The last Monday at home

Today is the last day that Andrew and Thomas will be at home.  It was actually a scheduled day off, so they aren't even working remotely today.  Tomorrow though, things are back in person.  It all feels very surreal right now.  I think it is a very good thing for Thomas though.

Lots of other things are happening this week as well.  We have an appointment at the bank this afternoon, and we get to sign paperwork to officially refinance our house today.  We are especially excited about that!  We have a church meeting tomorrow evening, and Andrew and Thomas are headed back to my in-laws this weekend for a quick trip.

Tomorrow afternoon is also a big afternoon.  I have a conversation with the head of the private school to which I applied.  It's not really an interview, but definitely a phone conversation.  I believe, if we can agree on wages, that the job is pretty much mine.  While I had not been wanting to work during summers, there are still many other advantages to this position.  I feel terrible as things are starting to get a little crazy here in the district where I am working and they really need me, but I can't pass up the opportunity for a permanent position in our town.  I am cautiously optimistic this will work out.

Here's to a great week for everyone!

I'm tired of "not counting"

My title sounds a little dramatic, but I don't mean to be.  Not getting the job hurt me to my core though.  I'll be completely honest, I cried myself to sleep last night.  I am so blessed with an amazing husband though.  His support is unwavering.

Part of the reason this all hurts so much is that the person they hired was an internal transfer.  They choose to prioritize those requests, although they do not have to do so (I've read the contract).  The thing is, this particular person had just transferred from one elementary to another six weeks ago.  It seems to me that perhaps she should've hung out in that job for a bit more, but whatever.  I, on the other hand, have worked in the high school many more days than not over the last four year.  But, I am not technically a district employee.  The district pays the county who then pays me.  But that doesn't change the fact that I did everything I could each day I was there.  I wanted to be there, and I developed relationships with the kids.  Clearly, none of that truly mattered to those who made the decision.

I'll be honest, I'm a little hyper-sensitive to that after what happened this week.  We had a school staff meeting at my current job.  I attended, because I consider myself part of the staff.  I have a staff badge, and keys to the classroom and the building (more than I was ever given previously).  We all know that this is only a one-year thing, but anyone who knows me knows I will give it everything I have each day I am there.  Again, though, I am actually paid by the county who is reimbursed by the school.  At the staff meeting this week, materials for a district wide project were handed out.  I received none.  Message received.  I'm not really a part of things there.  My friend (who hired me) makes sure I am included in things, but he is not my direct supervisor.  I'm not saying I'm not needed or not appreciated, I'm just saying I'm often an afterthought at best, and not truly part of the staff.

I mentioned to Andrew last night how I'm kind of tired of "not counting".  He immediately understood.  He mentioned I seem excited about this opportunity at the private school in town, and I do appreciate the possibility of being part of something there.  At the same time, my heart breaks when I think about how much I'll miss when it comes to things with Thomas.  I talked to him about it last evening, and said he understood.  I told him that I hate that I've worked during so much more of his schooling than I did for either his brother or sister.  I want him to know that he is just as important to me as the others and that I want to be at all of his moments.  When we talk, he seems to understand, but it still breaks my heart.  That is why the job I am not getting was so perfect, and so important to me.

Okay, now life has to go on.  I didn't get the job.  I am still grateful for the one I have, and life is good overall.  Time to stop the pity party!

At least I know

 I didn't get the job at school.  This one is a lot harder than the last one in many ways.  Before, I knew this job would be opening and I still had a shot.  This time, I didn't even get an interview.  I suspect I displeased some administrators when I was asked to apply as a building sub and explained that I would not do so because I wanted to honor my current commitment.  My heart is hurting because this truly, truly was the job I had always wanted.  

They transferred a secretary from an elementary, which means there is now an opening there.  Unfortunately, it is my least favorite elementary.  At the same time, it would mean I would at least be in the district if I could get the job.  I would have some flexibility in being able to attend things for Thomas.  At the same time, I kind of just wonder if I am opening myself up for another rejection.

