This was not the anniversary we had planned

This was not the anniversary we had planned, but it could certainly be much, much worse.  Andrew and I had planned a day of just hanging out.  It was a weekend that literally had nothing on our calendar, and other than Andrew needing to attend a funeral visitation for a colleague's wife this morning, we had the weekend entirely to ourselves.  So, I won't lie and say I wasn't disappointed when Andrew texted me at the end of his work day and told me he was really sick.  He had stomach issues and spike a fever.  I'm incredibly disappointed as it will be weeks at best before we can make this happen again, and today is our actual anniversary on a Saturday.  It could be so much worse though.

I realized that I neglected to write last weekend about my mom getting hit by a car.  It was really just a bump but knocked her down.  I took her to urgent care last Saturday, and everything appeared to be okay.  She has mobility issues as it is, so this certainly didn't help.

It's been a rough week at work, in the world, in our family, and for friends.  I am praying, and praying hard, for peace and healing in our lives.

A week in March

In 67 days, it will be the last day of my school year.  I'm absolutely not wishing away the next two months, but I am absolutely recognizing how unbelievably fast time is passing.  It just doesn't seem real.

My mom had a heart procedure yesterday.  It went very well, and hopefully she'll have a little more energy.  I'm not completely convinced she is going to have as much energy as she wants, but the good news is that this should lessen some issues she has been having.  Her surgery for kidney cancer will be in just over four weeks.

Thursday evening, west central Ohio was pummeled with severe weather leading to a bunch of tornadoes.  The worst was an EF-3 that hit the Indian Lake area.  I stayed up well into the night watching the coverage.  So much of the down has damage, and a great deal of the town is completely destroyed.  I was emotional as I watched it, because that was where my dad had his cottage.  Our family made so many memories in that town.  the side of the lake my dad was on seems to have been mostly spared, but the towns of lake View and Russell's Point are another story.  Oh goodness, my heart ached as I saw pictures.

To be completely honest, my heart aches a lot these days.  That is our season of life though, and I lean on my faith.  The additional sunshine in life since last week's time change helps with that significantly!

My mom's health

 I haven't written much about my mom and her health.  We learned in the spring that my mother has a cancerous tumor on her kidney.  The surgery had been planned in June to remove the tumor, although the doctor had stated in April he was completely fine with waiting until fall if she had big summer plans she didn't want to miss.  Because my work schedule is more flexible in the summer, Mom opted for surgery as soon as scheduled.

The afternoon before we left for vacation, Mom suffered what was thought to be a heart-attack.  I phrase it that way because while most cardiologists agree, there is one that does not.  She feels it was a "heart event".  My family, including my mother, assured me that we should go ahead and take our vacation.  The surgery for the kidney was scheduled for the week we returned.  The morning of the scheduled surgery, Mom received a phone call that the surgeon was not comfortable performing surgery on Mom.  Because he had been comfortable waiting in the first place, he felt it would better to wait, and even to do another scan before scheduling surgery at any point.  That was the plan.

Last Sunday night at 11:30 the phone rang.  Mom was asking if Catherine was with us.  When I replied that she was, Mom said that she needed Catherine due to a health issue.  At first I thought she wanted Catherine to take care of her given the nursing background, but soon I realized that Mom was heading to the hospital and Mom wanted Catherine to take care of the dogs.  I decided I was driving up because not only did I not want Catherine driving by herself that late at night, Mom needed someone at the hospital with her and my sister couldn't be reached.  I made the trip up and got to the hospital about 1AM.  At 6:30 mom was finally admitted and I made the drive home, getting home about 8AM, having been up for 24 hours at that point.  Andrew made a trip up mid-afternoon to retrieve Catherine.

Mom was released later that day.  There is agreement that there definitely is a heart issue, but there is still uncertainly what is happening.  Follow up appointments are in the future, and any prayers are appreciated!

Today would have been 49 years

Today would have been my parents' 49th wedding anniversary.  They made it to 40 years before Dad died, but we didn't celebrate that.  He was too sick that year.  We did a big party for their 25th, and we did a card shower for their 35th.  Even at that point, Dad had been sick for twelve years and we really didn't know how many years would remain, and a big party would have been too much.  Last night as I was dozing off to sleep, I was having a dream, but it wasn't really because I wasn't asleep so I don't really know what it was.  But for just a second, I forgot my dad was gone.  That was a harsh realization that kind of sucked, but I know I'll see him again someday.  Dad is missed every day, but anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays can be especially emotional.

