Leaving for the capital

Very soon we are headed out for this year's vacation...to our state capital.  Even though it is only three days and we aren't going very far, it is yet another example of how things just seem to work out.  An entire week hundreds of miles away at the ocean would not have been an option this year, but I'm comfortable being gone for just a few days, and it's only about an hour from my mom.  We have a few plans, but honestly, I am just going to relax and enjoy our time...if that means hanging out for hours at the pool, that is okay with me at this point!

The end of yet another week

As always, summer is flying by.  More than anything this summer, I am trying to cherish the memories we are making each day.  Even now, with the kids' activity schedules I am recognizing the scarcity of fun family time, and I know my days of parenting 24/7 are dwindling.

I am cautiously optimistic this is the end of the really tough weeks.  Mom finished her radiation on Wednesday, and even today she is doing better than yesterday.  I stayed overnight with her last night, drove home this afternoon for about 18 hours, and then will be back tomorrow morning and stay again overnight.  Not only can it be mentally draining when Mom is having a rough day, but the nights I've stayed I am averaging less than four hours of sleep so it is pretty physically draining as well.  Even though I am exhausted when I get home, I want to spend the afternoons with the kids rather than napping, especially when I have to turn around and be gone again tomorrow.  Next week though, is our three day vacation to Columbus and I am VERY much looking forward to fun family time and making memories!

Days like this are why I love summer

The last couple of days are exactly the reason I so very much love our lives in the summer...especially since my husband gets to share in them!  It started Monday evening...we sat down as a family to play a game of "Would you Rather..."  It was so fun, especially to hear the kids' reactions to things.

Our mornings this week consist of taxi driving...Robert to the high school at 8:00, Catherine at 9:30, pick up Robert at 10:30 and get Catherine at 11:30.  We decided that after all that, we would make a fun afternoon for yesterday.  We ventured to the children's museum where we've had a membership for eight years.  We had decided not to renew since it is now an hour's drive to get there, and the children are older.  As we suspected, Robert and Catherine are not interested in it, and even Thomas didn't find nearly as much to entertain him as he used to.  Andrew and I felt a little bittersweet about leaving because our family had shared so many times there...but life changes!  We decided that dinner with ice cream was a must, and headed just a little bit north to a Friendly's restaurant.  The a/c was broken and there was no way I was going to eat ice cream that way!  We then decided to venture even a little further north to an ice cream stand near my home town.  As a child, it was a car hop style of place where you could only eat in your car.  About 15 years ago they moved and built a small building with some tables.  Since it was 4:00 in the afternoon, we had the place to ourselves!  It was one of my Dad's favorite places to eat and I remembered the last time we had been there he had allowed the kids to feed the jukebox and play some songs.  At this point, we were only about a mile from my Mom's house.  She hadn't seen the kids since Easter, although I wasn't sure she felt strong enough to see them now.  I called though, and we stopped by for about ten minutes.  The kids were happy to see her, and I know that she was happy to see them as well, but I suspect she also got a little teary-eyed after we left because she is missing out on a lot these days.

We drove home through a torrential downpour, but even then we were telling jokes and laughing with each other.  I just kept telling Andrew how much I had enjoyed the day.  I am so grateful to my mom's friend who is staying with her for a few days.  We all very much need the break.  I am feeling terribly guilty that we are going to be gone on vacation next week, but knowing that my grandmothers have basically had the week "off", I feel a little better about it.  These fun days are what I look forward to during the school year!

The kids

I am sorry that my blog hasn't included much about the kids lately...that's what I would rather be writing about!  I don't have to go back to my mom's until Thursday, so hopefully I can write about them a little more.

Robert spent last week at scout camp and, of course, loved every minute of it.  He is also currently taking health online in summer school.  Andrew and I have realized this was not the best decision ever, but it is what it is at this point.  His behavior has improved, mostly because we have explained to him that we aren't paying for marching band camp until he has completed a probationary period of acceptable behavior (which has been very specifically spelled out in a contract, signed and dated by everyone).  Every red cent that child earns/receives is going to pay off the band camp fee so he is highly motivated to successfully complete the terms of his contract and be able to have some spending money again.

Catherine is currently attending daily basketball camp this week at our local high school, and along with Robert will be starting conditioning for cross country this week.  I am looking forward to running season this year!

Thomas attended the boys' version of basketball camp two weeks ago and is having a blast hanging out with the neighborhood kids this summer.  This move has been such a good move in that regard, for all of the kids.

Andrew and I are trying to prioritize our house projects, and trying to make fun memories with the kids at the same time!

