The end of July

I'll be honest, there is a little of me that feels defeated that it is the end of July.  My hopes for a carefree summer after such a rough year just didn't play out.  What I need to remember is that we did have fun times, it's just that I don't have really little kids anymore.  I think my kids would tell you they had a really fun summer, even if it wasn't lazy days of board games and family activities.

Heading into August also makes me realize how long the stress level has been so high.  It was August last year when I truly began experiencing physical manifestations of my stress level because we were getting ready to move and Dad was deteriorating.  Let's be honest, at no point in the last year do I feel I've been able to "let my guard down" and not be dealing with a stressful situation.  I find myself wondering if things are ever going to feel calmer again, and that is a scary thought process.

On the upside, we've been enjoying absolutely beautiful weather this week, and that certainly helps to keep things feeling peaceful!

Flannel pajama bottoms

I absolutely love the fact that last evening, at the end of July in the middle of summer, I was most comfortable in my flannel pajama bottoms.  Almost too good to be true!  The overnight temps are in the low 50's right now, and the day time temps are low 70's and no humidity...almost my definition of summer perfection!

Due in some small part to the gorgeous weather (and in larger part to the TylenolPM that I took) I slept pretty well last night.  Still not as good as I used to be able to sleep under those conditions, but I woke up finally feeling pretty good.  My body is still giving me indications that it's been under some stress, but hopefully things will begin to get back to normal!

Sleep continues to elude me

Last night I was very pleased to be in bed by 10:00.  Sadly, at 1AM, I was still wide awake.  Some might wonder why I didn't just get up, but I was so tired my body literally ached.  I was certain that I would fall asleep at any time!  Andrew finally came to bed around 1, and then I was forced to listen to him snoring (as well as the snoring of the cat that sleeps with us).  I think there was also the subconscious fact that I was afraid to fall asleep because of the recent dreams about my dad.  Last night's dreams consisted of me dreaming about my old subbing job...a job I so very much miss that sometimes my heart literally aches.

Catherine had cross country practice this morning so we were up at 7.  I tried to go back to sleep when Andrew took her but it wasn't to be today.  I am up, soon to be at 'em, and going to get some things accomplished around here!

Sometimes I think our bodies just know

I've always thought that sometimes, when our bodies are under a great deal of stress, that it just knows it has to keep it together and fight off those germs...and then it knows when the stress is over and it can just succumb.  That's kind of where I feel that I am right now.  After getting through the tough part of the beginning of the summer, I was thrown into the toughest part of my volunteer job as treasurer for the high school band boosters.  Band camp began today, and all the finances, both incoming and outgoing, had to be handled before the bus pulled out of the lot.  I was in charge of check in and all paperwork being accounted for...I didn't mind, but it had meant hours and hours over the last couple of weeks making sure everything was updated properly and handling the details.  Today, the bus pulled out right on time.  I came home, I've had a very brief nap and two cups of coffee, and I still could not be more tired.  I know part of it is that I haven't slept well in forever, but especially this week.  I've been having dreams that I showed up at check-in without the necessary paperwork and had to wing it, and worse than that, I've been having dreams that my father is dying.  Obviously that has already happened, but in many ways the dreams are kind of like going through it all over again.  Not helping the sleep at all.  I have to be up very early to get Catherine to cross country practice in the morning, but I am looking forward to early bed, and hopefully a good night sleep tonight!

More fun than I can even express

This week was so much fun...almost more than I can put into words!  Our cousins who have a place on Norris Lake invited us back again this year, and we all decided it would be great if it could coincide with other cousins who were visiting from Massachusetts at the same time.  Their daughters are 10 & 8.  Natalie (21) & her boyfriend went down from the Dayton area, and Dillon (22) drove down from Northern Kentucky.  All together there were 14 family members in the two houses spreading over three generations.  Oh my goodness, there was so much laughter!  There were a few times I had to fight tears because I know my Dad would've laughed out loud as I relayed stories and shown him pictures.  Even Sue Ann mentioned yesterday how much Dad would've enjoyed hearing about it.  At those times though, I just tried even harder to be so very grateful for the amazing experiences we were getting to have.

The best part was Thursday afternoon.  My MA cousins had rented a boat so we were spread out between the boats.  Our plan was to tube/ski down the lake to a marina for dinner, eat there, then tube/ski back.  That was going to be our afternoon.  We notice about 3/4 of the way there that the other boat hadn't been spotted lately.  Although our cells didn't work, we were fortunate that others' did and realized we had a message from them that the boat had stopped working.  We made our way back to them, and long story short, all 14 of us piled onto "our" boat.  It was the maximum legal amount so there were no issues there, and no one was a terribly large person so it was fine.  And in fact, I kept pointing out that I think it was actually more fun having us all on one boat.  The kids had a blast and there was just so much laughter!  It was exactly the time away that we all needed.

