Coping

Catherine took the news about Grace surprisingly well, and in fact is dealing with it better than I am.  Thomas was very upset when we told him, and both have told us that they want to go to the funeral visitation Monday evening.  This is all uncharted territory for me, and Andrew and I agreed that we would follow the kids' leads on how they want to handle their grief and mourning.

I, on the other hand, was an absolute mess last evening.  I was holding up until I read her obituary.  I am NOT supposed to be reading an obituary for a little ten-year-old whom I've known for so many years.  I had just seen her last week, and so many times over the last year I'd had to opportunity to sub as her teacher and work with her.  I just couldn't make the tears stop last night.  Before I went to bed (and it wasn't late because I was absolutely drained) I stood over Catherine's bed and watched her sleep.  I kept kissing her and my tears were falling on her...she was so peaceful.  I know that in addition to all of the other reasons that I'm having trouble dealing with Grace's death, the fact that she is the same age as my precious daughter is making it so much harder...it's so close to home.

We are all coping better today, and I know that life goes on.  I also have the privilege of knowing that Grace would want exactly that.  She would not want us all to be sad and make a big deal...although it's impossible not to do those things.  But today thinking about her smile no longer makes me sob like it did yesterday.  Today it makes me smile, and I know that although it's a little darker in our world, her smile is lighting up Heaven and shining over all of us.