Feel like I'm going to let somebody down

Last year as I stayed home and didn't work, I considered my employment options.  Subbing wasn't really what I wanted to do again, but I can't argue with it's flexibility and convenience.  I was thrilled when an opportunity came along that seemed to be an answer to a prayer.  The church secretary job is becoming available...beginning the day the kids go back to school!  It is 20 hr/week from 9-1 each day.  I could get Thomas on the bus and still be home before the teenagers.  I was thrilled!  To me the only downside was the fact that it was everyday, and I knew that could be an issue with the many health situations in our family.  But my thought was that I could apply, and worse case scenario was if I didn't get it, I would just sub instead.

My grandmother's recent health issues kind of pushed me over the edge about this job though.  I can't stand the thought of not being available for my family who seemingly ALWAYS had time available for me.  If I had been at this particular job for a few years I wouldn't feel guilty about the possible need to be constantly adjusting my hours or for asking for flexibility...but I have nothing established in this at all...no reputation that proves I'm going to get the job done even if not during the "posted" hours.  My family needs me though, and sometimes that has to come first.  I had decided that subbing was the best solution for me, and felt it was the right decision.

I got online to research how to go about it here at our new district, and frankly, it's a pain.  It is handled through a county agency, not just the local school district.  I'm going to have to fill out tons of paperwork and attend orientation and training sessions.  I resigned myself to attending one in September, and was okay with knowing I'd have about the first six weeks of the year to myself.  I explained all of this to Andrew yesterday, and was sad to hear him say, "I'm disappointed.  I was looking forward to the more stable income."  I understand his thought process, and I know that he understands mine.  At the same time, I feel like no matter what I do now, I am going to be disappointing someone.  Either Andrew will be disappointed because we won't have the extra money that he would like, or my family will be disappointed because I won't be available to help.  This isn't a situation that has me feeling so great about things right now.