Random Wednesday afternoon thoughts at the end of August

I love being back into my schedule where I don't work on Wednesday afternoons.  This semester, I am off work at 11:30.  It's wonderful.  The only downside is that my work departure coincides with the university's class change, so it takes me twice as long to get home as it should.

The weather today could not be more gorgeous.  It is in the upper 70's today with no humidity and bright blue skies.  I might even  be able to light a candle this evening because it will be cool enough.  Andrew is playing frisbee golf this afternoon, and we have nothing on our calendar for today.  It's delightful.  Because we have no students on Friday, my mind keeps thinking it is Thursday.  That will be lovely as well, but I am grateful it is Wednesday so I can be home.

While I love this weather and having the afternoon off, I can't deny that this date brings me a touch of sadness.  I won't give away identifying information, but if you know my family well, you will understand the meaning of this date.  I regret it is a day that can't be celebrated.

But looking ahead, Labor Day weekend is on the horizon!  And that means college football!  This will be the first Labor Day weekend in several years that none of us are traveling to my in-laws, and I'm looking forward to having a fabulous weekend of all football, and hopefully a little family time as well! 

It was harder yesterday

Yesterday afternoon we took Thomas back to school.  Because had had moved into a room by himself, there were several things he needed from the grocery again.  Yikes...not cheap!  We bought him some cold medicine also as he didn't feel 100%, and I'm hoping and praying for multiple reasons, that it isn't COVID!

I'm grateful that dropping him off coincided with us having plans with our good friends, because it was a lot harder this time.  When we dropped him off the first time, it was all so exciting and full of so much possibility.  Yesterday didn't feel that way at all.  Thomas had a hell of a tough week.  He knows his classes might be tough.  There had been lots of good, but also lots of "hard" in those eleven days.  It was so, so much harder to leave him there yesterday, and I'm not going to lie...I am very grateful I get to bring him home again on Friday for a long weekend!

Not the alone time we thought it would be

When Thomas decided to attend school that would be over an hour away, we knew it meant he would be living on campus.  With Catherine at her school apartment, it seemed to indicate Andrew and I would have these glorious evenings and weekends with endless hours, just the two of us.  Don't get me wrong, everyone knows I love my kids and I love having them around.  The thing is, I love when we are ALL together.  Having just one around feels harder.  And I love my husband so much and love our time spent together.

The day that we moved Thomas into his dorm, we were home by 3:00 in the afternoon.  Andrew and I kind of sat around that day and looked at each other...now what?  That day felt like it would drag on forever, and I remember wanting to go to bed at 8:00 that evening.  I thought that was what our evenings were going to be like!

Haha, not so much!  The very next day, Andrew played frisbee golf after school and then I had a church meeting that evening.  We had a fairly quiet Thursday evening, and I was looking forward to enjoying a quiet weekend after we got through Catherine's nursing induction on Friday.  But then Andrew needed to work two athletic events that Saturday, and I was asked to work one as well.  Sunday became the day that we drove to see each kid at school, which meant we were gone over seven hours.  Our Saturday late afternoon and evening were exactly what I was hoping it would be, but it was hours, not day.

This week was even less so!  Monday I went straight to church to work and then did our weekly grocery shopping.  Tuesday I had to work a bit late at work, then had a church meeting at 6:00.  Andrew also had dinner with Catherine.  Wednesday I had to drive to take Thomas his glasses, and Andrew had to work an athletic event until after 9:30.  That was also the evening that things fell apart with Thomas.  Thursday I ended up working an athletic event and it was 8:00 before I got home.  Although I knew Andrew needed to attend the football game last evening, my original vision was a quiet Friday evening at home for myself.  Instead, I was back to move Thomas and bring him home, AND he unexpectedly brought a friend.  That means that although I knew Andrew would be working athletics this morning, my expected quiet Saturday didn't happen either.  We have plans with friends this evening, and I think Andrew and I are going to need all day tomorrow to recover and prepare for another crazy week!  maybe we'll have a quiet evening together this week, although I know he's already working athletics two evenings!

