The fight begins today

As soon as I get Thomas on the bus, I'll be heading north to spend the day with my mom and be there for her treatments.  While I am so grateful I can be there, I am a little nauseous about the entire experience, and regret missing the evening (a fairly unscheduled evening) with my kids.  Mom is ready to fight, and we are all ready to get this behind us!

We aren't living the same life

Right now, my husband and I aren't living the same life.  Don't get me wrong...we are not at all having marital problems!  It's just that we aren't exactly living in the same world right now.  He is living in a world where he has two, albeit aging, perfectly healthy parents.  I, on the other hand, lost my dad five months ago after a debilitating 17-year illness, and am facing it again with my mother.  Andrew loves my parents and is supportive and understanding, but it isn't the same.  I'm grateful he can't relate to my emotions because some of them are so painful.  However, sometimes he forgets, or doesn't even realize that my emotions and stress level are so different from his right now.

Along those lines, I am so grateful that Robert's track meet for this evening has been canceled.  It's a yucky day, and there is a chance of severe storms this evening.  I have decided that Catherine won't be attending her scout meeting, so we have an evening at home.  I am very much looking forward to that!

This weekend

While I am very much looking forward to many fun things we have planned this weekend, I am also dreading it from an emotional standpoint.  Tomorrow would've been my dad's birthday.  Not only will this be the first we haven't been able to celebrate with him, but it would've been his 60th.  The fact that it is a "milestone" birthday certainly doesn't make it easier.  Sunday will also be the one year anniversary of the death of our beloved cat, Piper.  I love how my youngest two talk about her and how they love to remember her.  They do the same with my dad, and it makes me smile.  I know that Robert also has his happy memories, but he is a child who just keeps things a little more to himself.

With all of the emotions that are likely to surface this weekend, I am even more grateful it will be busy and filled with many fun things!

It's another Friday!!!

Another Friday has arrived.  I am so looking forward to the weekend, although it's a busy one...but I enjoy life with three kids and wouldn't want it any other way!

Our busy weekend is coming at the end of a busy track week.  Robert had two track meets this week and we are so proud of how he is doing!  He has really, really improved in throwing the discus, and is getting better at each meet.  He threw 102', 8" last night.  I am a proud mom!  His running events are more "hit and miss".  He is enjoying the hurdles, although the 110m isn't going so well.  He ran the anchor leg of the 4x200m relay on Tuesday.  We thought his coach was CRAZY for putting him in at anchor at such an event, but clearly coach knows best!  We had never seen him run like that before.  Andrew and I were discussing how he never ran like that on the base paths...apparently had he been racing from one base to another he'd have done much better.  Who knew???!!  It has been so much fun to watch him, and I'm also grateful it has given me a chance to meet other parents while watching the meets.

Thomas finished up his art classes this week.  This kid absolutely loves art and seems to have a talent in that area.  It has been such a joy to watch him have so much fun each week and was absolutely worth every single penny.

Mom learned yesterday that her first chemo session will be Wednesday.  I am so grateful to be getting this started.  I have told her that I want to be the one to get her from chemo on Wednesday and take her home.  I am trying to be strong, but there is a part of me that is angry...angry that I have to deal with a sick parent again.  I'm counting my blessings though, in that I have the flexibility to be able to do so.

Lots going on, but after today there are only 26 more school days!

Our Easter

We had a nice Easter afternoon.  After church here in town, we drove to my hometown and spent the afternoon at my grandmother's with my mom, sister, and aunt & uncle.  My mom's family has never particularly gathered for Easter, so we have pretty much always hung out with Dad's side when we are here.  It was a very nice day as far as the weather, and we all enjoyed being together.  It was a little bittersweet for me though, as I remembered last Easter was the last holiday we shared with Dad, and he'd had a really good day that day.  In fact, it was just a little over a week later that he began his rapid decline.  Anyway, the kids enjoyed tons and tons of candy and we all enjoyed listening to a Reds victory as we drove home...all good things!

Thirty more days

I know that I should not wish my life away.  Goodness knows what the next six weeks are going to bring...but oh, I will be grateful when school is over.  These days I am absolutely feeling like the worst mother ever.  I am tired of nagging my children, and maybe I shouldn't.  And yet, not reminding Robert for the umpteenth time that he ought to take a rain jacket to a rainy meet seems necessary.  I suppose there are those who would feel that if I don't remind him and he learns the hard way, I would probably never have to remind him again.  But if the child gets sick, isn't that just more work for me?  And aren't parents supposed to be a safety net...isn't that our job?  I hardly feel that I am a mom that is on 24/7 rescue mode...I am ALL ABOUT natural consequences.  But ultimately, I am still mom, and right now, this mom is just tired.  I know that I am supposed to to treasure each day with my children and I try very, very hard to remember to do so.  At the same time, those carefree summer days are a whole lot easier to treasure!

