The end of February

Our family is in the middle of another long weekend.  Because our school employees (including Andrew and myself) received our second vaccination on Thursday, the schools were remote both that day and yesterday.  Andrew and I are very, very grateful that we had absolutely no side effects at all.  I was a little tired on Thursday, but I think that was just the last week catching up with me.  We are so, so grateful.  We know of many who have suffered with this second shot.

We have had the opportunity to speak with our friend, and she is doing better as each day passes.  We will be heading there next weekend for the services.  It is all just so incredibly unreal.  They are keeping things very small, and we are grateful to be included.  We've been taking turns checking in with her in the evening.

I just can't say I love this time of year.  So much sadness has happened in the last ten days of February over the years.  I am grateful though, that today is such a beautiful day outside!  March, and spring, are right around the corner.  With vaccinations rolling out, things might even be getting a little more normal this summer and next fall.  I am grateful to feel hopeful about that!

We are heartbroken

This afternoon at 2:00 I received a text that broke my heart.  My friend sent a text that our very dear friend who moved to the middle of the country was found deceased this morning.  He had been working out of town and didn't show up to work this morning, and when they went to find him he was gone.  We had been planning to make a trip there this summer to visit them.  They didn't come into town for Christmas this year, and I didn't get to see him when they come into town last summer.  He was in his early 60's, and this is just entirely too soon.  I waited until Andrew's workday was finished before I told him.  There have been lots of tears today, and our hearts are broken.

Grief

I was driving to my cousin's house today, and I was suddenly overcome by grief.  I just kept crying, and couldn't seem to get a grip on my emotions.  One of the things I learned when my dad died is that you just never know when grief is going to come at you.  Today was one of those days.  I was needing to have a somewhat emotional conversation with my cousin, and it was a conversation that needed to be had ONLY because A) our grandmother is gone, B) her mother is gone, and C) my uncle seemingly has no concern or respect for anyone else in the family but himself.  That is the harsh reality.

I also recognize the fact that these tears are probably a year overdue.  I didn't cry last year when I got word that my grandmother had died.  You see, the night before we had learned some really awful information about Robert.  I immediately went into "mom" mode.  I was heartbroken about the actions of my son, but could do nothing about them.  I could, however, protect the hearts of my other two children and that was exactly my intent.  The news about Robert came not only 24 hours before the passing of my grandmother, but 24 hours after Thomas's girlfriend had broken his heart.  Additionally, Andrew and I had just gotten over being the sickest we had been in years, and along with Catherine also catching it that weekend, she had been involved in a car accident while Andrew and I were sick.  We were sad and stressed, and my feeling as mom was to be strong for my kids who were hurting.

Of course not long after we buried my grandmother, the pandemic reared its ugly head in our state, and things began to shut down.  I will always be grateful that we were able to have "normal" services for my grandmother, and I am now so very grateful that in the week between burying Grandma and the pandemic explosion, that Andrew's cousin was able to visit us.  At the same time, I wanted to protect the heart of my kids who were missing out on so much, and especially Catherine as she lost Prom, Graduation, and so many fun senior events.

I know it's okay that I was so sad and emotional today.  And as I told my cousin, I know things are going to be okay.  She mentioned how some of her favorite memories are of us all being at our grandparents' house, and I'm so grateful I'm not the only one who feels that way.  I hate crying, but sometimes it helps us to feel better afterwards!

Dealing with family

Six months ago today my mother received a letter from an attorney hired by her brother regarding my grandmother's estate.  To say I am saddened and sickened by the entire thing is an understatement.  Last fall, I held out hope that the family relations could be repaired.  My mother even mentioned that although she was hurt and angry, she wanted to make sure that nothing she said or did added to the feelings, and I think she too hoped things might be better, even if only years down the road.  I no longer have that hope, and there is even part of me that hopes my aunt & uncle contact me so that I can express my wishes that they not contact me again and my disappointment in their lack of value for the family relationships I hold so dearly.

My biggest concern in all of this has been how our relationships will be with my cousins who are the daughters of my late aunt.  They are so very much in the middle of this, and understandably have not wanted to take sides.  However, the "take it or leave it" settlement proposed by my uncle, which my mother is willing to accept (in fact she has never been against any of the "requests" proposed in any communication) involve the handling of the girls' trusts.  I've been asked to get involved and explain things from a financial aspect, and let them know that although my mother won't be involved in the trusts, it has nothing to do with her feelings about them.  The girls seem to understand that my mother just needs this legal issue to go away, but there is so much involved and I'm heading to my hometown to be a person who is a little more objective.

I'm not really sure that I am though.  I am tremendously emotional about this.  August 20 was the day this all began with that letter, and I sincerely hope that February 20 is the day this drama can find an end.