Lots of ups and downs

This week ended up turning south quickly.  The roommate situation for Thomas, which we thought was delightful, turned into a nightmare.  His roommate apparently has some serious mental health issues, which made Thomas feel unsafe and was leading Thomas to have some mental health concerns as well.  Fortunately, Thomas has a good friend who allowed him to sleep in his room, and we were able to move Thomas into a different (although VERY expensive) room yesterday.  Yikes.  Because of everything, we agreed Thomas could come home for the weekend, although he ended up bringing a friend and we are taking them back this afternoon.  Ultimately, this is all going to be lovely, I think, but the drama getting us here has been HARD. Like, "I-thought-he-might-drop-out-and-not-be-in-school" hard.

Catherine has also presented us with challenges.  She is convinced that she can handle things on her.  And of course, she can.  But some of her choices aren't the best, and it will cost her in several ways in the long run.  Of course, I have to let her make those choices, but it sure is disappointing that not only will she not ask for help (or even advice), when her choices start to go poorly she then lies about them.  I continue to point out that is she wants to be treated like an adult, she should start to act like one.

On top of the craziness of it being the first full week of school and challenges both Andrew and I have had at work, this all had made for some downs.  The good news though, is that here we are at the weekend.  Thomas seems to be in a good place, and life should begin to settle down for all of us.  AND, college football is right around the corner!!!

Mid-week

We are into Wednesday evening.  I appreciate being "over the hump" for the week, and I further appreciate that only work until 11:30 on Wednesdays.  I'm not going to lie, today was a bit of an emotional day today.  I had to make a trip to take Thomas his glasses.  I took our sweet pup with me, and it was nice to spend a few minutes watching them together.  Thomas is doing better today, and he also was very happy that he got a job this morning!  He will be able to lifeguard at the pool at school.  It's a great fit for him.  I'm glad I was able to see him in person and hug him for a few minutes.

For the first time, I'm finding myself struggling with being an empty nester.  It's not that I'm sad that my adult children are off at college, it's that I'm a little sad that they are adults.  I was determined not to be that person, but for this evening that's who I am.  I no longer get a say in whether my children are around or whether all holidays are completely devoted to our family.  I know this isn't a bad thing, and I am proud of the adults my children are becoming.  I know that I was careful to soak up the little things, and I'm so grateful that I was home with them so much and for so many things.  I know that we made so many memories and I'm so, so grateful.  Walking past those empty bedrooms this evening though, well, it's getting to me.  I also know that's okay as well, and it won't be long until I adjust to this new phase of life.

It was a tough day

I'm not going to lie, it was a tough, tough day.  Both Catherine and Thomas are having some struggles, and hearing Thomas get emotional on the phone made me cry.  His first day of each class has overwhelmed him, and while I know that is normal, it's hard.  He really wanted to come home this weekend, but we are trying to get him to wait until Labor Day weekend.  Andrew is being really strong about this, but part of me wants to compromise and let him come home for just one night.  I know at the end of the day things are probably going to be okay, but today has been a tough one.  I'm grateful that today happened to be the day that Pastor Logan sent an email to him.  Sounds like divine intervention to me!

Our first weekend as empty nesters

Today was actually a day all about the kids.  Andrew and I drove over to take a few things to Thomas and take him to lunch.  We also invited his roommate to go with us.  We were thrilled to meet him...he's a great fit with Thomas!  And Thomas was also telling us about all of the other people he's met in his "friend group".  We couldn't be more thrilled!  His classes start tomorrow, and we can't wait to hear all about it.

We then drove over to have dinner with Catherine and meet her boyfriend.  We were still stuffed from lunch, but it was a pleasant dinner.  He clearly cares about Catherine a lot, and we are grateful for that.

Our weekend ended up being far more scheduled than I had anticipated.  Andrew had to work six hours at the athletic events yesterday.  I have agreed to work at athletic events to take tickets if I am needed at any point.  It is a paying position, and while I may not get asked much, any amount is a bit more to use to help the kids with college.  We ended up with a nice afternoon and evening, just the two of us, which will be even better in a few weeks when college football begins!

So grateful for friends who are like family

Yesterday I worked at the girls' soccer game (I'll write another post later about that and our weekend).  There is a farming family in town where I know (and adore) the older grandkids from my subbing days, and I've been able to know one of the moms/sisters.  There are four sisters (and another that passed away many years ago, before having children).  The grandmother arrived for the game, and I didn't realize another grandchild had entered high school.   All together, there were twelve members of this young lady's family there to watch her play her first high school soccer game.  As I realized this, I began to cry.

