Our Thanksgiving weekend

Thanksgiving has always been pretty much my most favorite holiday.  I get to see so much family, and it's the beginning of the joy of the overall holiday season.  And of course, there are extra days off of school!

This year though, I wasn't anticipating it as I had been.  I think part of it was the fact that the weekend before, which I have always considered the unofficial kick off to the holiday season, we attended not only the funeral visitation for my cousin-in-law Nancy, but also a memorial service for the father of some friends.  There was also the fact that we'd be traveling which is not my favorite thing, and then there is also the fact that Robert has pulled stunts the last two Thanksgivings.  I wasn't dreading the holiday by any means, but I wasn't full of excitement and anticipation either.

And there certainly were a few bumps in the road.  Traffic on Tuesday evening heading out to my in-laws was absolutely dreadful.  There were accidents and it just wasn't the fastest trip ever.  My brother-in-law and mother-in-law had a big blow up after our Thanksgiving meal on Wednesday evening, and then there is the fact that my in-laws made it very clear that they didn't feel this counted as spending the holiday with them.  There was Robert's annual crappy stunt on Friday evening as well.

But overall, it is going to go down as one of my most favorite Thanksgiving weekends ever.  We made it to my aunt & uncle's house on Thursday right on time, and there was so much love and laughter in that house.  My sister ate first at my paternal grandmother's house, but once she arrived, every single member of my mom's side of the family was there in that house.  We took pictures of the grandkids and great-grandkids, and I just loved listening to all of the noise and happiness in that house.  I don't think I'll ever forget that afternoon.

And to be honest, for the most part, the weekend only got better!  Once we arrived home on Thursday, no one had anywhere they HAD to be until Robert went to work yesterday!  There were a few things we wanted to accomplish here at the house, but mostly they could be done on our own schedule.  And of course there was fabulous college football (GREAT game Buckeyes, heartbreaking Irish loss) and Dayton Flyer basketball even had a pretty good weekend.  Andrew made chili on Friday so I really didn't have to worry about cooking all weekend.  For about three full days, we got to just be...no schedules, no alarms, nothing like that.  All five of us got to just hang out together and enjoy our lives.  It was absolutely fabulous!

Sometimes it is hard to remember to be grateful

I'm not going to lie...there are days when I find it tough to remember to be grateful.  I try very, very hard to remember every day, but it just doesn't always work.  Even on days I am mostly grateful, I can't help but find myself thinking...only x hours until I can go to sleep or x days until the weekend, or x days until the next big school break.  There are days like this week when we had to unexpectedly purchase a new dishwasher after ours leaked all of the kitchen floor (very grateful we were home when it happened though), or the days when they had to come out and fix the washer just a few weeks ago, or the day we found out that Andrew's dental work that seemed minor was going to cost us nearly $400.

However, there are times when I am reminded, acutely, just how grateful we need to be for each day, regardless of how the current day has gone.  At no point have we worried how we were going to pay for everything, nor have we ever had to worry about having food on the table or a roof over our heads.  We've never had to worry about having lights and running water.  And MOST importantly, I've not had to watch my child suffer in a hospital bed and wonder if life would ever be "normal" again.

We have tough days, and I know there are going to be many more in our future.  Having said that, I am still very grateful for each and every day that my family wakes up and goes to bed healthy.  That is a blessing of a magnitude I can not describe.

I think I've figured out November

Last year I wrote that I don't understand why I don't write more in November...it seems as though this month gets the shaft.  I think I've got it figured out.  First there is Thanksgiving and our family does as much togetherness as we can at that time.  It's what we do...and I'll write about it in another post.  That will be a good post...this one isn't so much.

The other thing I know about November is Robert.  His struggles are private and are not for public reading.  Many of them are normal teenage struggles, some are not.  However, they do NOT belong on this blog.  And this year marked the third Thanksgiving in a row that his poor choices have been front and center at some point.  We are working on figuring out why.

If things are quiet around here it doesn't mean that anyone should worry that things are bad...sometimes we are just really busy and having fun living life.  At the same time, please understand that while I want this to record memories, some things I don't want to remember years from now, and aren't necessarily meant to share.

R.I.P. Nancy

My cousin Nancy passed away last evening.  I am so grateful her suffering has ended.  It had truly been awful since Sunday.  As I told my grandmother last evening...this makes three for our family in just 33 days, and I'm hopeful that is the end of it.

Ironically, the very last time I saw Nancy was exactly two years ago yesterday.  Her husband brought her to my dad's visitation.  She was already suffering from Alzheimer's, and I'm not sure that she really understood what was happening.  It was just two months later that she entered a nursing home to  help care for her.

