I think when you wake up on a Monday morning to news of what will turn out to be the largest massacre in modern American history, it's no surprise that it's a tough week overall. Today I subbed in three different English classes. I enjoyed the day overall, but it meant that I had to watch the end of Of Mice and Men three times. Honestly, it put a pit in my stomach this morning. And of course, it was a week with very little sleep. I'm grateful we are at the weekend, but honestly, it is bringing up some other tough emotions.
This weekend is Homecoming at school. The kids at school are all excited about their plans...their dinner and the dance, and for some parties that are afterward. Catherine is attending the dance with a friend, but they are only going to the dance. Robert is not attending at all. It's a little heartbreaking to witness my kids being so socially awkward. I know in the long run they are okay, but for right now, it's just been a tough emotional week. No matter what though, we have each other!
Friday, October 6, 2017
Thursday, October 5, 2017
Being a coach's wife
I have been a coach's wife pretty much since the time I got married. Andrew had coached football while we were dating, and although he took two years off right after we married, he started coaching again after those two years. Even in the years since he gave up coaching high school football, he was often coaching one of our kids in an activity. The man is a coach.
I learned early on about being a coach's wife. At the high school games, the coaches' wives and families always sat together. It basically was the assistant coaches' families sitting in a ring around the head coach's family. The coaching families don't necessarily want to sit near players' families, because sometimes there is complaining about the coaching. I can speak from experience when I say it can be challenging not to take that personally. The players' families don't want to sit the near coaching families either...it is a mutual understanding. The head coach is the one really making the decision, and that is why his family is the most insulated. It is an unspoken part of the coaching experience.
Things tend to be a little better at the rec league, and of course certain sports tend to bring on less ire than others. Football though, is one of the most challenging in my opinion. There is never a lack of opinions from parents in the stands about how things should be done. I am a player's mother, but I am also a coach's wife, and our son is not a talented player. It is an interesting dynamic in our lives right now and to be honest, it is one I won't miss when the season is over!
I learned early on about being a coach's wife. At the high school games, the coaches' wives and families always sat together. It basically was the assistant coaches' families sitting in a ring around the head coach's family. The coaching families don't necessarily want to sit near players' families, because sometimes there is complaining about the coaching. I can speak from experience when I say it can be challenging not to take that personally. The players' families don't want to sit the near coaching families either...it is a mutual understanding. The head coach is the one really making the decision, and that is why his family is the most insulated. It is an unspoken part of the coaching experience.
Things tend to be a little better at the rec league, and of course certain sports tend to bring on less ire than others. Football though, is one of the most challenging in my opinion. There is never a lack of opinions from parents in the stands about how things should be done. I am a player's mother, but I am also a coach's wife, and our son is not a talented player. It is an interesting dynamic in our lives right now and to be honest, it is one I won't miss when the season is over!
Lots of emotions and some tears
Thomas had another football game last night. I left Catherine in town with the dog (which made her happy) and took Robert along with me. We arrived just in time for the 8th grade game to begin. It was a really, really good game. I watched Thomas shadow his father throughout the entire game. Andrew had told us a story a couple of weeks ago about wanting to put a player in the game and couldn't find him, and Thomas was not going to let that happen to him. Thomas was almost always nearly just two or three steps away from his dad during the entire game.
It was an amazingly close game, and was a scoreless tie at halftime. I know that doesn't sound very exciting, but it actually was. Our team couldn't get much going offensively, but had put up some amazing defensive stands. The game was still a scoreless tie at the end of the third quarter, and Thomas hadn't yet taken the field. I knew this was problematic, as Thomas is not at all talented, and it can be challenging to not have your best players in during close games. As I watched our team punt with three minutes left in the fourth quarter, I knew Thomas wasn't getting in the game, and I could tell, even from the stands, that Thomas knew it too. My heart began to hurt and my eyes began to fill with tears as I could see Thomas's reaction on the sideline. The tough part is that Andrew has always made a commitment to get every player into the game, and usually for at least two series. But there was his own son who hadn't touched the field.
