I feel like they're missing out, and sometimes I feel guilty about it

My sister emailed me the baseball schedules for two of my cousin's children earlier this week.  I dutifully put them all on the calendar, knowing that we'll be lucky if we make it to any of them.  It's not that I don't want to be there, but we definitely have our own things going on.  My sister makes it to just about every game that she can.  She is also at many activities for our second cousin in town, and even the children of some family friends.  I don't begrudge her this, but...

My sister hasn't been to one track meet this year.  She wasn't at one swim meet last season.  She brought my mother and grandmother to a cross country meet in the fall, but didn't see anyone swim last summer either.  In fact, she has never seen my kids in the pool, there has never been anything in terms of track meets, or band concerts, and it's been four years since she saw anyone play basketball.  I understand that we aren't right there in town, but I make the trip there frequently.  In fact, I've made the trip to see a cousin's son play soccer several times, I've made it to one of the baseball games, and I saw a cousin's child in a musical production.  I try not to be jealous and resentful, but sometimes it becomes challenging.  I acknowledge that I am the one that CHOSE to move a greater distance away, but again, I'm not on the other side of the country.  I'm not even invited to join in family meals or just hanging out that they sometimes do together.  It's not because I've always said no either.  I do everything I can to make it to family functions whenever I can.  Perhaps it's me and something I've said or done.

It tears at my heart a little when I see athletic or musical events and kids have extended family there.  I was lucky enough to have that when I was growing up.  Our family was always together then just as they are now, and I always wanted that for my kids.  In fact, it is part of the reason we decided to move here.  Not a huge part, but it was a factor.  We had family here, and I thought they would enjoy coming to an event or so a season, and I knew my kids would appreciate having them attend.  In almost four years though, they have attended zero events for my kiddos.  Before we moved, we had friends that would attend just to see our kids, just as we did for their children.  I feel guilty that my kids are missing out on that acknowledgement and support.

Not only do I feel my kids are missing out though, I feel like my family is as well.  I have pretty great kids, and the rest of my family is missing out on a chance to connect and be a part of their lives as well.  This has really been getting to me lately, and the arrival of the baseball schedule just kind of really forced it home.  I felt like it is expected that I make the effort to get there, when I know darn well no one is going to extend that same effort to my kids.  It's all just hurting my heart a little these days.