If she doesn't care, I shouldn't either

My mother decided she didn't think she would be hope to hosting any kind of Thanksgiving meal.  She wanted to because it would be easier for everyone to have it in my hometown and have the four of us and my mother-in-law (Andrew is going to get her this weekend) drive there.  We were happy to do whatever was easiest for my mother.  Mom decided this past weekend that there was no way she could do it.  She has some compressed nerves and is in a lot of pain.  My aunt had sent the same email to my late aunt's kids, so we sent them messages letting them know they are welcome as well, and my mom has a friend who will be joining us.  Andrew and I began to discuss the menu, and I was carefully planning to make sure my sister, who has dietary restrictions, could eat what we were serving.  Keep in mind of course, my sister at no point over the years told me about her dietary restrictions, but I learned about them over the years at meals.  Today, I sent my sister a text asking if her "significant friend", or anyone else would be joining us.  She let me know that not only would there be no guests, but she wasn't interested in making the trip down and would rather spend the day at home along with the dog.  Those were actually her words.  While it felt like a slap in the face to me, I hurt more for my mother.  I know my mother feels as though she's lost so much of her family, and my sister being so blunt about not wanting to be with us is bound to be hurtful.  I know I felt hurt by it.

It reminds me of one year shortly after I was married, and my sister was in town on a grad school break.  I had been out of town on my honeymoon during most of the break, but I arrived home three days before she returned to school.  We had plans to see each other one of those nights, but I had a bad cold.  We were supposed to drive to my parents' house to see her, but I asked if she would mind coming to my house instead (about a 40 minute) drive.  My dad offered to bring her down to my house.  I remember being at work and talking to her on the phone asking if we could adjust the plans.  I remember explaining to her that if she didn't come down I wouldn't get to see her while she was on break, and I vividly remember her response being, "I don't really care if I see you or not."  I remember crying and saying to my dad, "If she doesn't care if we see each other, I shouldn't either."  Dad responded that isn't really who I am.  It's true.  Family is so important to me.  I'm grateful for those that I do get to spend the holiday with!