldn't be graduating if we didn't have our foot up his rumpus like we did.  That is a mature (and realistic) perspective!  I am almost feeling like I can really exhale.

It's getting real

Last evening was the league track meet.  Overall, Robert did well, although we knew none of his relays would be competitive.  There were some really fun faces to watch, and David, the son of some friends, won both the 1-mile and 2-mile race.  Our school also swept the 1-mile and 2-mile girls' races.  Sprinting though, is not our thing, although the girls were able to win the overall league title.  We were glad our boys did not finish last.

Prior to the race, the seniors from our school were recognized.  I was so proud as Robert's name was announced, and it included that his future plans are to serve our country in the Navy.  I am so very proud of Robert for this.

This was the final senior recognition of his senior year.  As he got on the bus this morning, I was thinking about how he has eight days remaining in his formal education.  Just eight days.  It really seems so, so hard to believe.  As I was watching him be the leadoff runner for his final relay (and the final race of the night), I wanted him to just lay it out there...leave everything else on the track.  While he will compete at the district level next week, there is virtually no chance of being competitive or having the race mean anything.  That last race last evening was the last chance he truly had to race with meaning.  Although they were in second to last place when he handed off, he ran a split of about 0:58, and that is about as good as he is going to run.  He had done it his best.

I will miss track meets next year, sharing these moments of watching him run.  It's really getting real...this might actually happen!