The floodgates opened

After I wrote Saturday about car shopping and my Dad, the floodgates of my emotions kind of opened.  I was so emotional about everything, and Robert was unprepared to walk into the living room and see me sitting there crying.  In all honesty though, it was probably overdue.  Nothing at all is major, but there have been several little things that are causing me stress and as little things add up, sometimes it just needs to come on out.  I firmly believe, and have faith, that everything is going to work out, and there honestly is no reason to think that it won't.  At the same time, it's okay to spend a little bit of time allowing a good cry.

Very little sleep

Saturday night my fan that provides white noise started rattling in the middle of the night.  It rattled for about 20 minutes and then stopped.  Because it was a weekend, I wasn't going to turn it off.  I was fairly certain my husband would be able to sleep through it.  And then of course I didn't think about it again...until 1:00 this morning when it started rattling again.  Because today is school, I didn't want my husband to be irritable so I got up and turned it off.  I then proceeded to hear EVERYTHING that happened in our house.  Robert coughed a little (never would've heard it with the fan on), Andrew snored a lot (most of it would've been drowned up by the fan) and I could hear the cats around the house.  I had gone to be before 10:00, but because of the way I function it was nearly 10:30 before I fell asleep.  I definitely need more than 2-1/2 hours of sleep.  By 3:00 I was praying that I would fall asleep again, and I finally did and was able to get another 90 minutes or so, although it was very fitful.  I am subbing at the high school today, and then after school need to run some errands for the band.  This evening I had agreed to work in child care for a program that is being run by the school.  I should finally be home by 9:30 this evening.  It is definitely going to be a really long day.

Buying a vehicle without my dad

Yesterday we had Andrew's car in for an oil change.  Andrew was concerned about the brakes, and it turns out that isn't even half of the issue.  He needs new front and rear brakes, a new battery, new tie rods, and new springs (because part of one literally fell off when they put the car up to change the oil).  This is all to the tune of about $1200.00.  Because the car is a 2008 Malibu with over 130,000 miles,we've decided it isn't worth those repairs and it is time to car shop.  This is not at all what we wanted, but it is what needs to happen.  Of course, this only adds to the guilt I'm feeling about not working more.  There just aren't any jobs available right now, and there is nothing I can do about that, unless I'm willing to go outside the district or actually get a "real" job.  Right now, we are trying to avoid that because both Andrew and I want me home with the kids after school, and the flexibility to do the appointments and things like that.

Anyway, Andrew has jumped into researching with both feet, and I admire him for that.  I was gung ho about it last evening, but today my emotions have gotten the better of me.  Car shopping is synonymous with my dad in my world. When I was a child, my parents had no money.  For entertainment, my dad would drive my sister and me around to various car lots.  I could identify makes and models at a very young age.  My father could make deals on cars like you wouldn't believe.  As I got older and my dad made more, car buying became his hobby.  At one point we owned six vehicles and there were only four of us living in the house!  My dad could make such great deals that he could often purchase a car, drive it for six months to a year, and sell it for just about the same as he paid for it.  And he took care of cars like no one else.  He absolutely loved lining them all up and washing them.  Because we lived on Main St. in my hometown...everyone knew when it was Bob's car washing day!

As I started buying cars on my own, Dad always enjoyed hearing about it.  Because of his lack of mobility with his illness, he stopped the car browsing so he enjoyed hearing about it from others.  The last vehicle we purchased was over five years ago, about 22 months before he died.  When he was able to ride in the van he kept raving about how nice it was and was so pleased we had made a good deal.  I could tell he was not only pleased, but proud.  Then again, Dad was always proud of us girls.

This is the first car experience without him, and I'll be honest, the tears are flowing.  I didn't know after over three years it could still feel so fresh., but suddenly the grief is right there again.  I'm so grateful for the memories though!

His first solo trip

Robert officially became a licensed driver last evening.  We completed the task on our way to visit friends in our former town, so he didn't have the opportunity to drive.  However, we need to pick up Andrew's car from the shop (and that is an entirely separate post) so I sent Robert to taxi Andrew there and then he will be driving home on his own. He will be in the car for less than four miles, but I'll be honest, I'm trying not to vomit.  It is absolutely an entirely different level of worrying...and goodness knows I know how to worry!

Life in this house

We are approaching the end of February, which is generally one of my least favorite months.  I can't complain much this year because it has gone quickly, and we've had spring weather.  Tomorrow that changes, but it's been really nice out for a week.

I didn't work as much as I would've like in February.  I really hoped to be off today and I was, and I feel guilty about it.  As a mom, my guilt-o-meter feels very high all of the time, which I hope is just the month.

We have a few plans for the weekend and I'm hoping for a chance to relax with my favorite people in the whole world...my husband and kiddos.  I think we need it.

He passed his driving test

Yesterday Robert made the second attempt at receiving his driver's license.  He has passed the driving portion last week, but needed to pass the maneurverability.  Andrew took him right after school and he passed!  Unfortunately, my husband neglected to take his own wallet with him so Robert wasn't allowed to actually get his license.  Ugh!!!!!  I felt so badly for Robert, and so did Andrew.  It definitely took the wind out of his sails...not to mention that I was hoping Robert could take Thomas to youth group tonight.  We will be able to take him tomorrow and it will all work out, but it would be nice if we didn't have to make the extra trip.  He wanted to go this evening but has track practice so tomorrow he will officially be a licensed driver!

Third lock down in six weeks

This is becoming absolutely ridiculous.  The high school is currently on the third lock down in six weeks thanks to a bomb threat.  I hate that this is happening, and it needs to end!!  This is absolutely ridiculous.  They arrested someone in the one that happened last week, so clearly this is not that same person.  While I know that it is most likely a hoax, I absolutely hate the thought that it could be something worse.  I hope they find this person and throw the book at him/her as well!