This time last year we were driving east to visit my in-laws for the new year. I never would've imagined then that I would be sitting in a different house in a different town, and that my father would not longer be with us. Either of those scenarios is more change than I like in a year, let alone having them both occur this year.
As much as I'm ready to start the new year with much happiness, there is a part of me that doesn't want 2013 to end. One reason is that a very dear friend of the family is expected to pass at any moment, and I don't look forward to starting 2014 in that way. The other is that by moving into 2014, I feel like I am leaving my dad behind. No matter what happens this year, my dad won't be here to be a part of any of it, and that is tough.
I am so grateful that we still have until next week for reality to set back in for my family. I am looking forward to a couple of days of hanging out and down time!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Thursday, December 26, 2013
It was very lovely
In spite of the fact that my father passed away six weeks ago today, I really enjoyed Christmas. I am not at all certain that my mother, grandmother, and sister would agree with my assessment, but having kids helps tremendously. They keep the magic and wonder in the holiday...and keep this mom smiling.
Christmas Eve ended up being almost exactly what I wanted, although there were parts of the day that were tough. Not only did I miss Dad, I was feeling so very alone and a little "lost" in our new town where we really don't know anyone. We went to 3:30 Mass, followed by our annual Chinese food for dinner. After we ate, we drove around neighborhoods in our new town. We loved the fact that in the community park we were able to watch some deer...it was so quiet and there was literally not another vehicle around. When came home, and the kids were able to open their gifts from out-of-town friends, and we gave them the one gift they receive each year from "Mom & Dad"...pajamas! We all curled up on the couch (we recently purchased a new, very large couch) and settled into watch our DVD of "Charlie Brown's Christmas" and the animated "Grinch who Stole Christmas" was on as that ended. I then read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas to everyone and Thomas and Catherine especially, were eager to get to bed.
Everyone was up and at 'em about 8:00 on Christmas morning. The kids were very thrilled with their gifts, and Andrew and I also received so many fun presents. We were able to have a somewhat lazy morning before making the 75 minute drive to my sister's house. Our little immediate family exchanged gifts before aunts/uncles/cousins arrived for dinner. It was pretty much bed time by the time we arrived home, and to be honest, I was equally exhausted.
There were definitely times that I missed Dad and tears would start to form, but overall it was nice. I also know that each day and each year will get easier in terms of him being gone, so this was the toughest one.
Today we are trying to get some things taken care of before we head east to visit Andrew's parents, but we just found out before we leave town we get to sign papers to close the sale on the house tomorrow!
Christmas Eve ended up being almost exactly what I wanted, although there were parts of the day that were tough. Not only did I miss Dad, I was feeling so very alone and a little "lost" in our new town where we really don't know anyone. We went to 3:30 Mass, followed by our annual Chinese food for dinner. After we ate, we drove around neighborhoods in our new town. We loved the fact that in the community park we were able to watch some deer...it was so quiet and there was literally not another vehicle around. When came home, and the kids were able to open their gifts from out-of-town friends, and we gave them the one gift they receive each year from "Mom & Dad"...pajamas! We all curled up on the couch (we recently purchased a new, very large couch) and settled into watch our DVD of "Charlie Brown's Christmas" and the animated "Grinch who Stole Christmas" was on as that ended. I then read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas to everyone and Thomas and Catherine especially, were eager to get to bed.
Everyone was up and at 'em about 8:00 on Christmas morning. The kids were very thrilled with their gifts, and Andrew and I also received so many fun presents. We were able to have a somewhat lazy morning before making the 75 minute drive to my sister's house. Our little immediate family exchanged gifts before aunts/uncles/cousins arrived for dinner. It was pretty much bed time by the time we arrived home, and to be honest, I was equally exhausted.
There were definitely times that I missed Dad and tears would start to form, but overall it was nice. I also know that each day and each year will get easier in terms of him being gone, so this was the toughest one.
Today we are trying to get some things taken care of before we head east to visit Andrew's parents, but we just found out before we leave town we get to sign papers to close the sale on the house tomorrow!
