The first week of summer

The first week of summer has come to a close.  This was supposed to be our "quiet" week at work, but it was definitely anything but that.  The good news is, it is just the beginning.

My week consisted of working over 33 hours, but it was more flexible than a normal school week.  I also made a trip both Monday (with all of us) and again on Wednesday to visit my grandmother.  We are trying to have someone check in with her every day, but this is not sustainable for months on end.  And honestly, while Hospice is involved, I suspect she is going to be here when school starts again in August.  I'm not even ruling out her still being here at the holidays, although I certainly wouldn't have expected that a month ago.

I also got lots of laundry done and I got most of the house picked up.  That's a good thing, because I need to work at church tomorrow.  My allergies are making me really, really miserable.  Part of that is because the weather has been absolutely gorgeous, and I've been able to have all of the windows open.  Since Andrew has been at his mom's house, I've been able to sleep without any snoring or other bedroom distractions (like our sweet pup) and I've been able to make the bedroom downright cold.  It's been lovely.

Today is my cousin's birthday, and it would have been my maternal grandmother's birthday as well. She would have been 95 today, and I'm grateful that our family gathered together to celebrate her 90th.  It's really so hard to believe how much has changed in five years, and it's also really hard to believe how fast the last five years have flown by.  Family things make me fairly emotional these days, but I'm so grateful for the memories! 

Tuesday at the end of May

I love the fact that although we have been out of school for almost a week, there are still three days of may remaining.  I think we can all agree that the best part of summer is the beginning!  I have eleven entire weeks until the next time I have to get up for a school day.

Andrew has gone to visit his mom and help her with some things.  He took our sweet pup with him.  I miss them, but I appreciate the quiet time.  Thomas had a short work day today, but I was able to get three loads of laundry done and lots of school work.  The end is always really busy.

I'll be honest, I'm really sad that we aren't taking a vacation this year.  I know that an ocean vacation is not in the budget, and I know that the kids can't get off work to join us, but I'm sad that we can't make it happen.  Not only is the ocean amazing, but I always appreciated that our family had an entire week together, no matter how things were going in our lives.  I suspect we will be able to take a vacation again at some point, but I acknowledge things will never be like they were.  And that's okay, but it does make me a bit sad that those days are over.

I'm hoping to really spend some time working on some things around our house, and I hope our summer schedule allows this to happen!

It was a fun weekend to begin this summer

I'll be honest, this weekend felt longer than the 78ish hours that we had, and I'm so grateful.  Friday morning was a staff breakfast.  It was more fun than I thought it would be.  I worked for a bit over three hours, then I came home to begin my weekend.  Andrew and I attended a grad party in town, then drove up to attend the graduation of our best friends' youngest daughter.  I wouldn't have missed that for the world.  After graduation, we were all meeting together, when she took one look at us and began to cry.  Our connection is strong, and we've been through a lot.  We all went out to dinner, and then Saturday evening was the grad party.  It is always wonderful to spend time with our friends who are family.

Catherine was also here this weekend.  There are always tough moments with her as she attempts to navigate adulting, but overall this weekend it was really nice to have her around.  Our day yesterday was a wonderful family day.  We ordered some dinner in and then we played our new favorite family game.  Oh my goodness, the laughter...so much laughter!

Today both kids were off work, which isn't always going to be the case.  We decided to take advantage of the kids being around and went to visit my grandmother.  She was beyond delighted to have us all there.  My grandmother no longer gets out of bed and has been clear that she wants nothing to keep her alive longer than necessary.  Dinner this evening was with Thomas and his girlfriend, while I worked on school things.

Overall, it was really a lovely way to begin our summer.  I'm ready to enjoy the next eleven weeks!

Seems fitting to be ending this school year with a full moon

In about 18 hours, the school year will officially be over.  I'm looking very forward to quieter days and fewer hours.  Honestly, this year has been so, so challenging in my personal life, and it's made the year hard.  We've also had nearly 25% of our families in crisis during the year.  Some crises weren't overly serious, but some were life altering for families.  Caring about them the way we do is emotionally draining.

There was a chance of rain tomorrow that would mean we would only be working a half-day, and the family picnic would be canceled.  Honestly, that is what we were hoping for, although I told everyone not to get hopes up.  Two years ago it was the same forecast, and then when it was a beautiful day we were all grumpy.  It's just draining to have to socialize for hours.  Sure enough, the rain chances are pretty much eliminated, and we'll be working essentially a full day, including the picnic.  It seems very fitting that there is a full moon tonight to end this year.  

I have to be honest

I have to be honest, this blog is really hard for me right now.  There are so many incredibly fun-filled family memories here, and while I treasure those memories, they hurt right now because that is not at all how life is currently.  I'm struggling on so many fronts.

A lot of this has to do with Catherine.  Her communications are infrequent, her visits are rare, and her choices are highly questionable.  She doesn't want our guidance and I totally get that.  She goes so far down the horrible rabbit hole, that by the time we find out, things are really, really hard,  It's frustrating for us all.  I'm struggling watching her high school classmates earn their college degrees, and although I'm so proud that she has some certifications and licenses, she can't seem to hold down a job.  It's a bit terrifying.  I miss having her around.  And of course, I acknowledge that the fact that I haven't seen or spoken to my oldest son (although Andrew has) in over five years adds to my emotions and fears about Catherine's actions.

Thomas is doing well, although he has struggles at his job as well.  He's a 20-year-old in a man's world.  He's doing fine and I'm so proud of him, and I'm grateful that his bosses are being patient with him.  He's planning to move closer to work to help eliminate his 65 minute commute.  I can't blame him as he has to be at work at 5AM.  It's hard to realize he'll be out on his own, but I'm so happy for him at the same time.  I don't love that he is planning for his girlfriend to move in with him, but I know I don't get to make that choice.  As I tell all my kids, life is so hard, and I just don't want them to make choices that make it even harder.

