Feeling alone

The last few months have been somewhat emotional for Andrew and me.  I think part of it is the time of year and the weather.  I also think there is more to it, and we feel a little lonely.

We were blessed with an absolutely fabulous group of friends in our former town.  This group of friends became our "family" in town.  Some of the families already had family nearby of their own, but many of us did not.  While my family was only 40 minutes away, my dad's illness made it difficult for them to help often and I understood that.  But we had this great group of friends and it was wonderful.  We took trips together, we took each other's kids on outings and transported even when we weren't already heading there.  We went to other kids' sporting events and activities just to be supportive and when there was a crisis or a need, you knew all you needed to do was to just ask.  We understood we were leaving this behind by moving, and we are very grateful that these friends have continued to be a part of our lives when they can and make efforts to stay in contact.  Even beyond these closest friends there were just a TON of people that we knew we could count on when we needed something.

We knew that we were starting over here, although we assumed (mistakenly) that between having a little extended family here and the fact that Andrew has worked here for fourteen years that it wouldn't take us long to establish our new support system.  We were invited to a few gatherings by colleagues and we always made an effort to go.  It tended to be the same group of people at each gathering and while we did get to know some of them better, we really didn't feel as though we fit in.  Apparently we weren't the only ones who had those feelings because as year two has come around, their annual traditions are continuing but we are not included.  I don't mind, because I don't necessarily want to go since I don't feel overly comfortable.  There was a very nice woman named Ginny who invited me over to her house for tea and a visit about a year ago.  We really hit it off and have stayed in contact...even though she and her family moved clear across country last summer.  That was a bit of a blow, but I know it's going to happen living in a college town.  We've invited a few couples over throughout the last year, and while some couldn't make it, some did, but we've never been invited in reciprocity.  I certainly understand that not everyone likes to entertain (frankly, it's not my first love).  I also hate to nag...perhaps they didn't enjoy the evening as much as we did.  Andrew has even begun to talk about leaving town after Thomas graduates.  That is still seven years away though, and much can happen between now and then.  It is an indication that it isn't just me though.

I've truly been making an effort to volunteer more and get more involved as a way to meet people.  Everyone is very friendly, but we just aren't finding that group we had before.  An incident last week is really driving this point home.  In a month, the high school has a huge track invitational.  I am in charge of a boosters table and Andrew is in charge of the concession stand.  Neither of us are available to get Thomas at the end of his school day.  I asked my aunt if anyone in their household could help, and unfortunately she works full time and her husband is in a standing golf league.  My adult cousin would've been my next go-to, but he recently took a new job and moved 250+ miles away.  There is a friend that I would feel comfortable asking and I know she would help if she could, but her child needs to be picked up from a different elementary school about five miles away at the exact same time.  There are some neighbors I've asked for help before and while they've never flat out told me "no", the "I really don't want to" vibe was loud and clear, and I don't ever want any of my children to be in a situation where they aren't wanted.  When I realized how very little help and support we have here, I honestly just stood there and cried.  It was a pity party moment, but it just felt so indicative of the bigger picture.  I feel awful that when I mentioned to my mom how alone I felt, she said she would come down.  It seems absurd for her to drive 75 minutes to get him off the bus then bring him to us and then drive 75 minutes home.  I am, however, grateful to have such a supportive mom!  We have a few other options that we are considering, and I am sure it will all work out...it always does.

I know this post is ridiculously long and that there are much greater problems in the world.  Andrew and I have a a fabulous life together and everything is going to work out.  Neither of us have ever once regretted that we made this move, but we do miss our friends and that's okay too.  I have complete faith that we are exactly where we are meant to be, and our life is a blessing!