Three more days

Counting today, there are three more days of school.  These are all make up days that have been added to our calendar because of our winter, and so the school is doing early releases for all of them.  I don't particularly mind, although it makes a waste of a day at the end of the year even less meaningful.

Yesterday was field day at Thomas's school.  They serve a picnic lunch and parents are invited to join.  Because Andrew's finals started yesterday, he was finished with students in time to join us.  As I sat there, I still felt that tinge of loneliness in not knowing anyone, and am beginning to wonder if I ever really will.  But I also felt amazing gratitude that my children were in these schools.  My hopes for how their school year would go (at least the school portion, not so much the rest of our lives) were far exceeded.

The rest of our lives, well, just ugh.  Andrew's brother took a turn for the worst this week and was taken to ICU.  He was moved back to a regular floor yesterday, but there are so many complicating factors in his recovery...not the least of which is his own very negative attitude.  They are attempting to come up with a rehab plan that will work, but it is hard to feel optimistic about his recovery at this point.  My mom has also been feeling so very lousy.  Chemo hit her really, really hard last week, and it's tough knowing in two more weeks we will be right back at it again.  She is also having trouble eating because nothing tastes right.  I so very much wish I could do something for her.

And then there is Robert.  It may be my lack of emotional reserve, but I am pretty much heartbroken over his behaviors.  Trust is completely non-existent, and just when I think we've turned a corner I find out I'm wrong.  I have prayed and prayed about this...that I can be the parent Robert needs me to be and that I can provide the guidance he needs.  He has just reached a stage in life where he is completely convinced that he is all grown up and he knows everything there is to know, and Andrew and I can't possibly know what we are talking about.  I have accepted that he is going to be one where he has to learn the hard way.  Talking about consequences are irrelevant...until he experiences it himself he isn't going to believe it.  There are so many good things about him at the same time, and that gives me hope.

Our weekend should be fun with a few plans, and hopefully time to unwind as well!

It wasn't the same

This past weekend just didn't feel like Memorial Day weekend.  In the past, the weekend has always been full of so much family, and usually friends as well!  Because Robert didn't feel well Sunday, I had to miss the friend gathering.  And there was not one family gathering or function this weekend...no trip to the cemetery, not even a few hours with any single family member.  To be honest, I felt a little disappointed in that.  Our town also doesn't do a Memorial Day parade or any kind of recognition, and it just didn't seem the same.

It did, however, feel like yet another big tease as we head into the end of the school year.  Six more days...and we are SO ready!

Family health issues

There have been some health issues going around in this family.  Andrew developed the stomach bug that Thomas had last week, and while it's by no means the worst out there, it apparently lasts for a week.  It makes me feel better about how Thomas felt.  Robert also seemed to have a touch of it yesterday, although I think his was more exhaustion and stress.

We received a phone call early Saturday afternoon.  Andrew's brother, who has been mostly confined to a wheel chair since his stroke in November, fell out of his wheel chair, it flipped over on him and he broke his femur.  They had to wait to get his sugar under control before they could perform surgery to attach a rod to his femur and hip, and that was done late Saturday night.  We just got a call this morning that he has now developed pneumonia.  They still don't feel there is a need for Andrew to get there, but it isn't good news.

This round of chemo has really hit Mom very hard.  She is still feeling very lousy.  The good news is that it is three weeks between each round, but my heart breaks for her.

Neither my mom nor Andrew's brother is at all religious, but any good thoughts and positive vibes are appreciated!

Half way through

Mom is officially half way through radiation.  She also had chemo on Thursday, and yesterday was a pretty rough day for her.  She is feeling better today though, and is especially glad to be half way through the radiation.  I was able to be with her again for the chemo, and I must say, her optimistic and upbeat spirit is really amazing!

Our Memorial Day weekend

First let me start by saying it is absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous from a weather stand point.  That is one of the things I have loved about Memorial Day weekend.