The opposing team began to drive down the field, and the tensions were high at the end of the game. When it looked like we had them stopped, a penalty was called on our defense that gave the opposing team more chances. The game came down to a play with 16 seconds left. It was fourth down and they needed only about six yards to get into the endzone. Our defense held though (while I was holding my breath) and we took over on downs. All we needed was to make sure we could snap the ball and get out of the endzone and the game would be a tie. While not a moral victory, the goal line stand was incredible and our team was excited. Between the stress of watching the game and hurting for my son, I was really fighting the tears.
Thomas walked up and I could see the hurt on his face. He was trying so hard not to show his emotions, but they were evident on his face. I asked if he was mad at his dad, and he said he was. I reminded him that he had played the week before and that no one could take that away from him, and that no matter what he was still part of the team. He wanted to ride the bus home, so I walked over to Andrew and very tersely told him I was leaving and that I was hurting that my son was so heartbroken.
Andrew texted me when he got back to the school to let me know they were on their way home, and to ask if I was mad at him. I wasn't angry, I was just emotionally drained by that point. It had been a long week with my kiddos, and although Robert's stress and emotions had been brought on himself by his own choices, it still hurts to see my kids hurting. Andrew came home and told me how angry he was as Thomas's father at Thomas's coach, and we both smiled at the dilemma of it all. Thomas had a couple of players talk to him and he felt better about that, but it was such an emotional evening.
Between shear physical exhaustion, the emotions of the week as a parent, and maybe even due to the full moon, I'm still feeling emotional today. But, we have almost made it to the weekend!
It was an amazingly close game, and was a scoreless tie at halftime. I know that doesn't sound very exciting, but it actually was. Our team couldn't get much going offensively, but had put up some amazing defensive stands. The game was still a scoreless tie at the end of the third quarter, and Thomas hadn't yet taken the field. I knew this was problematic, as Thomas is not at all talented, and it can be challenging to not have your best players in during close games. As I watched our team punt with three minutes left in the fourth quarter, I knew Thomas wasn't getting in the game, and I could tell, even from the stands, that Thomas knew it too. My heart began to hurt and my eyes began to fill with tears as I could see Thomas's reaction on the sideline. The tough part is that Andrew has always made a commitment to get every player into the game, and usually for at least two series. But there was his own son who hadn't touched the field.
The opposing team began to drive down the field, and the tensions were high at the end of the game. When it looked like we had them stopped, a penalty was called on our defense that gave the opposing team more chances. The game came down to a play with 16 seconds left. It was fourth down and they needed only about six yards to get into the endzone. Our defense held though (while I was holding my breath) and we took over on downs. All we needed was to make sure we could snap the ball and get out of the endzone and the game would be a tie. While not a moral victory, the goal line stand was incredible and our team was excited. Between the stress of watching the game and hurting for my son, I was really fighting the tears.
Thomas walked up and I could see the hurt on his face. He was trying so hard not to show his emotions, but they were evident on his face. I asked if he was mad at his dad, and he said he was. I reminded him that he had played the week before and that no one could take that away from him, and that no matter what he was still part of the team. He wanted to ride the bus home, so I walked over to Andrew and very tersely told him I was leaving and that I was hurting that my son was so heartbroken.
Andrew texted me when he got back to the school to let me know they were on their way home, and to ask if I was mad at him. I wasn't angry, I was just emotionally drained by that point. It had been a long week with my kiddos, and although Robert's stress and emotions had been brought on himself by his own choices, it still hurts to see my kids hurting. Andrew came home and told me how angry he was as Thomas's father at Thomas's coach, and we both smiled at the dilemma of it all. Thomas had a couple of players talk to him and he felt better about that, but it was such an emotional evening.
Between shear physical exhaustion, the emotions of the week as a parent, and maybe even due to the full moon, I'm still feeling emotional today. But, we have almost made it to the weekend!
Wednesday, October 4, 2017
So grateful for this job
People who read this blog might think sometimes I'm a little "pie-in-the-sky" optimistic. I most certainly am not, but I do try to remember my blessings. I am definitely a worrier and I can struggle with anxiety at times, but I also try to hold onto my faith which always helps get me through tough times.
Last evening, a job popped up for today that I was excited about. It is a freshman science job, and I always prefer to be at the high school. It is also early release day which is a bonus! I don't know many of the freshmen yet, but I am learning, and I have truly enjoyed the day.