It has given me a new perspective on my mother

 When I was a child, my mother was a stay-at-home mom.  I don't ever remember thinking much about it.  I do remember though, when I was in middle school my mom had some community volunteer commitments that meant she wasn't home when I got home from school.  My sister and I were certainly old enough to be alone for a little bit after school.  My mom though, mentioned that every day I would ask if she would be home after school.  She took that to mean I didn't necessarily love her not being there.  It's possible.  I don't honestly remember.

I do know that half-way through my senior year of high school, my mother took a full-time job.  She made very clear that she was working to help my sister and I pay for college.  She worked for nearly eight years, finishing a little over a year after my sister finished her undergraduate degree.

Many times over the years when my father was ill, I remember being irritated that Dad was working and Mom was not.  I remember feeling that if my mother would go and get a job then Dad wouldn't feel the need to work.  I felt irritated that my mom was home just doing whatever she wanted.

Realistically though, there was nothing that was going to keep my father from working.  We always said he would work right until the end, and at the visitation I learned he had sent a work email less than an hour before he passed away.  My parents could have won millions in the lottery, and I don't think my dad would've completely given up working.

I also realize, and this week really drove it home, my mom wasn't home "doing whatever she wanted".  Mom was doing whatever was needed.  That is true of the entire time she was home, and is still true today.  When I was a kid, my mom was a room parent, and she was President of the PTO.  For years she sat on the board of Community Services, a local non-profit that serves my home town.  She volunteered as part of a group that drove those who couldn't drive themselves to medical appointments.  Mom chaperoned field trips and was a girl scout leader.  We were the house where friends stayed after school if they missed the bus or left their house keys at home and needed to wait until a parent got off work.  We were the house where friends came and grabbed a quick bite to eat between school and after-school activities.  After leaving her full-time job, Mom continued serving on nearly every committee that has ever existed in my hometown.  It is why she was named my hometown's 'Citizen of the Year' in 1995, and along with my father was named 'Philanthropist of the Year' in 2013.

She was also my father's constant care-giver.  Her volunteer commitments never came above my dad's needs, and it's been the same over the last three years with my aunt and my grandmother.  She has also been acting as a surrogate mother to a cousin, and trying to help with her young daughter.  She helps my sister out with things at her house when possible.

No, my mother did not spend all these years "doing whatever she wanted".  She has been taking care of just about everything and everyone all these years.  This past week was such an eye-opener for me.  Andrew needed to be with his dad.  I completely understood.  There were other things that needed to be handled though, and I was supposed to be working.  While I had only planned to take the one day, I will NEVER regret taking both days to be home.  This is where I was needed.  I was texting my mom the other day telling her everything that was going on, and telling about how I ended up being home both days.  She responded by telling me I was doing the right thing by making sure I was home.  I hadn't asked, and I'm not sure what made her say that, but it brought me to tears.  Ultimately, I realized this where I want to be, because this is where I need to be.

I don't really know what this means for anything, other than it feels a little life-altering to have this realization.  I know that I am incredibly blessed to even be able to consider not working a full-time job even without kids at home.  So many thoughts, emotions, and feelings have been front and center this week.

My mom is moving

I'm not sure if I have mentioned this, but my mother is moving.  She has decided to move into what was my grandparents' house.  To be honest, I've never thought this was a good idea.  The house in which she currently lives is smaller, has a smaller lot, is in a lovely little neighborhood, and is completely handicap accessible.  Every in the family loves my grandparents' house though, and my grandparents built it in 1952 so it's never been out of the family.  My grandmother left the house is absolutely horrific condition.  I'm not sure she had thrown anything away in years.  My sister has been helping a lot, and a good friend of my mother has been very helpful as well.  My cousin and her family have also been at the house a lot.  Our family was trying to be helpful, but we also needed to get ready for Catherine's grad party a couple of weeks ago.  And when Catherine's episodes began happening, mom understood that I needed to be here and focus on life here.  Today though, I was able to make a trip back to Mom's and be helpful.   I know how quickly she wants this done, and to be honest, it just adds to my stress.  In many ways, if school does go remote again, it would give me more time to be helpful, and might even do me good to get out of the house if everyone else is here.  Mom is hoping that she can host Christmas this year.  That would be helpful!

