I am back at home

I am back at home after being at my in-laws for the past two days.  Andrew and the kids are coming back tomorrow.  We don't have school tomorrow, and thank goodness.  It allows the kids to stay at my in-laws and be helpful to Andrew.  Otherwise they would've come home with me, and I can't even start to imagine trying to get up early and function tomorrow.  I am beyond exhausted.  I think we all are.  My mother-in-law is holding up well, but my father-in-law, who was diagnosed with dementia nearly a year ago, has deteriorated rapidly since the last time I was there about ten weeks ago.  Some of the east coast family came in, and of course it is always nice to see family.  I'm grateful we are heading into a long weekend to start to get back to normal!

Andrew's brother

We received word about 8:30 last night that Andrew's brother had stopped breathing and his heart had stopped.  The ambulance had been called and CPR was being performed as they rushed him to the hospital.  An hour later the call came that there was nothing that could be done.  At just age 47, Andrew's brother had passed away.  He had been ill for years and had suffered his first stroke the day after my father passed away.  He had lost his eyesight and all of his mobility.  There is peace in knowing he is no longer suffering, but no one should ever have to bury their child.  Andrew is the only sibling and he has gone to be with his parents.  The kids and I will head over after school tomorrow.  Right now I am holding down both the home front and the school front as I've been in for Andrew today (and again tomorrow) so the kids don't lose an entire week of instruction.  My heart is broken for my in-laws who have lost their son, and I pray for peace and comfort for them.

The nice weather didn't last long

Yesterday it rained most of the day.  After the cross country meet, Andrew had to work at a freshmen football game, and I went home to get some things done.  As soon as he got home we drove two hours to east to visit some friends, and loved every minute of our visit with them.  It rained most of the day though, but it certainly didn't dampen the visit.

Today I opened the door for about a minute to talk to Andrew who was standing in the garage.  Honestly, I think that is about as close to being outside as I plan to be.  The humidity is unbelievable.  I had heard the heat index will be over 90 today, tomorrow, and possibly Tuesday.  I believe it without question.  Yikes!

I went to a cross country meet this morning

This morning I went to the high school cross country meet.  It is the only home meet for the team (except for league).  Of all the things Robert did, cross country was my favorite.  And cross country has such fabulous kids and I wanted to watch them run.  Fortunately, the rain held off and they got the races in.

Our girls team won the meet.  We have an incredibly talented group of sophomores and freshmen, and they ran great races.  Our boys team came in second.  There are two seniors on the team who have moms with whom I am friends.  One of them is an elite runner and came in third overall.  The other struggles with his running, but he is one of my favorite all time people.  I was happy to be there to encourage our runners.

It all made me emotional.  This is the meet two years ago where Robert went down and Thomas needed encouragement.  Seeing kids struggle this morning to finish brought back those memories and brought tears to my eyes.  And honestly, I cried most of the drive home.  As I said, this was my favorite activity of Robert's, and there were so many good memories.  Because of Robert's choices, it is sometimes hard to remember that there were good memories...but there were, and so many of them involved cross country meets.  At the same time, I remember his very last race last year, and it wasn't a good memory.  We had discovered another set of lies and poor choices just before he ran, and it wasn't a good race.  It's tough to think about it all ending that way.

Things just came flooding back and I'm tired.  Parenting transitions can be tough, and sometimes it just takes a while for all of the emotions to flow.

Trying to be mindful

I am working on trying to be more mindful in life.  This is especially true of my health.  I am trying to be more mindful of what I am eating.  Instead of potato chips, a granola bar is a better option.  I know that water is better for me than pop, but I don't care for water at all.  I'm really trying, but most days water makes me want to gag.  When I go somewhere, I try to choose a parking spot that isn't the closest so I can walk more, and even at home, instead of asking someone to bring me something I try to get up and get it myself.  These are just small changes, but they are good changes.  Good changes are good, no matter how small.

I'm trying in other ways though too.  I'm trying to watch my tone when I speak to others, and I'm trying to be more present in everything I do.  I'm trying to have actions that aren't just sitting and staring at a TV screen (although plenty of that happens).  I'm trying to remember to be grateful, and I'm trying to remember to live my faith.  I'm trying to think, and I hope these changes can only bring good things!

It's Friday of our first full week

We made it to Friday!  I didn't expect to be working today, but here I am.  An art teacher needed a sub.  I don't love being in the art classes, and Andrew told me to feel free to stay home.  However, he also mentioned he would like us to go out to dinner one evening next week, and today's pay would pay for that.  I don't necessarily plan to go out "just because" but I am not going to turn down a job at the high school, especially this early in the year,

This evening, the kids are in the pep band for an away football game.  Andrew doesn't have to keep stats this evening, but he and another middle school coach want to go to the game.  Fine by me!  I look forward to some quiet alone time at home.  The dog and I will keep each other company.

The first full week of the school year is almost in the books!

Subbing in P.E.

I am subbing in phys ed today.  It is always one of my least favorite assignments, but this is a week where I really can't be picky if I want to work.  And I definitely want to work!  On the upside, it is still absolutely gorgeous out, and the kids, overall, have been good kids.

On the downside, Thomas made a poor choice today.  I never understood how Robert thought we wouldn't find things out, and I don't understand it now with Thomas.  In fact, I understand it less!  Not only is Andrew in the building, I'm here most days, and he has seen how it DIDN'T work out for Robert.  I can't do four more years of that.  Hopefully, we can nip this in the bud.

Not sure if I will be working tomorrow, but I am here again a couple of days next week.  Hopefully they will be uneventful!