I am appreciating this quiet morning

It seems weird not having school today.  It seems odd to me that the high school football season begins tonight, but we don't have school.  I'll be honest, I don't love it.  It was nice to sleep in, but it does feels like a weird Friday.

I got up much earlier than I wanted to today, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.  I have some errands to run at some point today, and Thomas and I need to make a trip to my aunt & uncle's house to pick up some things.  More than anything though, I appreciate the quiet.  I am sitting in my living room looking out at the very quiet neighborhood.  Even the dog is still in sleeping with Catherine.  It is so incredibly peaceful, and I'm so grateful for these moments!

I love Labor Day weekend!

My new-found love for Labor Day weekend has only been within the last several years.  I don't remember any affinity for it as a child, and even as an adult, most of the time it was just a long weekend.  And of course there were those years when the kids started school right after the long weekend, and I never enjoyed that.  It really felt like it was almost a slap in the face that summer was so very over.

Now though, I love this weekend.  We have been going long enough, that it feels good to have Monday off.  We also have tomorrow off.  I don't love that necessarily because I would rather have that extra day somewhere else along the line, but at the same time I won't mind sleeping in tomorrow!  I also LOVE that college football starts!  We will be traveling to my in-laws on Saturday (my MIL has a birthday this weekend) so I will miss the joy of really doing nothing but watching games, but Notre Dame doesn't play until Monday night anyway.  And my in-laws love college football too so there will be no debating what we are watching.  It also seems as though the weather is going to be fairly lovely.  I haven't seen my in-laws since April, so it will be very nice to have this time together!

I did it myself!

I am so pleased with myself.  I am, generally speaking, technologically inept.  I don't have the patience for learning and understanding technology, and many times, I just don't care.  It's really usually that simple.  Back in February, I noticed that my laptop and phone had stopped syncing.  It wasn't a huge deal necessarily, but I did like the convenience of it.  What I was most concerned about, was losing pictures that are on my phone.  Since things weren't synced, they weren't being backed up, and that worried me.

Yesterday I spent some time really sitting down and trying to figure things out.  I was so thrilled that not only did I get my pictures all backed up, I got everything - including my messages - to sync together again.  YES!!!  I was so pleased with myself and I kept telling everyone in my family how pleased I was and what I had done.  I know it seems like a small thing, but I am thrilled that I did it all myself!

I needed to see this today

However, what's done is done. You know you did everything you possibly could. Now go, live your life to the fullest and stop looking back because you richly deserve every GOOD thing life brings your way.

Not sure what I will do with all of my free time

This is the only day I'm scheduled this week.  With the change in sub scheduling, I suspect it might very well be the only day I get this week.  I'm not sure yesterday really counts as much of a day off, as I was stressed about the medical tests I was undergoing.  On the upside, it appears at this time as though there is no immediate cause for concern, but they will check again in six months.

Anyway, it seems weird to be having multiple days off each week.  Next week I'm only scheduled two days, and it just seems so odd to be having this much time off.  Three years ago was the last fall I didn't work, but at that point I had three kids at home, none of them could drive, and they were younger.  Now there are only two, Catherine can drive, and the youngest is 15...mostly self-sufficient.  There just seems less for me to handle.  Maybe I'll get the desire to continue scrapbooking, or to make some other decorations and creating I've been wanting to do.  For years I have thought about writing a book, either a fictional story or about some of the craziness of our lives.  I definitely want to avoid spending lots of money, because if I'm not working much I sure can't be doing that.  I'm grateful that things have worked out with Andrew's contracts and supplementals and I don't have to stress about not working, just be careful.  I guess this extra time presents lots of opportunities!