RIP Theo

I wrote a year ago about Andrew's cousin who came for a surprise visit.  We had received word over the weekend that time was down to only weeks, maybe days.  His brothers and mother had traveled across the county to see him.  Word came this morning that he passed away last night.  Andrew and I were so very sad to hear this news.  He is only 56, and that is simply too young.  My prayers go out to his family, and especially Andrew's aunt.  As I've written too many times before, no parent should ever have to bury their child.  May he rest in peace.

More snowy weather

 I am sitting here this morning watching the lovely snow fall.  Our neighborhood roads are snow covered, and it is truly very lovely.  This isn't a "real" snow day though.  While the public schools are closed, today is the sixth day so the school has decided remote learning is the way to go.  That phone call now comes to tell us we still need to get up at the same time!  Actually, Thomas got to sleep in about 15 minutes but that doesn't really count.  My school only delayed this morning.  I still have about two hours before I have to be at work, but I'll probably head in in about half hour.  Part of me is kind of hoping we end up closed as well, but I'm also kind of just in the way here.  At least our "feels like" temp is 8 degrees today.  Lots of bundling again!

The trouble with bundling up

It is currently only 1 degree with a "feels like" temp of -8.  In an hour, I have to stand outside for a full half hour.  I have layered in all areas, including socks.  I will be as warm as possible, which basically isn't possible.  The downside to this of course, is that I was roasting while moving around, and even while sitting!

It will be interesting to see what our attendance will be today.  I don't think I would be sending my child, but we shall see!

The middle of February

Last evening we had sleet mix in with the snow, but it seems as though we still got about 6".  When I went to bed around 10:30, it was absolutely gorgeous outside.  Someone referred to it as something similar to a Thomas Kinkade painting, and that is an excellent description.  The temps are now falling, and I suspect many schools will be on a 2-hour delay.  I suspect my school will be in as normal though.

All of this time at home means no pay, but we are doing okay.  I worry less about these things these days.  I guess living life in a pandemic will do that to you.  I've appreciated all of this time we've had together this weekend.  It's such a blessing to have this.  It's a little tough on Thomas though.  I am sure many of these days are lonely without his sister.

Here in the middle of February, it is just after 6:00 and while not complete daylight, it isn't dark either.  It's so nice to have some longer days of sunlight.  It feels like this year is flying by, I guess that is nothing new!

Bring on the snow!

Our forecast is for it to begin snowing within the next couple of hours, and snow for about ten hours.  We are projected to get anywhere from 8-12" from this system.  I am so excited!  I hope it starts snowing early enough that I can enjoy it in the daylight.  Although it will be ending shortly after Midnight, with the wind gust and the just the sheer amount, I don't think we are going to school tomorrow.  I know that I am blessed that I get to remain at home and not worry about these weather conditions.  I am grateful that I get to just enjoy the sheer beauty of it.

As I've been writing this the flakes have begun.  Yahoo!!! 

We've been doing this for eleven months

Eleven months ago today was our first day we were home because the state was closing schools.  We've been living in this pandemic for eleven months.  It seems so hard to believe.  I'm grateful that we've been able to have some levels of normalcy.  I'm grateful that we have our dear friends who have been part of our social circle since so early on.  I miss our other friends and family we aren't able to see.  I miss being able to go to a high school basketball game, and I miss that my kids have missed out on some fun high school activities.  At the same time, I am grateful for the more laid back schedule and more family time.

I do feel that we are closer to the end then the beginning, but I never really imagined it would last this long.  In the beginning I didn't really understand what was happening.  I sure do now!

A long weekend...and probably even longer

We are about 1/2 way through our long four-day-weekend.  Although technically, Andrew and Thomas were off Thursday, and Thomas doesn't have in-person classes on Wednesdays.  Also, it doesn't look like there is any chance of school on Tuesday, which would mean Thomas wouldn't be in-person Wednesday again, and Thursday looks pretty doubtful as well.  Sooo.....

The storm arriving tomorrow is going to apparently be a doozy.  They are calling for "best case" scenario of six inches, but that seems like a pipe dream.  Holy moly.  I plan to take advantage of all of this time to work on getting my bedroom organized, organizing my desk, and working on various photo projects.  I am also looking forward to just enjoying some down time!  I might even do a puzzle!

A little extra time again this morning

The public schools are closed here, and I have an extra two hours.  The problem though, is that the notification for my delay came after I had taken a shower, AND I couldn't fall back to sleep after the call came for my husband's school at 5.  So, I'm not getting paid for these hours, nor am I enjoying extra sleep.  It is what it is though, and we are now looking at the loveliness that is a four day weekend...as soon as I get through my day.

I did learn some sad news this morning.  A senior at our former school passed away from cancer yesterday.  Because he was not in the same grade as any of my kids, I didn't know him as well as I otherwise might have.  I did have him in class a few times though, and no child should ever have to suffer in such a way.  Nor should any parent ever have to watch their child do so.  It's sad news.

Daylight has arrived...time to be getting ready to head to school.