I will sleep well tonight!

I ended up staying with my mom overnight in order to give my grandmother a break.  I know that GG is happy to care for her daughter, but I also know that at 85 she is not the solution for the next month (that is my approximate time table for how long this current situation might last).  Staying with Mom is more mentally stressful than physically so, as Mom is currently suffering a great deal and it's just tough to watch.  Mom is currently living in her TV room where she lives in a recliner...due to the severe and thick phlegm she is unable to sleep laying down.  It is necessary to be very near her, so "sleeping" there consists of the upright chair next to her that does recline, but not in any way, shape , or form comfortably.  Mom started dozing around 9 last evening, and I started to fall asleep just after 11.  At 11:16 (dozed for five whole minutes!) Mom had an incident and I was fully awake again.  Mom is in charge of the remote (the TV remains on all night, as do the lights) so I was pretty concerned when she turned over to the Criminal Minds marathon at 11:40...there was no way I was going to be able to sleep to that!  At the same time, I wasn't sure I was going to sleep anyway and I had never seen these episodes so I just went with it.  Fortunately at Midnight she turned over to Golden Girls, and about 1:30 I was able to start drifting in and out of sleep.  At 4AM Mom had another incident, and it was 5 before I went back to sleep, with some optimism that I might be able to get another three hours.  The dog had other ideas at 7 though, and I was up and at 'em at that point.  I was able to get some things done around the house, and then sat with Mom again at 9, and began to drift off again when the phone rang less than five minutes later.  Mom says that GG actually sleeps better than I do because she can tune out the TV and the lights don't bother her...I've always been a very light sleeper.  GG came to relieve me at noon so that I could attend a family graduation party this evening, and now that we are home, I plan to sleep well tonight!  I am very grateful that a friend of Mom's has arrived from Wisconsin and will be staying until Wednesday so we are all "off duty" for a few days!

Saturday morning

I am sitting here waiting for Andrew to return with Robert from scout camp.  It was an extremely hot, muddy week and I'm sure he is going to be VERY worn out.  In fact, all of us are that way right now.  We ventured back to our former town last evening and it was 1:30 this morning before our heads (even Catherine & Thomas) hit the pillow.  I had looked forward to a relaxing day of nothingness as a family, but I've spoken to Mom and she needs me.  I truly don't mind, but the rough part is that my sister isn't really doing anything in terms of helping to care for Mom.  I know that she too has a lot going on in her life, but knowing how much my mom and my grandmothers have helped out my single, childless sister (think dog sitting, dishes, laundry...I am not joking about this) it's sometimes hard not to be resentful.  I have spent so much time praying in the last week...asking for healing for Mom, and for peace in my heart to replace the growing anger about Mom's situation.  We are very blessed and things could be so much worse...I need to remember that!

Another week gone by

This was another tough week, but we are hanging in there.  Maybe my expectations are just too high...maybe this is all perfectly normal (although the nurses don't think so).  Regardless, it was a tough week.

I was able to spend both Tuesday and Wednesday with Mom since Andrew and the kids were at my in-laws.  I would be more than willing to spend any amount of time with her, but she hates to take me away from my kids, and I really do appreciate that.  Her mom stays with her at night, and my dad's mom spends the afternoons with her when I'm not there.  I am so grateful for all of our family, and for our amazing little community that has rallied around us yet again and taken her to her daily radiation treatments.

After not eating for three weeks, we had really hoped the feeding tube was going to be a huge help.  It hasn't exactly turned out that way.  On more than one occasion, she has become dizzy, and at times fallen, after doing a feeding.  Even the nurses aren't really sure what's happening in that regard.

Mom admits chemo Thursday followed by feeding tube insertion on Friday was probably not the best scheduling...although I don't feel that we really had another option.  I know that part of the way she has felt has been from the chemo.  Tuesday she told me she was better than Monday, although she was still VERY weak and slept a great deal of the time.  There is also a lot of gagging, but I won't go into details with that.  Wednesday I thought had been such a fabulous day.  She was not only awake the entire time I was there, but I told her that it was her...not just her awake, but it was my mom's personality.  I really enjoyed being with her Wednesday, and felt so good about it all...I mistakenly thought we had turned a corner.  Yesterday things took a turn again, and although she still felt better than earlier in the week, in my mind it was a step backwards.  I was the only one who had seen her on Wednesday, so I was the only one with the higher expectations.