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
All wrapped up
For the first time in probably a decade, every present is wrapped and ready to go. I had to stay up really, really late last night to make that happen, but I am very glad that I did. Andrew was up making a cheesecake for tomorrow's meal at my sister's house, so it isn't like we would've been able to sit and just hang out anyway. I am so very looking forward to our evening tonight when we will both be able to do exactly that!
Christmas Eve
It truly seems unbelievable to me that Christmas Eve is here. This time next week it will be the last day of 2013. As much as I am so very ready to put 2013 behind me, there is also a huge part of me that doesn't want to see it end. There is a part of me that feels like I'm leaving my dad behind by moving on. I know that doesn't make any rational sense, but I also know it's pretty normal.
We started our Christmas on Sunday at my grandmother's house. We had a very nice visit with everyone. My aunt and cousins all live here in our new town (or the next town over), but the 14 of us drove the 75 minutes to my hometown. We understand Grandma wanting to have it at her house, but we have much more room, and it really would make sense for my my sister, mom and grandmother to drive down here in one car instead of the four vehicles it takes for us to go north. Maybe next year!
I think Mom, Grandma, and my sister had a rough day, but I enjoyed the magic of watching my kids enjoy their gifts. It truly is soothing and comforting watching children and the magic of Christmas. Yesterday though, oh yesterday was a tough day. My dad was a very last minute shopper and I remember many phones calls on the 23rd and 24th as he was out searching for the perfect gift. This was especially true once he had grandkids. He loved finding something special that he knew would absolutely delight them.
Today my husband has headed back to my hometown to get pick up something to complete the kids' gifts. Later we are headed to church, and then we are hanging out here at home. We are hoping to watch Charlie Brown and read a few Christmas books. I am so grateful for these amazing children who bring such magic to the holiday!
We started our Christmas on Sunday at my grandmother's house. We had a very nice visit with everyone. My aunt and cousins all live here in our new town (or the next town over), but the 14 of us drove the 75 minutes to my hometown. We understand Grandma wanting to have it at her house, but we have much more room, and it really would make sense for my my sister, mom and grandmother to drive down here in one car instead of the four vehicles it takes for us to go north. Maybe next year!
I think Mom, Grandma, and my sister had a rough day, but I enjoyed the magic of watching my kids enjoy their gifts. It truly is soothing and comforting watching children and the magic of Christmas. Yesterday though, oh yesterday was a tough day. My dad was a very last minute shopper and I remember many phones calls on the 23rd and 24th as he was out searching for the perfect gift. This was especially true once he had grandkids. He loved finding something special that he knew would absolutely delight them.
Today my husband has headed back to my hometown to get pick up something to complete the kids' gifts. Later we are headed to church, and then we are hanging out here at home. We are hoping to watch Charlie Brown and read a few Christmas books. I am so grateful for these amazing children who bring such magic to the holiday!
Friday, December 20, 2013
What we decided about work
Back at the beginning of September, I remember thinking to myself that I couldn't believe I was going to have "four entire months" of being a stay-at-home mom while the kids were at school. I had visions of an amazingly relaxing fall and peace-filled days. Clearly, I was delusional.
In October, I also had a conversation with a friend's mother. She was asking if I had a job here. I explained I would probably go back in January. She mentioned that while everyone talks about being home with the kids when they are little, she feels it is actually more important when they are teens. She had a daughter that was quite a rebellious little thing, and I remember thinking she must know what she's talking about. I didn't though...we weren't really there yet.
Now though, now I get it. I want to be here when the teenagers walk though the door each day. I want them to know that I am here, be it because they need me, need to talk to me, or just so that I'm here and they can't get away with anything.
I really started thinking about this after my father passed away. At that time I was going to talk to Andrew about waiting until February. This has been a tough, tough few months on our family, and I didn't want to add more to our plates. However, after these last couple of weeks with Robert, I changed my mind (and I do not want everyone to be overly concerned...Andrew assures me that he still sees much worse every day from teens, and that part of this is the fact that he is very emotionally immature for his age). I talked to Andrew about staying home for the entire year, and he agreed it might be a good idea. We both know that it means some belt tightening (we can not do a spring break trip and a summer vacation, less eating out, etc.) but since the house sale should be closed within the next few weeks, we can do this. I honestly think this is the best decision for our family!
