This morning I went to the high school cross country meet. It is the only home meet for the team (except for league). Of all the things Robert did, cross country was my favorite. And cross country has such fabulous kids and I wanted to watch them run. Fortunately, the rain held off and they got the races in.
Our girls team won the meet. We have an incredibly talented group of sophomores and freshmen, and they ran great races. Our boys team came in second. There are two seniors on the team who have moms with whom I am friends. One of them is an elite runner and came in third overall. The other struggles with his running, but he is one of my favorite all time people. I was happy to be there to encourage our runners.
It all made me emotional. This is the meet two years ago where Robert went down and Thomas needed encouragement. Seeing kids struggle this morning to finish brought back those memories and brought tears to my eyes. And honestly, I cried most of the drive home. As I said, this was my favorite activity of Robert's, and there were so many good memories. Because of Robert's choices, it is sometimes hard to remember that there were good memories...but there were, and so many of them involved cross country meets. At the same time, I remember his very last race last year, and it wasn't a good memory. We had discovered another set of lies and poor choices just before he ran, and it wasn't a good race. It's tough to think about it all ending that way.
Things just came flooding back and I'm tired. Parenting transitions can be tough, and sometimes it just takes a while for all of the emotions to flow.
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