This month took forever

I can't believe today is the last day of April.  Not because the month flew by, but because it feels like it took forever to get here.  I mentioned today to my co-workers that Easter was only 3-1/2 weeks ago, and we all felt that couldn't possibly be right.  I can only hope the summer moves as slowly as April. :)

Tomorrow though, May does finally arrive!  We only have fourteen student days remaining.  That doesn't make me sad at all.  In addition to all of the crap we have dealt with at school, life in the world, and especially our country, feels really, really hard.  Gas this week jumped an entire dollar and is $4.99/gal.  It's almost double what we were paying just six weeks ago.  This comes at a time when Andrew is starting to contemplate retiring from teaching, and when my school's enrollment was already struggling, and these gas prices won't help.  Things feel precarious.

I'm going to try to remember that each day, I "get to."  I get to wake up and spend the day with great kids and co-workers who are literally the best on earth, and then I get to come home and spend an evening in a house I love with my awesome husband and our fabulous pets.  And if I'm really lucky, I might even get to hang out with my kids from time-to-time.  I should wake up each day and be glad for whatever I "get to" do, so that is going to be my goal.   And the first day of May seems like a great day to start.

I need more daylight and sunshine

We are reaching the time of year where I'm really starting to need more daylight and definitely needing sunshine.  My motivation in the evenings has completely tanked.  I feel like I just come home and do absolutely nothing.  It doesn't help that our work is exploding again.  I'm so tired of parents who are being so incredibly difficult.  They are being completely unreasonable, but our enrollment is down, and we need the students.  I know I'm taking it more personally than I should, because my head just needs a pick-me-up.  In a couple of weeks, our time change will have happened and I'm hoping that helps my mood. 

In 85 days it will be the last day of school.  This year, more than any other, it is much needed!

Whew!

There are just a few more days remaining in May.  And what a month is has been!  We had the wedding, which was a crazy weekend itself.  That was followed by musical week which requires extra evening work for school.  By the end of that week, I was absolutely exhausted.  For Mother's Day weekend, I just wanted to be able to sit, which I did because it turned out I had a touch of a bug.  The next week brought our end-of-year ceremony, but the night it was scheduled we were in a very severe weather pattern.  We ended up having to scramble and reschedule some things.  It made the week marginally easier, but meant the following week was tougher.  We so much rain in May it was crazy.  The last day of school is always the picnic, and every year we hope it will rain so we can cancel it.  After the rain had played havoc with our schedule the entire month, I was soooo annoyed that although rain had been in the forecast for days, the last day of school was dry, so the picnic was on.  Our boss fell and broke her hand right as the picnic started, which meant responsibilities fell more to me.  That was kind of how May went at school this year...not quite according to plan and just a bit of added work.

In the meantime, our pastor at church is retiring.  He has been pastor of our church for 25 years.  The man has been an incredible blessing in our lives, and I have no doubt that I would not be the faith-filled person I am without this pastor.  He baptized me eleven years ago, and I'm just so grateful that I've been able to not only attend, but work for, a church that, well, I can't even describe it.  He'll be missed, and the work is going to increase not only for myself but also for Andrew who is now our council President.  There are a lot of conversations and decisions that need to be made regarding the future of our church.

But the nice thing is...it is the end of May and school is out!  I know there is still going to be plenty of things to do, and there will be church craziness, but we have a lot of fun planned, and for the next eleven weeks, there are no students at school.  The time to relax is upon us!

This moment in time is lovely

 

This was the view yesterday outside my family room in the back of our house.  We have a beautiful, large window that allows us this view.  Today is even lovelier, as the sun is shining with a bright blue sky.  A deer just came really close to the house and then ran into the woods.  It was absolutely beautiful.  It IS beautiful.  I allowed myself to feel joy that I had been present in that very moment.

I write this, because not all moments are lovely.  My job has some really hard moments, and because I am on the front line with humans, it can be challenging.  And I can't even pay attention to what is happening in our country right now.  It is just entirely too much.  I find the future terrifying at the moment.