Given the gift of time

According to weather experts, the winter storm that came through ended up "exploding into a monster" and we received over 5" of snow overnight!  We are all home with a snow day, although I did bring work home with me that I can do.  Andrew and I spent the morning working on our driveway, and of course everyone slept in.  It's beautiful outside, and I'm enjoying the day!

A very lovely anniversary

Today is the date on which my husband and I chose to join our lives together.  An anniversary on a Monday doesn't seem very exciting.  Truly though, it has been very lovely evening.  I finished a major project at work over the weekend, and was able to leave work at 4 and not worry or stress about it.  When I went out to my vehicle, Andrew had snuck in at some point and put balloons and flowers in it.  It was so sweet!  He made us an amazingly fabulous dinner.  I should do the dishes, but right now we are both just crashing on the couch.  We even have a shot at a snow day tomorrow.  It is more likely for Andrew and Thomas, but we have a shot as well.

The best part of the evening has been the kids.  Catherine went back to school after being home for a few days.  My heart still catches when I get that notification that she has left home.  This morning though, I got to kiss her goodbye before I left for work, and we received a Happy Anniversary text when she got up.  Thomas bought us the most amazingly beautiful card.  I cried.  One of the things I love most about our anniversary is that it is the beginning of our family, and I am so amazingly blessed to be part of this family!

Super Bowl weekend

We are watching the big game, and are rooting hard for the Chiefs.  I can respect and acknowledge that Tom Brady may be the best ever, but I'm not going to root for him.  Unfortunately, Andrew has baseball practice and isn't home right now.  He'll be home in about another hour.

Thomas's swim season ended Friday.  Although we knew that would be the case, three relay teams advanced to districts, which consist of eight different boy swimmers.  Because there are only eleven boys on the team, that means only three don't get to keep swimming.  Thomas took that hard, and it was hard on my heart to see him hurt.

On the upside, we had plans with our best friends last evening.  I can't begin to explain how grateful I am that our kids all get along so well.  They are all inseparable these days, and have been more of a blessing during COVID than I can even explain.

I have been so grateful again to have Catherine around this weekend.  Life just feels more peaceful and complete when she is here.  I hate that I've had to work a lot this weekend, but I made it as little as possible while still meeting deadlines.  

No school this coming Friday, and there could be a LOT of snow this week.  We are officially finished with our swim responsibilities, so it could be a very peaceful next week!

It was a rough way to wake up this morning

This morning I had to get up half an hour earlier than normal for my shot appointment.  Although school was closed today, I went to work after my shot because I have some deadlines looming.  Because I have "needle anxiety", I didn't sleep the best.  The last dream I had as the alarm was going off though, was absolutely awful.

I dreamt about Robert.  In the dream, he was here because he had no where else to be.  He was stealing (big, major things) from us, and he was attempting to physically intimidate us.  It was truly a nightmare.  In the dream, Andrew and I were telling him he had to leave even though he had no where else to go, and my other two children were heartbroken.  It was one of the worst dreams I've ever had.

I awoke in tears, and allowed myself to cry a minute.  Honestly, I don't even have words to explain how I feel about that dream.  It was painful in ways I can't even describe, but I am so very grateful it was only in my dreams, and I pray it stays that way.

Since I needed to wear a short sleeve to make it easier to receive my shot, I decided to wear my dad's flannel over it.  It was a flannel I had given him the last Christmas that he was alive, and I appreciated having a little part of him with me this morning, although that made me a little emotional as well.  I also wore my bracelet with the "blessed" charm that I bought myself before Christmas.  It was a wonderful, and much needed reminder that again, it was all just a dream, and we are safe.

We got shot

Andrew and I both received our first round of COVID vaccinations today.  It is nice to have this process started.  We will receive the second shots exactly three weeks from today.  Both the public schools and our schools closed for the day since it was a 45 minute drive to get the shot.  It was very nice to see some of Andrew's colleagues whom I miss very much.  My arm is very, very sore, and I'm pretty tired (although that could be related to last night...a different post).  Other than that, things are fine!

A little extra time at home

Our phone rang at 5AM with a two-hour delay for Andrew and Thomas.  I was able to go back to sleep.  I checked my phone an hour later, and nothing for us.  I got up about ten minutes later to check my email, and there was the notification of a two-hour delay.  At that point, there seemed little to no point to go back to sleep, especially since I have plenty of work to do at school, so if I can get there, I will do so.  The roads in our area seem fine, I suspect it is the more rural townships that are the problem.  Shortly after realizing we are on a delay, the public schools closed.  I received a text letting me know that we will NOT be closing.  Andrew is thrilled there is no school today.  I would've enjoyed no school as well because I could get so much more done that way, but it is what it is.

Catherine is still home today, and I know Andrew will enjoy some extra time with her as well.  She'll be home again next weekend for some plans with friends, and that is equally awesome.  Life is moving right along!