I am trying so hard to remember that this is all part of the process, and to NOT be angry...and right now that is really hard.  I really share Mom's optimism that she is going to beat this, and I appreciate her attitude.  At the same time, there are so many parallels to Dad last summer, and while I recognize we knew it was the end with Dad and this time there is actually hope, it's still a really tough thing to watch...again.

Dog night at the park

Andrew is visiting his parents with Catherine & Thomas (Robert is at scout camp).  Last evening they went to the Reds game (who happened to be playing at the Pirates).  My kids were decked out in their Reds gear and got to see an ugly, ugly victory, but a victory none-the-less!  I noticed it also happened to be dog night at the park.  Thomas rattled off the many, many dogs he got to see when I talked to him late last night.  I am certain he probably thought it was one of the best nights of his life!

Off to "Mom sit"

Today I am heading to my hometown to spend the afternoon with my mom.  I did the same yesterday.  She has grown very weak and needs someone with her nearly all the time right now.  My maternal grandmother covers the nights, Aunt Cathy (mom's sister) handled the weekends, and my paternal grandmother and I are working on covering the weekday afternoons.  Her mornings are handled by whomever is driving her to radiation that day.  I am very grateful for the support of so many, and cautiously optimistic that as the nutrients increase and the radiation comes to an end, she will regain her strength...hopefully sooner rather than later!

It truly does always seem to happen in threes

I was the first person up in our house Saturday morning as I had to attend a lengthy meeting.  Thusly, I was the first person in the house to receive the word that Chuck Noll had passed away.  My husband, being a life-long Steelers fan, was saddened to hear it.  Yesterday, upon awaking I learned that Casey Kasem had passed away.  Today, my news feed shares the news that Tony Gwynn had passed away.  Strangely enough, yesterday upon learning of Kasem's death, I had the thought that there was going to be another one...these things truly do seem to happen in threes.

A long, emotional week

This past week was one of the longest and most emotional of my life...but we've pretty much made it! :)  It all began last Sunday.  We were driving to a family graduation party, and I realized it was the first large, extended (with cousins, etc.) gathering that had been held since Dad passed away.  My cousin Randy mentioned to me how he recalled three years ago when his older daughter had graduated, how Dad had sat for hours on the back patio and just loved seeing everyone.  These cousins adored my Dad and we all miss him so much.

Monday was a VERY early morning getting Mom to the GI doc.  On the upside, everything sounded so simple and well planned (HA!) that we were thinking we were going to get Mom some nutrients soon.  Tuesday Mom had an appointment with her chemo oncologist.  That was a really rough day.  The lack of eating and nutrition had really taken a toll, and she could barely get around.  She wouldn't let me get her a wheelchair, but she certainly could've used one.  Wednesday I had the day "off", and we were very grateful some friends from our old hometown came to spend the day with us...such a blast! 

Thursday was the beginning of two very long days.  Bright and early I was on the road for Mom's chemo session.  My sister had dropped her off, and I was nervous no one was there with her so I got there as soon as I could.  There were a couple of issues, but because Mom is hydrated before they give her the actual chemo, she actually felt pretty good.  Her mom was at the house for the afternoon, so I ran some errands before attending a Grand Opening function hosted by my sister who has started her own legal firm.  It was very well attended, although obviously Mom couldn't go and she was disappointed.  My paternal grandmother was there, and so many friendly and supportive faces.  It was late before I got home that evening and although I know I could've stayed at my grandmother's, I REALLY wanted to be able to see my kids.

Yesterday was even longer.  Mom had radiation first thing, and I'm very grateful that a friend took her there, then brought her to meet me at the radiation oncologist.  We went straight from that appointment to the hospital where Mom could have a PEG tube inserted in order to get nutrition...FOUR days after our optimism of Monday!  Nothing went smoothly regarding any step of the procedure, (including scheduling, nursing orders, prescriptions or discharge) but we were finally on our way late afternoon.  My maternal grandmother was again waiting for us, and after taking care of a few things, I was on my way home.  As soon as I got in the car, I proceeded to start crying...and it seems as though I cried for about an hour.  I don't want my mom or my kids to see me like that, so the 75 minute car ride was the perfect opportunity.  It's just been a lot to deal with this week, especially since I spent so many years watching Dad suffer.  I was exhausted as well, and it just needed to come out.

And of course this all leads us into this weekend...Father's Day weekend.  I can't imagine it is going to be worse than Dad's birthday, and especially after everything Andrew has done this week, I am well aware of how unbelievably blessed I am.  But I also know that I am going to be missing the best Dad I could've ever been blessed to know.