Andrew and I have begun to discuss his retirement.  He only has to teach another five years, although he says he will go longer.  Health care is our biggest concern.  We've talked about where we'll retire, although we are at least a decade from having that conversation, I suspect.

I've been sick lately, and been spending a lot of time just sitting.  It has allowed me the opportunity to notice how wonderful and beautiful nature can be around us.  For right now, I'm recognizing how lovely this moment in time is.

Happenings in our house

I changed the background to reflect our weather here...snow!  It's our first REAL snowstorm of the year.  It started last yesterday afternoon and was an absolutely beautiful evening as we got to watch the snow come down.  We received just over 4".  The sun is out today, and without a cloud in the sky, it melted the snow off our sidewalk and driveway.  And we had no place to drive, so it was all absolutely wonderful.  It was so peaceful.

Yesterday was also the first day off of our four-day weekend.  It is so very, very needed.  I'll be honest, part of the reason I've avoided writing is that life has been a little crazy lady.  As I told my mom when she asked how things have been, it's been very up and down around here.  We've both had craziness at our jobs.  Not necessarily bad things, but definitely some added stress in various aspects.  Additionally, my mom has two surgeries in the next 60 days.  I don't mind helping my mother and I want to be there for her, but medial issues are definitely not my strong suit.  And the death of my high-school classmate has weighed on me more than I can describe.

Most of the up & down though, has been the kids.  As they are both adults, I'm hesitant to write too much, especially as health issues are involved.  It's not my story.  I don't want to be overly dramatic, so I will say that overall, everyone is okay and nothing is imminently life threatening.  Follow ups are required, but more than anything else, my kids just need to learn to make better choices as they go through life.  To be honest, sometimes their choices are not only immature, but at times they are downright astonishing.  I'm ready for some "young-adult-drama-free" days in our future.  I'm sure we will get there.

I'm hoping as the days get a little longer, we will all find a few more reasons to smile.  In the meantime, I'm enjoying the coziness of the snow!

Really been looking forward to this!

I have been looking forward to today, and this weekend, for quite some time.  Don't get me wrong, the 2+ weeks we had off at Christmas was very nice.  But, it was also very busy and scheduled and just overall a bit chaotic.  Today, neither Andrew nor myself have anywhere that we have to be.  AND, we get an extra day to our weekend.  It's bitterly cold here, and going to be through most of the next week.  A day at home, with no schedule, and LOTS of good football all weekend is exactly what I need.

Yesterday was a rough day, which makes this weekend all the better.  The weather was miserable, with cold winds and hard rain all day.  In many ways, the weather was a perfect metaphor for our day, as we were all attending the visitation and/or funeral of the mother of our student.  Andrea was an incredible woman.  We'd had many conversations with her, even in the just short two years her family had been a part of our school.  After I came home last evening, I gave Andrew a huge hug.  I'm so grateful we get to go through this life together.

I hope everyone has a wonderfully safe and blessed weekend!

MIA from the blog

As you might guess from the silence of November, it was a bit crazy around here.  November definitely had ups, and I can't wait to write about them.  There were also some really rough downs, and many of those I won't be sharing.  The month was busy, it was hard, it was emotional, it was fabulous, and, yeah, it was all of that.

My wonderful mother-in-law was here until yesterday.  She kept telling us she so enjoyed being here, but I can't imagine how she enjoys all of the chaos.  She says it's just so quiet at her place, and there are days that just sounds divine.  Andrew took his mom back yesterday and is going to the Steelers game today, so he won't be back until tomorrow.  Thomas is off today but just left to spend the day with his girlfriend, and while Catherine is staying here this week because of her classes/externship, she is working a twelve-hour shift today.  I have the next six plus hours to enjoy some of the quiet, and I plan to do exactly that!  And I'll be back here (hopefully sooner rather than later) to write about some of the fun happenings! 

I'm not at all sure how it is only Wednesday

I have no idea how there are still two more days this week.  I feel that we've had more than enough activity for it to be the weekend, and definitely tomorrow should be Friday.  Last evening I went to bed at 9:00 and slept like a baby.  It was delightful.  It's also perfect sleeping weather.  It is the exact opposite of last week.  Last week was beyond miserable hot, but right now I have a candle lit, and I could probably even put on a sweat shirt if I really wanted to.  It's delightful.  It isn't going to last, but I will take today and tomorrow and revel in it while I can.  And I need it.