There is also an opening for an office manager at a private school here in town.  I know the person in charge of the school, and have emailed her asking some questions.  The downside is that it would be during the summer as well.  The upside is that it seems to be fairly flexible.  There are many other upsides and downsides as well, so we'll just have to wait and see what some of the answers turn out to be.

I'll be honest, this has been a very rough day.  My heart hurts.

I hope my grandmother is pleased

 I wrote in January about how we had taken custody of my grandmother's cat.  When G.G. passed away, it became permanent.  It took several months for Maudie to adjust, but she truly, truly is part of our family.  She and the other two cats don't really get along, but for the most part everyone can generally co-exist.  Maudie was very sweet with Catherine this summer.  When Catherine was having so many episodes and was mostly just hanging out in the recliner, Maudie spent her days there as well and kept her company.  Now, Maudie has decided that Thomas is her human.  It seems only fair, Rosie is all about Catherine, and Abby is all about Andrew.  I adore, absolutely adore watching Maudie with Thomas.  I truly hope my grandmother is very pleased when she looks down on us.  She adored Maudie, and I hope she is happy with how Maudie is living these days.

Mid October thoughts

Here we are at the middle of October.  To say this month has flown by is an absolute understatement.  I can't believe it is already half over.  I noticed on my drive to work this morning that the sky is no longer even beginning to show a sliver of pink by the time arrive.  It is still completely dark.

I have no school tomorrow!  To say I am excited about the prospect of sleeping in is an understatement.  I have just been completely wiped out.  It isn't that my life has been all that busy, it's just that I hate getting up so early.  I can generally make sure I am in bed in plenty of time to get seven hours, and often even more.  It's just that I don't sleep well during the night, so it's not "good sleep".  I came home this afternoon, made myself a nice hot caramel latte (it is raining and the temps are falling) and the proceeded to fall asleep as soon as I drank it.  I still feel like I could sleep some more, but I'm grateful for a little bit of relaxation this afternoon.

I've spent the last two work days not being in a classroom, but being in the high school office.  I hadn't been there in nearly a month, so I didn't mind.  Especially since I didn't bother to work on the filing.  I got to do general office duties.  It made me realize that I really, really want this secretary job.  However, the posting has been removed and I haven't had a call for an interview.  I still know I'm a strong candidate, but again, I just haven't had a good feeling about this since it posted last week.  Because school starts Tuesday, they will need to act fairly quickly.  If I don't get a phone call tomorrow, I feel it will be a strong indication I'm not getting an interview, and not getting hired.

The grief process for that is beginning again.  I'm also grieving, somewhat, that I won't get to be at our school this year.  I've realized I no longer love subbing.  Every time the phone rings, my heart skips a beat in hopes it is a principal calling for an interview.  Life goes on though.

I was also saddened this week by the passing of Joe Morgan.  He is the first of the Great Eight from the Big Red Machine to pass away.  As my sister said, it is sad and humbling to realize our idols aren't immortal.

Life is rolling right along!

Changes on the horizon

 A week from today, Andrew and Thomas will be back in school.  I've so appreciated the fact that they've been home while I've been working.  It's really made some things easier, and our sweet pup has certainly enjoyed it as well.  It's going to be an adjustment for her next week.  She hasn't had daily crate time since March!

Having everyone in-person means I will have to be more diligent about making sure we have clean masks.  Right now I'm the only one wearing one eight hours a day, but that is about to change.  I also need to make sure that the ice packs for our lunches are staying cold and not just sitting in lunch boxes each day.  I'm going to try to continue getting up the same time I do now, which should work as long as I shower the night before and have all my clothes laid out as well.  Andrew and Thomas begin school 1/2 later than last year so they will get to sleep in 30 minutes later than last year.

I would love to think that I will get to join them in a few weeks at their school, but honestly, I just don't have a great feeling about the job.  I can't really explain it, but there just isn't any optimism.  Regardless, I trust that things will work out as they are meant to be.