In the midst of a long week

This week Thomas has basketball camp, Catherine & Robert are volunteering at summer camp, Robert has started his summer Health class in order to free up his schedule, and he is also leaving Sunday for scout camp.  I have a three hour booster meeting Saturday morning, and then there is my mom.

I have been back & forth every day this week except yesterday to help with things regarding her...and the next two days are going to be the longest.  Today is chemo, and then this evening my sister has a grand opening reception for her new law firm.  I'll just hang out in my home town and see a few people between chemo and the reception, and my goal is to be home by 8:00.  I have to be back on the road no later than 7:30 tomorrow morning because after radiation, Mom is meeting with the radiation oncology doc, and then she has to be at the hospital at 10 in order to have her tube put in.  While this was a step that we had hoped to avoid, she simply can't eat and it is reaching critical status...needs to be done sooner rather than later.  I'll spend as much time with her tomorrow as necessary, and hopefully an aunt or my grandmother can help out over the weekend if necessary.

Any and all prayers for smooth procedures and safe travels are welcome!

Update on Mom

In addition to our sadness regarding Levi, I have also been dealing with the stress of my mother's illness.  Mom has, for all intents and purposes, stopped eating for the last two weeks.  She is still drinking water and milk, but there is virtually no food, and therefore no nutrients entering her body.  She has lost nearly 25 pounds in a month, and while she did need to lose weight, this is certainly not how to do it.  The doctor has scheduled the insertion of a feeding tube for this coming week, and she has until Monday morning to prove that she can eat on her own.  I am not terribly optimistic...and talking to her does no good so I don't.  In fact, sadly, I really don't talk to her at all because she isn't up to it.  I'm trying very hard not to feel like we are right back where we were last summer with Dad.  I know the difference is this time my mom has hope, but her doctor was very frank and harsh with her yesterday about the fact that she is a VERY sick person, and she has to help herself heal...and that starts with getting nutrients into her body.  She also learned that she misunderstood the number of radiation treatments and instead of only having nine more, she has thirteen.  She's hanging in there, and we are continuing to send up prayers for her!

Completely heartbroken

About eleven hours ago, we received word that a fourteen-year-old from our former community was killed in an ATV accident.  At first I was confused because just six weeks ago two of Robert's former classmates were critically injured in an ATV accident, and I thought perhaps the young man had passed, but it was mentioning careflight being called...and sadly I realized it was a new tragedy.  Shortly after I learned the identity, and we are heartbroken.  The young man and his family attended the same church as our family, and we are friendly with his parents.  His dad was always out there coaching him in sports and they are just such a super family.  Details are sketchy, but to be honest, I don't particularly care about the details anyway.  Levi is gone, a family is broken, and those are the only details that matter.

As a follow up, I also learned more info about the other teens injured six weeks ago.  The day after I happened to run into her, the young lady suffered a two minute grand mal seizure and was readmitted to ICU.  She is out again, but has not been allowed to return to school.  The young man is also out of the hospital.  He is walking with a cane, but also has not returned to school.

My prayers are going out to all of these families, and to everyone effected by this latest tragedy.

Yesterday didn't turn out like I had hoped

One of the things I am working very hard to do is to enjoy and cherish this summer.  Not the big activities and memories, because with schedules I'm not sure how many there will be.  But I want to enjoy and cherish each little memory...the little things of each day.  Yesterday the weather was wretched...but that meant a day where we could enjoy board games and classic movies.  Andrew had to work, but that's okay, we could enjoy our own little day.

But it seems as though the moods were affected by the rain.  There was so much fighting and snarkiness that it was just unreal.  The day turn a very ugly turn in the afternoon when I announced the video games were being turned off because of the arguing, and meltdowns and tantrums (can you believe my children still do this at their ages?????) began.  Because taking away privileges has not particularly worked well in the past, Andrew and I are trying something different this summer...reports and sentences regarding their misbehaviors are now on the table.  It took them all afternoon to realize it was easier to do it well the first time then to have to re-do a poor effort.

Happily though, our evening ended with pizza and episodes of the "The Cosby Show", and even another board game.  I am certainly hoping that the weather today will allow everyone to get outside and enjoy the absolutely gorgeous weather, and I'm hoping we can enjoy so many little things today!