Over the weekend, the kids' car that Thomas has been driving began having "issues".  We couldn't get the brake lights to turn off, which happened on Friday.  We couldn't really deal with it then because when Andrew got back from the hospital with Catherine, he needed to head to the football game.  That meant the battery was drained.  We finally got around to dealing with it Sunday.  Through some research, we thought Thomas had fixed it.  Both Catherine and Thomas had appointments at the same time on Monday, and Catherine's vehicle was still at her apartment.  I took the old car and dropped Andrew at school.  When I went to pick him up after school, I realized something wasn't quite right.  Sure enough by the time I got to school, the car was barely moving.  We came to the realization that fixing the brake lights impacted the pedals, so we ended up driving straight to the mechanic.  That was Monday, and we are still waiting to hear what's happening with it.

Catherine's medical tests have all come back normal, which is great, but she is still feeling pretty lousy, which isn't great,  In fact, today she called me and told me she was feeling pretty awful again.  I'm out of answers and suggestions.  I have no idea what is happening with her.  I would love for her to stay here where I could keep an eye on her, but I understand she isn't interested in that.  In the meantime, Thomas has been trying to contact his former university because we had been billed for a semester of tuition, room and board.  He had enrolled in classes in the spring before it was decided he wasn't going back.  He tried calling various departments, and kept getting the run around.  He was so upset today that I received a phone call at work from his girlfriend who was worried about his mental state.  While I'm on the phone, my mother called to ask what I was doing this afternoon because she was on her way to the emergency room.  Her eye doctor was concerned about her blood pressure. 

I'll be honest, that was a lot to deal with this afternoon.  I've realized it's no wonder I was so exhausted.  There is a lot going on.  I know things are working out, and overall things are going to be okay.  And our current weather helps us to be so peaceful.  I am extremely grateful this weekend has an extra day!

There's been a lot going on

I know I've been pretty quiet through April.  There's been a lot going on, and it wasn't all good.  Now awful, but not all good.  My grandmother has had some health issues, and it's had a dramatic impact on how she lives.  It doesn't have to, but she has allowed it to do so.  Because she has begun to isolate herself, she is becoming more and more confused.  She qualified for Hospice Care, which we are very grateful for as it meant she didn't have to move.

My mom has also been having some health challenges.  There had been some issues with her kidneys, and after various test it was determined last week that she has a spot on one of her kidneys that is cancerous.  My mom has been obviously stressed by this, but she did receive good news this week.  We learned that she can have surgery (and there is no rush to do so), and that should take care of it.  I know she was tremendously relieved not to be facing rounds of treatments.  It made the fact that her appointment began 2-1/2 hours after it was supposed to happen worth the wait!

Thomas is officially home from college for the summer.  I picked him up yesterday.  I'm not going to lie, he has really, really struggled with college this year.  He has struggled academically, he has struggled socially, and he has struggled emotionally.  As a parent, it has been so hard to watch.  I can't fix things for him, and I shouldn't fix things.  All I can do is be here and let him know I love him, and of course pray.  Definitely lots of prayers.  Yesterday when he got home, he was so grateful that he was finished and home he brought out his stuff dogs.  Oh, that tugged at my heartstrings!  

There have been a few other things, but they are much less dramatic.  I know that May is going to be absolutely crazy, but I"m so excited about the summer that will be at the end! 

Our lives right now - it's been a lot

I didn't write much in February.  It wasn't necessarily that I didn't want to write, it was just that there was A LOT going on, and I spent most of the month being absolutely exhausted.  The good news is that it was mostly only work related, and for that I am grateful.