My dad has always been such a huge part of this weekend.  When we were little, Dad would take my sister and me and leave Friday evening to go spend the weekend with my grandparents in their trailer in Coldwater, MI...truly the home of some of my greatest childhood memories.  We would return on Sundays and listen to the Indy 500 as we returned.  As we had our own children, we would often drive up to spend a day at his place at the lake with him.  In fact, the very last time we were there was a Memorial Day weekend.  Thomas caught his very first fish, and it was one of the very best days we'd had there.  I made my dad a photo album of that fishing trip for Christmas that year.

Nearly every Memorial Day weekend has been spent with my Mom's family as well making our annual cemetery tour and then brunch at our family's favorite restaurant.  That too has been eliminated this year due for several reasons.  I'm a little sad that it doesn't seem this weekend is going to include much family, but it is what it is.

Robert is home from D.C.  He had a wonderful trip and of course arrived home very, very tired.  Not sure there will be much academics remaining for him, or any of the kids, for the last six days of school!

It worked out exactly as I had hoped

My aunt is a wonderful person.  She is truly one of those who would do absolutely anything for anyone, and would go over and above for those she loved.  When I lived in my hometown, it was more often than not she upon whom I relied for taking care of my house when I was out of town.  We once found a stray cat and couldn't add to our group at the time, and my aunt happily took it (and many other strays over the years) into her home.  Unfortunately, she has hit on very hard luck over the years when it comes to her jobs.  She had been working for years for a company that closed its doors during the recession, and as so many did, had trouble finding another job.  Anytime she gets a temp job that can lead to full time work, she is almost always hired on because she is a fabulous employee.  Unfortunately, it also means that she is "low man" on the totem pole and is the first to lose her job during down times or reorganizations.  Right now, she is currently working about 15-20 hours a week as a clerk at a gas station.  She makes basically nothing more than she made on unemployment, but to her it doesn't matter...she has a job and is earning her money.  Her mother, my grandmother, is an extremely wealthy woman.  You would never know it because GG doesn't carry herself that way, and I have no problem with that.  I do, however, have a problem with the fact that GG is so unbelievably tight with her money when her own daughter is struggling so...a daughter who has given up much over the last eight years to be there for GG.  So, I did something about it.  When our tax refund arrived, we went and bought a good amount of gift cards to Kroger.  I wanted our gift to her to be truly anonymous, so I found an envelope and typed the address, and of course there was no return address on it.  My biggest fear was that someone would realize it was gift cards and my attempts to remain anonymous and they would be stolen in the mail.  However, last week at Mom's doctor appointment, she mentioned that Aunt had received these gift cards in the mail and they were all trying to imagine who had sent them.  Mom mentioned that it obviously wasn't GG (ha, ha) and that the person clearly wanted to remain anonymous as the envelope was typed on "an old-fashined" typewriter.  I thought my cover might've been blown at that point, because Mom happened to be sitting right there when my paternal grandmother gave me her old typewriter just a few months ago.  Fortunately Mom didn't make that connection, and I am so pleased to know that the cards arrived safely.  I have been more than blessed over the course of life and truly wish I could do more for her right now...maybe again soon!  Andrew and I did this in honor of my dad, who I know would've done something very similar!  We are so grateful we could do something to help, and we are even more grateful that no one knew it is us!

Single digits, and off to DC!

There are only nine days of school left.  I am so pleased to be into single digits.  I know that I'm always ready for summer, but this year I feel it even more so!

I'm also happy to report that everyone was back in school today.  Catherine still has a horrible cold, but she really wanted to go to school today.  Hopefully Thomas's stomach agreed with him enough as well, but regardless, he seems to have made it through the day.

In about three hours, Robert will be sitting on a bus with many eighth grade classmates on his way to D.C.  He has been talking about this trip, pretty much since he found out about it at the beginning of seventh grade.  They will drive all night tonight, have three days of sightseeing, drive home overnight Friday and return in the very early hours of Saturday morning.  I am confident he is going to have a great time!

