Random thoughts from my day

I had to go to the grocery this morning.  Andrew and I meal planned yesterday, and I made a very thorough list.  I didn't want to have to go out again this week if it can be avoided.  I was rather nervous about going to the grocery to be honest, but I'm also pretty picky, so letting someone shop for me wasn't really an option.

To be totally honest, the grocery store was extremely depressing.  I was not prepared for the mental toll that going was going to exact on me.  I was not prepared to have no pizza crusts, Bisquick, or frozen pizzas available.  I was definitely not prepared for them to be out of string cheese, which is my absolute favorite snack!  There was basically no rice or potato sides, and very little in the way of soup and cereal.  I'll be honest, I began to freak out just a little bit.  Fortunately, it seems as though most people don't like the cereal we do so I was able to get that, and I was able to purchase 2 out of the 3 kinds of milk that we drink.  We were set on eggs (which they had little), and Andrew had managed to snag meat at the grocery on Tuesday of last week.  I suspect it will be better to do my shopping here in town in the future, but the prices are so much better at the grocery I frequent.

I also couldn't get over how much I felt I was judged in everything I did.  I wasn't judging other people, so I'm not sure why I felt everyone was judging me.  I couldn't help it though.  I felt I was being judged for even being out of the house, for what I was buying, and for how much I was buying.  That also took a mental toll.

This afternoon, I had to go to church and get payroll submitted.  I can't begin to tell you how comforting and soothing it felt just to walk in the building.  In a way, I feel like the hour I spent working in the office is the best thing I'll do all week.  It was so normal.  Completely, 100% normal.  And there sure isn't much of that these days.

I also ran and purchased a some stamps since I had to mail some payments for the church.  I am stocked up, and that felt good.  The entire town is so quiet, and it's very strange this time of year.

Today is the last day we are supposed to out "just because".  I know this still isn't the worst of it, and I know there are still tough days ahead.  I know this is taking a mental toll on everyone, but I also know we WILL get through this!