Two full days on the water is really all we can handle.  It's exhausting, and my body just can't handle the sun well.  There were some very tired people in this house last evening, but we certainly enjoyed our time away.  Now our focus turns to getting Robert ready to leave for band camp tomorrow!

Update on Grandma

Grandma was finally able to get in and see a doctor at the end of last week.  I am so happy to report that it is nothing more serious than bursitis!  She was given a cortizone shot and is feeling much better already.  I am so grateful!

Exactly the weekend we needed

I could not be more grateful for the past two days.  Last week was a very, very busy week.  We were pretty much on the go, go, go the entire week.  I get it though, that is life with three busy kids.  I had several commitments of my own, and I just knew it was going to be along week.

At the end of that long week though...two pretty unscheduled days.  Not completely so, but lots of downtime for us all.  We were able to get lots of things done throughout the house, and my favorite was our family movie night.  We made dinner of wings, meatballs, and pizza rolls and put in Hoosiers.  That is one of my all time favorite movies.  I knew that Catherine and Thomas would enjoy it as well because of their love for the sport, and Robert is old enough to enjoy it just for the sheer drama.  I was so incredibly grateful for the family time.

This should be another very relaxing week, although perhaps not restful.  We are heading to Tennessee tomorrow to visit with cousins, and other cousins are going to be there from Massachusetts.  Their older daughter is just a few weeks younger than Thomas, and they have another one two years younger.  I know the kids will have fun hanging out, especially on the water.  The tough part is that there is no cell service, and while I'm kind of grateful no one can get a hold of us, I also regret that I won't be able to check in with Mom daily.  I've given lots of family the emergency numbers of how to reach us if needed, but Mom had chemo last week and it was a rough weekend for her.  Trying to be optimistic though!

Feel like I'm going to let somebody down

Last year as I stayed home and didn't work, I considered my employment options.  Subbing wasn't really what I wanted to do again, but I can't argue with it's flexibility and convenience.  I was thrilled when an opportunity came along that seemed to be an answer to a prayer.  The church secretary job is becoming available...beginning the day the kids go back to school!  It is 20 hr/week from 9-1 each day.  I could get Thomas on the bus and still be home before the teenagers.  I was thrilled!  To me the only downside was the fact that it was everyday, and I knew that could be an issue with the many health situations in our family.  But my thought was that I could apply, and worse case scenario was if I didn't get it, I would just sub instead.

My grandmother's recent health issues kind of pushed me over the edge about this job though.  I can't stand the thought of not being available for my family who seemingly ALWAYS had time available for me.  If I had been at this particular job for a few years I wouldn't feel guilty about the possible need to be constantly adjusting my hours or for asking for flexibility...but I have nothing established in this at all...no reputation that proves I'm going to get the job done even if not during the "posted" hours.  My family needs me though, and sometimes that has to come first.  I had decided that subbing was the best solution for me, and felt it was the right decision.

I got online to research how to go about it here at our new district, and frankly, it's a pain.  It is handled through a county agency, not just the local school district.  I'm going to have to fill out tons of paperwork and attend orientation and training sessions.  I resigned myself to attending one in September, and was okay with knowing I'd have about the first six weeks of the year to myself.  I explained all of this to Andrew yesterday, and was sad to hear him say, "I'm disappointed.  I was looking forward to the more stable income."  I understand his thought process, and I know that he understands mine.  At the same time, I feel like no matter what I do now, I am going to be disappointing someone.  Either Andrew will be disappointed because we won't have the extra money that he would like, or my family will be disappointed because I won't be available to help.  This isn't a situation that has me feeling so great about things right now.

Empty storage units

One of the "functions" of the company where I worked with my dad for six years (and where he worked for 30+ years) was their storage unit division (think PODS).  Nearly seven years ago, when we were planning to relocate within the same town but to a bigger house, my dad had three units delivered to our house...and we filled them pretty well.  Even after we took the house off the market, the storage units sat.  Five years after they were initially placed in the back of our drive way we were informed that it was a violation of city code (only took them five years to notice or care) and so Dad had them taken back to the storage facility, although by then we managed to cram things into just two of them.  As Dad's daughter, we never had to pay the monthly fee...it was a "perk" of being part of the family (and a former employee).  After Dad died, I knew that we needed to get our stuff out.  Mom mentioned that she had two units as well.  We had planned a day shortly after school was out, but Mom ended up having the PEG tube put in and I had to be there.