Follow up on the day that stunk

I've had very little sleep and we are back from the doctor with my two sick children.  To be honest, I'm exhausted and feeling strained.  The good news is that today IS indeed a better day...but let me tell you how we got here.

There was nothing at all we could do to get Catherine's temp below 101 yesterday.  Tylenol brought it down from the high of 102.8, but still kept it above 101.  We put her to bed at 7:00.  I checked her temp at 9:00 (still over 101) and at 11:00 it was back up to 102.4.  I was able to dose her at that point, and decided I would just sleep on the couch.  I planned to wake every couple of hours to check on her and there was no sense in my husband waking as well.  About 12:30 I was still awake so I went and check on her, and she was still over 101.  I set my alarm for 3:00 and checked again.  She was down to 100.6, so I decided to let her sleep and not medicate.  I checked again at 6:00 and she was down to 100.2, and by the time I got up this morning around 8:00 she was at 99.9.  Awesome news.  I probably would not have take her to the doctor except that strep throat is going around and she is complaining of a sore throat, and...

Thomas is still having stomach issues.  He looks like he has been hit by a truck and simply doesn't want to eat much.  I decided he did need to be seen by a doctor, and might as well take Catherine as well.

Of course by the time we get to the doctor Catherine's temp is perfectly normal.  I would expect nothing less!  Thomas never did run a fever.  The doctor assured me that Thomas's virus was just that and it would run its course.  Apparently this is going around.  Catherine has a head cold and sinus infection so he did give us an antibiotic for that.  I felt almost silly for being at the doctor this morning, but four days of stomach issues seemed to be cause for concern.  I don't regret taking them, and I'm happy to hear the doctor isn't concerned!  Hopefully everyone can get some decent sleep tonight!

This day has just stunk

I know that things could be worse, and I try so hard to remember this is just today...tomorrow is a new (and hopefully a better) day.  Catherine is really feeling miserable.  Her fever spiked at one point to 102.8, but we got it back down with Tylenol.  I already know that she is going to be home tomorrow, and I've already looked into locating an urgent care (we have trouble finding a doctor who will take the kids' insurance) in case things don't go well.  And trust me when I tell you that I seriously doubt that I will sleep well...I suspect I will constantly be checking her temp.  And Thomas...ugh!  I'm torn between being absolutely terrified that something is seriously wrong and being ready to wring his neck because I'm beginning to wonder if he's causing himself to throw up subconsciously.  That sounds ridiculous, but as long as he is eating things he likes, everything is fine.  Have him take something he doesn't like, and he runs to vomit.  I am praying so hard that he just wakes up tomorrow and everything is fine.

I called my mom to vent to her, which I felt awful doing, but I just needed to vent.  She herself is feeling pretty lousy.  I hate, hate, HATE that I can't go up and help take care of her because not only do I need to take care of my kids, but I can't take any chances on taking germs to her.  I am heartbroken beyond words that she is suffering this way and I can't do anything.  I got off the phone with her and tears welled up in my eyes, but I don't want to cry.  That certainly isn't going to accomplish anything or do anyone any good.  I'm just feeling a little pushed to the brink right now, and as I said earlier, praying that tomorrow is a new and better day!

He's better, but don't get too excited!

Thomas is feeling better this morning, although he still doesn't have much of an appetite.  Hopefully that will return before too long.  However, Catherine has been coughing and sniffling since yesterday afternoon, and when I touched her this morning she felt very warm.  Sure enough, she is running a fever of nearly 100 degrees.  She and I are home from church today.  I've already contacted my mom and told her that since her doctor appointment for tomorrow is just a quick check up, it's probably best if I stay away.  Andrew has major projects due tomorrow and a community presentation set up and he just can't miss the day.  In addition, I am clearly living in a germ infested house, and Mom needs to have nothing to do with it!  It's best that I stay away, especially since she has chemo this week.  Hopefully our house is germ free very soon!