He's changed

As I was back to school last week, it was fun seeing some of the changes that occurred in the kids over the summer.  I think it is especially true in this year's sophomores.  My son is no exception.  He is such a different person.  He is definitely no longer a boy.  I thought this was true last year, and maybe it was, but not like this year.  Andrew and I are really so proud of the way Thomas is handling himself.  He seems to have gained some confidence in how he handles himself.  He used to be terrified to talk to his teachers, but now he seems to be developing relationships with them.  He seems more focused and dedicated when it comes to his school work.  I know this probably won't be the case about everything all year, and I know things won't be perfect.  But by this time last year, he already wanted to be "done" with school.  We will take what we can get.  He's also physically matured in his stature.  Not only is he taller, but he is stronger, and he knows he can physically handle tasks that are assigned to him.  He is much more patient with himself and his surroundings.  These are all good things.

At the same time, his social maturity is not there yet.  Sometimes when we talk that little boy comes out again...and it isn't just because I am his mother.  The friends he is still choosing...not awesome.  I worry about these things, just like I worry about the fact that Catherine seems to purposely choose NOT associating with people.  Parenting is the most challenging and emotionally gut-wrenching thing I have done.  Sending daily prayers to parents and kids everywhere!

Not working on a Monday

I am off work today.  I couldn't work today anyway because I have some tests that need to be done, but nothing had popped up anyway.  This morning I saw the same job I had been in for on Friday, and really wish I could've taken it.  This testing has to be done though, and if I'm being honest, I could use some unspoken prayers regarding all of this.

It has also been confirmed that some things have changed in terms of the subbing situation, and it makes it more challenging for me to get some jobs, even when teachers specifically want me and have talked to me ahead of time.  I know there is nothing I can do about it, but my anxiety level is high right now.

It's a rainy, dreary day today.  We had a gorgeous weekend, but the humidity is supposed to be returning along with the rain today.  I worked hard to pick the house up yesterday.  I am only scheduled one day this week, and as I told Andrew yesterday, by cleaning the house, I pretty much guaranteed I'll be off quite a bit this week.  If the house had remained a disaster area, I probably would've worked nearly every day...Murphy's Law (ever wonder who Murphy is?)!

First full-week fatigue

I love alliteration, especially when being a bit giddy about Fridays!  I always used to tell the elementary students when I subbed at that level that it was going to be a "fabulously fun Friday".  And this Friday, at the the end of the first full week of school?  I am fatigued.  Not only did the kids and Andrew have a full week, but I ended up working every day this week as well.  We are tired folks, we are tired. 

While our weekend is not overly scheduled, there is just enough that we don't get to sleep in a great deal, although still a couple of hours later than a working school day.  I am especially looking forward to the gorgeous weather this weekend, and to tomorrow.  Our school is hosting a cross country meet, and I love watching those!  Catherine has to work early tomorrow anyway, and it might even be cool enough for a sweatshirt thanks to the cool front that came through last night.  If we feel like it, Andrew and I are going to visit a winery for an event.  I am also hoping a nap happens in between!  

It's amazing how quickly it piles up

For the most part, I was fairly decent about keeping the house picked up over the summer.  It mattered to me and we usually made it happen.  That doesn't mean all of the dusting and cleaning was always accomplished, but things were usually picked up.  Last week Andrew even commented on how fabulous the house looked.  It was awesome!  I was even vacuuming the rugs every day.  The weekend was fairly unscheduled, and even on Sunday the house looked presentable enough for someone to just drop by.

Of course, no one really does that anymore!  And right now...thank goodness!  I've worked every day this week (and I'm scheduled again tomorrow).  As my "transitional week" from summer back into the working world, I have gone home every afternoon and there has been a nap.  On Monday and Tuesday I had volunteer commitments that lasted a couple of hours, so my home time was strictly dinner, my nap, and just kind of "being".  By yesterday, I really noticed how quickly the piles had started!  Piles of mail, piles of dishes, piles of clothes, piles of many different things.  I was glad I had no where to be last evening, and I was able to get something put away (after my nap of course).  The dust is really starting to show, but at least I was able to make some progress!  Our weekend has a few fun things, but I need to make it a priority to pick up the house!

