Friday, December 21, 2018

This is not where I want to be right now

I am currently at my in-laws house.  With the commitments of everyone, this was the plan that worked best.  I got here this evening and will bring them back tomorrow.  I am excited that we are all going to get to spend the week together.

However, this is not where I want to be.  This is the first night of our two weeks off for break.  I love, absolutely love this day, and I'll be honest, I would much rather be home with my kids.  I understand though, that this is where I need to be tonight.

At the same time, I just learned some information that brings me tears.  Thomas texted me to let me know that he is swimming the 500m free race tomorrow.   I will forever remember Catherine's first 500m race, and how Thomas was right there to check on her.  I remember Robert's first 500m race, and how he nearly collapsed when he was done.  Tomorrow's meet is away, and Andrew and I don't do away meets.  I am terrified that something is going to happen.  I am afraid that he won't be able to finish and will be upset, and we aren't going to be there for him.  It breaks my heart that I can't be there.

Honestly, nearly everything involving my younger two kids breaks my heart these days.  I am just so grateful to be their parent, and I can't believe how quickly the time is passing.

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