Christmas shopping has begun!

Normally, my Christmas shopping begins pretty much as soon as Christmas is over.  This year though, that just didn't happen.  Christmas was immediately followed by closing on the sale of our old house, from which we drove directly to my in-laws.  We returned from my in-laws just in time for the new year and for January to be COLD.  It was a tough, tough winter, and I just wanted to think ahead to warmer weather, and not the next winter!  In the last two weeks though, I am very pleased that I've managed to get going on it.  Not only does it keep things from being so incredibly chaotic at the holidays, but it helps to spread out the expense as well.  I've already purchased the puzzle that we always buy for my grandmother, and I've also purchased the ornaments that we will give to each child.  Obviously many thing have to wait to see what the kids might want each year, but I love getting a jump start on the buying!

A day in our jammies

I am not ashamed to admit that we spent the day in our jammies.  Our original plan was to take the kids and see "The Lego Movie", but Thomas being sick put a wrench in that.  Instead, he's been watching the TV and playing on the iPad (things seem to be settling for him) and Catherine and Robert were in the other room watching an NCIS marathon.  I've been organizing photos, and none of those things required us getting out of our jammies for the day...and there is nothing wrong with that today!

Still sick

I absolutely hate having a sick kid.  Thomas was fine most of the day yesterday.  He even ate pepperoni pizza for dinner!  This morning, he followed the same pattern as yesterday morning...was up for a short period of time and vomited.  Of course this is so odd, and my anxiety and neuroses automatically go to very bad places in terms of what could be wrong!  Hoping and praying this odd patterns comes to and end and all is well!

The end of another week

The end of another week has arrived, and wow, am I wiped out.  I was able to meet both of mom's oncologists, and I really like the radiation doc.  He is so convinced that this is all going to be fine and I appreciate (and need) that attitude.  Unfortunately, Mom has begun to experience some unpleasant side-effects and her spirits are down.  The throat is taking a direct hit from the radiation, and eating is very challenging right now.  Wednesday also marked six months that Dad has been gone.  I just truly can't fathom that I've lived an entire 1/2 year without him around.  Honestly though, for the most part, I'm doing okay because I honestly have too much other stress to feel sad about him being gone.

I was supposed to attend a funeral visitation this evening to pay my respects to a high school classmate and family who lost her sister recently (I know, WAY TOO MANY trips to funeral homes lately), but I'm not sure that is going to happen.  Thomas began vomiting after school yesterday, and just simply can't keep anything in his stomach.  There is absolutely nothing I hate more than sick kids.  When he was a toddler/preschooler he managed to catch EVERYTHING that every went around, and while he had some good years early in elementary, we seem to be back on that path.  We have some fun family plans tomorrow before I go spend the day helping Mom on Sunday, and I truly hope that he is well enough that we can actually do them!

Mother's Day Weekend

I'm going to be perfectly honest...Mother's Day is not my favorite holiday.  During the years when Andrew and I were frustrated that we weren't yet parents, it just served to be a reminder that it hadn't happened yet.  And after becoming a mother, I've always felt that my efforts to celebrate the day with my mother are completely inadequate.  I also get wrapped up in the Hallmark version of the holiday where the day is supposed to be about me and I'm irritated that I still have to take care of so many things on "my" day, which is a completely selfish thought.  And yet, because there are these gorgeous images of perfect a Mother's Day so readily available, not only do I feel inadequate as a daughter because I don't do these things, but I feel completely inadequate as a mother because my children/husband don't do these things for me.  Strangely enough, any other day I am perfectly content to just be "mom" and not worry about the small stuff, or how it's supposed to look to others.  I am going to try very hard to remember next year that the day is a blessing, and to just be grateful for all of the blessings!

