The end of another February

Just one more day left this month.  I'm always grateful that February is a short month, and I'm rarely sad to see it end.  In past Februarys, we faced the passing of my grandmother, my grandfather, our friend Tim, Andrew's cousin, a good friend lost his dad, and our dear family friends lost their six-month-old son.  We've face teen breakups, poor choices by family members leading to much drama, and other tough situations.  This year has been no exception as a young former student passed away just over a week ago,  and a war has begun.  Emotions in our house have been a little high as well, as we are in the final few months of our youngest child's high school days.  Honestly, it's exhausting and draining on many days.  I like to think that March brings better weather, and overall happier days!

Twos-day

I don't really have any thing specific to write about, but I couldn't let today go by without a post.  After all, today is 2-22-22, and it falls on a Tuesday!  As a numbers person, it's really just awesome.  I had a rough night with very little sleep, but I'm grateful to find something, no matter how little, to celebrate!

Not something anyone really wants to be doing

Andrew and I attended the visitation for Luke this evening.  As we left, I mentioned to Andrew that it isn't really something any of us want to be doing, and of course he agreed.  We went early because Andrew needed to get back for baseball tryouts, and we knew it would be a large visitation.

We weren't wrong about that either.  We went in 15 minutes before it officially began, and we were out just as it was supposed to actually be beginning.  The parking lot was already full, and vehicles had begun to be parked at the police station across the street and at a near-by school.  I was able to see a few of the former students I knew from my subbing days, and I gave them hugs.  None of us wanted to be there, because it shouldn't be happening this way.

When I found out Luke has passed, I'll be honest, I thought about all the kids I'd grown to know and love through my subbing days, and I worried about them.  I told Andrew that it made me realize that while I like my job, I want to be back at the high school.  When I started subbing, I wanted to primarily work in just one building because I wanted the kids to know me.  I wanted them to know I was there, and although it can be challenging to establish relationships when you are just a sub, I wanted to be one more person , one more adult in their lives if they needed it.  I'm never going to have that working at the job I'm in now, and being at a not-inexpensive private school means most of the kids I see everyday aren't going to have "need" for that kind of relationship.  I don't know that anything will open anytime soon, because it had been a decade since there had been an opening before all of those last year.  But I know now, I won't allow fear of rejection to keep me from applying.  My heart is with those kids.

My grandmother's video

When my grandmother passed away nearly two years ago, we took lots of family photos and made it into a memorial video.  My mother made sure all of us grandkids received a copy, and I'm so very grateful.  It's one of my favorite things to watch.  I know that Andrew and the kids probably don't care very much, so I watch it when I'm home alone.  In the beginning, it made me so emotional because she was gone.  Then, it made me very emotional because of the essential break-up of the family.  Today, I watched it, and although there was still some sadness, there was also so much gratitude.  I'm still saddened that there will be no more group photos, but I'm so grateful for the photos that do exist.  I'm grateful for all of the times that our family gathered together and the memories that were made, both physically by photos and in our hearts.  I'm also grateful that gratitude can outweigh the sadness now.  I miss those no longer with us and I miss those that have been hurtful, but I'm still grateful.

Four day weekend

The last few years, this long, four-day weekend has been among my favorites each year.  This year, it just doesn't feel the same.  For one thing, it was kind of a busy week.  Last evening, Andrew had parent conferences, so it was nearly 8:00 before he got home.  I had taken Thomas to a meeting, so it was nearly 8:30 before we were home together.  Today, he still had to work, and this afternoon he left to go visit his mom.  I had a doctor appointment that is never fun, but it's done and everything is fine.  After having the year off last year, we have swim commitments again this year.  Andrew will be back Sunday, so at least we have a day together.  He's still on the road this evening, and I'll be glad when he gets there.  And of course, Catherine isn't here and while it is absolutely wonderful that she is enjoying college so much and is doing well on her own, I miss her tremendously.  It's the way life goes though.  When adding my emotions about the passing of Luke, it's just not a fun relaxing, long weekend that I would like it to be.  Grateful for a little bit of down time though.

I didn't want it to be real

This morning I came out to where my husband was eating breakfast.  He said he had bad news, and then told me that Luke had passed away last night.  Luke was a student who graduated with Catherine.  Andrew had not had Luke in class, but had coached him in football.  In fact, Andrew had also coached his older brother who was 16 years older.  Luke was the eighth of nine kids.  I don't know all of them, but the ones I do know are fabulous people.  My heart is beyond broken for the family.  I was devastated to learn that Luke took his own life.  I can't hug my kiddos tightly enough, and it doesn't feel as though there are enough prayers.  I really didn't want it to be real, but of course it is.  So, so sad.

Olympics, tears, and a busy weekend

I have never been successful at watching the Olympics and not crying.  I cry and hurt when the athletes cry, and I cry tears of joy along with them when there is victory...especially unexpected victory.  Friday evening had all those emotions.  I watched Nick Baumgardner's heartbreaking interview when he failed to advance in his Olympic event.  Then I watched as he was paired with Lindsey Jacobellis and had another shot, at age 40, to win an Olympic medal.  His enthusiasm was contagious.  He made it through the qualifying, and when it came to the finals, I couldn't hardly watched.  I left the room, but when I came back only he had raced; Lindsey still needed to do her part for their medal.  I cheered and yelled throughout her race, and the end result was GOLD!  Yep, I cried again.  It was all such a wonderful story.

Our Olympic viewing was after having a lovely dinner to celebrate our anniversary.  We had some amazing food and fun cocktails.  Saturday we took the kids to Dayton and had the best fries EVER as we celebrated our family, and yesterday I visited with my grandmother.  She's doing really well and it was a very nice visit.  And of course last evening we enjoyed a really great football game, even if it didn't go the way we had hoped.  It was a busy February weekend!