I almost can't even imagine it

Last evening Catherine was studying on her bed.  She has steps next to her bed so the cats (and sometimes our pup) can get up and down from her bed.  As I walked in to tell her good night because I was going to bed (some much needed extra sleep), our sweet cat Rosie was on the steps looking at Catherine.  Rosie and Catherine have an incredibly special connection, and always have.  Catherine always refers to Rosie as "my kitten" and Rosie loves the attention from Catherine.  Catherine frequently mentions that she is concerned about going away next year because no one else gives Rosie any attention.  I point out that is often because Rosie won't let us, but that isn't really the point.  Regardless, last evening when I walked in and saw Catherine and Rosie there, and heard Catherine talking to Rosie, my emotions ramped up.  I've been hearing this week from so many other parents who are taking their child off to college this week.  For many, it is the first for them.  In some cases it is the first for their last child, and I don't even want to think about that right now!  There was part of me that almost can't even imagine walking past Catherine's room each night without her being there.  Oh my goodness, that is a tough mental picture.  I'm so grateful for my sweet girl.

A whole new world of books

I decided to try the world of electronic books.  I'll be honest, I would MUCH prefer to hold the book in my hand and turn the pages.  I'm realistic though, and there is a series of mystery books I'm reading.  The early part of the series is 25 years old, and the book was no longer in our library.  I decided to start looking at available downloads through our library, and I am thrilled that is seems as though the complete series is there, as is another series I have started reading.  I am pleased that I don't have to go out and buy the books (even used) and it will be easy for me to read them as I am working this week.  I would much rather be reading then just exploring various websites.  However, I do not love the fact that I will be staring at a screen while reading.  I guess it is a trade-off though, to have all of these books suddenly available to me!

The end is near for Aunt Cathy

My mother let me know last night that the end appears to be near for Aunt Cathy.  Hospice has been called in, and the hope is that she is comfortable.  Mom was there yesterday when my cousins made the decision.  My heart breaks for all of them.  Growing up, their family lived around the corner from my house, until we moved and then we were only two doors down.  Aunt Cathy was home with the kids, so I would go over and visit quite a bit when the kids were little (my cousins are eight and ten years younger).  Aunt Cathy was also the person who nearly always took care of my house and my cats when I still lived in my hometown but was gone overnight.  For many years, I was close to her, and in fact Catherine's name is partly in her honor.  I remember telling Aunt Cathy that, and how loudly she cheered.  That makes me smile.

Because she has been suffering, and the family has been suffering with her, I can take solace that her suffering will end when she passes.  However, I did get emotional when Mom was relaying a story to me.  My youngest cousin's daughter is four-years-old, and has red hair.  While my aunt was mostly unresponsive on Monday, she did open her eyes, briefly look at this child, and then call her by name.  I was the one that had red hair when I was a kid.  Knowing that my name, even in referring to her grandchild by the wrong name, is one of the last things she is ever going to say, really got to me.  We are praying for a peaceful passing for Aunt Cathy, and of course peace and comfort for the family.

I didn't miss this part

Although I was in school yesterday, because it was a last minute phone call, I didn't have to get up at 5AM.  Today though (and the rest of the week), I had to plan ahead, and that meant those ugly numbers staring at me when the alarm went off.  I didn't miss this part.  Not at all.  I even went to bed really early last night in an effort to not be so tired today.  Of course, I couldn't really fall asleep that early, so that wasn't particularly helpful.  We will get through though, and everything will be fine.

I also didn't miss feeling as though every minute is scheduled.  Last evening Catherine and Thomas had band practice.  I had to attend to help with senior photos, but I was done early enough I could run to the grocery.  This evening Andrew and I have a church council meeting, and I am hoping I can get there early enough to submit payroll to our accountant.  Catherine works today and tomorrow.  I am delighted that I have no where to be tomorrow, although Andrew is going to take Thomas to empty a load of metal.  Thursday the kids have band again, and then Friday evening the football commitments begin.  I decided that since I have to work all week, I will stay home so our sweet pup doesn't have to spend more time in the crate.  Catherine works both Saturday and Sunday mornings, and Andrew has to work at a cross county meet.  I plan to be there also, but I am hoping that afternoon can bring a nap!

