I think I have an ornament addiction

 Today, two catalogs of Christmas ornaments arrived in the mail.  I was so excited and wanted to buy them all!  I think I have an ornament addiction.  Honestly, I love, beyond words, the family ornaments I purchase for us each year, and I love the ornaments that I purchase for the kids each year.  I spend time making sure their ornament represents something special and significant from the year.  I just love everything about the ornaments.  I wonder how many Christmas trees I will need in the future!

Here we go again

 I think we all remember the emotional roller-coaster of my work situation this past summer.  Well, here we go again!  The decision to reopen school was made ten days ago, and the job hadn't been posted, so I thought they were simply absorbing it, which I understood.  Yesterday though, there was the posting!  Having gone through all of this before, my emotions remained pretty tamped down, especially since it also means I have to quit the job I currently have, which my friend essentially gave me.  I spoke to him first thing this morning though, and he was completely understanding that I can not pass up the opportunity for a permanent job just so I don't hurt his feelings over this one-year job.  It was such a relief.  I don't expect to hear anything for at least a week though, and I'm grateful that at least I understand the timeline of it all a little better.

Also in the "here we go again" category, Thomas hit a vehicle last night.  You might be thinking this sounds familiar, and that is because it was exactly 32 days ago that he totaled Andrew's vehicle.  When he first told Andrew he mentioned that the driver's mirror had been torn off.  I immediately panicked about how I was going to get to work because Catherine needs the other vehicle today (she is home for the weekend) and we haven't had a chance to replace Andrew's car yet.  Fortunately, the mirror wasn't quite as bad as I had anticipated (although the green duck tape to hold it on does stand out!), and I was able to drive it to work today.  This car is the "kids" vehicle, so if it gets beat up that is exactly what is there for.

I also have to mention that in spite of my irritation and concern about Thomas's two accidents in a month, I was also very impressed at how quickly he did the right thing.  There is not a significant amount of damage to the other vehicle and it isn't overly noticeable, but even before Andrew or I could say anything he said he had already left a note apologizing, and included his name and our phone number.  So proud of him for knowing the right thing to do, and doing it without even thinking otherwise!

I am so grateful the weekend is here.  I love having Catherine around for a few days, and we have some fun plans with each other and with some friends.  Yay, it's Friday!!!

It's getting darker

When I started driving to work over six weeks ago, it was pretty close to full daylight when I would arrive.  Even when I left my house, it wasn't completely dark.  I knew those days weren't going to last, but I enjoyed them.  Time passed, and it would be dark when I left for work, but by the time I would arrive at school, there would be the beginnings of daylight, and I had watched a lovely sunrise on my drive.

Now though, it is totally and completely dark when I am leaving for school.  I don't even begin to see sliver of a sunrise until over half way to school, and it is still dark when I arrive.  It's chilly some mornings, but not down right cold yet.  I know those days are coming though.

I can't complain though.  To say that I am in love with fall is an understatement.  Last evening I was outside with our sweet pup (she is still struggling, but there has been some improvement), and I was just so grateful for the beautiful scenery around me.  Our evenings are cozy, and we are very blessed!

Even four day weekends pass too quickly

 The four days that I was home went so very quickly.  Of course, it isn't like we were all just home doing nothing and relaxing.  That is exactly why, during the early days of the virus shut-down, there were reasons to be grateful for the time we all had together to just relax.

Thomas had his schooling to do both days.  We also realized he was a little behind in things that were supposed to be accomplished, so he spent some additional time doing that.  Also, he was struggling with his finance class, and since I know a thing or two about that I spent some time helping.  Andrew arrived home Saturday evening.  It was so nice having him back.  Just having him home again seemed to help with Abby's health.  She was so excited, and has been improving.  She still isn't where we would like her to be, but we know she isn't suffering greatly at this point.

I also spent a significant part of the weekend trying to "get ahead".  I made sure the house was picked up.  I worked on some laundry.  I made a major trip to the grocery.  I did everything I could think of doing to try to make this week less stressful.