I know that sounds a little crazy, but it's been an emotional week.  The oldest son of one of my cousin's moved to OSU this week, and my sister made a really big deal about it.  I get that, except that my son, my sister's nephew, also moved to college this week, and not only did my sister NOT make a big deal about it, but she wouldn't even join us for dinner last weekend...and we drove to Dayton so she didn't have to come down here!  I always wanted the family like they have on "Modern Family", where there are big family meals and big extended families at the events.  I knew it probably wouldn't happen when moved here, but I always made an effort to attend things for my cousins kids.  Not just athletic events, but plays, and birthday parties.  No one ever saw my kids in the pool, no one ever saw my kids in any high school band event.  It breaks my heart that my kids had no one at their senior nights.  I pray that as we go forward, our family as it is can remain strongly connected.

That is also why I am so incredibly grateful for friends who are family.  There are so many who have made sure my kids felt special.  I'm so grateful for the friends who are able to be there for the big events, and even the not-so-big events.  I'm grateful for the friends who want to create holiday traditions, and who treat us like family.  I'm so, so grateful, and I'm remembering to count our blessings.

Nursing program induction

Two weeks ago, Catherine had let us know that there would be an official induction into her nursing program once she completed "nursing camp" this week.  It was so sweet when Thomas asked if he should be there.  We pointed out he would just be moving in and it would be okay to stay at school.  In addition to Andrew and I being there, Catherine asked our best friends and their daughters to attend.  As it got closer, two of them couldn't come, but Catherine's best friend Belle and her mom made the trip.  We are more grateful than we can put into words that they are always there to support her.  It wasn't a terribly long ceremony, but it was very nice.  This program is truly going to challenge Catherine, but we are so proud of her.  She really wants to do this, and we can't wait to see her be successful!

Alone at school

Yesterday as we were driving home from moving Thomas into his dorm, Andrew mentioned to me that this year at school would be the first year he'd be there without one of our kids there in eight years.  And of course, we had those two fabulous years when all four of us were there.  The reality made us both a little sad.

This morning I kept thinking about that, and I had a pretty rough morning.  We no longer have any of our kids' "first day" photos to post.  We hadn't heard anything at all from Thomas since we left him.  I certainly didn't want to be a crazy parent, but even a "thumbs up" to a text I sent would've been nice.  I was pretty sad about things this morning.

I'm so grateful that Thomas texted early this morning, and it was such an incredibly positive text.  He mentioned all the good things that had happened since we left and said he hadn't texted because he was busy being involved.  My heart was so happy to hear these good things!  I am so grateful things are going well!

First year move-in day

Today is the day Andrew and I became empty-nesters, at least during the school calendar.  We are so excited that Thomas applied and was accepted to participate in a leadership program that is for the next two days.  What an amazing opportunity for him to meet a smaller group of people, who probably share some of his same passions!  We are so grateful that he took it upon himself to apply and was accepted!

I remember when Robert left four years ago.  As we dropped him at the motel and said our goodbyes, I cried.  I wasn't sad that he was leaving, but I was sad it had all been so hard, and I think I was crying tears of relief more than anything else.  Also, I kind of felt like I was supposed to cry.

Catherine leaving was so, so hard.  Once Robert left, our family of four had so much fun together, and life was so wonderful.  We made these incredible memories together.  And then of course, we had all that bonding time during the pandemic, and then she began having seizures which made me worry even more.  When Catherine left, it felt like she was "breaking up" our fun.  It was hard on me to have Thomas be home alone so very much.  Those two felt like a pair, and it was just hard with only one home.

Today, I was so excited for Thomas.  This opportunity to go early and to meet a small group, it was exactly what I thought he needed.  Andrew was insistent we could do this in one car, and by some miracle everything fit in my CR-V!  He is on the fourth floor, but the door from the parking lot is already on the second floor, so that helped tremendously.  It only took three trips in, and then Thomas wanted to unpack while Andrew and I went and spent our life savings for "last minute" items.  We then took him to lunch, which I'm so grateful we did.  We took him back to the dorm, and said our goodbyes, and watched him walk into his dorm.  Andrew was so very emotional, but I'm grateful none of us actually cried.  He's only about 75 minutes away, and he's ready.

I chatted with Andrew a bit on the drive home, and all was fine...until I walked in at home.  Oh my goodness, my heart could have broken.  There was just something about realizing this was it.  My baby will spend the bulk of his time, with only a few days of visiting here and there, at school.  This is the goal of parenting...so they can fly on their own.  It sure did happen fast though.  It's incredibly quiet around here, but life is full of so many blessings!

