The end of February

Our family is in the middle of another long weekend.  Because our school employees (including Andrew and myself) received our second vaccination on Thursday, the schools were remote both that day and yesterday.  Andrew and I are very, very grateful that we had absolutely no side effects at all.  I was a little tired on Thursday, but I think that was just the last week catching up with me.  We are so, so grateful.  We know of many who have suffered with this second shot.

We have had the opportunity to speak with our friend, and she is doing better as each day passes.  We will be heading there next weekend for the services.  It is all just so incredibly unreal.  They are keeping things very small, and we are grateful to be included.  We've been taking turns checking in with her in the evening.

I just can't say I love this time of year.  So much sadness has happened in the last ten days of February over the years.  I am grateful though, that today is such a beautiful day outside!  March, and spring, are right around the corner.  With vaccinations rolling out, things might even be getting a little more normal this summer and next fall.  I am grateful to feel hopeful about that!

We are heartbroken

This afternoon at 2:00 I received a text that broke my heart.  My friend sent a text that our very dear friend who moved to the middle of the country was found deceased this morning.  He had been working out of town and didn't show up to work this morning, and when they went to find him he was gone.  We had been planning to make a trip there this summer to visit them.  They didn't come into town for Christmas this year, and I didn't get to see him when they come into town last summer.  He was in his early 60's, and this is just entirely too soon.  I waited until Andrew's workday was finished before I told him.  There have been lots of tears today, and our hearts are broken.

Grief

I was driving to my cousin's house today, and I was suddenly overcome by grief.  I just kept crying, and couldn't seem to get a grip on my emotions.  One of the things I learned when my dad died is that you just never know when grief is going to come at you.  Today was one of those days.  I was needing to have a somewhat emotional conversation with my cousin, and it was a conversation that needed to be had ONLY because A) our grandmother is gone, B) her mother is gone, and C) my uncle seemingly has no concern or respect for anyone else in the family but himself.  That is the harsh reality.

I also recognize the fact that these tears are probably a year overdue.  I didn't cry last year when I got word that my grandmother had died.  You see, the night before we had learned some really awful information about Robert.  I immediately went into "mom" mode.  I was heartbroken about the actions of my son, but could do nothing about them.  I could, however, protect the hearts of my other two children and that was exactly my intent.  The news about Robert came not only 24 hours before the passing of my grandmother, but 24 hours after Thomas's girlfriend had broken his heart.  Additionally, Andrew and I had just gotten over being the sickest we had been in years, and along with Catherine also catching it that weekend, she had been involved in a car accident while Andrew and I were sick.  We were sad and stressed, and my feeling as mom was to be strong for my kids who were hurting.

Of course not long after we buried my grandmother, the pandemic reared its ugly head in our state, and things began to shut down.  I will always be grateful that we were able to have "normal" services for my grandmother, and I am now so very grateful that in the week between burying Grandma and the pandemic explosion, that Andrew's cousin was able to visit us.  At the same time, I wanted to protect the heart of my kids who were missing out on so much, and especially Catherine as she lost Prom, Graduation, and so many fun senior events.

I know it's okay that I was so sad and emotional today.  And as I told my cousin, I know things are going to be okay.  She mentioned how some of her favorite memories are of us all being at our grandparents' house, and I'm so grateful I'm not the only one who feels that way.  I hate crying, but sometimes it helps us to feel better afterwards!

Dealing with family

Six months ago today my mother received a letter from an attorney hired by her brother regarding my grandmother's estate.  To say I am saddened and sickened by the entire thing is an understatement.  Last fall, I held out hope that the family relations could be repaired.  My mother even mentioned that although she was hurt and angry, she wanted to make sure that nothing she said or did added to the feelings, and I think she too hoped things might be better, even if only years down the road.  I no longer have that hope, and there is even part of me that hopes my aunt & uncle contact me so that I can express my wishes that they not contact me again and my disappointment in their lack of value for the family relationships I hold so dearly.

My biggest concern in all of this has been how our relationships will be with my cousins who are the daughters of my late aunt.  They are so very much in the middle of this, and understandably have not wanted to take sides.  However, the "take it or leave it" settlement proposed by my uncle, which my mother is willing to accept (in fact she has never been against any of the "requests" proposed in any communication) involve the handling of the girls' trusts.  I've been asked to get involved and explain things from a financial aspect, and let them know that although my mother won't be involved in the trusts, it has nothing to do with her feelings about them.  The girls seem to understand that my mother just needs this legal issue to go away, but there is so much involved and I'm heading to my hometown to be a person who is a little more objective.

I'm not really sure that I am though.  I am tremendously emotional about this.  August 20 was the day this all began with that letter, and I sincerely hope that February 20 is the day this drama can find an end.

RIP Theo

I wrote a year ago about Andrew's cousin who came for a surprise visit.  We had received word over the weekend that time was down to only weeks, maybe days.  His brothers and mother had traveled across the county to see him.  Word came this morning that he passed away last night.  Andrew and I were so very sad to hear this news.  He is only 56, and that is simply too young.  My prayers go out to his family, and especially Andrew's aunt.  As I've written too many times before, no parent should ever have to bury their child.  May he rest in peace.

More snowy weather

 I am sitting here this morning watching the lovely snow fall.  Our neighborhood roads are snow covered, and it is truly very lovely.  This isn't a "real" snow day though.  While the public schools are closed, today is the sixth day so the school has decided remote learning is the way to go.  That phone call now comes to tell us we still need to get up at the same time!  Actually, Thomas got to sleep in about 15 minutes but that doesn't really count.  My school only delayed this morning.  I still have about two hours before I have to be at work, but I'll probably head in in about half hour.  Part of me is kind of hoping we end up closed as well, but I'm also kind of just in the way here.  At least our "feels like" temp is 8 degrees today.  Lots of bundling again!

The trouble with bundling up

It is currently only 1 degree with a "feels like" temp of -8.  In an hour, I have to stand outside for a full half hour.  I have layered in all areas, including socks.  I will be as warm as possible, which basically isn't possible.  The downside to this of course, is that I was roasting while moving around, and even while sitting!

It will be interesting to see what our attendance will be today.  I don't think I would be sending my child, but we shall see!