Our February at work was absolutely insane.  We have one employee who was hospitalized and has yet to recover.  We had one employee who had COVID, along with three family members, and her family is still fighting strep and other things, and her father is entering Hospice care.  We have one employee whose son needed to be hospitalized for suicidal ideations, and of course that is an ongoing concern.  We have one employee who had surgery two weeks ago, and the doctors did not handle some things well.  We have one employee who had surgery three weeks ago, and also developed strep this past week herself.  We have one employee who had COVID, and her daughter was hospitalized with illness as well.  We have one employee whose daughter was diagnosed with a chronic illness last fall and needed to be hospitalized again for a few days. We have one employee who lost her grandmother three weeks ago, her husband had surgery this week, and her step-father passed away Wednesday.  All of this was just in the last month!  I mention this because it means I worked extra hours to help clean, I covered classes as needed, and I worked to put pieces together so we had enough people working where they needed to work.

At home, it's been less crazy, but I can't call it peaceful.  The biggest challenge has been having Thomas's cat here.  She jumps on everything, and we've had to put away all of the picture frames, which I don't appreciate.  Additionally, she and one of our cats are constantly fighting, and the howling/hissing/running into things sounds are not remotely peaceful.  Our sweet pup has had her slipped disc issues again, although we caught it early and she's on the mend.  My grandmother was in the emergency room on Monday due to some reactions, and it's hard on her.  My mother was in the emergency room Thursday after taking a serious fall and doing a face-plant.  Thank goodness my kids were able to stay with her overnight Thursday so I didn't have to miss work.  I can deal with all of these relatively minor things, but it's hard after coming home from work which was challenging all day.

This past week we had a lady from church who was going to be evicted if she didn't get her apartment cleaned.  We were able to do some cleaning ourselves and get a company hired, and many generous members helped to fund that.  That was a blessing.

And we were thrilled that Catherine passed her state STNA exam.  She is looking for a job locally, and we are thrilled for her and proud of her.  It's a step in the right direction.

I'm hoping this week is much calmer, although I laugh because I thought that last week as well.  Monday brought a tornado warning where the students and staff all had to take cover, and Friday I had to clean up vomit at school.  So who knows what this week will bring??

I'm especially grateful that we have no students tomorrow, and that March and some lovely weather have arrived.  Looking forward to calmer times!

Life at the end of January

It's hard to believe that a week from now will be the beginning of February, and yet January feels as though it has been a longggggg month.  There has been quite a bit going on, and a lot of it involves the kids, and most of it feels pretty dramatic.

Catherine specifically has had a significant amount to deal with in the last several months.  She is still living in a different apartment due to the flooding over the holidays and subsequent repairs needed.  Hopefully they will be able to move back into their original apartment over the next couple of weeks.  I do know that one of her roommates has decided to move out, so there will only be three of them living there.  Unfortunately, between Catherine's health last semester and distractions from her relationships, she struggled in one of her classes that is the pre-req for all the others.  It would put her another year behind, and she has decided to change her path to nursing.  She is planning to take STNA classes this spring, work until the fall, and then begin classes for either an LPN or an RN.  We feel this is a really, really good choice for her right now.  If she chooses to continue her education at some point and get a BSN, that is great, but there is nothing wrong with not doing that either.  

Catherine also made some poor financial choices last fall, and she is dealing with some pretty serious fallout from that as well.  The good news is that she is far from being the only young person to make some of these decisions, and I'm hopeful she is learning lessons, and if so, I'm grateful she is learning them while she is young and they are still more minor than major.  I firmly believe that, but it just change either the frustration of dealing with it, or the hurt of being a parent when your kid hurts.

And that brings us to Thomas.  He is back and school, and is struggling with life there as well.  His job has been tough, as he was never officially trained.  They were so desperate for lifeguards at the beginning of the year that they just hired him without training.  Then they wouldn't let him work because his paperwork wasn't done correctly.  When they finally got all the paperwork straightened out and got him paid (which took MONTHS), he kept getting in trouble because he wasn't doing things correctly at the job...because he had never been trained.  He takes his job seriously and was really upset that he kept doing it incorrectly.  Between that and a friend who just walked away from him, and his "illegal" cat, it's been hard on him.  The "final straw" for him was last week when they did room inspections and he was hiding in the bathroom with his cat.  I understand it isn't supposed to be there, but I also understand my kiddo is lonely and the cat provided company and companionship.  She truly is an absolute sweetheart.  Thomas decided last weekend that he would prefer to have her here where he didn't have to worry about her being "found".  I don't mind mostly, except that I wasn't looking to have another cat.  She doesn't really get along with the two who are here, and she is a CLIMBER.  We have to live with doors to bedrooms closed, and I can't have any of my picture frames sitting around.  To be honest, I somewhat resent that, and it makes my life feel cluttered and disorganized that things aren't in their "place".  And it breaks my heart that Thomas, yet again, feels so alone.

