I will always remember

Yesterday, we had an open house to celebrate Thomas and Lyndi's wedding.  It was nothing formal, just come by when you can.  I will always remember how my kids felt loved by the people who came to celebrate them.  I will always remember how my son shared with me that he shed tears when he opened the gift from his Godfather, who created a unique piece of art personal to them, just as my son had done for them when they married ten years ago.  I'll never forget my son calling me last evening after they got home to thank us for all we had done.  I'll never forget how much love I felt in that room, or the gratitude I felt for those that were able to make it, and also for those who couldn't be there but let us know.  I am so grateful.

But I know a person can hold two feelings at the same time.  When Thomas and Lyndi first talked about getting married, I remember thinking how I couldn't imagine having a wedding that didn't include our big extended family.  I was so grateful to have been included in grad parties, weddings, baby showers, etc., and I wanted all of them to share this day with us.  The kids agreed a format like yesterday was a perfect way to include all of them.  And I will always remember how it felt, when I looked out over everyone, and not a single one of them was there.  Not. A. Single. One.  My mom was there, and my sister was there.  None of my first cousins and their kids, none of my second cousins or their kids.  No aunts and uncles. Absolutely none of that big extended family was there.  And the worst part?  With the exception of my aunts and two cousins, NO ONE even bothered to RSVP that they weren't coming.  I'm not asking for a gift, but at least acknowledge the celebration and politely decline.  And here's the thing, you want to do this to me?  Okay.  But this was about celebrating my kiddo, who is working really hard to be a decent young person in a really hard world.  I couldn't help but think back to all of the graduations, weddings, grad parties, showers, soccer games, baseball games, football games, plays, etc. I had attended, nearly all of which were at least an hour's drive.  And I was happy to do it and so grateful to be included in most cases.  And even times when I couldn't attend a specific milestone event, I ALWAYS sent a gift.  I was important to me to cultivate those family ties.  

Don't get me wrong, I am not claiming some huge family conspiracy against us.  Not at all.  It just is what it is.  And what it is, hurts.  I'm sure Thomas didn't think much about it.  Friends were there.  And those friends who are always there and have become our "framily"?  Absolutely.  One of our dear friends drove home from a college performance in Detroit and arrived in the middle of the night, then was driving back last night.  So many dear, dear friends were there and made my kiddos feel so special.  As did my coworkers, whom I adore.  And I still love my family, but I also need to guard my heart a little.  And I need to guard my energy.  This September has been REALLY hard (a post for another time).  If this is how my extended family feels about events, then it's okay for me to send a gift and save my energy for the people who will truly appreciate it.  This Mama Bear is so grateful for the people who love my kiddos, and they are all truly a gift.

The wedding part III

The day of the wedding arrived and it was cold and wet, with lots of things to do.  Our dear, dear friend had a serious medical issue the week before the wedding and that added an extra layer of stress and emotion to the week.  She is doing okay and I was able to visit her in the hospital, but it definitely added to the craziness of the week.

We were exhausted heading into the weekend as it is a crazy time at work, and having to do all the setting up and arranging.  With it being at our school I pretty much had to handle most things, and that is why I hired one of my co-workers to be helpful.  Catherine was bridesmaid and was getting ready with the girls, and of course Thomas had all his buddies with him.  I was grateful that Andrew and I were actually able to get ready in a different building.  It gave us a few minutes of quiet, and I was so grateful that Emily co-worker) was there to handle things.  Andrew and I shared a few moments together, then we walked over to the wedding area.  Andrew and I took seats in the front row.  Our mothers were behind us, and we were joined by my sister and few good friends behind them.  Thomas's groomsmen consisted of his cousin Ryan, two friends I didn't know, Thomas's childhood friend Joseph, and our good friend Nick who is Thomas's godfather and was in our wedding all those years ago!

As we sat there waiting for the wedding to begin, I couldn't help but reflect on the craziness of the last couple of months.  In many ways, I was grateful that it all happened so quickly.  I'm a fairly sentimental person, and I know that I would have spent too much time being emotional about my "baby" getting married.  While I worry that Thomas and Lyndi are so young, I'm happy that they have each other.  I'm happy that overall they were reasonable about what kind of wedding they could afford.  And my happiness is generally what I felt, right up until Joseph, his childhood friend, walked down the aisle and Thomas and Joseph fistbumped each other.  These two have been friends since they were in Sunday School together at age four.  They were so close during the early elementary years...and then we moved.  And they stayed close...and here they were sharing this incredibly special moment.  That one little moment did me in, and the tears began to flow.  I got it together though, and enjoyed a lovely, albeit incredibly short ceremony.  We had dinner for about 40 of us at a local pizza restaurant where we could reserve a room.  I was happy to spend the dinner with Andrew's mom, our friends, and cousin Ryan.  My mom and sister didn't want to stay, and that made me a little sad, but it is what it is.

