Piper

We had to put one of our cats, Piper, down this morning.  She had developed heart failure and I couldn't let her suffer.  She and her twin brother came to live with me thirteen years ago this coming Tuesday when they were only six weeks old.  They were my first babies.

While outwardly I behaved to everyone as though I thought she just had a cold, in my heart, I knew.  I sat with her last night and told her how much I loved her and that I wouldn't let her suffer.  I thanked her for all the love she had given me over the years and thanked her for helping to keep me warm on cold nights.  Almost always it is Andrew who takes care of vet appointments, but as I pulled out of the driveway this morning it reaffirmed what I already knew.  She wasn't coming home, and it was this weekend so that I would be the one there with her.  It was supposed to be that way because I was the one with her in the beginning.  She meowed and meowed the entire way there, just like she did the day I brought her home.  That's how she got the name "Piper", because she wouldn't pipe down on the entire drive home.  She was also the stronger one of the two in the beginning and little Wally followed her everywhere, just like the Pied Piper.  She hadn't like to sit on my lap in the last year or so, but today she sat there and just let me pet her, in fact nearly demanded that I pet her.  She even let me hold her in my arms before I had to sign the papers and she NEVER liked to be held.  I know that she knew too.

I know without a doubt, that it was time and it was the right thing to do, but it sure does feel like it stinks right now.  The hardest part is that my children are hurting, and I can't take away their pain.  I know in the big scheme of life that this is not a tragedy and overall life is pretty good.  But for today, I'm going to allow myself to cry...a lot.