Dad has been gone six years

It doesn't seem possible that Dad has been gone six years.  I am so incredibly grateful that I had 40 full years with him in my life.  I regret that my kids never got to know him before he was sick, but I will forever be grateful that they also had many years with him.  I love that Thomas especially, still tells me little things that remind them of him.  I miss him so much.

Mom is having a particularly rough day.  Her mother has been taken to the hospital this morning.  I feel so awful for my mom.  When her sister became ill two years ago, it was predominantly my mother who made sure Aunt Cathy was at all of her appointments.  It was mentally and physically exhausting for her.  Mom admits that she has not recovered, especially not mentally.  To have to deal with G.G.'s illness right now is especially hard on her.  G.G. is not being a cooperative patient and is accusing the family of lying.  My mother is so angry, and I feel badly for her.  I have a feeling she is going to have a particularly long weekend.

Mother's Day 2019

I have really enjoyed today.  Honestly, I'm just so grateful that I have my amazing kiddos that I didn't need anything else...and I really meant that.  I really just wanted to sleep in, and go visit my mother.  Andrew made us an awesome breakfast of eggs, hash browns, and bacon this morning (after I slept in) before Catherine went to work.  She's worked all day, and I really don't mind.  Andrew, Thomas, and I headed north to spend just a little time with my mom before she went to lunch with my sister, then swung by to see my paternal grandmother and my aunt who was also visiting her.  I've done a couple loads of laundry, and Andrew made an absolutely amazing dinner of steaks, potatoes, and asparagus.  My only regret of the day is that Thomas has Youth Group this evening, so we had to eat before Catherine got home from work.

The biggest surprise of the day was an email from Robert first thing this morning.  It was very thoughtful of him to want to make sure I heard from him today.  I was very touched by his gesture!

Mom's 65th birthday

Today my mom turns 65.  Because of other things happening over the years, we hadn't had a big celebration of a milestone birthday since she turned 40.  I had asked a couple of months ago about doing something, and we decided to do a pizza lunch.  Yesterday was one of the few open dates I had on my calendar, and since it was so close to her birthday, we decided to go for it!  We invited all of her family and my dad's sister and family (although most couldn't make it), as well as a few friends.  It was a lovely afternoon and we all enjoyed visiting.  Even one of her best friends drove in from Wisconsin!  It was wonderful to celebrate mom!

My mom got a dog

My mom finally admitted to herself that she was miserable without a dog.  Since 1977, she had only been without a dog for two months in that entire time...and that was while I was graduating high school so clearly there were other things (and people) to think about.  Now, she lives alone and really, really wanted a dog.  She had started looking online and had found one she thought would be a good match.  He was adopted before anything could happen though.  Through her vet, another dog was found, but it wasn't my mom's preferred breed.  However, the foster family of the dog said that the dog was good with other dogs, kids, and other family pets.  Mom decided to meet her, and now "Peaches" has a new home.  I can't wait to meet her!  Mom still wants to get another dog of her preferred breed later in the year, but now she and Peaches will make the decision together.  I am so happy for my mom!

My heart hurts for my mom

Yesterday when I got home from work, there was a voicemail message from my mom.  I was pretty sure I knew what it said, and I could tell from her voice before any words were spoken that I was correct.  She had to put her dog down and yesterday was the day.  I can't even imagine the pain as she drove him to the vet and said her final goodbye to him.  My mom is an animal lover, and especially of dogs.  It is something she and Thomas have always shared.  I could only imagine how empty and quiet her house must've felt.  Because my mom usually has two dogs at a time, since October 1977 she has only been without a dog for two months at the end of my senior year of high school.  And of course during that time my sister and I were both living at home and my dad was still alive.  It breaks my heart to think of her emotions right now.  I spoke to her last evening and of course, she is an incredibly strong and philosophical woman, but it doesn't keep her from being sad.

