We weren't wrong about that either. We went in 15 minutes before it officially began, and we were out just as it was supposed to actually be beginning. The parking lot was already full, and vehicles had begun to be parked at the police station across the street and at a near-by school. I was able to see a few of the former students I knew from my subbing days, and I gave them hugs. None of us wanted to be there, because it shouldn't be happening this way.
When I found out Luke has passed, I'll be honest, I thought about all the kids I'd grown to know and love through my subbing days, and I worried about them. I told Andrew that it made me realize that while I like my job, I want to be back at the high school. When I started subbing, I wanted to primarily work in just one building because I wanted the kids to know me. I wanted them to know I was there, and although it can be challenging to establish relationships when you are just a sub, I wanted to be one more person , one more adult in their lives if they needed it. I'm never going to have that working at the job I'm in now, and being at a not-inexpensive private school means most of the kids I see everyday aren't going to have "need" for that kind of relationship. I don't know that anything will open anytime soon, because it had been a decade since there had been an opening before all of those last year. But I know now, I won't allow fear of rejection to keep me from applying. My heart is with those kids.
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