Fast forward to this past Friday at 4:00.  I get a message that the units have been sold and we need to get our things as quickly as we can.  Oh my...STRESS!  Fortunately, and amazingly, everything completely fell into place.  I was able to reserve a uhaul, a couple of friends agreed to meet us at the office to load it, and another friend volunteered to meet us at home to unload.  Yet another friend agreed to keep Catherine and Thomas for the day until we were finished so they would be out of the way.  We could not have better friends anywhere!  We are so blessed!

We were very pleased to see how little stuff there really was, particularly in my Mom's units.  We ended up pitching stuff I truly didn't need, and honestly it was stuff that should've been pitched seven years ago!  Andrew is especially excited that he can STILL park a vehicle in our detached garage if he wants.  I am impressed...and very, very relieved that this is finished!

The one downside to this was my emotions...I haven't been at the office since Dad died.  I was going to stop in and see everyone a couple of months ago, but I just couldn't do it.  It was too hard.  Lots of the guys came out to see me today, and I slipped in the back door to say hello to another employee.  But I couldn't walk up front...I couldn't walk past his desk or go anywhere near there even.  Even sitting here thinking about it brings me to tears.  It's been a tough, tough day emotionally, but I am so grateful we've made it through.

An absolutely gorgeous morning

This was another very early morning in our house (although NOT as early as tomorrow will be).  I had made an 8:00 appointment to get the oil changed in my van.  We were wayyyyy past the suggested mileage and I was getting desperate.  Of course shortly after I made the appt I realized the kids had to be at their volunteer assignments at 8:45, but knew it was close enough to the oil change place that we could easily walk...so that's what we did.

And it is such an incredibly gorgeous morning at that!  We are all wearing jeans...that's how NOT hot it is!  I had heard someone say it was going to be fall-like weather and thought perhaps it was being overstated, but no sir!  Right now, the older two are volunteering, Andrew & Thomas are still at scout camp, and I am just soaking up the beauty that is all around!

A rainy, icky Monday

It started raining last evening and doesn't seem to have stopped much.  The humidity is unreal...and my mood is somewhat reflective of the weather.  It doesn't help that Andrew and Thomas are at scout camp.  This mama just prefers everyone sleeping happily under one roof, even though I have complete confidence that they are both perfectly fine...although perhaps a bit damp at this point.

We are heading north later today for a doctor appointment for Mom.  I don't expect anything major at this particular appointment.  The older kids will be with my grandmother who is happy to have them in spite of her hip pain.  We will also take care of some business in town before heading back to spend (what I hope will be) a quiet evening at home!

Our garage

Our house has both an attached and a full size detached garage.  That was one of the selling points of this house for us...lots of storage!  When the previous owners left, the detached garage was pretty much full of their junk.  So much so, that it cost us $425 to have it all hauled away.  When it was emptied from that, we pretty much filled it up with things we brought over from our old garage and basement, and that was how it remained.  Knowing that the storage units need to come here though, it became imperative to get it cleaned out.

Honestly, we didn't throw much away.  It was really a matter of organizing and consolidating, and in some cases simply relocating.  Our family worked hard for six solid hours yesterday, and let me tell you that we were beat when we were done...tired to the bone!  The attached garage still is full of bikes, and I need to go through things and take things to a donation location this week.  The attached garage though, is absolutely fabulous.  Andrew even parked the van in it last night...so cool!  We are much less concerned about making all of the storage units fit because Mom says there aren't any large pieces of furniture in her units, and I know, other than a dresser, there aren't any in ours either.  So pleased with our work yesterday!

I love this team!

As I've written before, I am a life-long Cincinnati Reds fan.  It's been a fun, and at the same time miserably painful week to be a Reds fun.  We've won 5 out of 6 games this week (thanks to a double-header with the Cubs) so it's been fun, but we've lost both Joey Votto and Brandon Phillips, our two big stars, to injuries.  We've also had two pitchers leave the game early with muscle spasms/tightness, and Skip Schumaker is on the concussion DL.  So we play who we've got, and just give it the best shot.

But after coming back against the Cubs in the second game of Tuesday's double header, last night was an even bigger win!  I mean Tuesday it was the Cubs, but last night it was against the Pirates...a legitimate playoff contender!  The thing about this team is that I literally can see them grinding it out...some of them are literally gritting their teeth in efforts to win the game.  I love this team and I'm having so much fun watching them!

Early Saturday morning

I've been up since early this Saturday morning...much earlier than I prefer!  Andrew and the boys had to be on the road to our former hometown at 7:15 this morning, so a very early wake up call in our lives.  We are kind of getting used to it though.