I am unexpectedly in school today

Yesterday I was trying not to be disappointed in the fact that I only had two days scheduled at the end of this week.  I was thinking about how I would fill my days, and grocery shopping was definitely at the top of the list.  I also didn't do any laundry this weekend so that was going to fill some time, and I even thought I might take a walk out at the lake at the state park nearby...at least if I could get there early enough before the oppressive heat hit.  I had the laundry going in the washer and was enjoying my cup of coffee when the phone rang...much later than normal for a job for the day.  I was expecting that the teacher was going to schedule me for tomorrow or another time later in the week.  Nope!  Here I am at school today.  Honestly, it is not a fun job at all.  It is a classroom of pretty reluctant learners.  As I told one teacher, in some cases, it is more of defiant learner than a reluctant learner.  Those would be some of the young men who just got out of JDC in time to come to school.  So, definitely not my favorite classroom.  Tomorrow I managed to pick up another job in a class that should be more fun, then I'm back here again on Wednesday.  Thursday and Friday I was already scheduled in classes that I am looking forward to.  I am a little surprised to be working here all week, but here I am!

We have lived in this house for six years

Six years ago today, also on a Saturday, we moved into our home.  I can't believe how quickly these six years have flown by.  I remember how big this house felt when we moved here.  It was only 100 sq ft bigger than our previous home, but it was so much more functional.  The lot is also four times larger than our previous lot, so it was definitely bigger outdoors.  Andrew and I love this house and we love this location in our little neighborhood in the woods.  It helps me to feel at peace.

Easing into the school year

I appreciate having just three days of school this week to ease back into it.  I'm still not in love with the early mornings, but honestly, that just isn't who I am.  I did get a bunch of scrapbooking done this morning, and I really enjoyed that.  I'm not used to being off on Fridays, so I made sure to enjoy today!

The other thing I plan to enjoy is this evening.  Starting next Friday the kids have a football commitment, and that will be our lives for the next eleven weeks (the first week is just a scrimmage).  I have so enjoyed our family evenings together.  We've had a lot of fun with the kids.  I'm grateful there isn't much on the school activity calendar this weekend either.  I plan to hold on and cherish these quieter moments as much as I can!

I have been looking forward to this

I haven't worked at all this week, and I am sure that tomorrow being Day 3 will be no exception.  The only reason I was able to work the last two years during this week is because someone needed a personal day or other extenuating circumstances.  There have also been circumstances that have led them to have a building sub this year.  This person is considered full time, and I suspect that she is filling in for the one person tomorrow I know needs a sub.

It is what it is, and I'm not going to worry about it.  I enjoy being home, and I enjoy being at school.  We will be okay if I don't work as much last year, and I can always pick up some elementary jobs if needed, and middle school if I am REALLY desperate.  It's early and I'm not going to worry.

Tomorrow though...well tomorrow I have been looking forward to this day!  I don't get too many Fridays off, but I completely expect tomorrow will be one.  The house is picked up, I've run my errands, I've worked at church.  I've completed all of my commitments for the week.  If I am going to scrapbook during the year, Friday is the day I prefer...so that is my plan for tomorrow!

The second day isn't as much fun as the first

Everyone agreed the second day is a little rougher than the first day.  I was impressed though with Thomas.  Today is picture day, and he decided in order to look his best he needed to shower in the morning rather than the night before.  I think he looks pretty darn handsome, although I am a little biased.

It seems as though everyone had a good first day.  Thomas especially has awesome teachers.  He was really pleased and I was pleased with his effort towards getting organized.  Catherine has no classes with her best friend, although they do get to eat lunch together. 

Right now I am not scheduled until next Friday.  It's a much smaller first paycheck than I would prefer, but I am absolutely not going to worry about it.  It is my daughter's senior year, and I am going to do everything I can to soak up these days with my kiddos and Andrew while I can!