Reality etched in stone

I just called my mom to tell her something and thought she sounded odd.  After I was finished with my thing, she mentioned she had just gotten a phone call.  Given her tone, I braced myself for bad news.  As it turns out, it was not at all bad news, but I do understand my mother's emotional response.  The headstone for my father's grave has been installed.  I know it's been almost 2-1/2 years (in fact exactly 29 months ago today) since he passed, but it was winter and mom had planned to wait until the following spring.  Then of course she became ill, and pretty much lost all of that spring, summer, and early fall...and then it was winter again.  Finally last year she began to make plans, but it turns out it wasn't quite that simple.  My parents are being buried on plots that are actually owned by my grandmother.  There are eight plots altogether, with the original thought 29 years ago being my grandparents, their three children and spouses.  However, my uncle has since divorced and remarried, and his second wife has zero interest in being buried in my hometown.  Completely understandable since she has never spent one second living there.  It also turns out they wanted to be cremated so they don't need the plots.  My grandmother was not to be deterred from having her opinion however, and the "compromise" was reached that their names and dates would be on the other side of my parents' stone even though they aren't actually going to be there.  My grandmother agreed to pay for everything and it was clearly cheapest to have the stone removed from the site (matching stones were originally set when my grandfather passed away) and returned only one time instead of twice.  My uncle has some issues in dealing with his own mortality so in spite of my mother explaining how important it was that this be taken care of so it was no longer something hanging over her head, he couldn't quite bring himself to deal with what he and my aunt were going to have on their side of the stone.  At this point I think we can all agree that family can be both a blessing and a curse! :)

Anyway, the stone is now in place, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.  I haven't been to the cemetery in nearly a year, or perhaps even longer.  It's not where I feel my dad's presence.  In some ways, I don't even want to think about it, and I completely understand why my mom sounded emotional.  Oh goodness...I miss him so much.

Mom's surgery

Mom had her rotator cuff surgery on Friday.  I'll be honest, it was a pretty exhausting day.  My sister was willing to meet me at the hospital so that I didn't have to leave my house at 6AM, but it was still a pretty early morning.  Mom's surgery went well overall, although it turns out there is a great deal more damage than we originally understood there to be.  The tendons are severely retracted and there is no guarantee they are going to reattach.  Right now it's just a waiting game, and fingers are crossed!

Dealing with my family can be pretty draining as well, and that made Friday evening more exhausting.  I am so grateful to Andrew for taking complete charge of the kids for the day and handling everything.  Hopefully we won't have to continue on this medical trail!

The end of another month

I really have no idea where time is flying to these days...none at all!  I really can't believe that tomorrow is the beginning of May, but I'll be honest, I'm pretty excited about it!  Four weeks from today will be the last day of school.  I am tremendously looking forward to that.  I seem to find myself more and more frustrated with school this time each year.

We made our summer "vacation" reservations last evening.  We are taking just two nights and going to an indoor water park that is less than an hour away.  The kids have been wanting to go for years since my sister told them at Christmas of 2013 that would be their gift for the year.  It never happened, and while I'm sure she will be somewhat irritated that we are "stepping" on her gift, I figure if she can't get around to it in 17 months than we are going to step in.  Our family agreed that since we are taking a "minication" this year, we are putting the savings from what we would spend on a larger vacation towards a trip to Florida next year.  That is going to be our last big family vacation most likely, and we want to be able to really enjoy it.

My mom has surgery tomorrow to repair her rotator cuff from her fall right after Easter.  Thankfully, my sister is able to get her to the hospital in the morning, but most likely will not stay for the entire procedure and certainly not through recovery.  I am grateful beyond words that a friend of Mom's is arriving tomorrow evening from Illinois and staying until next Thursday, which will be getting her through the worst of the recovery.  By the time Karen leaves, Mom should have some better mobility and strength.

There are other things I want to write, but I'll save them for other posts.  After being gone most days this week either helping Mom or catching up on my own errands, and then being gone tomorrow for the surgery, this house isn't going to clean itself!

A very trying week

This has been an unbelievably trying week as a parent.  Robert has been home with me all week and has just returned to school today.  I am looking forward to the peace and quiet that today will bring.

I am also very much looking forward to this weekend.  A friend of mine from Chicago is going to be in Indy this weekend and suggested that we meet up.  Another friend and I are going to do so and we are so excited to get the opportunity to visit.  And I am incredibly grateful to my husband who didn't hesitate to urge me to go when I brought it up.  He is just such an incredibly supportive man and I have no idea how I got so lucky.

In addition to the parenting stresses, it seems as though my mother's injuries from last week's fall were more substantial than originally thought, and it appears as though surgery is in her future.  As always she is fabulously philosophical about everything, but I can't help but wish she just didn't have to deal with so much.  We know, though, that it could be much worse and try to keep that perspective!