Two years ago today we buried my dad.  Having all of these family members pass brings back the stress and emotion of two years ago.  It's turning into something of a stressful Fall itself, but I never forget how very blessed life truly is!

Feeling sad today

I am feeling a great deal of sadness today.  First of all, it is the date of my father's passing.  Two years have gone by in the blink of an eye.  Today our day is rather unscheduled, and I'm very grateful to be able, for the most part, to spend the day surrounded by the four people in the world who matter most to me.  This is especially true in light of the tragedy in Paris.  There just aren't words to express my horror at that event. 

I also learned just now that two dear friends lost their father.  It was not unexpected, but I know their pain only too well, especially today.  We are still awaiting word on our cousin Nancy who is transitioning from this life to the next.  While I will be grateful her suffering has ended, it just seems to soon for her to go.

I know that our little life right here is still very blessed.  The only thing on our calendar today is Robert working until 2:30, and after that we will all be home together.  I am so looking forward to just 'being' with my family today.

120 Days later

Exactly 120 days ago, marching band season began.  Robert was actually out of town with the youth group, but I was at the high school anyway, discussing various items with new parents.  Here we are, 120 days later, and it is finally the last day of the marching band season.  Robert had to be at the school by 6:15 this morning to catch a bus to Indianapolis where they are spending their day in the final performance of the year.  I'm sure they will do great, but one thing we  have learned is that our band is not in the same league with other bands that will be competing.  I'm sure he'll enjoy the day though.

To be honest, I  have very mixed feelings about marching band, especially this year.  I think many would tell you it was far from our most successful season.  We had a group of 14 seniors, and for the most part, they were absolutely fabulous kids.  They were not,  however, a leadership group.  I'm not saying it as a criticism...not everyone can be a leader.  It was tough though, in that as a group they just simply didn't lead, especially since this Freshman class is going to be legendary by the time they graduate...and not in a good way.  Marching band is full of drama every year, but this year it seemed especially so.  And trust me when I tell you that if there is drama, Robert will manage to find himself right in the middle of it...every time.  For those reasons, marching band isn't always my favorite activity.

Regardless, another season has come and gone!

Christmas stamp puzzle

My grandmother loves to do puzzles.  Every year, for I don't know how long, I have given her a puzzle for Christmas.  In fact, it often is the first gift I purchase every year.  Last year, I gave her a very large flag puzzle.  It was designed to look old and was not only a flag, but had the name of each state on it as well.  With Andrew being a history teacher, she had asked if we might like to have it put into a frame and have it to hang at our house.  I was delighted!  We had a wall that desperately needed something, and the fact that this was a gift to my grandmother and she had worked on it and given it back made it even more special.  She gave it to us this summer and it's been hanging ever since.

I was thinking though, that I would love to have a large Christmas puzzle to hang in its place for the holidays.  One had caught me eye in a catalog months ago, but I refused to justify the $15 cost.  If I'm going to have the freedom to stay home and not have an income (other than my small church job) I must sacrifice material things.  This isn't really a problem for me, but every time that puzzle would show up in a catalog, I would think again about how nicely it would look hanging in my living room.  Finally last month, I received a coupon code that not only offered a discount, but free shipping as well!  I purchased it along with some other gifts I'd been eyeing, and it arrived earlier this week.

The thing that excites me most is how excited Thomas is about all of this!  He can't wait for us to sit and work on putting this together.  We are going to set up the card table in our front room where it can be out of the way, and just leave it there so we can all work on it in our free time.  I am so excited to have something that the family is excited about as well...what a great way to spend some time together, and that definitely makes it money well spent!

I just might turn on Christmas music

I try not to listen to Christmas music until after Thanksgiving, although I will listen if I am flipping through stations on the radio and happen to catch it in the car.  However, it just doesn't get much happier and cheerier than Christmas music, and for today, that might be just what we need!

This week, this year

Two years ago today my mom and I took Catherine and Thomas to a cat show.  It wasn't exactly what we had expected (although I'm not exactly sure what I expected) and I remember my mom telling the kids that Grandpa wanted to buy the cats some toys.  They each picked out an item they thought the cats would love (they were both right, by the way) and Mom paid for them...those were our last (tangible) gifts from my Dad.  He called while we were at the cat show, and it was our last conversation.  He was released from the hospital three days later, and the next day I vividly remember.  My mom had called that day and he was having a really good day, which made the phone call that evening all the more shocking.  It's hard to explain that my father's death was unexpected after a seventeen year illness, but he'd been having such a good day.  I try to be grateful that his last day was that way.