Rolling with it

One of the things that the last year has definitely taught me is to roll with the punches as best as I can.  I'm trying to remember that there is nothing I can do to change things...all I can affect is how I react to circumstances.  This was readily evident Friday afternoon when I arrived home from my weekly grocery trip and it seemed as though our garage freezer had stopped working.  While only the things in the very front had thawed, I was still left with the immediate problem of trying to save the things that hadn't yet thawed.  I began prioritizing, and anything that could be saved by moving it into the fridge was moved.  I took a couple of frozen lasagnas to my cousin who lives here in town and told him to put them to good use.  My plan for the evening meal had been making our own pizzas which is always a fun family event, but since that didn't help with the meat issues we cooked our own large frozen lasagna instead.  Instead of a Mother's Day meal out yesterday, we put the large ham that had thawed in the crock pot...at least I still didn't have to cook it!

This is just one example of little things that I'm trying so, so hard not to let bother me...because they are nothing but little things.  I just still don't have a lot of reserve for stress these days, and some days are just tougher than others...and of course parenting a teen uses up most of what is left!

His voice

Six months ago today was the last time I got to hear my dad's voice.  He called me, but I had a bad signal and it wasn't a great conversation.  And yet, saying 'good bye' to him in that conversation is another moment that is seared into my memory.  Oh my goodness, I miss that voice.

I'm so glad I ran into her

Nine days ago we returned to our former town for a friend's First Communion.  While we were celebrating, I learned of an absolutely horrific accident involving former classmates of Robert.  Sadly, after I learned who was supposed to be the "responsible adult" at this party, I was not one bit surprised, but it doesn't change the scope of what could have been such a terrible tragedy.  There were a bunch of 14-year-olds who were being stupid (aka being "14") and they were goofing around on atv's and gators.  Of course the adult was inside and the kids who were driving were not experienced or knowledgeable.  One ATV was going to way too fast and as he hit the ditch, he went airborne and collided with a gator.  Both the drive of the ATV and a passenger in the gator were careflighted to a local hospital.  When I learned the name of the girl on the gator, my heart just broke.  She is such an incredibly great girl, and I absolutely adore her mother.  My respect for this family is truly immeasurable.  Her mom doesn't email or have a cell phone though, so I wasn't sure how I could reach her to let her know I was thinking about them.  Fortunately, a few days later I'd heard it wasn't as bad as originally it had seemed.  Today, I had to return to our old town for an appointment, and I was able to run into Taryn and her mother.  I'm so grateful that I did.  Taryn is doing really great, although the neurosurgeon has not yet cleared her to return to school.  But even more so, I'm glad I could see and hug her mom.  As a parent, I can't imagine getting that phone call.  It was such a blessing to be able to see them!

League meet

Last evening was the jr. high track league meet.  I was really looking forward to this...I knew that Robert had a legitimate shot to do really well in discus.  Unfortunately, the wind was not working in his favor last night.  The best throw of the night was 112', and even only reaching 100' would've placed him in third.  It wasn't to be though, but he still came in fifth place.  I was very proud of him for doing so well in his very first year!

He also ran the 4x100m relay.  He was the third leg, and when he received the baton, they were in last place.  By the time he handed off the baton just 100m later, they were in fifth place which is where they finished.  No shame in bringing home two fifth place ribbons in a league meet, especially when it's the first go-round with it!

Four down

Mom has four radiation treatments under her belt.  I did learn that there will need to be four more chemo treatments instead of just two, as there are some concerns that it might have begun to spread.  We all agree, it is better to be safe than sorry.  I went to an appointment with her this morning.  It's emotionally draining hearing the possible side effects and knowing that this tough road for her is really just beginning.

Other than that, life is moving right along into May.  Mother Nature doesn't seem to have received the memo that we are in May based on the weather, but it might actually hit the 80's this week.  To be honest, that doesn't even seem possible!

We all had a nice weekend this past weekend.  My favorite part was that Catherine and Thomas got to have sleepovers with friends from our old town.  I'm grateful they can maintain those friendships.

Only 20 more days of school!