I did it because I can't imagine that Andrew's week could be more stressful.  As soon as he is done teaching today, he has to take Thomas to a school physical appointment.  Then he needs to get back and work an athletic event this evening.  He also has to work another one tomorrow evening, and then Wednesday and Thursday are extra hours required for conferences and/or work planning.  Friday is another athletic commitment.  It's a lot for him to think about, especially as the stress of school restarting and his dad's health are still all there.  I have meal planned to make sure I have the ingredients I need, as well as making sure they are the types of dishes that he can reheat.  He commented that he knows I am trying to help, and he appreciates it.

We make a good team, and I'm grateful for him.  We are getting very close to the days when it is just going to be he and I again.  While it makes me sad that my kids have grown up so very fast, I'm also very grateful that Andrew is the person with whom I get to share this life.

It has given me a new perspective on my mother

 When I was a child, my mother was a stay-at-home mom.  I don't ever remember thinking much about it.  I do remember though, when I was in middle school my mom had some community volunteer commitments that meant she wasn't home when I got home from school.  My sister and I were certainly old enough to be alone for a little bit after school.  My mom though, mentioned that every day I would ask if she would be home after school.  She took that to mean I didn't necessarily love her not being there.  It's possible.  I don't honestly remember.

I do know that half-way through my senior year of high school, my mother took a full-time job.  She made very clear that she was working to help my sister and I pay for college.  She worked for nearly eight years, finishing a little over a year after my sister finished her undergraduate degree.

Many times over the years when my father was ill, I remember being irritated that Dad was working and Mom was not.  I remember feeling that if my mother would go and get a job then Dad wouldn't feel the need to work.  I felt irritated that my mom was home just doing whatever she wanted.

Realistically though, there was nothing that was going to keep my father from working.  We always said he would work right until the end, and at the visitation I learned he had sent a work email less than an hour before he passed away.  My parents could have won millions in the lottery, and I don't think my dad would've completely given up working.

I also realize, and this week really drove it home, my mom wasn't home "doing whatever she wanted".  Mom was doing whatever was needed.  That is true of the entire time she was home, and is still true today.  When I was a kid, my mom was a room parent, and she was President of the PTO.  For years she sat on the board of Community Services, a local non-profit that serves my home town.  She volunteered as part of a group that drove those who couldn't drive themselves to medical appointments.  Mom chaperoned field trips and was a girl scout leader.  We were the house where friends stayed after school if they missed the bus or left their house keys at home and needed to wait until a parent got off work.  We were the house where friends came and grabbed a quick bite to eat between school and after-school activities.  After leaving her full-time job, Mom continued serving on nearly every committee that has ever existed in my hometown.  It is why she was named my hometown's 'Citizen of the Year' in 1995, and along with my father was named 'Philanthropist of the Year' in 2013.

She was also my father's constant care-giver.  Her volunteer commitments never came above my dad's needs, and it's been the same over the last three years with my aunt and my grandmother.  She has also been acting as a surrogate mother to a cousin, and trying to help with her young daughter.  She helps my sister out with things at her house when possible.

No, my mother did not spend all these years "doing whatever she wanted".  She has been taking care of just about everything and everyone all these years.  This past week was such an eye-opener for me.  Andrew needed to be with his dad.  I completely understood.  There were other things that needed to be handled though, and I was supposed to be working.  While I had only planned to take the one day, I will NEVER regret taking both days to be home.  This is where I was needed.  I was texting my mom the other day telling her everything that was going on, and telling about how I ended up being home both days.  She responded by telling me I was doing the right thing by making sure I was home.  I hadn't asked, and I'm not sure what made her say that, but it brought me to tears.  Ultimately, I realized this where I want to be, because this is where I need to be.

I don't really know what this means for anything, other than it feels a little life-altering to have this realization.  I know that I am incredibly blessed to even be able to consider not working a full-time job even without kids at home.  So many thoughts, emotions, and feelings have been front and center this week.