We had some added stress placed on us this week.  At 4:00 yesterday we learned that the storage units we had been using have been sold and we need to have it emptied pronto.  My mom also has two units, so that is four units all together.  While the short notice is extremely inconvenient, I can't complain terribly much because this involves where my Dad worked so we've never had to pay storage fees.  Unfortunately, this has to be done Monday-Friday, and Andrew and Thomas leave for scout camp Sunday.  They will be coming home Tuesday night so that we can get this done Wednesday.  Because there are four storage units, we've rented a uhaul, and are just hoping and praying that we can somehow make everything fit here in our garages because Mom just can't deal with it right now.  It is definitely added stress (and expense) that we don't need right now, but again, I really can't complain about it.

I can see that summer is going to draw to a rapid close.  There aren't too many empty squares on our calendar in the next five weeks.  We've learned that Andrew's parents are coming for a few weeks in August, and I'm selfishly hoping that they might allow us a night away and have them keep the kids.  I guess we'll see.  Not really sure we should be spending money on that, but at the same time relaxing is a must!

One year ago today

At almost exactly this time one year ago, we had "officially" begun our house search.  We were looking at several houses with a realtor and thinking we would be moving this summer.  How wrong we were!  This house wasn't even on our list, but it fit our needs so well in our price range...and got us here by the start of last school year (although barely!).  We made many phone calls to family members, especially those here in town, and Mom and the Grandmas made arrangements to come down and see it the next day.  I regret that Dad never got to see it here, but I know that he knew we really liked it here.  I remember trying to sleep that night, and getting up to go downstairs because I was crying so hard and didn't want to wake Andrew.  I knew it was going to be a good move, but I was so very sad about what I knew I would be leaving behind.

And I was right in that regard.  I loved the subbing job I had there, and we had amazing friends.  We are learning that we aren't sure that we are going to be able to replicate the friendships here.  It is something we have come to accept.  It's still been a great move.  I am so grateful for this house which is so much more functional than our old one, and I especially love having a lot that is .55 acres...the kids are having a blast, and honestly, so do we!

In the meantime, it's been a hell of a year.  Even then, I can see the blessings in this move.  With Mom being sick now and needing so much help, I can't imagine how we could've managed to move this summer.  Our house sold fairly quickly, and we got almost our entire asking amount (even though it was significantly less than what we had paid thanks to the housing market).  I can't imagine having worried about Andrew on the roads this past winter, and it made Robert's activities here so much more manageable...and gave Catherine and Thomas additional opportunities as well.

Realizing that this journey began exactly one year ago really points to how much life can change in a year!

Mom did well

The procedure for having Mom's picc line put in went really well.  It was such a relief to have it finished and to have everything happen so smoothly.

Today is a day where I am very aware of life's many blessings...and I'm grateful for them.  I could allow myself to be stressed over some smaller things that are happening, but instead, I'm just choosing to be grateful for the blessings that are my family (which includes our three furry friends as well)!

Hopefully a calm week

I am hoping this week is fairly uneventful, although that might truly be wishful thinking.  It's not that we don't have things scheduled, it's just that it doesn't feel like every single second is scheduled.

We enjoyed our weekend, and especially our visit with our out-of-town friends.  It was really an evening that we didn't want to end...it was like old times again with these special people.  Yesterday was my aunt's pool party.  There were a couple that had to work and others that weren't there and it just wasn't the same as it had been in years past.  Maybe next year it will be back to the way it was.

This evening Andrew is going to the Reds game with friends, and tomorrow morning mom has a procedure being done so I have to be on the road at 7AM (ugh!).  Robert & Catherine had cross country this morning and tomorrow they have their volunteer assignments at the park while I'm taking Mom.  Thursday is a doctor appointment for Thomas (and also one for our cats) volunteering AND cross country for the older two, and I've completely forgotten some meetings along the way as well.  So not a totally care free week, but better than it's been!

The holiday weekend

My dad never preferred for the 4th to fall on a Friday...he would always rather have Monday off on a long weekend...but at least it adds to the weekend!  Of course we kind of laugh...the joy of summers in our house is that it really doesn't matter what day of the week it is!

