Buying a vehicle without my dad

Yesterday we had Andrew's car in for an oil change.  Andrew was concerned about the brakes, and it turns out that isn't even half of the issue.  He needs new front and rear brakes, a new battery, new tie rods, and new springs (because part of one literally fell off when they put the car up to change the oil).  This is all to the tune of about $1200.00.  Because the car is a 2008 Malibu with over 130,000 miles,we've decided it isn't worth those repairs and it is time to car shop.  This is not at all what we wanted, but it is what needs to happen.  Of course, this only adds to the guilt I'm feeling about not working more.  There just aren't any jobs available right now, and there is nothing I can do about that, unless I'm willing to go outside the district or actually get a "real" job.  Right now, we are trying to avoid that because both Andrew and I want me home with the kids after school, and the flexibility to do the appointments and things like that.

Anyway, Andrew has jumped into researching with both feet, and I admire him for that.  I was gung ho about it last evening, but today my emotions have gotten the better of me.  Car shopping is synonymous with my dad in my world. When I was a child, my parents had no money.  For entertainment, my dad would drive my sister and me around to various car lots.  I could identify makes and models at a very young age.  My father could make deals on cars like you wouldn't believe.  As I got older and my dad made more, car buying became his hobby.  At one point we owned six vehicles and there were only four of us living in the house!  My dad could make such great deals that he could often purchase a car, drive it for six months to a year, and sell it for just about the same as he paid for it.  And he took care of cars like no one else.  He absolutely loved lining them all up and washing them.  Because we lived on Main St. in my hometown...everyone knew when it was Bob's car washing day!

As I started buying cars on my own, Dad always enjoyed hearing about it.  Because of his lack of mobility with his illness, he stopped the car browsing so he enjoyed hearing about it from others.  The last vehicle we purchased was over five years ago, about 22 months before he died.  When he was able to ride in the van he kept raving about how nice it was and was so pleased we had made a good deal.  I could tell he was not only pleased, but proud.  Then again, Dad was always proud of us girls.

This is the first car experience without him, and I'll be honest, the tears are flowing.  I didn't know after over three years it could still feel so fresh., but suddenly the grief is right there again.  I'm so grateful for the memories though!