In October, I also had a conversation with a friend's mother. She was asking if I had a job here. I explained I would probably go back in January. She mentioned that while everyone talks about being home with the kids when they are little, she feels it is actually more important when they are teens. She had a daughter that was quite a rebellious little thing, and I remember thinking she must know what she's talking about. I didn't though...we weren't really there yet.
Now though, now I get it. I want to be here when the teenagers walk though the door each day. I want them to know that I am here, be it because they need me, need to talk to me, or just so that I'm here and they can't get away with anything.
I really started thinking about this after my father passed away. At that time I was going to talk to Andrew about waiting until February. This has been a tough, tough few months on our family, and I didn't want to add more to our plates. However, after these last couple of weeks with Robert, I changed my mind (and I do not want everyone to be overly concerned...Andrew assures me that he still sees much worse every day from teens, and that part of this is the fact that he is very emotionally immature for his age). I talked to Andrew about staying home for the entire year, and he agreed it might be a good idea. We both know that it means some belt tightening (we can not do a spring break trip and a summer vacation, less eating out, etc.) but since the house sale should be closed within the next few weeks, we can do this. I honestly think this is the best decision for our family!
We are on Winter break!
We are all so excited that today is the first day of break...well, almost "all". Andrew still has to work today, but only expects to be there a half day. This family could use some serious down time!
I have never in my life referred to this as "winter" break before. In my childhood hometown and the town from which we just moved it was clearly a "Christmas" break. This town though, is much more diverse and I am grateful that my children experience that.
Sunday begins our official family Christmas celebrations. I am so ready for the holidays!
I have never in my life referred to this as "winter" break before. In my childhood hometown and the town from which we just moved it was clearly a "Christmas" break. This town though, is much more diverse and I am grateful that my children experience that.
Sunday begins our official family Christmas celebrations. I am so ready for the holidays!
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Helluva day
Yesterday was a day, that no matter how much we might like, we aren't going to forget anytime soon. I shall recap.
My day started with catching Robert in a lie. This, sadly, is absolutely nothing new. It has become extreme...lying is more natural to him than telling the truth, and as a parent that scares me. As the day progressed and I was doing some digging into his lie, I found even more deceptions. I called Andrew to ask him if he would make sure he was here when Robert got off the bus so we could discuss it with him together. While I was on the phone with Andrew, I received a call from the realtor that while closing was originally supposed to be yesterday, the loan processing had hit a snag. Remember when I said this particular offer carried more risk? Yepper. Fortunately, this snag is able to over come, but it is delaying the process and is also going to cost us about $1000.
As Andrew walked in the door yesterday, he was on his cell phone with his dad. Andrew's mother had been taken to the local hospital and was being admitted for severe abdominal pain. The "good news" is that she was only a few rooms away from Andrew's brother who has been in the hospital over a month recovering and rehabbing from a stroke he suffered the day after my father passed away. It paralyzed the left side of his body, but fortunately he is making progress. It appears as though my mother-in-law is suffering from a severe kidney infection which required them to go in and attempt to drain the infection, and she also has a kidney stone.
When Robert arrived home, we had a talk, and I honestly felt the situation went as well as it could be expected as that point. He basically understands that we simply have zero tolerance for lying, and he has to figure out a way to start telling the truth. He also understands that he has a long road to go in building trust with us again.
I made a quick dinner of spaghetti because we had some other issues to deal with. I really wanted to do laundry, especially since Thomas had been sick (he stayed home from school yesterday), but our washer had stopped working Friday. I called the people who had been out to repair it Friday (they fixed it, but after two loads Friday evening it stopped working again) and they gave me some suggestions I might try that wouldn't require them coming out again. Andrew started to disconnect the hoses right before dinner, during which Catherine had such a tantrum over being asked to feed the cats that she picked up her stoneware dinner plate of spaghetti and through it across the room, smashing it in to many pieces, but fortunately not hurting anyone or anything else. We informed her that she was going to clean it up which included mopping the floor, and this sent her spiraling into a further tantrum. She did this often as a child, but we rarely see this behavior anymore. Because we were so focused on dealing with that, Andrew forgot about the washing machine. This would not have been a big deal except that when he went back it after we put the kids to bed, we realized that the water to the hoses had not been turned completely off, and therefore we now had standing water in the laundry room. Awesome. We started cleaning that up and I crawled back behind the washer in an attempt to implement some of the suggestions we were given to fix the washer. As I was there, I noticed that I heard dripping in the sunroom. Andrew went to investigate, and sure enough, it seems as though we had an ice jam and water was leaking into the sunroom through the door. We had another little flood in there. Fortunately the room has a tiled floor, but we still had things to clean up in there as well...and we still hadn't finished the laundry room! Andrew went up on the roof to try to clear and clean things (at 9:30!), and I stayed inside to work on clean up.