There is a big part of me that would just like to curl up and not face this week this year.  It's easier than last year, but I kind of just want to be alone with my memories.  That is not realistic though, and I'm grateful that life does indeed go on.

Unfortunately, we are facing another family member's passing.  My dad's cousin's wife has had Alzheimer's for years, and shortly after Dad's passing she was placed in a facility for her care.  I learned yesterday that Hospice was called in at the end of last week, and the end is very near.  I am praying it isn't today as it is her daughter's birthday and that just shouldn't happen that way.  Prayers are sent to Nancy and her family.

I really enjoyed our Friday evening

Last evening was a Friday evening that I really enjoyed.  It was the first Friday since August 14 that no one in our house had anywhere to be.  The kids are also finished with fall sports and winter practices haven't begun yet, so we were all home and able to get a lot of housework done.  The kids worked hard on things that had been put off forever, and then I even had them prepare our very exciting dinner of tater tots and grilled cheese.  I know that it might sound strange, but it was a Friday evening that I truly enjoyed!

Having kind of a tough day

I know that life is wonderful and blessed, but to be honest, I'm having a bit of a tough day.  I acknowledge it could be the approaching anniversary of my father's passing, coupled with the craziness of the last couple of weeks, and of course the daily drama of life with teens.  There is also the added expense of having to fix the washing machine, refrigerator, and water softener all this week and new brakes and rotors on our van last week.  While I am grateful the money is in savings, and we are by no means going broke, it just seems as though it has been an expensive year.  I've given serious consideration to trying to find a job, but I suspect poor choices by teens would only grow worse if not supervised.

Right now, the biggest source of stress is my email.  Not the email itself, but items contained within, so I'm king of trying to avoid my email altogether.  My volunteer "job" has exploded.  I have handled several additional responsibilities because no one else would handle them.  I didn't want to, but I did because they needed to be done and that's the way it is.  However, I have been receiving criticism for how I handled things.  People think things should've been done faster or differently, and aren't afraid to let me know about it.  I am astonished, as frankly, the organization should feel lucky they are done at all because no one else was going to do it!  Trust me, I know because last year several of the things weren't handled so I decided to do it this year so it would be done.  It is absolutely amazing to me that people could have such nerve.  It is honestly making me reconsider if this is where I wish to be spending my time and energy.  The hard part for me is that this is an organization that involves my kids.  If it didn't, I would walk away in a heartbeat.  If I do that now though, I'm just leaving my kids to deal with the negativity and lack of follow through, and that is a tough thing for me to do as well.

I am finding myself truly astonished and appalled at the lack of respect, responsibility, and communication that occurs in this world.  Some days are just tougher than others.

I'm not ready for that to end

I've wondered for years if Catherine and Thomas still believed in Santa, and yet I didn't want to tell them...I didn't want that magical innocence to end.  Yesterday Catherine finally made her Christmas list and put it in her window for one of Santa's elves to retrieve.  Thomas made his list in the form of a google doc, then shared it with me.  I had sat and looked at it with him, and he checked to see if Santa had a google account so he could share it with him also.  Again, I just couldn't believe that he might still believe in Santa, but I so didn't want to ruin the innocence of the moment.  I walked into the next room and whispered to Robert, who assured me that Catherine is well aware of the reality of the situation, but wasn't sure about Thomas.  Later I was talking to Andrew, and he said that one of Thomas's teachers had said they had discussed in class that Santa wasn't real.  In some ways I was glad to hear he wasn't so naïve, but at the same time I almost wanted to cry.  We will never again get those innocent and magical Christmases back.  Thomas still mentioned the elf that we have that visits every December, and I'll be honest, I have every intention of playing along as long as the kids will.  These days are special and won't last forever.

I actually enjoyed Halloween

I really truly enjoyed Halloween Saturday.  I think it had a lot to do with the fact that it fell on a Saturday.  It was a chilly and damp day, but it didn't actually rain until after trick-or-treating was over.  There was a big debate about whether or not Thomas was actually going to go out this year.  He didn't want to go by himself, and Catherine didn't want to go with him.  However, it broke my heart to see him sitting, all dressed in costume, on the porch with not too many kids coming by.  Finally I told Catherine that I would pay her to go out and be there for her brother.  He loved getting to trick-or-treat on his final time allowed, and even though she wasn't in costume, Catherine snagged a few pieces of candy for herself.  I had made two crockpots of potato soup for dinner, and after the kids got home we stuck in Charlie's Brown's "Great Pumpkin" cartoon, and shared the evening together as a family.  We even spent some time watching the Notre Dame/Temple game together that evening, and I just really enjoyed the evening with my family.  I'm pretty sure it will be my most favorite Halloween ever!