Not myself

I don't know if it is age or stress, but I am just not myself these days.  I used to be on top of things and know exactly what was happening, and what needed to happen at all times.  Now though, I'm slipping.  I certainly acknowledge there is more going on in life than we used to have to worry about, and the stakes are higher.  By that I mean that if a kid missed a practice, it was rec league and not a big deal.  Now, it's high school, and there better be a good excuse to miss practice.  I'm not complaining...high school sports have a business aspect to it and I totally get that.  It's just that I'm not feeling on "top of my game" these days. 

I acknowledge that I am 40 and that could be a part of it...I'm not getting younger!  But I also acknowledge in addition to my own household's activities, I also have other things going on in life.  I now have my Mom's doctor appointments on my calendar as well.  I haven't attended the ones with her this month as she is doing better, but some further complications have also developed, and while we still don't know where we are going with it and maybe there isn't much to worry about, it's in the back of my head.  Yesterday I was getting a new battery in the van and I suddenly had a realization...for the last 18-1/2 years, I've had a sick parent for all of it but four months.  It certainly hasn't been critical every single day, but it's always been there.  That perspective did help me to cut myself a little slack!

Finals week

Robert is experiencing his first ever Finals week.  I've spent my morning sending up prayers on his behalf.  He is a child who tends to have extreme testing anxiety, and the fact that this week is worth 20% of his entire semester grade is not lost on him.  It is not aided by the fact that he has put forth much less effort this quarter than he did the first quarter, and therefore is a little shakier with the material covered this quarter.  We sat yesterday and did flash cards, and he had a bit of a melt down (as an aside, I'm really tired of my children who are no longer toddlers having meltdowns).  I recognize part of the reason is because he was pretty tired, but without going into details let me assure you that part of the reason he is so tired is his own darn fault.  Regardless of any of this, I've been sending up lots of prayers on his behalf this morning.  Some of them are certainly just that we all make it through his teenage years, but most of them this morning are specific to his exams!

A pretty wonderful weekend

It was one of the most exhausting, and yet enjoyable, weekends I can remember.  Friday evening Thomas had a sleepover of some friends.  They were up pretty much all night and it certainly sounded as though the enjoyed themselves the entire time.  I was exhausted myself come Saturday, but I really did enjoy listening to them have so much fun.  Saturday morning everyone had rehearsals at church for yesterday's program, and then Robert and Catherine volunteered in the afternoon for the church babysitting session, Andrew had to work at basketball games, and Thomas and I were off to visit my mother and grandmother and deliver fruit Robert had sold to them.  Thomas pretty much slept all day, and ended up going to bed at 6PM and sleeping 14 straight hours.  Andrew didn't get home until after 9:30, but we enjoyed hanging out for a little while before trying to catch up on some sleep ourselves.

Yesterday was the children's program at church.  It was absolutely gorgeous and beautiful, and so moving that at one point there weren't too many dry eyes in the house.  It was a beautiful reminder of the real reason of the season and I just can't adequately express how great it felt to watch my kids be a part of it.  Thomas had a line to read, and Catherine and Robert played their instruments.  I truly enjoy watching Robert play the trumpet because he makes very comical facial expressions while doing so.

Our afternoon yesterday was spent watching both the Steelers and the Broncos win (I've always been a big fan, although it's not like it used to be).  Andrew spent all evening working on writing a final, and I helped Robert study (I'll post about that separately).  Thomas and I spent a little time reading Christmas books, and it just felt like a great way to begin the last ten days before Christmas!

Sometimes it is hard to write

That is the case this week.  It's been an absolutely crazy week, and it's been a tough week as the parent of a teenager.  The hardest part is the same poor choices over, and over, and over again, especially when I thought we had turned the corner.  I can deal with a lot of poor choices, but looking me in the eye and lying to my face is just not one of them.  Lots of prayers for guidance have been sent up this week, and I know that life overall is still pretty good.  It's just that these are not memories I particularly want to hold onto.

Epic elf fail

The elf in our house is named Christopher.  He actually is not an "Elf on the Shelf"...but he is an elf that came with his own book.  My mother gave it to me years before the elf craze was in full swing and I'm grateful.  Christopher is MUCH cuter than the elf.  Anyway, he usually doesn't come until about now in December because honestly, I forget.  It's also nice because I only have to come up with about ten different places that he needs to be.  Our elf does not participate in any shenanigans...he is simply here to keep an eye on things.  And Thomas is ALL about this.  While I can't believe he would still believe, he truly has a magical personality, so maybe he really does...if anyone would at this age it would be him.

Last week Christopher spent three days in the exact same spot.  He was up high, and it's the "out of sight, out of mind" problem.  Yesterday morning he was again in the same place, and it's so disappointing to the kids when he hasn't moved.  The nice thing during the week is that Catherine is out the door before Thomas gets up so they each have a chance to find him on their own.  It's so much fun listening to the giggles...at least on the days I can remember to relocate him!  I always feel so badly when I don't...parent fail!

I'm also so grateful for the magic of Christopher in the sense of joy that it brings...it is the exact opposite of the emotions Robert is bringing out.  He is a good kid and he does so many good things, but right now it feels like every word out of his mouth is a lie.  It's over absolutely ridiculous stuff, like whether or not he ate breakfast.  I feel like we are back to where we were a year ago, where the lies are more automatic than the truth.  As I've always done, I continue to pray for peace and guidance!

I have to brag for a minute

Yesterday, church attendance presented a quandary for me.  I had volunteered to work in the nursery and would not be in the actual service.  Andrew wasn't going to be able to attend with us because he was leaving with a school group for two days in Columbus.  Hm...what to do about the kids?  Rehearsals for the church pageant they are all in were right after the service so leaving them at home and then running home to bring them back definitely wasn't an option, but to leave them unattended during the service?  I just wasn't sure about that.  They are certainly old enough, but Catherine and Thomas especially often forget how old they are when they display behavior.  I didn't see another option though, so we sat them down and expressed our expectations to them.  We then further explained the consequences if I heard any negative comments about them.  After church, I had several people stop me and make a point to tell me how well behaved the children had been.  One woman even told me that she so enjoyed watching them participate during the service and that it just really made her feel good that they were doing so.  I am so proud of my kids!

Six years of blogging

I've been recording feelings and memories here for the past six years.  My youngest was in preschool when I started, and now the oldest is in high school.  My goodness gracious...where has the time gone?  It is so much fun to look back on those earlier days and I'm so very grateful that they are recorded here.  I know otherwise, there are many little things I wouldn't remember.  Things like two weeks ago, when Catherine and I went out to dinner just the two of us.  I was really tired and kind of dreading hearing my little chatter box, but I had a blast and just soaked it all up.  Or last night, when Thomas finished dinner and just came over and sat next to me and leaned his head on my shoulder.  Oh my, love these little people in my life.  Of course, they really aren't so little anymore!