I've also been noticing that subbing isn't the same as it used to be.  Because teachers have become so accustomed to utilizing online platforms for assignments, they are able to do the same when they need to be out of class.  That means little to no interaction with the students.  I miss interacting with students, and it takes away some of the joy of subbing.  That's why the office job would be truly ideal.  My current plan (which we all know at this point means virtually nothing) is that I will serve my days as a sub here at this school, enjoy the summer off, go back to being a general sub at our school next year, and perhaps begin to look for something more permanent.

I know changes are coming.  I very much dislike change, even when changes can be good.  I try to plan for change, but that isn't always possible.  That's why I need to learn to just roll with things!

This weekend will go down as one of my favorites

 This past weekend will definitely be remembered as one of my favorites.  So many things filled my heart with much gratitude and joy.

I picked Catherine up from school Thursday afternoon.  I was so excited to have her around for a few days as it had been four weeks since she had been home!  Thomas had band practice that evening, but we planned some cake and fun after he was finished.  Unfortunately, the "he hit a parked car" incident happened, but we still enjoyed our evening together.

On Friday, Andrew and Thomas had to be at the football game, so Catherine and I picked up her best friend to stay overnight with us.  We met half way, and it was nice to chat with her mom for a minute before driving home.  I adore her best friend who has been a part of our life for so many years.  She is a senior now and has matured into a fabulous young lady.  I so enjoyed having her around, and again, it made my heart so full that someone adores my daughter so very much.  I also appreciate that because Catherine can drive, I could let her go pick up the pizzas and the doughnuts!

Saturday morning Andrew was up and wanted to go car shopping.  With Thomas's little mishap Thursday evening, it reminded us that we really needed to get working on replacing Andrew's car.  I didn't feel the need to go, and I was going to need to return Catherine's best friend, so I just hung out at the house working on chores.  Andrew purchased a very nice Honda Accord.  I love Hondas, although I don't love his specific car.  It's a little sportier than I think we need at our age, but I am so happy that he loves his car.  He is feeling guilty about how loaded it is, but I am glad that he has a car he likes.  As my mother said, he has worked hard, and we have the money right now.  And I'm so glad that is done.  Of course, the car lot was an hour away and he had to leave the vehicle in which he arrived there, so...

Saturday evening, we were invited over to a bonfire with some of the baseball coaches.  They are kind of part of our "social bubble", and with things that happening with school they needed some time to vent.  It is always wonderful to see them!  I was grateful that Catherine was home to hang out with Thomas.

Yesterday was a big day for Catherine as she did some major "adulting."  She's been wanting a vehicle, and since she now has a job where she might work until Midnight, Andrew and I decided it was a good idea.  We were going to let her use our "kids" car.  She was fine with it, although a little less fine since the driver's side mirror is held on with bright green duck tape.  It also meant we were back to two cars, which was less than desirable for us as well with school beginning in-person.  Andrew took her to a car lot, and she found a very cute car that is a good fit for her.  Her first major purchase in life!  She is also learning how the savings account that can seem to have a very significant amount of money can be drained very quickly.  We were concerned about her taking it to school until we had the insurance all set up.  However, her classes aren't until this afternoon.  I told her if she wanted to stay over again last night it could probably all get handled this morning, and she could take her vehicle.  She was thrilled, and honestly so was I!  I loved having her around for another evening.  Andrew had made a meatloaf dinner for some friend's parents who are recovering, and he made another one for us.  It was so wonderful to have all four of us sitting around the table for a Sunday dinner.  It was also very helpful in that Catherine was able to make the hour's drive with me to retrieve the car Andrew left at the car lot Saturday.

Our family has a busy week this week, although I do have Friday off work.  I am very tired today and know it's probably only going to get crazier, but my heart is so very full.  It was such a great weekend.  I am so grateful how well our family works together as a team, and I'm so grateful Catherine came to spend some time with us.  This weekend will truly be great memories for me!