I stayed with my mom again Thursday night, although overall she is doing better.  Last evening we ventured to some friends house for a cook-out.  I felt badly that we couldn't stay longer, but I was just absolutely exhausted.  Unfortunately, we didn't get to go home after we left as we had planned.  Through various family members, I learned that the phone lines in my hometown were completely down.  This meant that there was a chance, if no one had checked on my mom, that she needed something and couldn't get a hold of anyone.  I tried calling the cells of a few family members, but no one answered, and since we were only about 20 minutes away at our friends' house, we just drove on.  I also called my aunt here to see if she had spoken to my paternal grandmother who is also having health problems, and she had not.  So we showed up completely unexpectedly at houses last evening checking on family members.  Grandma wasn't even aware that her phone wasn't working, so I'm glad we checked on her so she could know to have her cell phone near her.  Mom had charged her phone, and GG was going to stay over with her which was safer for both...Mom had someone with her, and GG wasn't sleeping in a house without means of contacting anyone (she has no cell).  Much later than we had hoped we were on our way home, but I was glad I wasn't worrying.

Today we are cleaning the house and friends are coming into town for dinner.  We are especially excited to see our friends from Missouri.  They haven't seen our house yet and we are grateful they are making the trip over!  Tomorrow is my aunt's annual pool party.  It's probably going to be a little emotional...of course we are going to miss my dad who made the trip down every year, even last year when it was so very difficult for him.  Grandma also won't be able to make it because of her health issues, and of course Mom won't be there either.  I know that we will have fun, but we are going to miss those who aren't with us!

Our couple of days away

We left Monday morning and drove directly to our state house...the thing Andrew was most looking foward to.  We were able to take a tour, and I'm sure the other family that was with us was not pleased to learn they were with social studies geeks!  Honestly though, it was a lot of fun and we all learned a lot.  We are blessed with an amazing building in which to run our state.  Dinner that evening was at Outback with dessert following at Graeter's (some of the best ice cream in the state) and then a dip in the pool before bed.

Tuesday morning we ventured further east to Roscoe Village, a restored canal town.  It was at least my fourth visit there, dating back to my childhood when we made the trip with my family.  Of course things change over time, and again, lots of things we already knew being social studies geeks, but there was still a lot to be learned and a lot of fun was had.

Unfortunately, it was on the way back to the hotel after we regained a cell signal that I received word about my grandmother.  I really wanted to just sit down and have a good cry, but that didn't seem prudent in front of the kids.  It all just feels so overwhelming right now...not to mention that Mom still needs someone with her most of the time, and I just don't know how I can make everything happen without something getting short changed.  It was a tough pill to swallow.

But, life with kids helps to keep us resilient.  We stopped at a Max & Erma's on the way for dinner, and ice cream sundaes for dessert and lots of laughter during dinner put smiles back on our faces.  We tried for a quick dip in the pool again, but thunder was a sign to get out after only five minutes, and it rained most of the rest of the night.

We decided yesterday morning that we would pack up and head home since a) there wasn't really anything we wanted to do today and b) Mom was still needing someone to stay with her and I needed to do my share.  Our last stop yesterday was the Zoo...and it is one of the best in the country!  On the downside, we received a call from the mechanics working on my husband's car, and it seems as though a replacement vehicle might be in our more-nearer-than-we-had-planned-and-hoped future.  I'll be honest, my anxiety levels are pretty darn high right now.

The zoo though, was so much fun.  The kids loved seeing all of the animals, and while it was HOT, HOT, and HOTTER, there is a tremendous amount of shade and we were really impressed with that.  We took a ride that was supposed to be finding "lost" dinosaurs, and they had giant mechanical replications of such things.  Thomas, however, was none too pleased about this.  At age ten, we thought he would be past his fears of something that he knows isn't real, but not so much it turns out.  It was very sweet and little annoying, all at the same time.  My favorite animal was seeing the gorillas.  By the time we got to the polar bears, we had been out in the heat about four hours and Thomas especially, was beginning to wilt.  We were home by dinner and I'm grateful I was able to get a good night sleep in my own bed before I head up to care for Mom tonight.

While the financial aspect of things is causing my great anxiety thanks to the vehicle situation (and I know it will all work out), I am very grateful we were able to make some memories these last couple of days!

Home a day early

We had a wonderful couple of days away, but we came home a day early.  We had accomplished everything we wanted to accomplish, and the fact that the motel was having issues with fire alarms made us decide we didn't want to try and sleep there tonight.  There is also the fact that I found out my paternal grandmother was in the e/r yesterday.  Initially, they thought that something had happened with her hip replacement from a few years ago.  However, her surgeon decided not to see her and instead wants her to have blood work and a bone scan.  I am terrified that he is thinking something such as leukemia.  I'm just not sure how my family can handle that right now.

But back to happy things, I think we all had a really good time.  We are absolutely exhausted because we were very "on the go" while we were gone, and it's HOT out there.  I'll recap tomorrow, but we are looking forward to sleeping well tonight!