This date

This date has some sad memories for me.  It was four years ago today that we lost our good friend, Tim.  It was so unexpected, and I'll never forget that day.  Five years ago today was a really rough day for our family.  I won't go into details for the privacy of my children, but it was a really, really hard day.  It was on this date 38 years ago today that my grandfather passed away.  Even though we knew that was coming, it too is a day I'll never forget.  Another memory is from 33 years ago today.  It was my senior year of high school, and our boys' basketball team was playing in the first round tournament game.  They'd won an incredible game two days earlier that went into double overtime that secured the league title.  It seemed as though the emotions and stress of that game caught up with them and they couldn't pull out the expected first round victory.  Thirty-three years later, I can still remember seeing my friend Ryan sitting on the bench as time expired.  I had never missed a home basketball game in which he played, and it all came to an end that evening.  That is not a memory I think of often, but it happened on a Sunday, and with Ryan gone, it feels a little sadder this year.

On the upside, today was a very nice day.  We ran some errands, and we had an impromptu dinner wtih friends.  Ready for another week!

Given the gift of time

Today was a fairly unexpected snow day.  We knew snow was coming overnight, but we were only expected to receive about an inch, maybe a little over.  I woke up at 4am, and I got up and looked out the window.  We had definitely received the snow, and I was pleased the road hadn't been plowed, but it had stopped snowing, which I thought was a bad sign.  I was fairly certain we'd have a delay, but it didn't seem to be enough to get us the day off.  At 5am we received a call that the public schools were on a delay, and about 30 minutes later a text came for my school.  At 7am we received a call that the public schools were closed.  I know our townships have been having some troubles keeping the roads cleared lately, but was still a bit surprised.  I was certain there was no way we would close.  However, about an hour later my boss texted our admin team, and she said she'd like to go ahead and call a snow day, but didn't want to appear "silly".  I loved the perspective of our assistant who said that the only real info we had was from the public schools, and if they said the roads aren't safe, we didn't know any differently.  It was so great to have an expected day off!  I had to go into church for a meeting this afternoon and Andrew still had to go to school this afternoon for evening parent/teacher conferences, but we enjoyed our day of nothing.  And with Catherine working at the school, she was home with us as well.  Thomas even had the day off for a dental appointment and stopped by to say hello!  It was a much needed day!

A very quiet long weekend

A four-day weekend is always delightful.  I loved the fact that I arrived home just a bit after 4:00 on Thursday, and I didn't leave my house again until I left for work this morning.  Originally, the plan was a trip to visit my MIL, but I just didn't feel well enough.  It's not that I felt awful, but I couldn't get through the night without coughing or just being loud with congestion.  It was really nice to be able to sleep how I needed through the night, and it was really nice to be able to sleep as much as I wanted, and it was really nice to not have to worry about doing much...I literally just rested.  It was exactly what I needed, having so much time to just sit.  Andrew came back Sunday morning (while we were getting a couple inches of snow), and it was really nice to have Sunday evening to ourselves.

I love my job, so I'm not sad when the four-day weekends are over, but I sure do appreciate them when they come around!

This moment in time is lovely

 

This was the view yesterday outside my family room in the back of our house.  We have a beautiful, large window that allows us this view.  Today is even lovelier, as the sun is shining with a bright blue sky.  A deer just came really close to the house and then ran into the woods.  It was absolutely beautiful.  It IS beautiful.  I allowed myself to feel joy that I had been present in that very moment.

I write this, because not all moments are lovely.  My job has some really hard moments, and because I am on the front line with humans, it can be challenging.  And I can't even pay attention to what is happening in our country right now.  It is just entirely too much.  I find the future terrifying at the moment.

Andrew and I have begun to discuss his retirement.  He only has to teach another five years, although he says he will go longer.  Health care is our biggest concern.  We've talked about where we'll retire, although we are at least a decade from having that conversation, I suspect.

I've been sick lately, and been spending a lot of time just sitting.  It has allowed me the opportunity to notice how wonderful and beautiful nature can be around us.  For right now, I'm recognizing how lovely this moment in time is.

It's hard when the birthday comes so soon

Today would have been my friend Ryan's 51st birthday.  When I have lost loved ones, I've always found the birthdays to be the hardest.  While holidays and celebrations can be hard, I found the birthdays to be the hardest because it is only about that person.  My thoughts are with his family today, and especially with his parents, who undoubtedly have vivid memories of this very day 51 years ago.

Work has been hard lately with a lot of "managing" that has needed to happen.  I get that there is just a lot going on everywhere, but my goodness.  I'm so very grateful that we have arrived at a long weekend.  Andrew has to work tomorrow, but I do not!  I've had a bad cold this week so that has made things even more exhausting.  We are supposed to go visit my MIL this weekend, but we'll see how I'm feeling tomorrow.  Andrew will go regardless, and he should.

I'm grateful for each and every day, even the hard ones!

This was not the anniversary we had planned

This was not the anniversary we had planned, but it could certainly be much, much worse.  Andrew and I had planned a day of just hanging out.  It was a weekend that literally had nothing on our calendar, and other than Andrew needing to attend a funeral visitation for a colleague's wife this morning, we had the weekend entirely to ourselves.  So, I won't lie and say I wasn't disappointed when Andrew texted me at the end of his work day and told me he was really sick.  He had stomach issues and spike a fever.  I'm incredibly disappointed as it will be weeks at best before we can make this happen again, and today is our actual anniversary on a Saturday.  It could be so much worse though.

I realized that I neglected to write last weekend about my mom getting hit by a car.  It was really just a bump but knocked her down.  I took her to urgent care last Saturday, and everything appeared to be okay.  She has mobility issues as it is, so this certainly didn't help.

It's been a rough week at work, in the world, in our family, and for friends.  I am praying, and praying hard, for peace and healing in our lives.

I'm angry

Today, my sister and I drove three hours to attend the funeral of my friend, Ryan.  There were a lot of people I knew, and I'm so glad I went.  I don't think I would have ever felt it was real if I hadn't gone.  When his mom saw me, she said to me, "He wasn't supposed to do this to us, was he?"  I said he sure wasn't.  I was able to see and hug his brother and sister-in-law, and even his sister-in-law's parents.  So many hugs and memories.

As I sat there in this church hours away from my home, I just kept thinking that I couldn't believe I was sitting there at Ryan's funeral.  I couldn't believe I had finally made the trip down there, and it was for his funeral.  And then I was angry.  Ryan took his own life, and hundreds of people were sitting in a church paying respects to him, and we were hurting.  The lives of his wife, children, parents, and brother are never going to be the same.  I know he was hurting and I can't imagine what he was going through, but I can't help be angry.  And I'm angry at myself.  I'm so angry that I'll never get the chance to spend more time with him.  It's so awful.

I will always treasure the memories of our childhood and teenage friendship.  I will always be grateful that Ryan was a part of my life, and I'll be praying for him and his family.