Today was a snow day that was called last night, which is always really nice.  At the same time, I didn't get done today nearly what I had hoped.  I've got a computer issue, that each time I try to fix, it leads to another issue.  That is exactly how life feels right now.  I'm hoping it's just January and the doldrums that tend to come with the month.  I'm also hoping that things work out for the kids, and of course a little bit of sunshine would be nice as well!

Not today

We had plans with friends this evening.  I love these friends with all of my heart, but I just can't today.  In fact, that is almost what I titled this post..."I can't today."  It's okay, because today I don't have to.  The last two weeks have been hard, and the four weeks before that weren't a piece of cake.  Starting the school year had challenges at my job.  We face the same staffing challenges of many places.  Andrew has worked a lot of athletic events, and I've added them to my schedule as well for some extra money for the kids.  Thomas had his roommate drama and adjusting to school, while Andrew and I are adjusting to empty nesting.  And then of course there is everything with Catherine, more than is for public knowledge.  It's been hard.

I had something every evening this week.  Yesterday's "thing" was handling a bank transaction that required an hour drive each way, and it was a Friday afternoon where I was the only admin staff working and there was some chaos.  I finally made it home just after 6:30, and was so grateful Andrew had thrown a quiche in the oven.  It was a piping hot meal on a chilly Friday evening, and it felt perfect.

As Andrew and I were sitting here last evening, I said to Andrew that it was so nice to be home and be, and he interrupted me by saying that's where the sentence ended.  It was nice to "just be."  And that is what I need this weekend and today.  I love my friends, but I am protecting my mental health.  The thought of going out this evening made me want to cry.  When I told Andrew, he understood completely.  In fact, he said that although he was looking forward to eating out, he didn't want to continue the evening beyond that and that isn't how we do things with these friends.  That's okay, but today, I just can't.

I needed this quiet afternoon

I am so grateful that my work schedule has shifted and I am off on Wednesday afternoons.  It truly makes a difference to have this "down" time.  I haven't slept well in over a month, and it was really wonderful to have the opportunity to take a nap.  It was also wonderful that Andrew and Thomas both have activities today, so I'll have about five hours all to myself.  I have a church meeting this evening so I need to leave in a little over two hours, but it has been such a needed afternoon.  I allowed myself a nap, and then honestly, I've just been sitting here.  After having my mother-in-law here all of last week, this quiet time was so very appreciated!

It won't always be this crazy

In some regards, I think I'm nuts.  Starting a full-time job at the end of the year in the middle of a pandemic seems a little crazy.  And I'll be honest, there have been plenty of crazy days.  Andrew commented the other day that there have been many evenings since I started this job that I've had to then work for hours at the church, or work on band items.  He's not wrong.  The fact that we had to get a new computer at church didn't help matters.  He was commenting last evening as I was wrapping that I always seem to have something to do, and more and more after that. 

He's not wrong, but I assured him it won't always be this way.  Christmas cards are almost done, and our shopping is complete!  The end of the year won't last forever, and I'll get the presents wrapped.  There will be days when I get to come home and just be home, and sit and visit with my family.  It is crazy right now, but this won't last forever! 

Even four day weekends pass too quickly

 The four days that I was home went so very quickly.  Of course, it isn't like we were all just home doing nothing and relaxing.  That is exactly why, during the early days of the virus shut-down, there were reasons to be grateful for the time we all had together to just relax.

Thomas had his schooling to do both days.  We also realized he was a little behind in things that were supposed to be accomplished, so he spent some additional time doing that.  Also, he was struggling with his finance class, and since I know a thing or two about that I spent some time helping.  Andrew arrived home Saturday evening.  It was so nice having him back.  Just having him home again seemed to help with Abby's health.  She was so excited, and has been improving.  She still isn't where we would like her to be, but we know she isn't suffering greatly at this point.