Spring break is such a tease

I've always felt this way about spring break...it is such a tease about how wonderful our summer is going to be!  We are still off today (LOVE that!) but tomorrow it is back to the grind...clock watching and lunch packing, and many more of the things that a school schedule bring.  The kids only have 30 more days of school.  Andrew informs me that is not few enough to be counting down, but I most certainly beg to differ.  I will be ready, ready, ready when June 3 hits our home.  I know that I am a terrible and irresponsible mother, but I just don't want to worry, or for that matter, I just don't want to care about school anymore.  I want to enjoy our games of Quirkle, and love the fract that the kids have built an awesome fort in our living room...I want to enjoy them racing down the street on their bikes and not be watching the clock so we don't forget Robert has track practice at 5:00 (yep, back at that today).  So, thirty more early morning and lunch packings, but we'll get there in another six weeks.  Oh, spring break is such a tease!

They'll be home this evening

Wednesday morning, Andrew left with the kids to visit his parents.  Originally we were all planning to go.  After Mom's cancer diagnosis I decided I should stay here.  As it turns out, she still hasn't begun her treatments (UGH!!) but we still decided I would stay here because we weren't sure if it might be yesterday or today (it isn't).  I also thought it probably was best if I not go because my emotional reserve is not so high these days, and our visit at the holidays wasn't so great either.  I thought it might be really nice to have time to myself, and honestly, it has been nice.  But I am SO READY for them to come home.  They are staying through Good Friday Mass (yet another reason I didn't particularly want to go) and will be on their way home late this afternoon...arriving home tonight.  It will be so good so see them!  In the meantime, I am planning to clean, clean, clean today!

Locks of Love

Yesterday Catherine had her long hair cut off and a donation is being made to Locks of Love.  We are so proud of her!  She had been disliking having long hair for quite some time, but we are so proud that she hung in there long enough to be able to make the donation.  Her new hair cut is super cute (and just in time for Easter!) and she is excited about how much easier it will be to take care of her shorter hair.  We are so proud of Catherine!

Yet another prayer request

I have yet another prayer request to put out there.  Last evening, we drove back to our old town to visit some friends we hadn't visited with since before Christmas.  They have two boys near in age to ours and our kids all get along absolutely fabulously...we LOVE being able to hang out as families.  We played some cards and shared some snacks and lots and lots of laughs.  But, we also learned some sad news.  We are also friends with the husband's brother and sister-in-law.  We were sad to learn last evening that the sister-in-law has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  She is only in her early 30's and her kids are younger than mine.  The diagnosis was just received this week so treatment and prognosis has not yet been determined.  Please, please join me in praying for Jill's recovery!

Update on Mom

I wish I could say things were going along smoothly with Mom's treatments, but that is not the case.  It isn't that they are going poorly either...they simply aren't going.  I understand there are logistics to handle, but since this is an inoperable tumor and the radiation and chemo are the only way to get rid of it, we would really like to get this thing going!  She is continuing to keep her very positive attitude and has done everything in advance that she can do, and in the meantime we are all trying to enjoy the fact that she is feeling well.  She's been told that it might begin at the end of this week, and since we are on break it would be perfect if that could be the case...fingers crossed!

The beginning of our break

Spring break has officially arrived in our house!  I'm not too sure about the weather next week, but this weekend is going to be absolutely gorgeous!

Our break began in rather busy fashion last evening.  Robert had a track meet in a nearby community.  I had it all planned out so that I could see him throw and run one of his two hurdle races.  Of course, they do things differently than the other meets I'd been to so I only got to see him run the 110 hurdles...and it wasn't pretty.  He did improve his discus throw distance and received a ribbon for 7th in 200 hurdles, so he was happy overall, although I'm disappointed I didn't get to see it.

Thomas also had an art exhibit last night from the after school art classes he's been taking.  He even had his own little section set up because his teacher has been so impressed with his sketching.  His godfather, who is Thomas's idol, was able to come down and it was so nice to be able to spend the evening with him.  Thomas received his Christmas present which was a drawing of his favorite Doggy...he is so excited and can't wait to get it hung up!

This morning Andrew has taken Robert to our old town for a scout meeting, then we plan to work around the house.  This evening we are visiting with friends we haven't seen since before Christmas, and can't wait to see them now!  I think the thing I am looking most forward to is tomorrow evening when it will be a Sunday evening, but there will be no "gotta get ready for school" mindset happening.  Yeh!

Track

Yesterday was Robert's second track meet of the season.  It was such a blast because our old school district was there, so I was able to catch up with some good friends, and I got to cheer on some great kids as well.  Robert enjoyed getting to see some old acquaintances and catching up with a few people as well.  I was also so proud of how he did overall!  He won his heat in the 200m hurdles!  We were stunned...he looked really fabulous out there.  In fact, one of the coaches of our old school talked to me at the end said he was really impressed with Robert's stride and form.  It was so great to see Robert succeed.  Even though he didn't win the overall event, it was still so great to have him be able to finish in front of the rest of his pack.  Everyone deserves to feel some success!

