This past week was one of the longest and most emotional of my life...but we've pretty much made it! :) It all began last Sunday. We were driving to a family graduation party, and I realized it was the first large, extended (with cousins, etc.) gathering that had been held since Dad passed away. My cousin Randy mentioned to me how he recalled three years ago when his older daughter had graduated, how Dad had sat for hours on the back patio and just loved seeing everyone. These cousins adored my Dad and we all miss him so much.
Monday was a VERY early morning getting Mom to the GI doc. On the upside, everything sounded so simple and well planned (HA!) that we were thinking we were going to get Mom some nutrients soon. Tuesday Mom had an appointment with her chemo oncologist. That was a really rough day. The lack of eating and nutrition had really taken a toll, and she could barely get around. She wouldn't let me get her a wheelchair, but she certainly could've used one. Wednesday I had the day "off", and we were very grateful some friends from our old hometown came to spend the day with us...such a blast!
Thursday was the beginning of two very long days. Bright and early I was on the road for Mom's chemo session. My sister had dropped her off, and I was nervous no one was there with her so I got there as soon as I could. There were a couple of issues, but because Mom is hydrated before they give her the actual chemo, she actually felt pretty good. Her mom was at the house for the afternoon, so I ran some errands before attending a Grand Opening function hosted by my sister who has started her own legal firm. It was very well attended, although obviously Mom couldn't go and she was disappointed. My paternal grandmother was there, and so many friendly and supportive faces. It was late before I got home that evening and although I know I could've stayed at my grandmother's, I REALLY wanted to be able to see my kids.
Yesterday was even longer. Mom had radiation first thing, and I'm very grateful that a friend took her there, then brought her to meet me at the radiation oncologist. We went straight from that appointment to the hospital where Mom could have a PEG tube inserted in order to get nutrition...FOUR days after our optimism of Monday! Nothing went smoothly regarding any step of the procedure, (including scheduling, nursing orders, prescriptions or discharge) but we were finally on our way late afternoon. My maternal grandmother was again waiting for us, and after taking care of a few things, I was on my way home. As soon as I got in the car, I proceeded to start crying...and it seems as though I cried for about an hour. I don't want my mom or my kids to see me like that, so the 75 minute car ride was the perfect opportunity. It's just been a lot to deal with this week, especially since I spent so many years watching Dad suffer. I was exhausted as well, and it just needed to come out.
And of course this all leads us into this weekend...Father's Day weekend. I can't imagine it is going to be worse than Dad's birthday, and especially after everything Andrew has done this week, I am well aware of how unbelievably blessed I am. But I also know that I am going to be missing the best Dad I could've ever been blessed to know.
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