Mom's mishap

Last week, my mom was on a cruise.  She was due to arrive back home on Saturday, although by then we would be at my in-laws.  She and my sister spent Easter with my grandmother (Dad's mom) and aunt & uncle.  I chatted with her briefly on Saturday when she let me know that she was home, and I planned to give her a quick call when we arrived back home on Monday.  However, we had not yet left the state of PA when my cell phone rang.  I immediately panicked when I recognized it was a friend of my mom's...there could be no good reason for her needing to call me.  And I was correct!  Mom had fallen that morning and her good friend had taken her to the e/r.  While they were trying to get some x-rays of the shoulder, it had become dislocated.  Mom was in a great deal of pain, but was hanging in there.  I felt awful, but there was literally nothing I could do.  My aunt called me again as we were nearly home to let me know that my mom was back at her house and G.G. would be staying with her.  I checked in quickly when we finally made it back to our house, and although groggy, she was doing fine.  It's her right arm which is really inconvenient for her, but she has very good friends who are again tremendously helpful.  We had made plans to have lunch this afternoon and we are keeping them...I'm sure she has much to tell us!

Mom is in the clear

I didn't realize it (not entirely sure how I was unaware), but Mom had a CT scan three weeks ago.  She had a follow up today with her chemo oncologist and I am happy to report that everything still looks great!  Her doctor is very pleased with how she looks, although the continued weight loss is a bit of a concern.  Mom recognizes that she isn't eating a great deal but is becoming increasingly active.  At the same time, Mom had some spare weight to lose so she's not withering away just yet and it returning to health quickly.

This weekend is big for her!  Last May, her dear friend Marilyn suggested Mom join many other friends for a women's cruise.  Marilyn cruises frequently, but Mom was never much of a traveler.  However, this was presented to her right before her cancer diagnosis, and in many ways I think in the beginning it was something to look forward to and to fight for.  We were all very optimistic that she'd make the trip as it became evident that the cancer was gone, but with the esophagus issue we began to have concerns again.  As it turns out, everything has worked out just fine.  She will be flying to Florida on Friday and set out on Saturday.  They are visiting three Caribbean countries, but Mom plans to stay on the ship while her friends tour.  That will give her an opportunity to rest without slowing others down.  I think she will have a great time!

Mom's celebration

Saturday evening my mom was joined by 120+ family members and friends to celebrate her recovery.  Last fall she had mentioned she wanted to throw a pizza party for those who supported her, and our hope became that she would be able to eat with everyone!  She kept putting it off, and the nice thing is that she really was able to enjoy it Saturday.  There were tons of family members there as well as many, many friends.  People truly made an effort to share in her celebration and it was touching...just as it was amazing to watch the people who rallied around her when she was sick.  I honestly only hope that I can half the friend to someone someday that her friends have been to her...they have totally gone above and beyond.  It was really nice to be able to see so much family and everyone had a nice time.  It was a great evening!

Great news for my mom

Twelve days ago, my mother had her esophageal procedure.  I was in tears when her friend called that morning to let me know that things had been successful.  We were all on cloud nine and my mom was immediately able to begin drinking liquids and eating soft foods.

Last week she had to return to Michigan for her follow up appointment.  Her doctor was beyond thrilled with how things had gone and she was released from his care with instructions of being allowed to eat anything at all that she wanted and to follow up as needed with her GI doc here.  We are all so excited!  She has really jumped on the eating bandwagon, and I know how much she is enjoying being able to eat again.  She even ate some potato chips last night!  We are all so grateful!

A day of great news, and pretty crappy news

Yesterday morning my prayers were answered!  Mom's friend Debbie called and said Mom's procedure had gone even better than hoped.  She'd already had a sip of water and it went down very well, and by the end of the day she'd had applesauce.  My mom was EATING again!  There just aren't words to describe my joy.  As Debbie said, if she could do a cartwheel she'd have done one right then.  Mom has to stay in Michigan until tomorrow morning, and again, I can't adequately express my gratitude to Debbie for being there with her.  Our day was filled with a great joy!

But unfortunately, last evening's news was equally devastating.  I've written before about the health problems of Andrew's brother.  Over the last couple of weeks, we had learned that he had lost his sight.  Many in the family seemed to think it was due to a virus he'd had at Christmas, but knowing that he was a diabetic had me concerned as vision problems are a common complication.  We learned last night that the vision loss is permanent.  Andrew's brother is not a person who deals with adversity well, and this will be a very difficult pill to swallow.  Due to a wound on his foot, he is currently in a health facility, and will be for the next couple of months.  What happens next remains to be seen.

It's hard to believe that such a high and a low could both occur in the same day.  I send up both prayers of gratitude, and of peace.