I can't imagine a more perfect weekend to end the summer

The first 18 hours of my weekend are already documented here, and they were absolutely lovely.  Yesterday I ran some errands, and then got a few "paperwork" things handled while continuing to enjoy the lovely weather.  It was even more spectacular that the NFL pregames were on back-to-back-to-back-to-back all day into the evening.  We were even able to see the Steelers play!  The three of us had frozen pizzas for dinner while watching some games, and then played a new trivia game I had purchased.  It was a very fun evening.

Today we went to church, where the college students were asked to stand up and tell about their upcoming year.  I appreciated the effort to recognize and connect with the students.  It's been a rainy day today, but still comfortable as far as temps.  Thomas is nearly packed and ready to go.  Catherine came home this afternoon, and then we drove north to meet my mom for dinner.  We love our pub fries!  The kids love it so much that they hadn't eaten in preparation, and I ordered an extra for us to share after we ate our fries.  Catherine couldn't finish hers though, and I was stuffed after mine, so Thomas devoured the entire extra order himself.

It was so wonderful to have this time together.  I know there are going to be so many changes and emotions and feelings and thoughts and things I'm not even prepared for this week and into the coming months.  I also know that it isn't bad...this is what we want for our kids.  We just didn't want it to get here so fast!  But here it is, and I'm so grateful we had this weekend together before we kick off this school year!

Sweatshirt Saturday morning

We have just a couple of days of beautiful weather right now.  By tonight, the humidity will begin creeping back up, but it's the most gorgeous Saturday morning right now.  When I got up and checked the thermostat in our house, it was 70 glorious degrees!  I'm enjoying my sweatshirt this morning.  It's especially lovely as we have a few things to get done today, and it's our last weekend with a kiddo around for a while!

It's the best Friday evening

I worked over 38 hours this week.  Definitely a long, long week.  I loved it though.  I love being busy at work, especially when it's just busy, not chaos.  Andrew also started back to work this and had some meetings.  Thomas worked almost as many hours as I did.  Definitely a crazy week.  The heat of the week certainly didn't help things.

A cool front came through Tuesday night, and then a really cool front came through last evening.  Oh my goodness, today was one of those amazing weather days.  The temps were in the 70's and there was no humidity.  Thomas had to work late this evening, but Andrew and I were home relatively early.  He'd gone to a cookout and wasn't hungry.  We made some drinks and sat out back and enjoyed the beautiful weather.  Although we are finished being band parents, with Andrew doing stats, I couldn't help but remember that the next ten Fridays are "high school football Fridays".  It made this evening even more special.  As it began to be too chilly to be outdoors, we came in and watched a move.  When Thomas got home, we shared a few laughs with him as well.

Andrew and I discussed the future...most of our Fridays from here on out will be just the two of us.  In four days we take Thomas to college.  So many memories and emotions.

When you get home from work with nearly 8000 steps

My job is a "desk job"...most days.  However, school starts next week, and our school is actually three separate buildings.  Today was crazy.  We also had a new furnace system put in two weeks ago, that meant we had to re-carpet the main building, and it needed painted anyway...so you see how crazy it has been.  Today when I got home from work, I had nearly 8000 steps already in for today.  And to top it off, the heat index was 107 degrees this afternoon.  I suspect I shall sleep well tonight!

Fastest yet

Honestly, this summer feels as though it was the fastest yet.  I'm sure part of it is the "empty nesting" that is looming in just eleven days.  I'm sure part of it is that I now work in the summer.  And part of it is just that with each day we get older, and with so many memories, the most recent ones feel like such a blip.

Tomorrow I can pretty much expect to be on my fairly regular schedule.  I have no idea how late I'll need to work each day, so I'm allowing myself to sleep in just a bit for this last week and go in a tad bit later.  Andrew officially reports Friday, but he has a full day of responsibilities on Wednesday, and a bit of a schedule on Thursday.  This was the last weekend of the summer, in pretty much all accounts.  It really, really feels like it just started.  This was, by far, the fast yet.

