Saturday, September 23, 2017
Awake too early on a Saturday morning
I had to be up at 6:15 this morning. Granted, that is sleeping in over an hour, but it is still significantly earlier than I prefer to be up on a Saturday morning. Robert had a Navy function though, and he was being picked up at 7:00, so we are up and at 'em. I don't mind the quiet time, even if it was too early. Tomorrow I have to be up a little after 7:00, so no sleeping in this weekend. I know there will come a day when I am going to miss all of this, but I expect I will be more rested!
Friday, September 22, 2017
A very warm start to fall
Today, shortly after 4PM, Fall officially begins. And yet, the heat index is 90 degrees...and it is still early afternoon. This is not the way I like to kick off this season...my favorite season of the year! I want to be wearing cozy clothes and lighting candles. I want to be surrounded by cozy fall decorations and enjoy how even the scents of the season are cozy. I do not want to be adjusting the a/c (which I don't even want on) to make it cooler because I'm too hot. I don't want to be thinking how I don't want to use my oven because it will heat things up too much. Such is life though. The good news is that we should be getting closer (though not in the five-day-forecast) to how I like my weather!
I started my day with a disturbing dream
Last night I went to bed with a heavy mind. It had been a rough day in many ways, and I also learned there was a troubled teen living in the basement of our neighborhood. I had this young man in class at the beginning of the year and he was something! He refused to even acknowledge that I was speaking to him. This young man has had many run-ins with the authorities at school, and Andrew has said that this young man is most likely not going to successfully complete the school year. Of course as I pointed out, that just means he'll be spending more time in our neighborhood. We suspect he might be involved in the increased problems that are occurring in our common area and as well as some things that are disappearing. There were just a lot of things weighing on my mind and heart last night.
The last dream I had before I woke up reflected my mind-set before I went to bed. I had a dream that I was being attacked by a student. He had already punched another student in the face and some of the larger and older students had created a human wall between us in an effort to protect me. I had called for help, and in the dream I remember desperately hoping that someone got to us before Andrew. I was afraid he would physically retaliate and then lose his job. I woke up literally shaking from the dream. It was a tough way to begin my day. I also was beginning to head into a migraine, but since I'm working again today, I am happy to report that seems to have dissipated.
On the upside from all of this, it is Friday, and we are at another weekend!
The last dream I had before I woke up reflected my mind-set before I went to bed. I had a dream that I was being attacked by a student. He had already punched another student in the face and some of the larger and older students had created a human wall between us in an effort to protect me. I had called for help, and in the dream I remember desperately hoping that someone got to us before Andrew. I was afraid he would physically retaliate and then lose his job. I woke up literally shaking from the dream. It was a tough way to begin my day. I also was beginning to head into a migraine, but since I'm working again today, I am happy to report that seems to have dissipated.
On the upside from all of this, it is Friday, and we are at another weekend!
Thursday, September 21, 2017
Lots of complaining & negativity
I try to be an upbeat person. Sometimes, I'm just too tired to make that happen, but I do try. I have not always been that way, but as I've gotten older I've made a conscious effort to be so. Don't get my wrong, I still worry, and I can still be easily stressed, but I really do try. I think it is one of those things where wisdom has come with age.
I realize teens are just not that way. Some can be optimistic, but so many teens see the worst in every situation. There are some that are just going to complain about everything, no matter how minor something might be. Today, I am finding myself being particularly irritated by it, and I'm noticing that the most negative of the kids often seem to be the loudest!
I realize teens are just not that way. Some can be optimistic, but so many teens see the worst in every situation. There are some that are just going to complain about everything, no matter how minor something might be. Today, I am finding myself being particularly irritated by it, and I'm noticing that the most negative of the kids often seem to be the loudest!
Wednesday, September 20, 2017
My heart is hurting today
My heart is hurting today, and I'm not entirely sure why. At the same time, it seems like there are so many reasons why. I am tired, and I am overwhelmed, and I am sad.
As a mom, my heart always hurts if my kids are hurting and disappointed. Thomas has finally been cleared to play in next week's football game, and he is so excited. He told me several weeks ago he just wants one play in one game so he can know what it's like. Andrew and I both got teary-eyed about that. I'm glad he is excited and I'm excited for him, and at the same time I am scared to death. I don't want him getting hurt. Part of me still wants my chubby little two-year-old who smiled so much. I notice teens don't smile as much, but he is still my sweet guy...except when he doesn't want to brush his hair or be nice to his sister. I ache when I see that he is hurting because school is becoming more challenging to him. He wants to do well...he just can't seem to figure out how.
There is lots of "not nice" happening from the teens and it makes me sad. I know they don't treat people at school or outside the house like they treat their siblings (and sometimes parents), but that doesn't always make me feel better. I think about Catherine and how her immaturity is really driving me crazy. At the same time, I wish she was still small enough that I could hold her on my lap and just love on her. She decided not to do Mock Trial this year, and while part of me is realized, part of me is sad that she still struggles to find her passion. She has been a tremendous help with Abby this school year and I don't know what I would do without her. Although she is nearly 16, she still struggles at times with having a foot both in the older world and the younger world.
Robert is, and almost always has been, the most challenging. He seems bent on doing everything his way, and given his impulsiveness and poor choices, his way is almost always the hard way. I am trying to let him become the adult that he thinks he is, but he still doesn't have the tools to make the best choices. He needs to learn though, and I need to let go at times. Cross country isn't going very well for him, and we don't really seem to know why. I feel frustrated for him, because I really thought something special could happen for him this year. Sometimes I feel angry that it seems my kids never get to feel special at anything. I can only hope that each of them know they are special because they are who they are.