It was nearly 11:00 when Andrew and I finally sat down last evening to relax with a glass of wine. We both agreed it was a VERY long and trying day, but we also know that most of this was short term stress and that overall life is still pretty good. Still, given the way things had gone, it seemed only fitting that Andrew broke a wine glass as he was turning off the lights in the family room to go to bed!
My day started with catching Robert in a lie. This, sadly, is absolutely nothing new. It has become extreme...lying is more natural to him than telling the truth, and as a parent that scares me. As the day progressed and I was doing some digging into his lie, I found even more deceptions. I called Andrew to ask him if he would make sure he was here when Robert got off the bus so we could discuss it with him together. While I was on the phone with Andrew, I received a call from the realtor that while closing was originally supposed to be yesterday, the loan processing had hit a snag. Remember when I said this particular offer carried more risk? Yepper. Fortunately, this snag is able to over come, but it is delaying the process and is also going to cost us about $1000.
As Andrew walked in the door yesterday, he was on his cell phone with his dad. Andrew's mother had been taken to the local hospital and was being admitted for severe abdominal pain. The "good news" is that she was only a few rooms away from Andrew's brother who has been in the hospital over a month recovering and rehabbing from a stroke he suffered the day after my father passed away. It paralyzed the left side of his body, but fortunately he is making progress. It appears as though my mother-in-law is suffering from a severe kidney infection which required them to go in and attempt to drain the infection, and she also has a kidney stone.
When Robert arrived home, we had a talk, and I honestly felt the situation went as well as it could be expected as that point. He basically understands that we simply have zero tolerance for lying, and he has to figure out a way to start telling the truth. He also understands that he has a long road to go in building trust with us again.
I made a quick dinner of spaghetti because we had some other issues to deal with. I really wanted to do laundry, especially since Thomas had been sick (he stayed home from school yesterday), but our washer had stopped working Friday. I called the people who had been out to repair it Friday (they fixed it, but after two loads Friday evening it stopped working again) and they gave me some suggestions I might try that wouldn't require them coming out again. Andrew started to disconnect the hoses right before dinner, during which Catherine had such a tantrum over being asked to feed the cats that she picked up her stoneware dinner plate of spaghetti and through it across the room, smashing it in to many pieces, but fortunately not hurting anyone or anything else. We informed her that she was going to clean it up which included mopping the floor, and this sent her spiraling into a further tantrum. She did this often as a child, but we rarely see this behavior anymore. Because we were so focused on dealing with that, Andrew forgot about the washing machine. This would not have been a big deal except that when he went back it after we put the kids to bed, we realized that the water to the hoses had not been turned completely off, and therefore we now had standing water in the laundry room. Awesome. We started cleaning that up and I crawled back behind the washer in an attempt to implement some of the suggestions we were given to fix the washer. As I was there, I noticed that I heard dripping in the sunroom. Andrew went to investigate, and sure enough, it seems as though we had an ice jam and water was leaking into the sunroom through the door. We had another little flood in there. Fortunately the room has a tiled floor, but we still had things to clean up in there as well...and we still hadn't finished the laundry room! Andrew went up on the roof to try to clear and clean things (at 9:30!), and I stayed inside to work on clean up.
It was nearly 11:00 when Andrew and I finally sat down last evening to relax with a glass of wine. We both agreed it was a VERY long and trying day, but we also know that most of this was short term stress and that overall life is still pretty good. Still, given the way things had gone, it seemed only fitting that Andrew broke a wine glass as he was turning off the lights in the family room to go to bed!
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