And then there is my extended family.  I miss what we had so, so much.  But my aunt & uncle, and some cousins, aren't the same people I thought they were back then.  And I'm struggling with other things in that regard as well.  I've received an invitation to an extended family member's baby shower.  I have to be honest, I detest showers.  Wedding showers, baby showers, all of them.  I'd be happy if we could just have a gathering and open gifts, but I don't enjoy the stupid little games that have to be played.  I appreciate the invitation and being included, and you'd think after writing about how much I miss family gatherings that I'd be thrilled.  I have to acknowledge though, that if the situation were reversed, they wouldn't be coming to our house.  They weren't around when any of my kids graduated, there has been no contact with my grandmother (their great-grandmother) since the pandemic, and I'm just not sure how to feel about that.  Additionally, I wanted to spend the day with Andrew driving around visiting the cemeteries like we used to do when I was younger.  It seems ridiculous that I would give up spending a day with living relatives to hang out at graves, but right now that is what seems peaceful.  And a peaceful feeling is definitely something that is missing from my life right now.

Next weekend we'll be attending the graduation for the "baby" of our friends.  And in fact, she was a baby when we started hanging out, and Jen was still pregnant with M when my kids started having Jen as a teacher.  It's so hard to believe this day is coming.  I'm so, so grateful that we get to be there.  We were there for her brothers special day, and although we couldn't attend her sister due to restrictions, we were honored to join in at the dinner following.

All of these emotional things are the reason I've stayed away.  While I'm grateful summer is arriving, we aren't taking a family vacation this year and I know that adds to my emotions as well...in years past that was always our opportunity to reconnect no matter what was happening, but not this year.  Additionally, my mother-in-law turned down our offer for her to visit here in a couple of weeks, which tells me this isn't a very fun place to be.

Andrew and I are headed up to my hometown to visit my grandmother in a bit.  He really wants to see her, but there is no guarantee she is going to be awake.  My sister was there twice yesterday and she was asleep both times.  Although it is warm (why does there not seem to be much spring anymore??) I'm looking forward to a lovely drive.

The middle of May 2024

I have only four days remaining in this school year.  Even though I have to work all summer, it's just so much more relaxing, my days are shorter, and I often don't work Fridays.  I'm so grateful I like my job overall.  I've really needed it the last few months.

It hasn't been a great past few months.  My grandmother is 93, and to be honest, she doesn't love her life.  It's awful to see her in this state.  She just lies in bed most of her days, and she doesn't even turn on the TV.  She really declined the week of my dad's birthday, and I think the fact that it was his 70th birthday was a factor in that.  The hard part is that there isn't really anything physically wrong with her, so it's just hard right now.  My sister has decided that someone needs to check in with her each day, so I'm trying to make at least 2, and sometimes 3 trips to my hometown.  I'll have much more flexibility to do that when the summer comes.

Things have also been pretty tough with the kids.  To be honest, while Thomas loves his job, the hours were really, really hard on him, and he was absolutely awful to be around.  He was downright mean to me often times.  Fortunately, some things have changed with his schedule and it works better for him.  And I don't have words about Catherine.  I love her, and I have to believe that she'll be okay, but her choices are less than wise.  I'm grateful she finally has a job again, and I can only hope this puts her on the path she needs to be on.

I truly had no idea that parenting young adults could be so much more difficult than parenting teenagers.  As Andrew said, there is that sick feeling in our stomachs that we get when we see a poor choice turning into a disaster, but we are powerless to stop it.

It's been a crazy spring in terms of weather as well.  Last Tuesday we huddled with the pets (who were willing to join us) in our hallway as we were in the path of a tornado.  Ohio is leading the country in tornadoes this year, and I sure could do without that.

Looking forward to brighter times.  First, we have to get through my least favorite day of the year tomorrow with the end-of-year ceremony, but we will get through it!

And they are both in the rear-view mirror

A few minutes ago, one of the players on Andrew's baseball team got an out and that ended the game, which ended the season.  They had one win the entire season, and a whole bunch of losses.  Andrew coached with different guys this year, and none of them were his friends.  It was definitely not his most fun season, and he has decided it may be time for him to take a break from that coaching.  In all honesty, I'm not sure he'll have much of a choice.  There were 13 games in the last 17 days, and with the kids not being around, that makes it very, very challenging for Abby who needs to go out at specific times of the day.

We also finished musical week at my school.  It is my least favorite week of the year.  We do performances on Wednesday and Thursday, and then we all just kind of crawl through the day today until we can go home and crash.  We have one more really long day this year, and then we are almost ready to wrap up the year.

It's nice to have these things in the rear-view mirror!

Twenty years post "Friends"

It was 20 years ago today that TV show ended.  I vividly remember that evening and watching that final episode.  Of course I had been a devoted fan throughout the ten years of the show.  I was sad that it was ending, and I remember sitting there sobbing.  I wasn't just crying at the end, I was sobbing.  I remember Andrew not being sure what was happening, and I remember explaining to him that because of my dad's illness, my emotional "cup" was always 90% full, so it didn't take much to push me over the edge, and that resulted in sobbing that night.  Not only was that show so awesome while it was on, I can't even begin to describe how much comfort that show has provided over rough times in the last 20 years.  I can watch that last episode now without any tears at all, probably because I know it will start all over again in reruns! 😊 

I'm so grateful to have had this show in my life.  Might sound crazy because it's just a TV show, but it's true!