I also spent a significant part of the weekend trying to "get ahead".  I made sure the house was picked up.  I worked on some laundry.  I made a major trip to the grocery.  I did everything I could think of doing to try to make this week less stressful.

I did it because I can't imagine that Andrew's week could be more stressful.  As soon as he is done teaching today, he has to take Thomas to a school physical appointment.  Then he needs to get back and work an athletic event this evening.  He also has to work another one tomorrow evening, and then Wednesday and Thursday are extra hours required for conferences and/or work planning.  Friday is another athletic commitment.  It's a lot for him to think about, especially as the stress of school restarting and his dad's health are still all there.  I have meal planned to make sure I have the ingredients I need, as well as making sure they are the types of dishes that he can reheat.  He commented that he knows I am trying to help, and he appreciates it.

We make a good team, and I'm grateful for him.  We are getting very close to the days when it is just going to be he and I again.  While it makes me sad that my kids have grown up so very fast, I'm also very grateful that Andrew is the person with whom I get to share this life.

Kidney stones

 

None of us are physically feeling kidney stones, but this pretty much sums up how we are feeling right about now.  I originally found this back at the end of February right after my grandmother passed away.  In addition to that, we were dealing with some fairly significant family drama, as well as some other issues.  I remember at one point my ultra laid-back husband, who never lets anything get to him, looked at me and said, "I just can't deal with one more thing.  I just can't."  It was a bad sign.

Two weeks to the day after my husband's declaration, school shut down.  We got through it.  We got through the stress of the stay-at-home orders and the crazy fourth quarter of school.  We got through the lack of Prom and in-person graduation.

We got through Catherine's seizures (still on-going, but more like intense twitching at this point, and only at night).  We got through throwing her a graduation party while the virus was exploding again.  We got through transitioning her to her new life at college.  We got through the fact that summer swim didn't really happen, and Catherine lost her last opportunity to participate.

We got through Thomas's car accident (although there are still some unsettled issues).  We are getting through helping my mother move, as well as the drama that has ensued in the family due to my grandmother's passing.  I've also watched my mother try to be a mother-figure to my cousin who struggles in so, so many ways.  There isn't much I can do, so I just listen.

We've been getting through the adjustment of me working full-time with a 30+ minute commute.  We've been getting through the adjustment of Andrew and Thomas doing their school from home.  This part especially has been tough, but we are getting through it.

This week though, well this week is so much like that week in February.  Our sweet pup is not healing as we had hoped.  That most likely will mean surgery, and we hate to see her suffer in the meantime.  Andrew's dad has been released from the hospital, but it doesn't mean all is well.  He is at home, but requires complete nursing care.  Although the insurance has approved it, finding an available nurse is another story.  And honestly, the best case scenario at this point is still only months.  That is such a hard reality to accept.

When the schools announced they would open again in a few weeks, we all began to mentally prepare to switch gears.  However, we have since learned that it isn't going to be pretty.  The teachers are expected to continue doing everything they have been doing up to this point for the students that wish to remain virtual, AND teach their full slate of in-person classes each day as well, while making sure those in-person students are safe and following the protocols.  As you can imagine, the teachers are devastated and overwhelmed by this news.  The advice from the administration was that instead of planning for in-person teaching, just plan for the remote students and the kids will just logon in school instead of at home.  As a parent, this is not what we want for our child, and I can certainly tell you this is not what the kids want.  And it is not what the teachers want for their students either.  The point of face-to-face is teaching and interacting.  I've also been struggling with the schools opening and not being there, but my feelings about my job will be another post.

I am grateful that we still have our jobs.  I am grateful that we do not have to worry about paying our bills.  I am grateful that we have our health.  I am grateful for my faith, and my faith helps me to know we will get through all of this too.  It will pass.  Some of this though, is passing like a kidney stone.