She's starting her senior year

Andrew and the kids have been out the door for almost an hour.  I'll be honest, I was more emotional than I expected to be.  As Andrew keeps saying, this has been our most favorite summer ever.  We had so much fun and made such great memories.  Even last night we snuck in a game of euchre.  While I will enjoy my quiet time today, I am truly going to miss everyone...in fact I already do.  I was also emotional about knowing how fast this year is going to fly by, and I couldn't help but remember it is Catherine's last first day.  Oh my heart!

I also do not love waking up when it is dark outside.  Waking up before 6AM is soooooo early.  I suspect there is a nap in my future today!

Time to start clock watching

Watching the clock each evening is my least favorite thing about school days.  During the summer, it doesn't really matter what time we eat, or if I do a load of laundry which delays showers.  Many days it could even be showers in the morning.  It is delightful.  And it's over.  The kids need to be in bed by 9:30 or 10:00 because wake ups are between 5:30 & 6, depending on what the day brings.  I need to make sure showers can be done without the laundry or dishwasher running, so often those chores just have to wait.  It is a little easier in the winter when no one wants to be out late in the evening anyway, but not so easy right now.  We did have a bit of an early dinner so that's done.  I'm grateful no one has any plans this evening and we can enjoy a card game or something before the craziness of the school year begins!

Thoughts about this date

If you are a long time reader of my blog, you know that I am not a fan of the month of August.  I've experienced much sadness and stress over the years in the month of August.  This date in particular has had stresses.  Twenty-six years ago today a dear high school friend was diagnosed with leukemia.  I will never forget that day as long as I live.  Twenty-three years ago my dad was informed he needed to undergo testing for lung cancer.  I am so incredibly grateful that ended up not being the case, although Dad did suffer for so many years.  Twenty years ago a very dear friend was married.  However, some quack thought it would be funny to threaten the wedding since it was "Friday the 13th".  Definitely a memorable wedding!  Fifteen years ago my dad was in the hospital suffering from shingles, and I had poison ivy so badly my eyes were nearly swollen shut.  Other sad, stressful, and dramatic things have happened in August as well.

Today though, we received fabulous news.  I can't go into details, but I have a friend whose daughter was the victim of a crime.  Today's resolution was even better than we dared even dream it might be.  I am so grateful, and hopeful that this can be the beginning of her mental and emotional healing.  Along with a resolution yesterday to a stressful church situation, I'm beginning to feel much better and less stressed about current situations!

Changes in sleeping

The last two nights I have slept for several hours, although not necessarily soundly.  Last night I went to bed before 10:00, and I'll admit, it was awesome when I woke up around Midnight and realized I could sleep for another nine hours still!  I doubted that I would, but it was 8:30 before I woke up.  As I was opening my eyes, it occurred to me that I hadn't had to get up before 8:00 in nearly two weeks.  I am so not a morning person and it has been wonderful.  My next thought was that it will be over two weeks before I get to sleep past 8:00.  Definitely sleeping changes on the horizon, but 'tis the time of year!

Love grows best in little houses

Many years ago I wrote about things I love about living in a smaller home.  A few weeks ago, I was shopping one of my new favorite online sites, and came upon this wooden sign.  It was on sale, and I've fallen in love with this particular company.  I was thrilled to purchase it, and I love that it is hanging in our family room where we spend most of our time.  I purchased several other signs along with it.  One is for our hall bathroom, one is for the holidays, and a few I wasn't sure necessarily where I was going to put them.  One of the signs mentioned how "I choose you, and I would choose you over and over and over again."  It is such a meaningful sentiment in our family.  I had it in the hallway leaning against the wall because it is one that I wasn't entirely sure where it was going to go.  Thomas commented on the signs when he got home that evening.  He said he had seen the one in the hallway, and that he really liked it.  That meant such a great deal to me.  It is so important to me that we understand we've chosen to be this family.  I'm grateful he knows how much he is loved, and I love having the visual reminder!