Ryan had an early flight so Andrew left at 5:45 for a trip to the airport.  Thomas and Lyndi came over around 11, and we had things to tear down and clean up at school and return to church.  It was nearly 4:00 before we were ready to just sit that day.  Andrew took the next day off work so he could meet his mom's neighbor for his mom's return trip.  I'm so grateful for the people who were there, and for those who helped out and have supported the kids.  I wish my family could be a little more on board, but I try really hard to put that behind me.  I'm also grateful that Lyndi takes such good care of Thomas, and they really, truly love each other.  I'm glad we get along with her, and I'm grateful she enjoys being a part of our family.  This is definitely ushering in a new era!

The wedding, Part II

In retrospect, I might have been better off suggesting a different date for the wedding, as this past week was the busiest week of the school year due to our school musical.  A weekend wedding followed by the longest week of the year leads to exhaustion.

Anyway, I've realized I need to come up with a blog name for my DIL.  I am going to call her Lyndi.  Thomas and Lyndi really are wonderful together, but they are so, so young.  Andrew and I have done our best to be there for them, and love them, and also stay out of their way.  It's all a fine line.

Back to the wedding!  We had decided my MIL would come for Easter and stay for the wedding.  I knew I would need her help in the week leading up to the ceremony.  Thomas couldn't take any time off work, and neither could I.  My MIL was helpful with getting Lyndi's dress pressed and helping to prepare meals, things I just couldn't do.  Because the wedding was at our school and there was a Friday evening event, we couldn't set up until Saturday and that meant no rehearsal.  We did borrow chairs from our church, so we were able to get those moved (although not placed until Saturday) on Friday.  Thomas had a cousin fly in from Vermont who was a groomsman and we were beginning to run out of room for people to sleep in our house so I was able to rent an Airbnb from a family at school for the weekend.  Lyndi did not want she and Thomas to see each other the day of the event, so that required a decent amount of logistical planning.  I hired a young co-worker from school to come and help with set-up and organizing.  Oh, and did I mention the weather?  Ten days before the event it looked absolutely gorgeous.  A bit chilly, but workable.  Then as it got closer, the rain chances increased, but still only in the morning.  Still workable.  And then as it got even closer, rain chances continued to increase and creep later into the day.  And finally, the day was basically just a complete washout.  And still a chilly one at that.

I'm so grateful for the amazing friends that the kids have.  They were so helpful in getting things ready.  I don't mean for this to sound like a complaint, but it is...Lyndi's family was not involved in any way at all.  They were very clear from the start that there would be no financial contribution, and I respected that completely.  But to not even be able to help set up chairs, or cut the veggies for the appetizers...well, that got to me a bit.  But finally the day arrived, and it was time.

My son is married

Thomas got married yesterday.  They've been engaged for awhile, but never set a date.  Then last summer, they wanted to get married in a matter of weeks.  We talked them into waiting until next Fall, but it became apparent they weren't going to be able to save to have the wedding they really wanted, and we could only help so much.  As we talked to them a few months ago, they decided to do a smaller ceremony sooner, and then a larger party in the fall.  My boss offered our school as a location for the desired outdoor ceremony and with a pavilion, it all fell into place for yesterday.

I'm exhausted, but I'l write more soon (as I can).  This is also why I haven't written much recently, and as we are headed into the busiest week of my school year I'm not sure how soon I'll be back, but I wanted to share the lovely news in our family!

The wedding unexpectedly got to me

Last evening Andrew and I attended a wedding.  I had really been looking forward to it as it was a colleague of Andrew's, and I knew it would have a lot of people I would know and hadn't seen in a while.  It was a really lovely ceremony.  I was thrilled to see that we had been assigned to sit with exactly the people I would have chosen if I had been allowed to choose.  This was a younger colleague who was also a grad of the district about ten years ago, so there were truly many people of all ages that we knew in attendance.

I found myself being a little emotional about seeing all of the other teachers.  Andrew has awesome co-workers.  Part of my heart will always be at that school.  I love my job though, and I'm very grateful that it is MY job.  I'm not just filling in for someone else.

The end really got to me though.  Andrew and I were chatting with a classmate of Robert, and this young man had also joined the Navy.  This young man had not had an easy childhood.  Although his mother is a very nice person, she'd had drug issues and has been incarcerated on more than one occasion.  He recently finished his enlistment and is back in town and helping to coach a couple of sports.  As we were leaving, we chatted, and Andrew and I reminded him that if he ever needed anything, we'd be happy to help.  I walked outside and began to cry.  I couldn't help but be sad and emotional about the person my son is.  He is my son, and he always will be, but I also know (and I do accept) that he doesn't want to be.

The emotions caught me off guard, but I didn't let it ruin what had been a really fun evening.  We have four weddings this year, and they always make me grateful for my own wedding twenty years ago!