I've written before about our displeasure with this baseball season. As I've said to Andrew, perhaps we were naive about select ball. We made an apparently incorrect assumption that the boys would still be developed as players...instead it was a "win at all cost" mentality. My husband even mentioned that perhaps that is why he was never a hugely successful freshmen football coach. He believed, even at the freshmen high school level, that everyone should play at least a little, even if it meant the "best team" wasn't always on the field. He acknowledges that varsity is different...that should be about winning, but he felt his job at the freshmen level was developing players...all of his players.
We received a call from another parent on the team Thursday morning while we were on vacation. He was upset and wanted to know why the team had played in a weekend tournament and his son had not been included. He had tried reaching the head coach more than once but had never heard back from him. My husband had no idea what this parent was talking about and was a little shocked by it. I should also mention that Robert and this other child were clearly the two weakest players on the team. Andrew explained the conversation to me when he got off the phone, and immediately I knew...this was the end of the friendship. I explained to Andrew that while a bunch of us had gone to dinner after the last game of the season, one of the parents had mentioned to the head coach (who, if you will remember, refers to Andrew as his best friend) that they would be available on those dates. I noticed the blood drained from the head coach's face and that was the end of the discussion. I said nothing and simply filed it away in my memory...and that "file" jumped front and center when my husband told me about the conversation. I had no doubt that the team had played in a tournament, and that these two players and my husband, an assistant coach, had been purposely excluded. And the fact that the head coach's wife never even mentioned anything in passing made me pretty certain it was intended that we would never find out.
When we arrived home Saturday evening, there was an email from the head coach to all of the players about try outs that are happening this coming weekend. Again, my husband is supposedly an assistant coach, and he knew nothing at all about this. Obviously whether or not Andrew could be there to help with evaluations and selecting the team meant nothing to the coach. We learned about it just like everyone else, and I was pretty sure it was another way to "weed out" the weaker players.
Andrew called the coach yesterday, and it was apparent by the coach's jovial attitude in the beginning that he had no idea we were upset. Andrew asked him about the tournament and he responded that it happened when we left for vacation so he knew we wouldn't be interested. My husband pointed out that as an assistant coach, he still should've been informed, and asked how does that explain about the other boy? The coach then said that he had taken his best ten players statistically and others he had picked up for this tournament...clearly indicating that he had no interest in the two excluded players attending. Andrew then asked about the tryouts...if he is still a coach why wasn't he involved in the planning of the tryouts? The coach responded that Andrew hadn't been around much and he needed to move forward. Not around much? Other than the last week, we've been here and the coach's family was the one that took a two week vacation. And it's not like this man has ever been shy about contacting us on our cell phones. He simply didn't care, and basically said so when his statement to Andrew was that he didn't have time to deal with this...this wasn't a priority. Andrew responded, "Okay. We'll talk about his later. Maybe." and that was the end of the conversation.
I think it is so sad that this man became so focused on putting together the perfect team to win that he was willing to risk, and ultimately lose, a friendship that had once been so close. We've vacationed and celebrated holidays and special occasions with them, but that is very unlikely to happen again. I'm not sure how to feel about his wife because I feel she was involved in being part of the cover up to make sure we didn't know what was happening. Maybe I shouldn't let this drama get to me, but honestly I thought I had reached adulthood, where friends didn't treat friends this way. Some might feel that we are over reacting because we are moving anyway and weren't planning to return to the team next spring, and had Andrew "just" been an assistant coach and not a friend, we would probably feel differently.
As you can imagine, this ridiculous drama, along with my dad's health and impending move (and two house payments...keep mentioning that don't I?) is playing havoc with my nerves. I know that overall we are very, very, very blessed that we are able to afford to do what we are doing, and that all of this is going to work out and life goes on. I'm very grateful I have an absolutely amazing husband who stands up for what he thinks is right, and who stands up for our children. We are all so very lucky!
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