It was a lovely evening outside

Yesterday afternoon, we hosted a gathering for Andrew's department.  Six of the seven others in the department joined us, and one brought the entire family.  As we are close with that family and they have young children we adore, we were all thrilled.  It was a lovely day and we all ended up being outside into the early evening.  Everyone departed by 8:00, which was fine with us.  It was so gorgeous outside though, and I told Andrew I didn't want to be cooped up in the house the rest of the evening.  We took a drink and went out to the back patio.  We even took my laptop so we could continue to follow along with the Reds game, which turned into a rout of the Cubs.  It was an absolutely lovely evening to be outside and relax for a bit!  We haven't had too many ideal outdoor evenings this summer, but I am grateful last evening was one of them!

Almost time for school to begin

This is the last Sunday of the summer.  As it is, Andrew has to work tomorrow.  We've both commented that we really loved this summer.  We really enjoyed the memories that we made.

I'll be honest though, the last month has had its share of challenges.  It began July 4 when Bryston passed away.  There have been a number of medical issues in our extended family, and even here in our little immediate family.  We are grateful things are currently stable, but would appreciate prayers as some testing is continued (the kids are fine).  Two weeks ago the older brother of a student I know was killed in a workplace accident at just 21-years-old.  Just this week, some colleagues at school lost their one-day-old son.  We've known the father for years as Andrew had coached him in football when he was high school, and we attended their wedding eleven years ago.  And of course there was the local mass shooting last weekend.  These things aren't supposed to happen this way.

I've also been stressed about a work issue.  When your boss at church tells you he needs to meet with you and the person you replaced but won't tell you why, it kind of sucks.  Especially since the meeting can't happen for two weeks.  Hopefully tomorrow's meeting won't be bad news, but I literally have no idea at this point.  I've also learned about a change that took place at the high school that could make it significantly more difficult for me to get sub jobs.  I may have to consider branching out to include elementary jobs if I want to work more.  This time last year I had a bunch of jobs scheduled, and right now I only have one day in August and one day in September.  I know I stress about this seemingly every year, and nearly every year it works out.  I need to remind myself that it will be okay.  No matter how much or how little I work, I want to be around for Catherine's senior year and take in as much of it as possible.

I don't look forward to the 5AM wake ups or how tired I am going to feel during the school year, but I am looking forward to a routine again.  And honestly, whether I am ready or not, whether I am excited or dreadful, the school year begins this week and that's the way it is!

What I can do

Our family has had a challenging couple of weeks.  Some of it is because of the time of year, some of it is because of the season of our lives, and some of it is just random challenges.  I am tired, I feel a little beat down, and I am emotional.  Ultimately, I think we will all be okay, but it's a bit of a rough patch.  Yesterday's shooting in what is essentially the backyard of my hometown, in a place that not only myself and my husband, but nearly all of my friends and family have been at one time or another, really pushed me to the edge.  Perhaps sometime I will write more about everything happening, perhaps I will not...I am still processing everything.  Sometimes I feel helpless and don't know what I can do.  I know this though...I know there are three things I can do.  I can listen, I can love, and I can be kind.  I think that's a pretty good start.

Waking up to horrible news

***I actually wrote this yesterday (8/4).  I was so "out of it" that I forgot to hit publish when I finished.

Catherine had to work at 9:00 this morning.  We were going to church at 10, so most of us were up and moving at 8:00.  After showering, I came out to check emails and other information, and that was when I was greeted with the horrible news of the mass shooting in Dayton.  Honestly, I just can't process this.  It has come at the end of a really challenging couple of weeks for our family overall.  Everyone is pretty much okay, but it's been a stressful and emotional couple of weeks.  I just can't absorb all of this.  This shooting occurred at a place that I have been.  Not often, but I've been there.  Andrew frequented there a lot in college.  While I am grateful I didn't know any of the victims, my prayers go to those who did.  Prayers aren't going to fix this though, but that is another post.  I am too overwhelmed right now.