I think the guilt leads to the stress, and the stress leads to guilt. And of course, we are parenting three teens. Thomas, especially, is struggling right now. Andrew had a meeting with his teachers yesterday and it did not go particularly well. Not only is he struggling in his classes, but his teachers feel as though he is just beginning to "check out" of the entire process. I am devastated, because that is exactly how things went with Robert...and I don't think I can go through everything again. Goodness knows I'm not done going through it the first time! It seems as though Thomas wants to do well, but doesn't know how to make that happen.
I can't even begin to describe how I feel about all of it. As I told Andrew last night, I feel guilty for working so much because I'm not home to take care of other things, but I feel guilty for not working full time and adding to our family income. I feel guilty for taking on so many different volunteer tasks and commitments, and yet I feel guilty for not doing more to be helpful...it takes a village! I feel guilty for being too strict but then worry that we are too lenient. I worry about things we've done and things we haven't done, so in addition to being physically exhausted, I am mentally exhausted.
I am sure nearly every parent feels this way at some point in time. For some it lasts longer than others, and it isn't just because my kids are teenagers. It can happen to parents of any ages, and in so many ways I know my children are lucky because I am doing the best I can, even if my best isn't always exactly what they need. As a sub, I've been so aware of some kids who have issues so much deeper that need to be addressed before they can even begin to consider being a successful student. All of this has led to so much prayer!
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