Kidney stones

 

None of us are physically feeling kidney stones, but this pretty much sums up how we are feeling right about now.  I originally found this back at the end of February right after my grandmother passed away.  In addition to that, we were dealing with some fairly significant family drama, as well as some other issues.  I remember at one point my ultra laid-back husband, who never lets anything get to him, looked at me and said, "I just can't deal with one more thing.  I just can't."  It was a bad sign.

Two weeks to the day after my husband's declaration, school shut down.  We got through it.  We got through the stress of the stay-at-home orders and the crazy fourth quarter of school.  We got through the lack of Prom and in-person graduation.

We got through Catherine's seizures (still on-going, but more like intense twitching at this point, and only at night).  We got through throwing her a graduation party while the virus was exploding again.  We got through transitioning her to her new life at college.  We got through the fact that summer swim didn't really happen, and Catherine lost her last opportunity to participate.

We got through Thomas's car accident (although there are still some unsettled issues).  We are getting through helping my mother move, as well as the drama that has ensued in the family due to my grandmother's passing.  I've also watched my mother try to be a mother-figure to my cousin who struggles in so, so many ways.  There isn't much I can do, so I just listen.

We've been getting through the adjustment of me working full-time with a 30+ minute commute.  We've been getting through the adjustment of Andrew and Thomas doing their school from home.  This part especially has been tough, but we are getting through it.

This week though, well this week is so much like that week in February.  Our sweet pup is not healing as we had hoped.  That most likely will mean surgery, and we hate to see her suffer in the meantime.  Andrew's dad has been released from the hospital, but it doesn't mean all is well.  He is at home, but requires complete nursing care.  Although the insurance has approved it, finding an available nurse is another story.  And honestly, the best case scenario at this point is still only months.  That is such a hard reality to accept.

When the schools announced they would open again in a few weeks, we all began to mentally prepare to switch gears.  However, we have since learned that it isn't going to be pretty.  The teachers are expected to continue doing everything they have been doing up to this point for the students that wish to remain virtual, AND teach their full slate of in-person classes each day as well, while making sure those in-person students are safe and following the protocols.  As you can imagine, the teachers are devastated and overwhelmed by this news.  The advice from the administration was that instead of planning for in-person teaching, just plan for the remote students and the kids will just logon in school instead of at home.  As a parent, this is not what we want for our child, and I can certainly tell you this is not what the kids want.  And it is not what the teachers want for their students either.  The point of face-to-face is teaching and interacting.  I've also been struggling with the schools opening and not being there, but my feelings about my job will be another post.

I am grateful that we still have our jobs.  I am grateful that we do not have to worry about paying our bills.  I am grateful that we have our health.  I am grateful for my faith, and my faith helps me to know we will get through all of this too.  It will pass.  Some of this though, is passing like a kidney stone.

It turned into a four day weekend

As I have mentioned, Andrew went back to his parents yesterday.  Thomas stayed here to help with the dog, which would mean he would have two days of in-home learning by himself.  Andrew and I were not thrilled with this, for a variety of reasons (I'll make another post about that).  I had decided I would take tomorrow off and be home.  I don't get any vacation or sick pay, so I would simply take the day without pay.

Then last night Abby developed her walking issues.  I didn't really want to stay home today, but promised Andrew I would if things seemed dire.  About 3:30 this morning, Abby woke me up to go out.  Things aren't better, but I wouldn't qualify them as dire yet.  I did however, have a migraine.  Since I am sleeping in the living room in order to not move Abby, I was near the sink so I decided to go ahead and take some medication to get ahead of it instead of just trying to sleep it off.  When I awoke at 5 and still had the headache, I decided to throw in the towel.  After all, between Abby, AND Thomas being home alone, AND my headache, it seemed there were enough reasons.  So now, it suddenly seams as though I have a four-day-weekend!  I'm not sad about that!