I'm feeling emotionally drained

I haven't slept well most of the last week.  I was amazed yesterday how I wasn't feeling tired.  And then last night, when my week was mostly finished, I felt exhausted beyond words.  Still didn't sleep very well though.

Senior night was lovely.  I really didn't get too emotional about it.  That might be because I was in "official duty" mode. 

I think though, I was really just suppressing my emotions, and that is why I felt so drained last night.  Today, absolutely every little thing has made me cry.  My sweet little girl is off to her final band competition today.  How on earth did we get here so quickly?

I also made a quick trip to my hometown this morning.  One reason was to support a lifelong friend who has opened a pop up shop for the holidays.  Another was to swing by and visit a friend who was having an auction at his house today.  We grew up together since the third grade when our mothers became very close friends.  His mother died eight years ago, and his father passed away last year.  He never married, and his brother moved away years ago.  He has decided he is going to leave also.  I can't blame him at all.

Driving around my quiet little home town this morning was rough.  I drove past my aunt's house, and the emotions of losing her this fall hit me like a ton of bricks.  She actually lived in the house I lived in when I graduated from college that is now owned by my sister (I rented it from my dad, then bought it from him, then sold it to my sister as she received her law degree right after I got married).  It also doesn't help that I was in my little hometown exactly six years ago today, also a Saturday, and it was the last time I saw my father alive.  Oh my goodness, so many little emotions created a big reaction in me today.

And I've also realized that I haven't been honest with myself about my son.  While I know Robert's choices are his own choices, and I'm not at all surprised by his choices, they are still hurtful.  Today was a day when I kind of realized just how hurtful they really are.

I'm so very grateful I had this morning to myself.  It's so much easier to process my emotions when I am alone.  I am so blessed in this life, and I never forget that.  Sometimes though, you just need to have a good cry.