Lots of feelings

 It was seven years ago today that my dad's best friend died.  I still vividly remember that phone call from my mother.  Earlier in the week he had been diagnosed with cancer and told surgery wasn't an option.  However, then a couple of days later we learned that there was optimism regarding a chemo treatment.  Two days after that, his kidneys failed from the treatment, and he was gone.

We had just moved into our home six weeks earlier, and 47 days later my dad passed.  That fall was one of the saddest, and most stressful, times of my life.  Unfortunately, this year is beginning to feel very similar.  School is unbelievably stressful for Andrew, and for Thomas as well.  I am working full-time with a commute and can't do things around the house that I used to do.  We lost my aunt a year ago and my grandmother seven months ago.  We are facing the loss of my father-in-law.  Family drama has added to other sadness, and while we are thrilled Catherine has graduated and are very proud of her, we miss having her around.  And all of this happens against the backdrop of a global pandemic and so many other world issues.

Some days I just feel like it's so much, and I just need a break.  Some days I feel that if I allow myself a break, I'm not part of the solution.  I worry about Andrew dealing with everything.  I worry about my kids and how they handle things, and I worry about the world they will be living in for the rest of their lives.

It's a heavy time, and I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.  We will get through all of this though!

Not how I wanted to start my week

 This morning was going to be weird for me.  It was the first morning in over 15 years that I was going to wake up alone in this house AND have to go to work.  I wasn't really sure how I was going to feel about it.  As it turns out, the way I felt was "rushed".  My alarm didn't go off, and by the time I woke up, it was 20 minutes after I NEEDED TO LEAVE.  Oh my goodness!  Fortunately, I was able to get out the door in 20 minutes, and I was only 15 minutes after school started.  Additionally, I was assigned to the elementary library which meant I needed to work later, so it more than made up for my being late.  It all worked out, and I figured out what was wrong with my alarm so that won't happen.  It sure wasn't how I wanted to begin my week though!

Life

This is the kind of Saturday I really enjoy!  I have nowhere I need to be.  Andrew will be home at 2:30 or so, and then he has nowhere to be.  I have been cleaning, and then my plan is watch football today (GO IRISH!).  We need this downtime.

It was a long week, especially for me.  I had meetings and appointments and commitments that just didn't leave me much time for anything else.  I'm struggling with my job in that I don't love it.  Somedays I don't even enjoy it.  I don't dread it though, and I am certainly grateful for the income (especially since it appears a new car is in our VERY near future).  I don't mind the drive at all, but I don't love the amount of time I am in the vehicle. 

One thing I do enjoy is my morning routine.  I LOVE the quiet and being alone.  Andrew gets up just as I am leaving, so I have an entire hour to myself.  I appreciate that more than I can put into words.  I don't know that I could do all of this if I didn't have that quiet time.

My anxiety has kicked in this week, and I understand why, given some things that are going on around me.  I'm trying to remember deep breaths and just lift it all up!

Family sadness

My heart is heavy today.  I am hoping the absolutely gorgeous weather will help to life me up, but my heart is heavy.  My mother called first thing this morning.  She had received a letter from an attorney representing my uncle.  Not my uncle's attorney mind you, but someone they had hired specifically to draft this letter to my mother.  He wants a complete account of how my mother has handled the estate.  I am heartbroken (and offended) for my mother.  My mother has always been the epitome of fair.  She would never cheat the family members, and in fact there were things my uncle had wanted her to just take, but my mother wanted to make sure it was fair to my cousins as well (they are heirs due to their mother's passing last year).  While it will be easy to complete a report, the point of this is that not only does it appear they do not trust my mother, but using this particular attorney indicates they are actually accusing her of cheating or lying.  I guess it is probably a good thing that we weren't planning to be with them for Thanksgiving this year, thinking we would probably go to my in-laws.

And that is another thing.  Andrew's father has deteriorated to the point that my mother-in-law can no longer care for him, and it is time to get some additional help.  She is committed to not putting him in a facility, so she is looking for some help in the home.

All of this of course is set against the backdrop of other little family stresses, while our family attempts to begin the strangest school year ever in the middle of a world-wide pandemic.  My heart is heavy today, and I'm lifting up prayers for peace.