Our house is tired, and there are lots of emotions. I often feel guilty that instead of helping, my own emotions can make things worse. I feel guilty for taking time to take a nap instead of doing a chore that should be accomplished, and yet I know if I don't take care of myself I'm not helping anyone. I feel guilty for waiting until Catherine is home to go run an errand because then I'm not home with her, but if I leave earlier I feel guilty because Abby has to be in her crate. I feel guilty for not working full time or having a more steady job, but at the same time I feel guilty that things aren't getting done around the house.
I know these feeling are perfectly normal in any mom's heart, and I know they are normal in a mom's heart with three teens. I know we will most likely be okay. I just have to have Faith, and follow send up some prayers that I do the best I can do each day!
As a mom, my heart always hurts if my kids are hurting and disappointed. Thomas has finally been cleared to play in next week's football game, and he is so excited. He told me several weeks ago he just wants one play in one game so he can know what it's like. Andrew and I both got teary-eyed about that. I'm glad he is excited and I'm excited for him, and at the same time I am scared to death. I don't want him getting hurt. Part of me still wants my chubby little two-year-old who smiled so much. I notice teens don't smile as much, but he is still my sweet guy...except when he doesn't want to brush his hair or be nice to his sister. I ache when I see that he is hurting because school is becoming more challenging to him. He wants to do well...he just can't seem to figure out how.
There is lots of "not nice" happening from the teens and it makes me sad. I know they don't treat people at school or outside the house like they treat their siblings (and sometimes parents), but that doesn't always make me feel better. I think about Catherine and how her immaturity is really driving me crazy. At the same time, I wish she was still small enough that I could hold her on my lap and just love on her. She decided not to do Mock Trial this year, and while part of me is realized, part of me is sad that she still struggles to find her passion. She has been a tremendous help with Abby this school year and I don't know what I would do without her. Although she is nearly 16, she still struggles at times with having a foot both in the older world and the younger world.
Robert is, and almost always has been, the most challenging. He seems bent on doing everything his way, and given his impulsiveness and poor choices, his way is almost always the hard way. I am trying to let him become the adult that he thinks he is, but he still doesn't have the tools to make the best choices. He needs to learn though, and I need to let go at times. Cross country isn't going very well for him, and we don't really seem to know why. I feel frustrated for him, because I really thought something special could happen for him this year. Sometimes I feel angry that it seems my kids never get to feel special at anything. I can only hope that each of them know they are special because they are who they are.
Our house is tired, and there are lots of emotions. I often feel guilty that instead of helping, my own emotions can make things worse. I feel guilty for taking time to take a nap instead of doing a chore that should be accomplished, and yet I know if I don't take care of myself I'm not helping anyone. I feel guilty for waiting until Catherine is home to go run an errand because then I'm not home with her, but if I leave earlier I feel guilty because Abby has to be in her crate. I feel guilty for not working full time or having a more steady job, but at the same time I feel guilty that things aren't getting done around the house.
I know these feeling are perfectly normal in any mom's heart, and I know they are normal in a mom's heart with three teens. I know we will most likely be okay. I just have to have Faith, and follow send up some prayers that I do the best I can do each day!
I was sick first
On Sunday, I began to realize I had a really stuffy nose. I assumed it was just allergies, and it may have been. At the same time, I was also a little achy, and decided by the end of the day I had a cold. On Monday morning, I could tell that I truly didn't feel well. Other than driving a couple of kids around though, I didn't have any plans that evening and I planned to take advantage of that. My voice was weak, and I didn't sound good. It matched how I felt. When I picked Robert up he could tell I wasn't well right away.
When Andrew came home from football practice, he immediately began to moan and complain about how he felt. I could've smacked him! I realize that him being sick isn't his fault, but he is NOT a good sick person. I immediately looked at Robert and said, "I was sick first!" Robert kind of laughed because we both knew what was coming! And in the days to follow, Andrew has continued to point out how he doesn't feel well. The whining and moaning hasn't been awful, but it still has been more than mine. I sure love my husband, but the stereotypical male sick person is definitely him!
When Andrew came home from football practice, he immediately began to moan and complain about how he felt. I could've smacked him! I realize that him being sick isn't his fault, but he is NOT a good sick person. I immediately looked at Robert and said, "I was sick first!" Robert kind of laughed because we both knew what was coming! And in the days to follow, Andrew has continued to point out how he doesn't feel well. The whining and moaning hasn't been awful, but it still has been more than mine. I sure love my husband, but the stereotypical male sick person is definitely him!
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
Family health issues
Unfortunately, there are a few things happening in our family that aren't the best. My immediate family is okay, and I'm very grateful. My mom broke her wrist several weeks ago, but that has healed and she is doing as well as she can. We've come to realize that the radiation from the cancer will always cause her to have balance issues, and as time passes that might continue to be a concern. However, my mom's sister almost certainly has a form of skin cancer. Sadly, she has let it go on for entirely too long, and that makes me nervous. She will know more when my mom takes her to her appointment on Thursday. My mom also took my grandmother to the doctor yesterday, and there is some concern that she could have skin cancer as well. The good news is that they don't believe anything is terribly advanced, and she is 88 so it wouldn't be surprising she has had time in the sun. We are all certainly hoping that everything is treatable for everyone!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)