We had to say goodbye to Rosie

We knew things weren't going well with our sweet cat Rosie.  Last week Catherine had hoped to have another night with her, and that happened Thursday.  At that point, she was still eating and we had hoped that perhaps we would get more time.  When our friend arrived from out-of-town Sunday, Catherine came to spend the night again, and that gave her even another night with Rosie.  By yesterday, I knew things were bad and I had made an appointment for this afternoon.  Catherine didn't work today, and I asked her to be here early afternoon because she wanted to go along.

Today when Thomas got up, he found Rosie in the living room.  I rushed home, and Catherine arrived home about 25 minutes later.  Her sobs were the most heart wrenching sounds ever.  I will never forget those moments.  Rosie was her baby, and Catherine was Rosie's human.  Those two had a very special connection.  We'd had Rosie for about 9-1/2 years, and Rosie was only ten-years-old.  It wasn't enough time, but it never is.  That is the hard part about pets.  We know we are going to outlive them.

Catherine and Thomas were emotional, but they were also amazing.  As I told my mom, all I really had to do was provide moral support, drive to the vet, and pay the bill for cremation (Catherine wants the ashes).  The kids really did take care of everything else.  Thomas didn't want anything, but Catherine and I drowned our sorrows with some DQ.  Andrew was on his way home from his mom's house, and the three of us sat in a room together and just kind of hung out.  When Andrew arrived home, we ordered some dinner.  Catherine headed back to her apartment this evening.  It made me a little sad, but I get that she is an adult and has her own place.

It's been a draining day.  I am grateful that I only have to work a few hours tomorrow and that the weekend is upon us.  I'm also incredibly grateful for my amazing family.

Sprinkler

 Two weeks ago, we had a sump pump installed in our crawl space.  It required the digging of a trench out to the ditch.  Andrew planted grass seed and put some straw over the bare ground, and he has been very good about watering it.  He is thrilled that some grass is growing.  While he is gone, it is the responsibility of Thomas and myself to water the space.  I just went out and turned it on, and as I watched the sprinkler, I couldn't help but smile.  I have many memories of being a child and running through the sprinkler in our yard on hot summer days (similar to today!) and laughing and having a blast.  I needed that smile today!

Junior fair board

Sometime last summer, Thomas announced to us that he was interviewing for a position on the county fair board.  He wanted to be part of either the "dog" group, or the boy scout group.  To be honest, I didn't even begin to understand what he was really talking about it.  He had to go through an interview process.  I can only assume the idea came from something he learned about in FFA, an organization we love!  Shortly after the interviews, he found out he had been selected as the representative for Boy Scouts.  Now, this child of ours had not been involved in scouting in YEARS, so we weren't really sure about this.  And then we found out it was the ONLY group that didn't have an adult advisor.  He was literally on his own.  We weren't overly impressed with the junior board advisor either.  Thomas learned early on that she didn't particularly respond to emails.  I know it was a very, very frustrating experience for him.

We could not be more proud of him though.  Andrew and I both admitted that we absolutely would have just given up and not spent much time thinking about it.  Not Thomas though.  Earlier in the year he had asked his dad to have some things laminated that he could display at his booth during last week's county fair.  And last week, he spent his Tuesday afternoon setting up his booth and hanging out at the fair.  He was able to assist the "dog" group with the dog show that evening as well, which he loved.  He left everything up for display during the week, and on Saturday he made a trip back to the fair grounds to retrieve everything.  Our kiddo literally did absolutely everything on his own, completely by himself.  Andrew and I were available for anything he asked, but he made all the plans and completely handled things.  We are so proud and so impressed!

It hurt my heart a little

Because work is crazy this week, I want to get in there, so my alarm was set for just a few minutes later than a "normal" work day in the school year.  After my shower, I came into our family room/kitchen area, and was thinking ahead to this fall.  All of a sudden, I lost my breath and tears began to form as I was thinking about the mornings with only Andrew and myself.  I've been so focused on all the things I no longer have to do (band work, staying up late waiting for a kid to get home, getting up early for a kids' schedule on the weekend, ridiculously long swim meets), that I hadn't really thought about the things I no longer get to do...making sure he is up, well wishes for the day, hearing about his day, getting hugs, going to bed knowing all is well in our world.  Oh goodness, this is tough this morning.

My emotions are not helped by the fact that we are almost certainly going to have to put one of our cats down this week, as well as the fact that Andrew is traveling.  And of course, today is the first day of August, most often my least favorite month of the year.  Sending up prayers of peace for all who need it today!