We went to see my grandmother

Thomas and Lyndi had mentioned last week that they wanted to see my grandmother, and we all know that sooner is better than later.  My sister had said she had a good day on Friday.  She called yesterday and let us know that she wasn't as good as Friday, although better than earlier in the week.  Thomas brought their wedding album along and showed Grandma pictures.  She really enjoyed that.  Grandma was pleased that she remembered having met Lyndi before, and there were a few other things she was pleased she could recall.  It was a pleasant visit.

Last evening, there was a big part of me that was angry that my grandmother is still alive.  I know that probably sounds terrible, but I know this is not at all how my grandmother ever wanted to live.  She had 90 amazing years, and even the first year or two that she was in assisted living weren't awful.  But especially the last two years have not been the life she ever wanted, and the last two months the decline has been more severe.  The woman I loved and knew is gone, and I'm sad about that.  I miss her.  But it's hard to grieve someone who is still actually here.  I know that Grandma is ready, and I know that she is looking forward to being reunited with Grandpa and my dad, and her siblings, etc.  When she passes, it will not be a tragedy.

I will always be grateful for the time we spent with Grandma.  She was a huge part of my life, and without a doubt one of the strongest people I've ever known.  She's been a huge blessing in my life.