It's been a tough week

This has definitely not been my most favorite week.  In addition to ALL of the other things that are happening, I've been in a tough sub job.  A teacher was out all week and had asked to have me so it would be consistent.  I knew it would be more challenging than normal, because he has really tough students.  They are all freshmen, which I don't mind, but while my husband is fortunate enough to have an absolutely fabulous group, these students are not.  These are many of the same students that were the reason I said, two years ago, that I would never return to sub at the middle school.  I had hoped maybe there had been some maturation, but clearly it is not nearly enough.  I am grateful to know that I am scheduled all of next week in classes where I should not be interacting with those who are making this week challenging.

Of course as I always say, being a Friday makes everything better!  And the really great part of it being Friday is that once I get home today, I don't have to leave the house again until tomorrow!  The kids have swim, but Andrew and I can just hang out, and maybe even take a nap!  I'll be able to do laundry, and band work, and cleaning, without worrying about what time it is and getting cleaned up in order to leave.  Even though I can't just sleep in until whenever tomorrow, sleeping in even three hours will be absolutely delightful!  Thank goodness for the weekend!

The day after the chili supper

Last evening was the chili supper fundraiser for band.  It's not my favorite activity.  I was there for 3-1/2 hours while my family was doing other things.  That's right, I got to spend my evening working at a band activity that doesn't even involve my children.  I'll be honest, it is one of the activities that makes me resentful.  It's so much better than it used to be though.  There are so many more parents that step up to help with things, and I'm so grateful.  The years where it was pretty much just me are still so clear in my memory. 

I'm dragging though, and it seems most students are this week.  I'm in all week for a teacher with a group of students I don't love.  I'm always grateful for the opportunities of extra income though.

Catherine and Thomas have started swim this week.  Catherine has realized her strength training class from this semester is really paying off and she is definitely a stronger swimmer.  Thomas is really feeling tired this week from the extra physical work of dry land and swim.  I am hoping his grades can stay up like they did in the first quarter.

Almost to the weekend for another week!  I'm grateful, but the school year is going so quickly!

The day after Election Day

Since yesterday was Election Day, we had the day off.  I'll be honest, it was absolutely wonderful to be able to sleep in.  I went to bed so early Monday night, and I was thrilled to get about ten hours of sleep.  I even felt rested for the day.

It wasn't really a day "off" though.  I did three loads of laundry, although folding hasn't happened yet.  Of course I needed to vote, then  I had to run to our former town and close our checking account (finally!), then swing by the furniture store in that town because my mother needs a new recliner and they have the best prices.  I needed to see if it was worth it for her to make the trip from her place.  I then headed to the mall area to deposit the proceeds from the closed account, and then needed to pick up a wedding shower gift.  My grandmother, aunt, sister, and mother are going in with me for a gift so I was in charge of getting it.  On my way home I did my weekly grocery shopping, and home in time to realize that in spite of instructions before I left, my children had spent all five hours I was gone sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing...not even get dressed.  Then of course, they get irritated with me because they are "running out of time" to get things done, and aren't pleased that I still want crazy things like putting sheets on her stripped bed, or doing homework that is due today.  It's tough that Andrew doesn't get on them either.  He thinks I'm being too demanding.

After Andrew got home from voting, I left right away to go to my church job where I was for the next three hours.  I still wasn't finished, but knew the kids would be home from swim so I headed home.  That means going back Thursday evening again while they are at swim.  I made brownies for tonight's band fundraiser, but will still need to make two packages of corn bread before I have to be back at the school this evening to set up.  I don't have any kids performing at this evening's activity of course, but that doesn't really seem to matter.

Andrew has lost his car keys, and of course they are the only set we have for that vehicle.  He has a two hour meeting after school today, but Catherine needs the vehicle to drive to swim practice.  I can drop Andrew off at his meeting, but then will be at the fundraiser so he needs to find a ride home, and then find his keys.

All-in-all, life is pretty good.  All of these hours I am working are truly a blessing in terms of being paid.  The hard part is Andrew's reaction to things, but I know overall he is still a wonderful husband.  It's just a tough week!  And on the upside, the local election for school board went exactly the way we had hoped!