The meet brought out a few other emotions as well.  It was so wonderful to be able to see some friends and visit with people I've missed a great deal.  It's hard knowing we (but especially I) left all of that behind to make this move.  And yet, it was another example of knowing that this move was the best thing that we could've done.  Our old school district dominated the meet yesterday and both boys and girls teams won in a landslide.  Now, I suppose some could say that why wouldn't I want Robert to be a part of that success?  But he would never have the opportunities to participate as he is now if he had to compete against those other athletes for time.  He isn't going to be a stellar athlete, and none of us care about that.  But he's getting to participate and he's having FUN.  I am so grateful we made the decision we made!

Middle of the week

Today is Wednesday, and we are still awaiting word on Mom's treatment information.  She's been told to expect it to start this week, and honestly, I want to get this thing going...I can only imagine how my mother feels in that regard as well.  I had hoped we would hear something by yesterday, but keeping fingers crossed today will be the day for news.  In the meantime, I'm trying very, very hard to enjoy the beautiful weather and count my blessings!

The girlfriend

We've learned this weekend that my brother-in-law's girlfriend has decided that she no longer wants to be his girlfriend.  I absolutely can't blame her, but as I am an in-law, my opinion differs on who might be to "blame" than the rest of the family.  This is the fifth "significant other" that has been in our kids lives.  They've all lasted a significant amount of time because there is usually no "alone time" between them...he can't handle being alone.  When he began dating this one, I refused to allow myself to become emotionally invested because it seemed to make sense it wouldn't last.  However, this one seemed to have the patience of a saint, she was around for over two years, and has been extremely good to my in-laws.  She also has a seven-year-old son, and when we told the kids last night, Thomas said, "I won't get to see D anymore, even though we are buddies."  His eyes even got teary.  My heart aches for him, that he is experiencing this loss.  This is why the girlfriend before, whom we ALL knew wouldn't last and who also had kids...I did everything I could to keep my kids from getting attached to those kids.  Maybe that is selfish and simply not nice, but I so don't want my kids to be hurt when there is nothing they can do about it...and maybe something that I CAN do about it.

Next week during spring break, Andrew is taking the kids to visit his parents.  Originally I was going to go along but right now I feel it is more important that I be near my mom.  I also think, given everyone's emotional state about life in general right now, that it is best this way.  While my anxiety will be pretty high, I also know that I'll enjoy some quiet time!

Taking the day

I have pretty much decided to take the day and just hang out...not really too worried about accomplishing anything.  I do have to teach at our agency this evening, but my quiet time today is just going to be about me.  For one thing, it is raining, and has been raining (rather hard) and dreary for the last 36 hours.  Secondly, I haven't slept particularly well the last two nights.  Thirdly, mom starts her treatments next week, although we aren't exactly sure of the schedule...I'm guessing maybe Tuesday or Wednesday things begin.  I had the thought that maybe I should really make sure the house is clean and things are done ahead of time because it will get crazy once the treatments start, but honestly, no...just not going to do it that way.  No matter what I've done in advance, something will need to get done and it will be stressful, so I'm going to take a stress free day and head into the chaos on a high note.  I am looking forward to popcorn and maybe a movie...or some of my favorite TV shows...either way, I'm going to relax today!

Feeling beat

I'll be honest, I'm just kind of feeling beat up today.  Nothing went according to plan, which honestly, isn't really that big of a deal...except that I just don't have that "reserve" to carry through right now.  I feel guilty that I haven't been up to see Mom, but I know that I'll be there when she needs me.  She's feeling great and trying to get lots of things taken care of while she is still feeling good.  And let's face it, my crying isn't going to help her in any way.   It's just so overwhelming right now, and the news of the death yesterday has just kind of pushed me over the edge.  My small hometown has experienced so much sadness in the last six months that it's almost unreal...and my family has been a part of it directly.  I'm so grateful for the friends who are coming out of the woodwork, just like they did when Dad died, to be supportive.  I appreciate their support, and honestly, I oh so very much need it right now!

Some more sad news

My mom called earlier with some sad news.   A lady I've known since high school passed away after fighting cancer for just over a year.  It's a completely different situation than what my mom is dealing with, but the timing of it just really stinks.  She was a very sweet lady who and had just had two new grandbabies arrive last summer.  My heart breaks for their family.

The beginning of the season

Yesterday was the Reds' opening day...a legitimate holiday in the Cincinnati area!  Unfortunately, we didn't really get to experience much because the first pitch was at 4:10 and Robert's track meet began at 4:30.  We were home in time to catch the end though...hoping for better things tomorrow!

And yes, yesterday was also the beginning of track and field season...a first for us!  Robert is throwing the discus and he really likes that.  He had two fouls yesterday and his third throw went less than 50 feet (the winner threw over 100ft) but I'm sure we will see much improvement as the season continues.  He also ran the 100m hurdles (great form but oh my goodness slow) and then was involved in the 4x100 relay.  We have no idea why the coach thought that was a good fit for him since he is much better at distances than sprints, but he kept them competitive out of the blocks.  His next meet is Thursday and we'll see what happens there!