What it was like

I'm not going to lie to you, the last eight weeks were tough.  I feel badly even saying that, because I know that there are so many families that have both parents working every day all day and they manage to get through.  I've learned that it's all about choices, and I honestly learned so much about myself.

Our house pretty much was a pig sty for the last eight weeks, and I felt so much guilt through it all.  I felt guilty that for 40 consecutive school days, my children had to get up earlier than normal and couldn't eat breakfast at home.  For 40 consecutive school days they couldn't walk home after school and enjoy a snack.  The hardest part of this particular assignment was the fact that this teacher had not taught first grade last year, so her own resources were limited.  I had to rely mostly on the kindness of the other first grade teachers.  Don't get me wrong, they were all VERY kind, but it meant I had to use their resources at the building.  I couldn't bring it home and wait until the kids were in bed.  And it meant they had to wait it out at school with me.  And of course there were weekends and evenings where I had to tell them, "No, I can't do that with you right now."  Sometimes there simply didn't seem to be any available resources for what I was teaching and it meant hours on the computer designing one or scouring the internet.  And the most frustrating part for me was the pay.  It's absolutely perfect pay for a day of subbing, but when the hours of planning and grading are factored in, it pretty much stinks.  My husband and I both agreed that there is not another long term assignment in our future.  For us as a family, it just doesn't make sense.

Which brings us to choices...I have announced that I have the rest of my life to work.  Being a mom though?  Well, while I do have that for the rest of my life as well, I only have the next several years to "mother" my kids while they are young.  Thomas is turning NINE before too long and Robert is already a teenager.  These days are going by way, way, way TOO FAST, and I don't want to miss them because I'm sitting at a desk or a computer or any other job.  I just want to be "mom".  So I'll continue to take daily sub jobs as offered, and we'll continue to make sometimes tough budgetary decisions...and in the long run, I know I'll be much happier, and so will the entire family!