We will be hosting Christmas this year

Saturday when I was in my hometown, I stopped by my sister's house to drop something off.  The house was such a disaster area, I barely had room to walk.  I can not imagine living like that, but it is her house, she lives alone, and generally isn't bothering anyone.  I decided though, that she probably wasn't going to be hosting Christmas.  I mentioned to my mother that I assumed she would be hosting this year, and there was a less than enthusiastic response.  The dog that Robert left there last winter has done some very serious damage to Mom's house, and she doesn't necessary plan to take care of it until the dog is a little older.  I can't blame her.  I mentioned that I would be willing to host, although I seriously doubted that anyone would want to drive down to my house.  Mom called yesterday, and I was correct...my sister definitely doesn't want to drive down, but she wants to host even less, so Christmas Day is at my house this year.  I remember having to make an effort to slow down my racing heart when she told me that.  I truly am happy to do it, but suddenly it all seemed overwhelming.  I haven't had a school day off since September 9, and the next opening is November 18.  I also have the giant band fundraiser that finishes at the end of the month, plus a trip to get my in-laws for Thanksgiving.  Need the house cleaned before that, and then it is December, and aaaaccckkkk!

My goal is to try to slow down and focus on what really needs to happen (that includes grocery and laundry in the next 48 hours).  I want to remember to hug and kiss my kids, and just focus on enjoying each day.  Even thinking about that can be very calming.  I want to enjoy the next seven weeks, not wish it all away!

The end of marching band season

It really seems hard to believe that Catherine is finished with marching band.  Four years pretty much went by in the blink of an eye.  I hated that at the senior recognition on Friday evening she had had no one there except Andrew, Thomas, and myself, but maybe some of my family will come down for the swim recognition. 

Andrew and I attended their final competition Saturday evening.  I'm just not a fan of marching band, so we only stayed long enough to watch our band.  Overall I think Catherine is a little sad that it is over, but she didn't become terribly emotional.

Tonight are the marching band awards.  We've never gone because our kids have always missed so much swim by now.  However, I told her that she deserved to be recognized during her senior year.  Yesterday after wrapping up my two hours of Christian Ed commitments at the church, I spent another couple of hours shopping for tonight's awards.  I have more to do after school today, and then need to be back at school 90 minutes before it even begins to set up.  Wednesday is a fundraiser concert, and I'm hoping that my errand running today can knock out most of that as well.

Honestly, while I am sad about things coming to and end for Catherine, I can't be sad about the end of the season.  I know that swim is even more time consuming for her, but not for me.  I was thrilled with how she showed some leadership and took things very seriously.  Overall, the kids had a very positive season!

I'm feeling emotionally drained

I haven't slept well most of the last week.  I was amazed yesterday how I wasn't feeling tired.  And then last night, when my week was mostly finished, I felt exhausted beyond words.  Still didn't sleep very well though.

Senior night was lovely.  I really didn't get too emotional about it.  That might be because I was in "official duty" mode. 

I think though, I was really just suppressing my emotions, and that is why I felt so drained last night.  Today, absolutely every little thing has made me cry.  My sweet little girl is off to her final band competition today.  How on earth did we get here so quickly?

I also made a quick trip to my hometown this morning.  One reason was to support a lifelong friend who has opened a pop up shop for the holidays.  Another was to swing by and visit a friend who was having an auction at his house today.  We grew up together since the third grade when our mothers became very close friends.  His mother died eight years ago, and his father passed away last year.  He never married, and his brother moved away years ago.  He has decided he is going to leave also.  I can't blame him at all.

Driving around my quiet little home town this morning was rough.  I drove past my aunt's house, and the emotions of losing her this fall hit me like a ton of bricks.  She actually lived in the house I lived in when I graduated from college that is now owned by my sister (I rented it from my dad, then bought it from him, then sold it to my sister as she received her law degree right after I got married).  It also doesn't help that I was in my little hometown exactly six years ago today, also a Saturday, and it was the last time I saw my father alive.  Oh my goodness, so many little emotions created a big reaction in me today.

And I've also realized that I haven't been honest with myself about my son.  While I know Robert's choices are his own choices, and I'm not at all surprised by his choices, they are still hurtful.  Today was a day when I kind of realized just how hurtful they really are.

I'm so very grateful I had this morning to myself.  It's so much easier to process my emotions when I am alone.  I am so blessed in this life, and I never forget that.  Sometimes though, you just need to have a good cry.

The beginning of another November

There are only 61 days left in 2019.  I can't believe it.  I can't believe it has been twenty years since we were all trying to prepare for Y2k, yet here we are.

After the cloudiness and rain we've had, it seems weird to see the sun.  I am hoping that maybe I can get a few pictures taken of Catherine after school today.  Senior pictures are not a priority for her, and I am hoping maybe I can take a few myself just to have something.  Tonight is senior night at school.  I've both looked forward to, and dreaded, this day for years.  I am so proud of Catherine, and I look forward to her being recognized.  She has loved marching band, and it has been really good for her.  She is really going to miss it, and after four years it will feel very strange not having her around next year.  Tomorrow is her final band competition, and Andrew and I are planning to make the drive to be there.

I love the month of November.  Although it isn't quite as gorgeous as the month of October, it has Thanksgiving at the end, and that is always something to be excited about!