As I was arriving at school this morning, I watched Andrew walk into the school, with Catherine and Thomas following behind. It really filled my heart getting to see my family walk together like that. The classroom I am in is two doors down from Andrew's, and we were able to eat lunch together. I don't have to worry about missing my kids' activities or doctor appointments, and yesterday I even got to be off for the day and run some errands that required most of the day.
There are certainly plenty of stresses and struggles in life, but my "job" is certainly not one of them. And even the struggles and stresses are certainly nothing compared to so many in the world. When I think about it, there is no way I can't be grateful for this life!
Last evening, a job popped up for today that I was excited about. It is a freshman science job, and I always prefer to be at the high school. It is also early release day which is a bonus! I don't know many of the freshmen yet, but I am learning, and I have truly enjoyed the day.
As I was arriving at school this morning, I watched Andrew walk into the school, with Catherine and Thomas following behind. It really filled my heart getting to see my family walk together like that. The classroom I am in is two doors down from Andrew's, and we were able to eat lunch together. I don't have to worry about missing my kids' activities or doctor appointments, and yesterday I even got to be off for the day and run some errands that required most of the day.
There are certainly plenty of stresses and struggles in life, but my "job" is certainly not one of them. And even the struggles and stresses are certainly nothing compared to so many in the world. When I think about it, there is no way I can't be grateful for this life!
It felt like going home
Last week I had to take both Catherine and Thomas back to our former town for a doctor appointment. We were ridiculously early. I tend to be an overplanner, and I had a very scheduled day so I we got into town unbelievably early. It is a 45 minute drive, and I just never know how long it is going to take. Anyway, we were so early that I didn't want to go into the office just yet because I knew there was no way they were going to be ready for us. We decided to take a quick jaunt around town and specifically wanted to drive past our old house. While I loved that house, I don't miss it. The house we live in now is so much better for us and it honestly feels like a dream come true. Regardless, we drove past the house and the kids commented on a couple of changes they noticed. I think Thomas misses the house a bit, and I know that we all miss that town. As we were driving around town, I couldn't get over just how much it felt like we were "home". It's different there, and I can't explain it. Andrew has always said after the kids graduates he wants to move back there, and maybe we will. It will always be a special place to me.
Monday, October 2, 2017
Sometimes all you can do is pray
Sometimes all you can do is pray. I've felt that way about the recent hurricanes. We donated money for relief efforts, but mostly we prayed. I've felt that way about my grandmother and aunt, both of whom have recently been diagnosed with skin cancer. Aunt Cathy has melanoma and is the more serious of the two. I've offered support in terms of transportation and other things, but sometimes the best thing I can do is pray. I awoke to the horrifying news of the shooting in Las Vegas. At this point there seems to be nothing to do but pray.
As a parent, sometimes all that can be done is praying. It is especially true of our oldest. He is making less-than-great decisions again. Not nearly as awful as they were a couple of years ago, but not good ones either. Honestly, it just comes down to the fact that he still thinks he has his life all figured out, and he is still intent on doing things his way. His way always seems to be the harder way, but at some point we just have to let him learn and figure it out on his own. Those are definitely the times when all you can do is pray!
As a parent, sometimes all that can be done is praying. It is especially true of our oldest. He is making less-than-great decisions again. Not nearly as awful as they were a couple of years ago, but not good ones either. Honestly, it just comes down to the fact that he still thinks he has his life all figured out, and he is still intent on doing things his way. His way always seems to be the harder way, but at some point we just have to let him learn and figure it out on his own. Those are definitely the times when all you can do is pray!
October has arrived!
September felt like a very long month. It wasn't that anything necessarily awful happened, it just was extremely busy. October has all of the same activities, but with the exception of band, the activities end by about 2/3 of the way through October so there is some breathing time at the end of the month.
October is also usually a gorgeous month, and the beauty of the month fills me with such peace. I can't even describe it most of the time. Right now we are going to have a really warm week, but it should start to cool off by early next week. We had a fairly cool weekend and I love having the candles lit. I'm ready for this month...and hopefully it doesn't disappoint!
October is also usually a gorgeous month, and the beauty of the month fills me with such peace. I can't even describe it most of the time. Right now we are going to have a really warm week, but it should start to cool off by early next week. We had a fairly cool weekend and I love having the candles lit. I'm ready for this month...and hopefully it doesn't disappoint!
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