It was wonderful and beautiful and horribly awful all at the same time

On Friday we made the ten hour drive to be with our friend.  When we got about an hour away, I just couldn't stop crying.  Getting close made it so real that he wasn't there and we weren't going to see him.  After we checked into the motel and ate dinner, Andrew dropped me at her house while they did some grocery shopping.  We headed back to the motel and waited for our other friends.  We had some wine and got ready for the rest of the weekend.  Saturday was busier than we had anticipated.  Some shopping needed done, and we were very busy at our friend's house helping her get her house ready to host the meal after the funeral.  Andrew was watching the livestream of his cousin's funeral for a time, and most of the out-of-town family began arriving.  We decided to provide dinner for everyone.  After getting back to the motel, we shared some drinks with friends.

Yesterday morning everyone else went to breakfast, but since I'm not a fan, I decided to take advantage of some quiet time.  We arrived at the funeral home just as the visitation began so we could be useful if needed.  The three of us, along with our friends and three of their kids all sat together in a pew throughout everything.  I was so, so incredibly grateful that we were together for this, and that we were able to share this, but it was also so very awful.  It didn't feel real, and I didn't want it to be real.  After the services we attended the meal and visited for a bit.  We knew we had to leave early this morning, but after dropping the kids at the motel we decided to venture out for a margarita to toast Tim.  When we got back to the motel, I cried again for a bit.  I'd been in "we'll take care of it mode" and since the services were done and there was nothing left to focus on, my emotions took over.  Again, so incredibly grateful we could share this all together.

I was incredibly drained and slept quite a bit of the drive home.  We had lovely weather for traveling, and all the entire weekend.  The services were very well done, and everything was beautiful.  At the same time, the whole thing was so horribly awful that it was happening!