I forgot to write about the flood

Two weeks ago today, I was watching unbelievable sights from my home town being carried on the news.  In fact, the news station had pre-empted network coverage to show us what was happening.  While I was sitting here in my new town, 60 miles away from my home town with nary a drop of rain falling, my home town was experiencing a deluge not seen in our lifetimes.  According to the news, my little home town received over 5" of rain in less than two hours.  It turned creeks that were usually just trickles into raging rivers, and caused streets to be flooded waist high and higher.  It was so unreal watching it transpire on TV.  The worst of the damage was happening downtown.  Nearby, interstates were being shut down because streams were overflowing to the point that the interstates were not only flooding, but the water was so high it was flowing over the median, with a current!  I was watching neighborhoods that I knew well be completely overcome by rain water.  As the evening progressed, I saw that a sink hole had opened up on my sister's street less than a couple of blocks from her home.  Fortunately, she had virtually no damage at her house, but at the rental house she owns (it's the same house I lived in before getting married and moving out of town) the furnace and water heater are going to have to be replaced because of the flooded basement.  So many people lost so many things, but fortunately there were no serious injuries.  It was so unreal to watch it all unfold!

We celebrated the last day

I was so very, very happy when Thomas got off the bus yesterday and our summer could officially begin.  There is something about having the entire freedom of summer ahead of you that is just completely relaxing.  Andrew is still working today, so we've decided he and I will wait to pop open the bottle of champagne this evening, but last evening we celebrated with the kids.  We had been trying to take them to see The Lego Movie for several weeks, but it just wasn't working.  Finally yesterday was the day!  It was a cute movie and I enjoyed it, but my favorite part was listening to my kids, especially the youngest, laugh and giggle throughout the movie.  He loved it!  We grabbed some Taco Bell for dinner and came home and settled in to watch the Reds' game and play some wii.  I love celebrating the end of the school year, and the youngest two especially had a year to celebrate.  Robert's poor choices were mostly confined to choices made at home, so overall, from a school stand point, it was definitely a year worth celebrating.

And the fact that we survived the stress of the year, and there certainly was no small amount of that, is also worth celebrating!

The last day has arrived

It's finally here...the last day of school!  I'm not sure who is more excited, me or the kids!  I'm so grateful that my kids have had such fabulous school experiences this year, and I'm grateful that they are a little sad to see them end.  I'm a little amazed at the lightning speed passage of time, but that is reality.  In four years...just four short years, my oldest will be getting ready to move on to the next stage in life, whatever that might be.  Wow.

But for right now, I am going to ENJOY our summer.  Last summer, between moving and Dad's illness, it was not the relaxing couple of months I had hoped it would be.  This summer, between basketball camps, scout camps, band camp and practices, and cross country practice, I'm not sure how relaxing this is going to feel either, but I sure plan to do my best to make it so.  We are running low on these precious family summer days, and I intend to make them count!

I didn't make my goal

When it was decided that I wasn't going to work at all this year, my goal was to be the most amazing housewife ever.  My goal was to be so fabulous Andrew would beg me not to go back to work.  That so didn't happen.

For one thing, we simply can not live on his salary alone.  I suppose technically that is not true.  We can live on his salary alone, but we can not live AND save on his salary alone, and I like to be a saver.  Thusly, I will be returning to subbing when school starts next year.  I'm still not particularly excited about it, but I am grateful that Thomas is very excited that I'll be able to be in his building.

Then there is the fact that I am simply not a "super housewife".  I'm not even sure that I'm particularly good about it.  When I was a stay-at-home-mom and the kids were home all day, at least I could justify that I was doing things with them.  Now though, I'm home alone all day, and yet I still hate to fold laundry, clean, and cook.  I get these things done when they need to be done for the most part, but I'm am certainly not doing a spectacular job of it.  It's just who I am.

Catherine and Robert will be home very soon, and then it's just one more day.  I am so excited, even if I failed at my school year goal!

June has arrived

My new favorite month of the year has arrived...June!  I am praying and praying that this month helps me to find some relaxation and peace.  I hate to waste away time, but I am grateful this month has arrived.

We had a relatively nice weekend.  Yesterday I was able to attend the graduation of my cousin Kelsey.  She was born my senior year of college right here in town...which means I was able to go see her in the hospital the day she was born.  She was the very first child I was ever able to see on the same day of birth, and Kelsey has always been very special to me.  I can NOT believe her graduation day arrived so quickly.  I am so proud of her and absolutely adore her.

We were also able to have a very nice visit with some friends last night.  Andrew built a firepit in our backyard last weekend, and last evening we tried it out after dinner and walking around campus.  It was so wonderful to be able to just hang out for a few hours.

There were several downsides to our weekend as well, but honestly it's just the same old and I don't want to write about it here.  I know that I am tired and stressed, but I also know that each day is a gift and I'm grateful!